Category Archives: Metaphor

Becoming One with Christ – Being Made Perfect

“And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one: I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.” (John 17:22-23, emphasis added)

Be made perfect by becoming one with HimI am not perfect, yet. I must be cleansed and made perfect before I can enter the Kingdom of God. How does this happen?

Imagine a beautiful sparkling lake, high in the mountains. The water is blue in the bright sunlight, and so clean and pure that the bottom is clearly visible. There is a crystal clear mountain stream feeding the lake. The stream tumbles over rocks and falls as it rushes to the lake. Imagine one drop of muddy water falls into the stream. As it travels with the fresh spring water, the impurities fall to the bottom and the drop merges completely with the stream. It enters the lake pure and clean.

The lake is the Kingdom of God. The stream is the Lord Jesus Christ. The spring is the love of God. I am the drop of water. As I give my life to the Lord, turning my will over to Him and seeking His will in each moment, I become one with Him. My impurities fall away. I am absorbed and cleaned by His purity. Together we tumble through life over rocks and falls, side by side. When I am one with Him, He can use me to nourish and nurture the plant and animal life in and along the banks of the stream.

This can only happen if I choose to lose myself in Him. If I remain separate, holding on to my will, I remain imperfect.

Turn to Him

When I find myself stressed and unsure, rather than seeking for my own answer and approach, I turn to Him. I ask for His guidance. I make the best choice I can in the moment and wait patiently for His direction to be revealed to me. Most problems do not require immediate action. Many times, as I pause and take a breath, the problem resolves itself. If not, I am always grateful that I took time to turn to the Lord, discern His will, and embrace it.

I choose to lose myself and become one with Him so that I may be made perfect.

  • When you are stressed and unsure, what do you usually do?
  • How can you train yourself to turn to Him and embrace His will in each moment, rather than relying on the “arm of flesh?”

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Practicing Instinctively Turning to the Lord, Step 2: Hope – No One is Too Broken for Christ to Fix, Ten Rewards for Embracing God’s Will

 

Like a Broken Record

Repetitive thoughts are like this scratched or "broken" record.Repetitive thoughts are like a broken record. When I was a kid, in the days before the internet, cds, mp3 files, and even cassette tapes (yes, I am that old), there were only a few ways to listen to music. Most kids listened to the radio, and then bought a vinyl record of the music they loved.

On a good stereo, vinyl records had great sound, but they could get scratched. If the scratch was deep enough, the needle would slide across the scratch instead of staying in the groove. Sometimes the scratch would take the needle back to a previous groove. This resulted in hearing the same thing over and over until you carefully lifted the arm and set the needle back down past the scratch.

Repetitive Thoughts

Sometimes, like a scratched or broken record, we get stuck in a pattern of dark thoughts and feelings. Tension, conflict, stress, anxiety, shame or fear seem to take over our lives. Repetitive thoughts may get so loud and play for so long that we cannot hear the sweet music being played by loved ones and friends, and the beautiful themes coming from the Spirit and the Lord.

After awhile, we may be willing to do anything to silence the thoughts, even things that we know, deep inside, are not good for us. Giving in to addiction is one way some people try to stop repetitive thoughts. That is like pouring acid on the record. It gets even further damaged. Some have thoughts of suicide. That is like breaking the record player. In either case, this makes the situation worse, especially for friends and loved ones who love the music you make just by being yourself.

Satan’s Lies

Having negative repetitive thoughts does not mean you are a failure, a loser, a nobody, or anything else Satan would have you believe. You didn’t ask for them. You don’t deserve them. They do not reflect how God sees you.

Find a way, possibly with the help of another, to gently move the needle past the bad spot. It might be a loved one, a friend, a counselor, a doctor, a trusted advisor, a priesthood blessing, or a prayer. The Lord will lead you to the help you need, if you are willing to receive it.

You have beautiful music to play. Please don’t deprive the world of your music.

  • Do dark or repetitive thoughts sometimes overwhelm you?
  • What have you done in the past to move the needle?
  • Describe what you would like to do in the future when it happens.
  • What are you willing to do today to make this better course possible?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Overcoming Discouragement: The Committee in My HeadStep 2: Hope – No One is Too Broken for Christ to FixHelp: Encircled about in the Arms of His Love, Progress – Climbing the Mountain

Steps 4 & 5: Composting Our Emotional Debris

Planting in compostSometimes we just need to take a good hard look at our past, learn from it and let it go. In the 12 Step program this usually takes place in Steps 4 and 5, when we write a searching and fearless moral inventory and share it with God, ourselves, and another person. We list the people, institutions, etc. towards whom we feel resentment, guilt or shame. We figuratively sweep out the root cellar of our hearts and minds, looking for stray items left behind to rot. To the best of our ability we clean house and let go of anything that is holding us back.

We list positive memories in the Step 4 inventory—those that are uplifting, enlightening or comforting—and the gifts, talents and skills we find. We examine and explore how we can use them to bless ourselves and others.

The rotten stuff we gather up and take to the emotional compost pile. As we write the inventory we let ourselves remember each incident: what happened, who was affected, how it affected us. We look for patterns of negative behavior to find the underlying causes and conditions leading to the choices we make today. Then, in Step 5 we turn it over to God and another person and let it go.

It takes humility and courage to overcome our fear of closely examining our pasts. Watered by our tears, the rotten fruit—the emotional debris—is changed into life-giving compost. We no longer need to agonize over the individual incidents in our inventory, or feelings of resentment, guilt or shame. Our memories and experiences can, with the help of the Lord, blend together and become fertile ground in which He plants the seeds of future accomplishment and contribution. In this way He consecrates our afflictions for our good. (See 2 Nephi 2:2)

One Example

One of my sponsees has had a very difficult life, starting with repeated childhood sexual abuse and neglect. To survive her life of continual trauma she developed several dysfunctional coping mechanisms including an eating disorder and other forms of self harm. After decades of these behaviors, with the help of the Lord she found abstinence from her eating disorder. She is now using the 12 Steps to overcome her other addictions. This woman is immersing herself in Steps 4 and 5 with great humility and commitment, even though it hurts to examine her very difficult past. She writes in her inventory every day and shares with me what she has written.

