“And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one: I in them, and thou in me,that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.” (John 17:22-23, emphasis added)
I am not perfect, yet. I must be cleansed and made perfect before I can enter the Kingdom of God. How does this happen?
Imagine a beautiful sparkling lake, high in the mountains. The water is blue in the bright sunlight, and so clean and pure that the bottom is clearly visible. There is a crystal clear mountain stream feeding the lake. The stream tumbles over rocks and falls as it rushes to the lake. Imagine one drop of muddy water falls into the stream. As it travels with the fresh spring water, the impurities fall to the bottom and the drop merges completely with the stream. It enters the lake pure and clean.
The lake is the Kingdom of God. The stream is the Lord Jesus Christ. The spring is the love of God. I am the drop of water. As I give my life to the Lord, turning my will over to Him and seeking His will in each moment, I become one with Him. My impurities fall away. I am absorbed and cleaned by His purity. Together we tumble through life over rocks and falls, side by side. When I am one with Him, He can use me to nourish and nurture the plant and animal life in and along the banks of the stream.
This can only happen if I choose to lose myself in Him. If I remain separate, holding on to my will, I remain imperfect.
Turn to Him
When I find myself stressed and unsure, rather than seeking for my own answer and approach, I turn to Him. I ask for His guidance. I make the best choice I can in the moment and wait patiently for His direction to be revealed to me. Most problems do not require immediate action. Many times, as I pause and take a breath, the problem resolves itself. If not, I am always grateful that I took time to turn to the Lord, discern His will, and embrace it.
I choose to lose myself and become one with Him so that I may be made perfect.
When you are stressed and unsure, what do you usually do?
How can you train yourself to turn to Him and embrace His will in each moment, rather than relying on the “arm of flesh?”
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
“Pray in the name of Jesus Christ about your concerns, your fears, your weaknesses—yes, the very longings of your heart. And then listen! Write the thoughts that come to your mind. Record your feelings and follow through with actions that you are prompted to take.” (President Russell M. Nelson, Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives, Ensign, May 2018, p. 95)
I love step-by step approaches to improving my life. In this talk, Russell M. Nelson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, offers a simple, straightforward approach to receiving personal revelation for our lives. He did not present it as a set of defined steps, but that is how they feel to me.
1. Pray
What should we pray about? Our concerns, our fears, our weaknesses, and the longings of our hearts. How do we pray? In the name of Jesus Christ.
When we pray with a true understanding of the Lord’s ability and willingness to ease our burdens and help us come unto and become like Him; if we are willing to trust Him, He can deliver us. What does He deliver us from? From bondage to our concerns, our fears, our weaknesses and shortcomings. When we take them out of the dark hiding places of our hearts and hold them up to His light, they lose their power to keep us from achieving our full potential in this life, with His help.
2. And then listen!
What a concept! This took me many years to learn for myself. I thought I was finished with my prayer when I said “Amen.” I would get up from my knees and go about my life wondering when and how I would ever hear answers to my prayers.
3. Write the thoughts…Record your feelings
The thoughts and feelings that come to us when we listen after praying can be personal revelation for our lives. When I first started listening for, and receiving answers a disconcerting pattern emerged. After a few hours I could remember that I had received an answer to my prayer, but I couldn’t remember what I had heard! I started writing – at first just the answers and then the entire prayer including the answers. My practice of written prayer has enhanced my personal relationship with the Savior so much that when I cannot write, I feel cheated.
4. Follow through with actions
This is the crux or heart of the matter. It is what I still struggle with and work on daily. Almost every prayer I write includes a plea for help with recognizing and acting upon the promptings I receive that day. Activities and distractions frequently push down the thoughts and promptings under a load of urgent but often less important things. When Satan cannot stop me from praying and receiving guidance, he settles for distracting me from acting on it. I am reminded of the talk, “Good, Better, Best” given by President Dallin H. Oaks in October 2007 General Conference. It is always best to follow the personal revelation I receive from the Lord each day.
What are you willing to do today to enhance your ability to receive personal revelation?
How can you better act upon the revelation you receive?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
Repetitive thoughts are like a broken record. When I was a kid, in the days before the internet, cds, mp3 files, and even cassette tapes (yes, I am that old), there were only a few ways to listen to music. Most kids listened to the radio, and then bought a vinyl record of the music they loved.
On a good stereo, vinyl records had great sound, but they could get scratched. If the scratch was deep enough, the needle would slide across the scratch instead of staying in the groove. Sometimes the scratch would take the needle back to a previous groove. This resulted in hearing the same thing over and over until you carefully lifted the arm and set the needle back down past the scratch.
Repetitive Thoughts
Sometimes, like a scratched or broken record, we get stuck in a pattern of dark thoughts and feelings. Tension, conflict, stress, anxiety, shame or fear seem to take over our lives. Repetitive thoughts may get so loud and play for so long that we cannot hear the sweet music being played by loved ones and friends, and the beautiful themes coming from the Spirit and the Lord.