How has her “emotional compost” led to growth and joy? She is recognizing her need for boundaries and learning to set them. Every time she does so, it is a victory for her. She is learning to recognize anxiety when it starts. She is learning to deliberately choose alternative behaviors – healthy behaviors – to cope with it. She is learning to relate to her husband with  a new, more spiritually mature love. She is teaching me how to help others with a background of complex post traumatic stress.

God is using her emotional debris to create a rich, nourishing medium for growth: hers, mine, and all the others we each work with through this inspired 12 Step program.

  • Write about how God can consecrate your affliction for good if you are willing to examine your past and turn it over to Him.
  • Are you willing to do a “searching and fearless moral inventory”?
  • What are you willing to do today to get started?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related posts: Declaring Spiritual Bankruptcy – Becoming Happy, Joyous and FreeFear: the Enemy of Progress and RecoverySix Thoughts about Step 5

How is Personal Revelation Like Google Maps?

“You have begun to understand and appreciate your need for the Savior, Jesus Christ, and His role in your life and treasure the Light of Christ.” (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, p 65, emphasis added).

In my ARP Guide I have underlined the words “His role” and written “power source” in the margin. I have a previous post about how Christ is my powersource. In a recent meeting on Step 11 (Personal Revelation), the words “power source” jumped out at me. A picture of an electric car popped into my head.

Electric carI saw myself as a sleek little electric car, maneuvering through the highways and byways of life. My battery was being wirelessly recharged by the Savior and His Atonement as I motored down the road. At first I thought perhaps I was a driverless car, and the Holy Ghost was the computer program that was driving.

Upon further thought, I realized I am the driver because I have agency. The Holy Ghost is my spiritual Google Maps. I always turn it on, even when I know where I am going. It finds me the fastest route and warns me of danger. When I come upon unexpected traffic, instead of getting off the road and trying to find a shorter way through the mists of darkness, I follow the promptings of the nice Google Maps lady. She has already considered the alternatives and knows what will be best for me. When she kindly tells me to “make the next legal u-turn” I know I have made a mistake. I follow her directions to get back on the right path.

In my life, I want to be aware of and willing to listening to the direction of the Holy Ghost. He helps me choose the best path to my temporal and eternal destinations. He helps me avoid pitfalls and problems and traffic jams along the way. Just like Google Maps, He will also suggest stops to make, places (or people) to visit, and activities that will enhance my journey. He corrects me when I get lost and tells me how to get back on the right path.

I pray every day for personal revelation. I ask for the Lord’s help to recognize the promptings of the Holy Ghost and carry them out valiantly. It is the best way I know to receive the righteous desires of my heart—peace and serenity in this life and in eternity. By doing this I ensure that my sleek little car and its fully charged batteries will stay on the right road and arrive safely.

  • How do you consciously seek personal revelation in your life?
  • Do you act upon the counsel of the Holy Ghost when you recognize it?
  • What will you do today to improve your ability to recognize and act upon personal revelation?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Step 11: Receiving Meaningful Personal RevelationSix Points to Discern the Lord’s Will

Don’t just pull weeds, plant grass!

You have to pull the weeds AND plant the grass!I once lived in a house with a lawn of weeds. If I regularly mowed the weeds, keeping the lawn very short, it looked more or less green. But if I missed a mowing and let it grow at all, it became obvious to me, and to the neighbors, that my lawn was mostly weeds. Some of the weeds were benign—clover, for example. Others, like crabgrass and dandelions, were insidious, spreading quickly and easily getting out of control. How much nicer it would have been to have a lush green lawn consisting entirely of grass! I could have let it grow longer, enjoying both the way it looked and  the way it felt to my bare feet, if I had been willing to do the work to remove the weeds and plant and nurture the grass.

Our lives are like the lawn. We may be living in denial, trying to hide our shortcomings, keeping them “in check,” so no one will know—even ourselves. But if an unexpected challenge occurs in our lives, we lose control and they quickly become obvious. Some of the shortcomings might be benign, not really affecting our quality of life too much, but others may quickly become unmanageable, seriously affecting our lives and our loved ones. How much better would it be to work with the Lord to remove the shortcomings and develop Christlike qualities that would then help us face challenges more successfully in the future?

Elder Bruce C. Hafen shared this metaphor in April 2004 General Conference:

“We grow in two ways—removing negative weeds and cultivating positive flowers. The Savior’s grace blesses both parts—if we do our part. First and repeatedly we must uproot the weeds of sin and bad choices. It isn’t enough just to mow the weeds. Yank them out by the roots, repenting fully to satisfy the conditions of mercy. But being forgiven is only part of our growth. We are not just paying a debt. Our purpose is to become celestial beings. So once we’ve cleared our heartland, we must continually plant, weed, and nourish the seeds of divine qualities. And then as our sweat and discipline stretch us to meet His gifts, ‘the flow’rs of grace appear,’ like hope and meekness.” (Bruce C. Hafen, “The Atonement:All for All,” Ensign, May 2004)

The interesting thing about letting the grass grow is that when the lawn is thick and healthy, the longer grass actually chokes out weed seedlings and keeps them from getting established. Of course, to keep it that way does require feeding, watering, and immediate removal of any weeds that do begin to grow.

Using the Steps to Pull the Weeds and Plant Grass

In our lives, we can choose to accept the Savior’s grace and help (steps 1-3) to identify our shortcomings (step 4 inventory). We can do the work of repentance (steps 5-10) to remove them. But that is not enough. Nature abhors a vacuum. If I pulled all the weeds out of my lawn but didn’t plant good grass seed I would quickly develop a new crop of weeds. We must plant the seeds of healthy habits and Christ-like attributes and nurture them through daily prayer, scripture study, personal revelation (step 11), service (step 12) and obedience.

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts:  Changing ChannelsHow to Become Entirely Ready for God to Remove Your Shortcomings

 

Stop Wearing Body Armor

Underwater body armorSometimes, even as early as childhood, we are given “gifts” that do us more harm than good. Sometimes they are given to us quite on purpose by loving but misguided people who think they are “doing it for our own good.” At other times these “gifts” are given to us by dysfunctional people who are, deliberately or unwittingly, trying to manipulate us so that they can get their own needs met. The unwelcome gifts I am talking about are things like fear, low self-esteem or self confidence, feelings of lack of worthiness, of never being “good enough” to please a parent or loved one.

If we continue to hold onto these unwelcome “gifts,” to believe these false ideas and act in harmony with them, we cannot reach our full God-given potential. Be assured that these feelings do not come from God.

Imagine that these feelings are like clothing. We open the box and try them on. We may wear them for a very long time, but we are capable of taking them off, putting them aside and choosing something else to wear.

At their most destructive this clothing is like a suit of body armor. It will protect us from being hurt. But it is very heavy and it saps our energy to wear it. We may not be vulnerable to the arrows or bullets that may come our way, but we also cannot run or jump or dance while we wear it. It severely limits our freedom to explore our world, find our talents, experience joy.

Imagine that we are living on the seashore. As we “go out into the world” we walk into the ocean. Free of the body armor, we can swim. We can hear loving voices calling to us and see the light of the lighthouse so that even if we venture out into deep water, we can find our way home. Wearing the body armor, we quickly find ourselves under water, feet firmly planted on the ocean floor. Our Rescuer sits in a rowboat over our heads, holding a tube down to us so that we can breathe. We gulp the air from the tube, feeling like the world is a very hard place to live. We cannot hear clearly. We cannot see clearly. We cannot move quickly or easily. We may be developing very strong muscles as we fight to live under the water in this way, wearing the armor that is weighing us down, but at what price?

Take off the armor! Let it go! Even if it was a gift from someone you love, it is causing you to drown! Will taking it off make you vulnerable? Possibly, but you will shoot to the surface, be able to breathe deeply and fully and freely. You will hear the voices of Love and Truth clearly calling to you. The Rescuer will help you into the boat and carry you safely to shore. He will protect you and heal you when you get hurt. You will be able to swim, to run, to laugh, to play, to experience joy and fulfillment. These are gifts that are far more valuable than the suffocating “protection” of the body armor. Let go of fear. Trust the Rescuer to protect you.

  • What feeling, thought or ideas are weighing you down that you can take off and let go of?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Failure? – Like a Baby Learning to WalkHow to Become Entirely Ready for God to Remove Your Shortcomings

Don’t Sabotage Your Recovery – Prepare Ahead

It is better to PREPARE and PREVENT than to REPAIR and REPENT.There is an old adage which has been quoted by President Ezra Taft Benson, among others: “It is better to prepare and prevent than to repair and repent.” This applies to living in a state of recovery as much (if not more) than it does to everyday life.

Think of it like this. My normal walk through life is like wading in the surf. The gentle ocean waves come in and out, lapping against my calves as I look around at the scenery and keep my eyes open for beautiful shells on the beach. Perhaps I walk out to a sandbar to see what I can find there. When the tide comes in the water rises. It can get up to my waist, with waves going even higher. If I don’t stay aware of the both the tide and the waves, I may find myself sputtering for air if I get hit by a particularly large one. However, if I keep aware and alert, I will see the wave coming. I can prepare by jumping up at the right moment, to keep my head above the water. Or, even better, I can get myself to safety before the tide gets that high. The more I practice this kind of awareness, the better I will become at recognizing how to keep myself safe.

How to Prepare for Everyday Life

One of the questions I ask my sponsees when we talk is, “What might happen today that could blindside you?” Then I ask, “What can you do to prepare so that you don’t lose your abstinence (or composure) when something unexpected happens?”

For example, if a compulsive eater tells me that she will be going with a group to a restaurant, I may encourage her to find the menu online and decide what she is going to eat before she gets there. Deciding what to order when you are hungry and surrounded by people who are ordering things which might not be good choices for you (but sound yummy) may not be a good idea.

Here is another example. A sponsee told me that she was going to have a very busy afternoon and evening, with just enough time to come home and eat before they were off to the evening’s activities. I asked her what she was planning to make for dinner. She hadn’t thought about it. She realized during our conversation that if she didn’t plan ahead and put something in the slow cooker in the morning, the options available in the evening were not going to be good, and she would be stressed and rushed. That is not a good situation to be in when you are trying to recover from any addiction. Knowing that dinner would be ready when they walked in the door contributed to their family having a much less stressful afternoon and evening.

  • Have you ever found yourself blindsided by something that you could have avoided if you had thought ahead about it?
  • Are you willing to practice thinking through your day and planning in the morning so that the rest of your day will go well?
  • What will you do today to avoid the “high tides” of life and prepare for the waves?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Planned AbstinenceSome Patterns Cause Us to Stumble, Others Help Us Build,  Changing Channels

 

Walking in the Light

You have not traveled beyond the reach of divine loveWhen we walk toward the Lord, we are walking into His light. We see Him and we see where we are going. When we walk away from the Lord, we walk away from the light. We walk into the deep dark shadows — into the darkness. (Shared by a participant at a recent ARP 12-Step meeting.)

For some of us, looking back at our lives, it feels like we have traveled so far, so deeply into the shadows that we cannot find our way back to the light.

In a talk given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland in April 2012 General Conference, he says:

“…however late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.”

What this means to me, is that no one is too broken for Christ to fix. And frankly, isn’t it kind of prideful to think that I can mess up beyond Christ’s ability to clean up? So what does it take to go from thinking I am beyond the reach of Christ’s light to accepting and applying the Atonement in my life? Working steps 1, 2, and 3.

Step 1:

Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.

Whatever thinking or habits have gotten me into this situation are not going to get me out of it. As Albert Einstein put it, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Just to be clear, I cannot fix myself. If I could have, I would have already! But despite my best efforts, I am still broken. The good news here is that once I admit that I am not able to overcome this by my own efforts alone, I am free to to move on to Step 2.

Step 2:

Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.