After awhile, we may be willing to do anything to silence the thoughts, even things that we know, deep inside, are not good for us. Giving in to addiction is one way some people try to stop repetitive thoughts. That is like pouring acid on the record. It gets even further damaged. Some have thoughts of suicide. That is like breaking the record player. In either case, this makes the situation worse, especially for friends and loved ones who love the music you make just by being yourself.
Satan’s Lies
Having negative repetitive thoughts does not mean you are a failure, a loser, a nobody, or anything else Satan would have you believe. You didn’t ask for them. You don’t deserve them. They do not reflect how God sees you.
Find a way, possibly with the help of another, to gently move the needle past the bad spot. It might be a loved one, a friend, a counselor, a doctor, a trusted advisor, a priesthood blessing, or a prayer. The Lord will lead you to the help you need, if you are willing to receive it.
You have beautiful music to play. Please don’t deprive the world of your music.
Do dark or repetitive thoughts sometimes overwhelm you?
What have you done in the past to move the needle?
Describe what you would like to do in the future when it happens.
What are you willing to do today to make this better course possible?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
Sometimes we just need to take a good hard look at our past, learn from it and let it go. In the 12 Step program this usually takes place in Steps 4 and 5, when we write a searching and fearless moral inventory and share it with God, ourselves, and another person. We list the people, institutions, etc. towards whom we feel resentment, guilt or shame. We figuratively sweep out the root cellar of our hearts and minds, looking for stray items left behind to rot. To the best of our ability we clean house and let go of anything that is holding us back.
We list positive memories in the Step 4 inventory—those that are uplifting, enlightening or comforting—and the gifts, talents and skills we find. We examine and explore how we can use them to bless ourselves and others.
The rotten stuff we gather up and take to the emotional compost pile. As we write the inventory we let ourselves remember each incident: what happened, who was affected, how it affected us. We look for patterns of negative behavior to find the underlying causes and conditions leading to the choices we make today. Then, in Step 5 we turn it over to God and another person and let it go.
It takes humility and courage to overcome our fear of closely examining our pasts. Watered by our tears, the rotten fruit—the emotional debris—is changed into life-giving compost. We no longer need to agonize over the individual incidents in our inventory, or feelings of resentment, guilt or shame. Our memories and experiences can, with the help of the Lord, blend together and become fertile ground in which He plants the seeds of future accomplishment and contribution. In this way He consecrates our afflictions for our good. (See 2 Nephi 2:2)
One Example
One of my sponsees has had a very difficult life, starting with repeated childhood sexual abuse and neglect. To survive her life of continual trauma she developed several dysfunctional coping mechanisms including an eating disorder and other forms of self harm. After decades of these behaviors, with the help of the Lord she found abstinence from her eating disorder. She is now using the 12 Steps to overcome her other addictions. This woman is immersing herself in Steps 4 and 5 with great humility and commitment, even though it hurts to examine her very difficult past. She writes in her inventory every day and shares with me what she has written.
How has her “emotional compost” led to growth and joy? She is recognizing her need for boundaries and learning to set them. Every time she does so, it is a victory for her. She is learning to recognize anxiety when it starts. She is learning to deliberately choose alternative behaviors – healthy behaviors – to cope with it. She is learning to relate to her husband with a new, more spiritually mature love. She is teaching me how to help others with a background of complex post traumatic stress.
God is using her emotional debris to create a rich, nourishing medium for growth: hers, mine, and all the others we each work with through this inspired 12 Step program.
Write about how God can consecrate your affliction for good if you are willing to examine your past and turn it over to Him.
Are you willing to do a “searching and fearless moral inventory”?
What are you willing to do today to get started?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
“You have begun to understand and appreciate your need for the Savior, Jesus Christ, and His role in your life and treasure the Light of Christ.” (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, p 65, emphasis added).
In my ARP Guide I have underlined the words “His role” and written “power source” in the margin. I have a previous post about how Christ is my powersource. In a recent meeting on Step 11 (Personal Revelation), the words “power source” jumped out at me. A picture of an electric car popped into my head.
I saw myself as a sleek little electric car, maneuvering through the highways and byways of life. My battery was being wirelessly recharged by the Savior and His Atonement as I motored down the road. At first I thought perhaps I was a driverless car, and the Holy Ghost was the computer program that was driving.
Upon further thought, I realized I am the driver because I have agency. The Holy Ghost is my spiritual Google Maps. I always turn it on, even when I know where I am going. It finds me the fastest route and warns me of danger. When I come upon unexpected traffic, instead of getting off the road and trying to find a shorter way through the mists of darkness, I follow the promptings of the nice Google Maps lady. She has already considered the alternatives and knows what will be best for me. When she kindly tells me to “make the next legal u-turn” I know I have made a mistake. I follow her directions to get back on the right path.