Here is the hard part for those of us who think we are beyond help. We have to become willing to believe two important truths. First, that Christ CAN (is capable of) healing our brokenness. Second, that Christ loves us individually and personally and, despite our flaws and mistakes, that He is WILLING to heal our brokenness.

If I don’t believe these things, I fail to understand a third important truth. Christ already atoned for my sins. He knew over 2,000 years ago what I was going to do and experience and He chose to pay the price to have those things wiped away, at that time! It is done. The question is not will He do it. The question is will I accept the gift? Will I accept Christ’s grace in my life and allow Him to “lead me, guide me and walk beside me” as I turn away from the darkness and walk back into the light of His love? Which brings us to Step 3.

Step 3:

Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

The operative word here is “decide.” If I decide to turn my will and my life over to Them, I am surrendering control. To put it another way, I become willing to follow the promptings I receive and the truths I am taught and let go of the outcome. I decide that God’s will for me, whatever it is and even if it is not what I thought I wanted, is better than the results I have been able (and will ever be able) to achieve by my own efforts.

Having made this decision, we become willing to give up our own will in favor of His. Elder Boyd K. Packer says it this way:

“Perhaps the greatest discovery of my life, without question the greatest commitment, came when finally I had the confidence in God that I would loan or yield my agency to him— without compulsion or pressure, without any duress, as a single individual alone, by myself, no counterfeiting, nothing expected other than the privilege. In a sense, speaking figuratively, to take one’s agency, that precious gift which the scriptures make plain is essential to life itself, and say, ‘I will do as you direct,’ is afterward to learn that in so doing you possess it all the more” (Obedience, Brigham Young University Speeches of the Year [Dec. 7, 1971], 4).

I choose to walk out of the darkness, toward the Lord, and into the light. I choose to rely upon the Lord to direct me. I relinquish control of the outcome. This has enabled me to let go of my addiction, cope with the death of a child, let go of a difficult marriage, weather financial stress, lose a house, start life over in a new part of the country, trust sufficiently to become willing to marry again, become a stepparent to school age children after seven years as an empty nester, love them without expecting reciprocation, and let go of my parents within a year of each other. It works. Each day I thank God for this gift and try to be aware of additional shortcomings and defects as I recognize them, turning them over as quickly as possible.

  • In what ways or areas have you been trying to control outcomes in your life?
  • Would working the first three steps with these things in mind help you?
  • What are you willing to do today to walk out of the shadows and into the light?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: There is No Darkness in the Presence of the LordSteps 1, 2, and 3: I Can’t, He Can, I’ll Let HimAgency – the Heart of Step 3Change: The AADWAR Process

 

Trust: Take My Yoke Upon You

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me … and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Carrying two buckets on a yoke.

 

Picture yourself taking His yoke upon you. What do you see? Do you see yourself carrying a balanced burden using a yoke He has designed especially for your body, to enable you to bear your burdens as easily as possible? Is the burden that you carry heavy, but more efficiently borne because of the yoke He has given you to help you carry it?

 

Sharing a double yoke with the LordOr do you see yourself harnessed to one side of a double yoke, sharing the burden with the Lord?

Alma asked the people he was teaching in the wilderness if they were “willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light.” He told them this was one of the requirements for baptism. Who are we told to emulate in this life? Who is our great Example? Christ, of course. We are counseled to become like Him. If we are to “bear one another’s burdens” as a prerequisite to baptism we must be following Christ’s example in which He bears ours!

President Howard W. Hunter explained what is meant by “take my yoke upon you.”

Why do we hesitate to take His yoke upon us?

For some, the culture of self-reliance has become twisted in our minds to the extent that we think it means we have to exhaust every ounce of human strength within our bodies before we can ask for His help. If this is what is holding you back, I would encourage you to watch “His Grace is Sufficient,” an inspiring and informative BYU Devotional talk by Brad Wilcox.

Some people are afraid “His yoke” will be heavier than their own; that taking His yoke upon them will add to their existing burden. He promises that if we will take His yoke upon us He will give us rest! His yoke is lighter than ours because He carries most of the weight. Imagine if you were in a double yoke pulling a heavy cart and the person sharing the yoke with you was a small child. Who would be carrying most of the weight? You, of course. And suppose there was rocky ground and the child lost their footing and was stumbling and struggling to regain it and keep up with you. Would the child’s struggle make it easier or harder for you to pull the load? Harder! When we are sharing a yoke with the Lord, if we come to rocky ground and lose our footing, we make His job more difficult by trying desperately to figure out how to regain our balance for ourselves. During those times, we need to lift our feet and allow Him to carry us to smooth ground and resume our journey.

Finally, some are reluctant to be yoked to the Lord because they are not really sure they can trust Him. They are afraid that the direction He will pull or the weight of the load or the speed of the journey will not be what they would choose. They are reluctant to turn their will and their lives over to His care. They think that they are more capable of choosing the best (easiest) path for themselves than He is. Through Malachi the Lord challenges us to “prove me now herewith.” Alma also challenged the people to test the Lord.

“But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.” (Alma 32:27)

To you who are not sure you can trust Him, I say, give Him a chance. You can always take back control later if He proves unworthy of your trust. But give Him enough time to get some results before giving up.

I challenge you to try taking the Lord’s double yoke upon you. If you have already done so, and the journey still seems harder than it should be, I would encourage you to ask Him how to lift your feet and allow Him to carry you to smoother ground.

  • What burdens are you carrying in your journey?
  • What are you doing to make your journey harder than it needs to be?
  • What will you do today to “take His yoke upon you” as a way to enable Him to make your burden light and grant you rest?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts:

My Journey Down the River of LifeFinding PeaceProblem Solving FlowchartTuning In

Credits: Single yoke image: Copyright: xochicalco / 123RF Stock Photo, Double yoke image.

 

Low-hanging Spiritual Fruit

Picking Spiritual FruitGod has created us in His image. He has given us divine potential or “spiritual fruit”: gifts and talents we can discover and develop throughout our lives. Sometimes they are apparent and obvious. From a very young age we can begin to develop and enjoy them. Others are obscured; hidden beneath shortcomings only to be freed and discerned as we become willing to turn to the Lord for help in letting go of and overcoming weakness.