In my life, I want to be aware of and willing to listening to the direction of the Holy Ghost. He helps me choose the best path to my temporal and eternal destinations. He helps me avoid pitfalls and problems and traffic jams along the way. Just like Google Maps, He will also suggest stops to make, places (or people) to visit, and activities that will enhance my journey. He corrects me when I get lost and tells me how to get back on the right path.
I pray every day for personal revelation. I ask for the Lord’s help to recognize the promptings of the Holy Ghost and carry them out valiantly. It is the best way I know to receive the righteous desires of my heart—peace and serenity in this life and in eternity. By doing this I ensure that my sleek little car and its fully charged batteries will stay on the right road and arrive safely.
How do you consciously seek personal revelation in your life?
Do you act upon the counsel of the Holy Ghost when you recognize it?
What will you do today to improve your ability to recognize and act upon personal revelation?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
I thank Thee for blessing me abundantly. Infinitely. I have everything I need. I trust you to give me what I need as my needs arise….
Dearest Mira,
Good morning, sweet daughter. I love thee. I am always with thee. I bless you abundantly because you allow me to do it. I am able to place blessings in your arms because they are stretched out to me and open. I love all my children equally. They could all receive of my abundance, if they would reach out and ask. When they are closed—trying to do it all by themselves (sometimes in misguided attempts to be “self-reliant”)—they cannot receive the blessings I would love to bestow upon them…
Myself! Myself!
When I was 2 or 3 years old and my brother was a baby, I nearly drove my mother crazy because I wanted to do everything by myself. She used to tell a story about trying to get all of us ready and out the door to get to a baby checkup appointment on time. My shoes weren’t on and I refused to let her help me, with a resounding cry of “Myself! Myself!” I wasn’t capable of doing it myself, but I fought off her attempts to help me.
If it had been the right time for me to learn to put on and fasten my own shoes, it wouldn’t have mattered how long it took me to do it myself. It would have been part of the learning process. But that was not the time. I wasn’t able to do it myself, and she was trying to get out the door. My refusal to accept her help was impeding our progress.
Self-Reliance includes God
I wonder how often we do that to Heavenly Father? He knows our current capabilities and our potential. But how often do we stubbornly insist on trying to do things for ourselves that we are not yet ready to do without His help, turning to Him only in desperation, after we have exhausted ourselves, and others? This impedes our progress.
Self-reliance doesn’t mean independence from God. Nor does it mean total dependence on Him for every little thing. It means interdependence with Him. It is our responsibility to do what we have learned to do for ourselves, and to turn to Him for help with the rest. He has promised to be with us, strengthen us and lead us by the right hand in Isaiah 41.
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness…For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.”
During a 12 Step meeting I attended the group was discussing our hopes for learning to live in a state of humility. One man said that humility keeps getting crowded out by pride and resentment in his heart. There was a lively conversation about how to fight pride and resentment.
As I listened, I was reminded of the story of a wise Cherokee grandfather who told his grandson about the two wolves fighting inside his heart—inside every human heart. One was evil and the other good. When the boy asked which wolf would win the battle, his grandfather said, “the one you feed.”
Sometimes fighting the evil actually feeds it. When I work hard to overcome pride and resentment, I am focusing on pride and resentment. The attention I give them feeds them, even if it is negative attention. I judge myself lacking when I dwell on those feelings which can put me into a cycle of guilt and/or shame.
Nurturing something positive, instead, works better in my experience. As it grows, it will crowd out the resentment and pride, and fear as well.
What is that positive I can focus on? What can I nurture that will swell and grow and leave no room for negative attitudes and feelings? For me it is gratitude. When I fill my heart with gratitude and focus on how grateful I am for the innumerable blessings of my life, it crowds out the tendencies of the natural woman toward fear, pride and resentment. My heart sings with joy when I focus on gratitude, and it isn’t about what I am grateful for. Once I started looking, I saw blessings all around me. No, it is about the feeling itself—the attitude of gratitude!
When I cultivate gratitude I am feeding and watering love in my heart. Love for and from God fills my heart and crowds out all negatives. It is an awesome way to live!
Do you recognize negative feelings or attitudes in your life?
Are you willing to focus on gratitude to crowd those out?
List 10 things you are grateful for today. Are you willing to do that every day?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
For many years after I joined the church my morning and evening prayers were 90% talking and 10% listening, if that. They went something like this:
Kneel at the side of the bed or couch.
Open by addressing God, usually as “Heavenly Father.”
Thank Him for what I am grateful for.
Tell Him what I want to tell Him.
Ask Him what I want to ask Him.
Request what I want Him to do for me or a loved one.
Close in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Get up and get on with my day, or into my bed.