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27 emphasis added)

Suppose when we are born we each have our very own spiritual fruit tree—let’s say it is an orange tree. Each orange represents a strength, gift or talent. The low-hanging fruit is easy to pick, even for a small child. We must remove the peel which encases the sweet, delicious orange full of vitamins and goodness. That requires some work. As soon as we become aware that it is there, and someone teaches us how to pick and peel it we can eat the spiritual fruit and grow stronger and more capable.

A new baby is too weak to roll over or sit up alone. But as loving parents nurture and feed the child s/he grows stronger and through determined effort learns to sit, crawl, walk, run and climb. The capabilities of the miraculous body created for this child develop and strengthen as s/he works at those skills, too young to be afraid of failure or hard work. The youngster develops spiritually as well as physically, developing wonder, faith, gratitude and a sense of sacred awe.

At some point, we will have picked and eaten all of the low-hanging fruit, but there is still more on our tree. The higher fruit is more difficult to see and reach. We might need to climb the tree or get a ladder. Climbing, stretching and reaching may be outside of our comfort zone. We may feel scared and off balance. But the Lord holds the ladder and stands beneath the tree prepared to catch us if we fall. If we listen, He tells us where to reach and how to obtain the spiritual fruit. But He won’t pick or peel it for us.

As we mature into adulthood we develop fears and bad habits that keep us from exploring and finding more gifts, talents and strengths.  If we focus on the ground and don’t look up at the beautiful tree, we may not even realize there is more fruit. Writing an inventory of our shortcomings and weaknesses helps us spot the spiritual fruit. We may not have any idea what wonderful gift lies within the rough, ugly peel, but we can turn to the Lord for help in becoming willing to do the work necessary to obtain the fruit, remove the shortcoming that encases it, and allow Him to replace the weakness with strength.

  • What spiritual fruit have you already picked?
  • What is stopping you from picking more?
  • What will you do today to spot and reach for more?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: How to Become Entirely Ready for God to Remove Your ShortcomingsRock of ResentmentChange: The AADWAR ProcessChanging ChannelsOvercoming Fear – the Invisible FenceThe 1-2-3 Waltz – Avoiding the InventoryOvercoming Perfectionism: the “Good Enough” Principle

Copyright: <a href=’http://www.123rf.com/profile_hanapon1002′>hanapon1002 / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

Progress – Climbing the Mountain

Making Progress: the best way out is always through. It seems like I have been trudging forever. I just want to get to my destination for some much deserved rest. In front of me is a mountain, impeding my progress.  There is a path, but I don’t want to climb this mountain. I’m exhausted. To the right and the left are woods. Maybe if I walk through the woods I will be able to find a way around the mountain.

I walk through the woods for miles, looking for a shortcut. I’m hungry and lost. I have covered lots of ground. Nevertheless, I have not made any progress. I’m no closer to getting to the other side of the mountain than I was when I was first standing in front of it.

I would have been better off if I had used the time and energy to just go over the mountain. It doesn’t matter how fast I climb it. It is not a race. What matters is that I make progress. I may need to take the mountain slowly and rest between steps. I may need to ask the Lord to walk by my side, so that I have His help and strength to enable me to do what I cannot do by myself. But one step up the mountain leads to another and another. Ten steps. Fifteen. Who knows, perhaps there will be a great view, beautiful flowers and a clear fresh spring of water along the way! Regardless, eventually I can get over the mountain and to my destination, if I stop wandering in the woods looking for an easier way.

Robert Frost said, “The best way out is always through.” (A Servant to Servants)

In the case of my mountain, the best way to get to the other side is just to climb it.

  • What mountain are you facing in your life?
  • What have you done to avoid climbing it?
  • What will you do today to help you resume your forward progress?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Growth: Life is Like a Mountain RoadProgress – Climbing through the clouds

Image – Copyright: gopfaster / 123RF Stock Photo

My Journey Down the River of Life

Journey Down the River of LifeI float on my back down the river of life. My feet are downstream so that I see just a little bit of what lies ahead over the tips of my toes. The river moves slowly and the Lord walks by my side with his hand under me, supporting my back. He sees what is coming ahead. I trust Him to guide me and keep me safe on this relatively easy and effortless journey.

From time to time there are boulders and trees in the riverbed. When I come close enough to touch something with my feet, I need to be soft and flexible. My knees act like shock absorbers, bending as needed and then I straighten them to push myself off the obstruction. Sometimes I “tiptoe” around the object until I can resume my journey.

The water flows a little faster as the riverbed drops down on occasion. I feel a little fear, and look up at my Savior who continues to walk calmly by my side. He smiles reassuringly. I feel His hand gently supporting me. My circumstances do not threaten me. I am safe with Him.

Sometimes there are rapids. I may get bumped and a little bruised. But with the Lord to rescue me and keep me safe, I will not drown, unless I refuse His aid. He may lift me directly and carry me down river past the danger. Or He may have a raft manned by His servants pick me up and care for me temporarily. Sometimes He drafts me to care for others as my journey downstream continues.

There is only one way for me to be in danger: if I decide to manage the trip myself. Even when the river is slow, I barely see over the tips of my toes. Without His loving guidance I will get snagged by submerged limbs. If I try to go it alone in the white water, I will surely be smashed on the rocks or caught in a whirlpool. No. I cannot navigate the river alone. And why would I want to?

  • How fast is the river of your life flowing right now?
  • How flexible are you when you encounter obstacles? What does that look like in your life?
  • What will you do today to give more control to the Savior and allow Him to guide you?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Problem Solving FlowchartTuning InTrust: Do Not Put Other Gods Before HimThere is No Darkness in the Presence of the Lord

 

Creating a Nurturing Environment

The very same hydrangea bush produces either pink or blue flowers depending on its environment. (image)I love hydrangeas. They feel fluffy and soft and happy to me. I especially like pink and blue ones. I once lived in a townhouse that had a small front yard. I decided to plant hydrangea bushes – one pink and one blue. Imagine my surprise when I went to the plant nursery and they told me that the hydrangea bush could bear either pink blossoms or blue ones depending upon the acidity of the soil! If I wanted the flowers to be blue, I needed to amend the soil around that bush to lower the pH, and if I wanted them to be pink I needed to give them soil with a higher pH. But either way, I needed to make sure they had a good environment to live in with appropriate amounts of water and nutrients and light and space to grow.

Recently I was pondering how we are like hydrangea bushes. God created us perfectly. If our life isn’t pretty, it is not because we are basically flawed and need to be plucked up and cast into the fire. The environment we live in – both the external environment and the environment within our hearts and minds – has nurtured and produced the fruit and flowers we currently bear. Modifying that environment can change the way in which we blossom.

External Environment

Just like we can pull the weeds that steal nutrients and water in our gardens, we may find that we need to eliminate certain things from the environment we live in. This may include certain influences that come from the media, certain beverages or foods that are bad for us or trigger us to eat in unhealthy ways, or anything non-essential that we turn to in moments of stress instead of turning to the Lord. We may even need to eliminate toxic relationships from our lives and learn to modify the way we relate to others in ways that will make the garden of our lives more beautiful and fragrant.

If we are planted in soil that is truly dry and barren, surrounded by weeds that greedily claim the little bit of water and nutrients available, we may struggle to bear any fruit or flowers at all. In such extreme cases we may need to actually transplant ourselves to a more hospitable garden – someplace where there is fertile ground and plenty of rain and people to tend the garden. Some people find that their old friends, neighborhoods and sometimes even family members are so unable to provide the caring and nurturing they need to bloom that it is impossible to improve their environment and they just need to leave it behind and find a new community. These people may need to cut ties to those who suck the life out of them even if it hurts. Fortunately this is not often required.

Internal Environment

To blossom as fully as we possibly can, we can pull the weeds and nourish and amend the internal soil of our minds and hearts. We can eliminate activities and thoughts that drag us down. We can read scriptures, study program literature, write, pray, listen to uplifting music and associate with others who are on the same path to recovery. We can work the Steps with humility and do our best to learn from others who have overcome the same challenges we have and are willing to show us how they did it.

  • How satisfied are you with your current crop of fruit and flowers?
  • What can you do to improve both your internal and external environments?
  • What are you willing to do today?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Spiritual MetamorphosisFrom My Prayer Journal: God is My SculptorChange: The AADWAR Process

 

Creating the Fabric of Life – Checking the Pattern

When creating the fabric of life, check the pattern often. (image)As I crochet, I frequently look back at my work. It gives me pleasure to watch the fabric grow, stitch by stitch, row by row. Sometimes I notice that I made a mistake. I messed up the pattern or missed a stitch. Because I look back regularly, I rarely have to rip very far to fix the errors. But occasionally I do notice something I somehow missed in a previous row. Then I have a decision to make. I can rip out everything I have done since, and fix the error, or I can accept that it is part of my fabric and let it go.

It occurred to me the other day that this is very much like living in a state of recovery. I check my life regularly (daily inventory – Step 10), looking back from time to time during the day. If I messed up I can fix it pretty easily. Even better, if I pay attention to the pattern and mindfully try to execute it to the best of my ability as I go along, I have less to fix! Occasionally my eyes are opened and I see a flaw that may have happened some time ago. Generally, this is harder to repair than something that happened today. I may have to use steps 4 through 9 to deal with that kind of mistake or shortcoming.

I am so glad to have the steps to help me improve/repair my life and my relationships. However, even if I do use those tools, I may not be able to completely erase the problem. I do the best I can and then accept that what remains is part of the fabric of my life. I let it go.

Sometimes when I am looking for a new crochet project I find a pattern that looks awesome, but difficult. It may use stitches that are new to me or the instructions may not be clear to me when I read them. I re-read the pattern several times. I try to follow the directions. Sometimes I get pretty far into it before I figure out that I must be doing something wrong because it isn’t turning out like the picture. I could just give up. That has happened. But if it is important to me, if I just feel called to make that pattern, there is help available. Sometimes there is someone at a yarn shop who can help me figure out the directions. I can post in an online group asking for help from someone who has already made that pattern. With email and websites I can contact the person who designed the pattern to get their help in figuring out what I am doing wrong and get on the right track.

The same process occurs in the creation of the fabric of my life. From time to time I feel inspired to try something new, different, and perhaps difficult. If it doesn’t go well, despite my best efforts, I could give up. That has happened. But if it is important to me, if I just feel called to do it, there is help available. I can talk to my Bishop or my sponsor. I can attend a 12-Step meeting and ask others with recovery for their ideas. And most importantly, I can reach out to the Designer of my life, my Savior, and ask for His help in figuring out what I am doing wrong and how to get on the right track.

  • What do you do to monitor the fabric of your life and make corrections quickly?
  • Write about how you can apply this metaphor to your life.
  • What are you willing to do today to clean up your mistakes as you go or repair a mistake from your past?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Some Patterns Cause Us to Stumble, Others Help Us BuildLearning Life Skills – Your Personal Tutor

 

Spiritual Metamorphosis

Monarch caterpillar, chrysalis and butterfly image.
Copyright: / 123RF Stock Photo

During its lifetime a Monarch butterfly goes through four stages. First it is an egg which must develop and eventually hatch. When it hatches, the Monarch is a caterpillar. It is very busy during this brief time of its life, eating as much as once or twice its weight in leaves every day and growing rapidly. In fact, it must shed its skin and develop a new one several times during this stage. Then it encloses itself in a chrysalis and seems to be resting. Actually, during this third stage of its life it is undergoing a remarkable transformation called metamorphosis, in which it is being made into a totally new creature. No longer will it look like a striped worm with many legs. It will emerge as a delicate, colorful butterfly. When it first breaks out of the chrysalis its wings are still weak and wet. It spends several hours fluttering them to dry and strengthen them. Finally ready, it fulfills its full potential, living the remainder of its life as a beautiful butterfly.

We, too, go through several stages on our journey of spiritual growth and development. At first we are like the butterfly eggs in our spiritual immaturity. At some point in our spiritual youth (which may be in adulthood, depending upon when we experience conversion) we gain understanding and accountability and are spiritually born, like the eggs hatch. This may or may not happen when we are baptized.

For some period of time we live as caterpillars, focusing almost exclusively on satisfying our appetites. Some of us get stuck in this phase of our lives, and don’t develop spiritual maturity due to our addictions. A recovery program can help us get unstuck.

As we work the 12 Step program we become more spiritually aware through the first three steps. This phase of our spiritual lives can be compared to the caterpillar stage of the Monarch’s life. We may shed old or immature beliefs like the caterpillar sheds its old skin to make room for our spiritual development, but we still look pretty much like a caterpillar.

When we get to step 4 we begin a period of in depth introspection and inventorying of our past.  This is kind of like entering the chrysalis stage of our lives. Giving away our inventories in Step 5, identifying our shortcomings and becoming willing to ask God to remove them (Step 6) clears the way for us to be completely changed by the Lord, right down to receiving a new heart (Step 7).

A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh Ezekiel 36:26

In Steps 8 and 9 we complete the spiritual metamorphosis as we shed resentments, guilt and shame and make restitution and amends for all of our previous mistakes, misdeeds and sins. We emerge from this process cleansed and ready to live a new life in the  maintenance steps (10, 11 and 12) using the structure of these steps to “flutter our wings” and become spiritually strong and independent, be delivered from the bondage of our addictions, and have the maturity to serve others and share what we have learned in our own journey.

  • Where are you in your emotional and spiritual journey?
  • Write about your experience using the metaphor of the monarch, comparing your spiritual metamorphosis to the butterfly’s life.
  • What will you do today to move forward in spiritual maturity?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Working One Step at a Time12-Step Fears of Failure,

 

 

From My Prayer Journal: God is My Sculptor

Image of flowing water with textL "From My Prayer Journal."  God is so good to His children. It amazes and inspires me to see His plans gently unfolding – almost unnoticed if one is not focused and attuned to watch, observe and see His hand in all things. It amazes me. Often the signs are so subtle – as the gentle unfurling of a new leaf on a plant. Yet each action quietly opens the way for us to go through another door, overcome the next stumbling block, see past the next obstacle, around the next corner.

We have to learn to trust Him; to know He has our lives in His capable hands. He is a sculptor, gently removing shortcomings as unnecessary clay, adding and strengthening, bending and straightening, but only because we have placed ourselves willingly in His hands. The one thing He will not take is our agency.

We must freely and willingly give ourselves to the Sculptor and trust Him to liberate our full and best selves from the block of marble in which we are encased; chipping each small imperfection away, sometimes with a chisel – the chisel of circumstance, adversity and the actions of others in our lives – other times smoothing and polishing as flowing water infinitely slowly and gently removes sharp edges from a stone. He uses the water of the scriptures, the living water of the gospel truths we hear – at church, in prayer and meditation, in writing, in 12-Step meetings, in hearing these truths come out of our own mouths as we teach, sponsor, and befriend others.

Dearest Daughter,

Peace be unto you. My peace I give unto you. Not as the world giveth. I give you the peace and serenity of the gospel and the 12-Steps, that through them, you may draw near to me, that you may feel my loving embrace; that you may share with others the love which I so freely give unto men. This peace and serenity are available to all, if they will but turn their faces away from the solutions the world offers, and unto me. I am the source of the living water that nourishes, but also polishes and perfects. Fear nothing. I am always with you. I walk your walk with you. I support and sustain you as you labor in my behalf. All will be well. Trust me. I will open the way for you to be an instrument in my hands. Go in peace. Amen.

  • How have you seen God’s hand in your life?
  • How have you been changed by his chisel, or by his living water?
  • What will you do today to become more aware of His hand in your life, or, to allow Him to smooth your rough edges?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Change: The AADWAR ProcessChanging ChannelsHelp: Encircled about in the Arms of His Love

 

Declaring Spiritual Bankruptcy – Becoming Happy, Joyous and Free

Image of people in silhouette at sunset jumping for joy with caption "Happy, Joyous, and Free."

When a person, family, or business becomes so overwhelmed with debt that they cannot see how they will ever be able to pay it all, our society provides a way to get a fresh start.  It isn’t easy, and it has long term repercussions. It is called “declaring bankruptcy.” When someone declares bankruptcy, they must list all their debts, and with certain limitations, the judge can “wipe them out” with a signature. The point of doing this is to free ourselves from the past and to start over.

It is emotionally difficult to go through bankruptcy.  It feels like a public admission of failure. Certainly, some debt is thrust upon us due to no fault of our own, as in the case of unanticipated medical bills. But sometimes people may be embarrassed to admit certain things they have done that put them into debt. For example, they might have gambling debts, or perhaps they borrowed money to get into a business that turned out to be a scam. Nevertheless, it would be silly to declare bankruptcy without fully disclosing all of our debts to the judge. Why would anyone want to go through the difficult process of bankruptcy only to be left with debt in the end?

When we work Step 4 of the 12-Step program, we create a moral inventory. It is a complete list of all the resentments, judgments, anger, frustration, disappointment and guilt we can remember from our entire lives. We look for examples of pride, self-pity, self-deception, and self-will and include those incidents, too.

The point of doing this is to free ourselves from the past.  Once we have written down everything we can think of that might be holding us back, we can move on to Step 5 and give our inventories away to God and to another person. God can help us to let go of all these “spiritual debts” and start anew.

It would make no more sense to hide any of our spiritual and emotional debts when we do our 4th step inventories than it would to hide financial debts when applying for bankruptcy. We do this work to become happy, joyous and free. We make a “searching and fearless written moral inventory of ourselves” so that we can be sure that when we confess and give our shortcomings to the Lord in Steps 5, 6, and 7 we don’t leave anything out. We put it all on the table so that we can be completely cleansed and healed from our mistakes, our shortcomings and our weaknesses.

  • Have you worked steps 1, 2, and 3 to prepare yourself to begin a fourth step inventory?
  • Are you willing to set aside pride and shame and be searching and fearless as you work on your inventory?
  • What will you do today to become free from the mistakes of the past and become happy, joyous and free?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Forgiveness: Left on the Cutting Room Floor

The Chess Strategy for Living

Chess board strategy image. When I was a young girl, my Dad’s desk was a place of wonder to me. He had so many treasures in his drawers: a beautiful slender silver letter opener, India ink pens, engineering and architecture rulers, and templates for drawing circles and other shapes, to name a few. Among the treasures were some old yellowed newspaper clippings. One of them was a story that mentioned my Dad.

A famous chess master was coming to town and would be playing against a large number of amateur players at the same time — upwards of twenty, if I recall correctly. My Dad was the youngest chess player to qualify to participate at the age of 14.

Twenty games at the same time! How could anyone keep the strategy for twenty games in their head at the same time, I wondered. So I asked my Dad about it. He said, “You don’t. You come to the board, make the move that most improves your position at that moment in time, and move on.”

I have often pondered that idea, and have found that it is actually an excellent philosophy for living. I am sure that the chess master has a vision for the game — ending in a win. I have a vision for my life, too — ending in eternal life for me and my loved ones. But I can face each new challenge, each move of the adversary, each new day, by making the move that will most improve my position at that moment in time, and move on.

What moves will improve my position? Here are a few thoughts: drawing near to the Lord, growing spiritually, learning to love unconditionally, gaining new skills, learning to trust God, obeying the commandments and living one day at a time.

It is intriguing to me that this philosophy of living is very consistent with my recent post “Living Fully in the Present.” The chess master cannot win the game by living in the past — beating himself up for a bad move or glorying in a previous game. He cannot win the game by living in the future — imagining each move his opponent might make and how glorious his victory will be. He can only win the game by studying the board and making the move that will most improve his position at that moment in time: the present.

  • What is your vision for your life?
  • What challenges are you facing right now?
  • What strategy or moves would improve your position at this moment in time?
  • What are you willing to do today?

Please share your thoughts about this metaphor by commenting below.

 

Christ is the Power Source

And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me. (Moroni 7:33)

Image of the Son as a power source, with the Sun rising behind Him.When I first began to understand that I was powerless, and that any and all power that I have is given to me by Christ for the purpose of carrying out his will (see Moroni 7:33), the picture I had in my mind was of me as a little old lady, leaning upon the arm of Jesus who was guiding me across the street like a boy scout. As I continued to ponder the idea that Jesus is the source of all power, it came to me that power source is also a term that could be used to describe an electrical outlet or a battery, or even the sun.

So how is it that I receive power from a power source?  I plug in to it!  As I read the scriptures, ponder and pray, attend Church and serve others; as I am obedient to the Lord’s commandments, I draw near to Him.  When I lean upon His arm rather than my own understanding and seek His counsel and guidance; when I ask Him to grant unto me the power to carry out His will, I am plugging myself in to the ultimate power source, the Son.  And His power flows into me and through me and I can do all things which He directs me to do!

The Lord would never set us up to fail.  He loves us more than we can comprehend.  Whenever He asks us to do anything, either by direct personal revelation or through our (His) Priesthood leaders, He is willing to give us the power to carry out His will. We must prepare ourselves to receive it by becoming humble and teachable. We must sincerely do all that we can do, in faith relying upon Him to provide the power we need to complete our tasks, overcome our obstacles, or reach our goals.

  • What are you powerless over?
  • Are you willing to do the things that are described in this metaphor to “plug in” so that you can receive the Lord’s power to do what you cannot do alone?
  • What action will you take today?

Please share your thoughts about this metaphor by commenting below.

 

Improvement under Pressure

UImage of the blue fountain pen with silver cap that was made more useful by subjecting it to pressure.I have always enjoyed the physical act of writing. Since childhood I have particularly enjoyed writing with a fountain pen. Good fountain pens are pretty expensive, but I love the feel of the ink smoothly flowing on the paper. I own two of them right now, and use them to write my morning prayers. One has a blue barrel and silver cap and is filled with blue-black ink. I use that one for my letter to God. The other has a gold barrel and cap and is filled with black ink. That one I use for His letter to me. The blue pen was a gift from my children, so it has sentimental value to me.

The blue pen never worked consistently well. It skipped and often felt dry as I wrote. I tried cleaning it. That made it worse.  I actually talked to the Lord about that pen. I asked Him to help me figure out how to get it adjusted so that it would glide across the paper without effort as I express my love and gratitude and the desires of my heart to Him. I could not find a pen shop nearby where there might be a pen guru to work magic on it. I was reluctant to send it off to the repair facility and wait weeks to get it back and hope it was adjusted just right. I considered just setting it aside and getting a new pen, but between the cost and the sentimental value, I didn’t. I just kept limping along wishing it worked better.

Last week it occurred to me to look online for information. I discovered a number of websites with fountain pen tuning instructions. After spending an hour searching and reading, I found exactly what I needed and decided to try it. I chose a straightforward method, but I was concerned about ruining the nib. The directions were to press down hard on the paper – hard enough to bend the nib slightly. But how was I to know how hard was hard enough? I got up the courage and did it. It worked!

As I was writing my prayer yesterday morning, the ink flowing freely and beautifully as my gratitude and thoughts tumbled out onto the page, I realized that in a certain way, I am like my fountain pen.  As a tool in the hand of the Lord, I have worked better at some times than others.  At times His love flows freely through me to those around me, helping them to turn to Him and feel His love. At other times – not so much. I suppose there were occasions when He might have even had to use a different servant to get His work done, during times of self-absorption and spiritual deafness.

Rather than discard me, He worked with me and molded me into a more valiant and profitable servant by subjecting me to pressure that I found uncomfortable – even painful at times.  I yielded under that pressure, and learned new behaviors and attitudes. Now I am a much better conduit for His love. Does my pen have feelings? If it does, perhaps it feels as I do when I contemplate the work done by the hand of my Master: grateful and joyous at the improvement!

  • Has the Lord used uncomfortable situations to mold you and improve your usefulness to Him?
  • In what ways have you changed under that pressure?
  • Write about your feelings as you think about this.