I would do an abbreviated form of this during the day, if needed, usually one or more of steps 3 – 6.
As I heard more about getting “answers to prayers,” I started trying to hear or look for answers in my scripture reading, church meetings, and conference talks. I also hoped that somehow I would “hear” in my mind, direct answers.
At some point I realized that if I wanted to hear answers, it might make sense to listen for them(!), and I began waiting momentarily, after I said “amen,” to see if I could hear anything. When I actually did begin hearing the Lord answer my prayers, I began writing them, so that I could remember what He told me. I have written about this much more extensively in other posts.
Step Prayers
I want to suggest another kind of prayer, based on the 12 steps. These are prayers of humility that may or may not take the place of “normal” prayers. They help me see myself in my proper relationship to God, and help me internalize the principles of recovery. I take steps 1, 2, 3, 7, and 11 in these prayers. Then I just listen. God does most of the talking; I do most of the listening. Here is one example of what this might sound like:
Dearest Heavenly Father, I know that I, of myself, am powerless. Without you I am nothing. I know that you can and will manage my life effectively and help me to realize my full potential, if I let you. I turn my will and my life over to you today. Please remove my weaknesses and shortcomings if it is your will, and give me a new heart. Please help me to recognize and carry out your will in each moment. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
And then… I listen.
It takes less than a minute to say prayers like this, so I have plenty of time to listen. Instead of 90% talking and 10% listening, these prayers are 10% talking and 90% listening. Sometimes it just feels like the right way to connect with God.
Can you see steps 1, 2, 3, 7, and 11 in my sample prayer?
What percentage of your prayer time is spent talking as compared to listening?
What are you willing to do today to improve your conscious contact with God?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
When we humbly invite God to prune our weaknesses, He can make us more fruitful.
Working steps 6 and 7 with humility enables us to access the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ to turn our weaknesses and shortcomings over to God so He can remove them. An important aspect of this process is to understand is the difference between sins (deliberate choices to turn away from God) and weaknesses (lack of skill or ability). God gives us weakness (Ether 12:27). It is a part of the human condition.
In “It Isn’t a Sin to Be Weak,” in the April 2015 issue of the Ensign and Liahona, Wendy Ulrich has written a masterful explanation of the difference between sin and weakness. In it she explains important concepts relating to the purpose of weakness (to lead us to God), how to distinguish sin from weakness, and how we should handle each in our lives. She says:
“We cannot simply repent of being weak—nor does weakness itself make us unclean. We cannot grow spiritually unless we reject sin, but we also do not grow spiritually unless we accept our state of human weakness, respond to it with humility and faith, and learn through our weakness to trust in God… As we are meek and faithful, God offers grace—not forgiveness—as the remedy for weakness. Grace is an enabling power from God to do what we cannot do on our own (see Bible Dictionary, “Grace”)—the appropriate godly remedy by which He can ‘make weak things become strong.’”
Overcoming Weakness through Humility
We can overcome some weaknesses by hard work and practice. But what about character weakness? What about interpersonal skills that continue to create problems in our relationships despite our own best efforts to overcome them?
When we turn to the Lord, in humility and faith, and acknowledge our weakness, he can give us grace. Through His grace we can first become willing to let go of the weakness and then actually ask Him to remove it.
In the parable of the vine (John 15:1-11), the Lord does not say that the branches must prune themselves in order to become more fruitful. He says that God, who is the husbandman (see verses 1-2) will purge the branches so that they will bring forth more fruit. Do you believe that you would bring forth more spiritual fruit if your weakness was removed? Then you need to become willing to let go of it and ask God to remove it. This is a two step process.
Step 6: Becoming Ready
“Become entirely ready to have God remove all your character weaknesses.”
Recognizing a shortcoming or weakness is a prerequisite to asking for it to be removed. But identifying it is not enough. We must become entirely ready to have God remove it.
In a previous post on Step 6 I have suggested that one approach to becoming entirely ready is to visualize what new behaviors will take the place of the one you are trying to eliminate. Yet most of us still want to make these changes by ourselves. And after all, what if God’s idea of what I will be like without this shortcoming is different than mine? A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing says “Probably the most humbling thing to acknowledge is that you still harbor a prideful desire to change without the help of God.” (p. 35). If this is because we don’t trust Him to deliver the outcome we envision, we might need to review step 3.
If trust is not the issue, it may be feelings of unworthiness. We may think, how can I ask God to help me when I haven’t done all that is humanly possibly to overcome this by myself? The truth, as Brad Wilcox describes so well in “His Grace is Sufficient,” is that any and all of our own efforts are not really our own anyway. God has given us every bit of power we have to do anything. We need to let go of pride, admit our powerlessness (see step 1) and face our shortcomings and weaknesses with humility.
Step 7: Asking God for His Help
“Humbly ask Heavenly Father to remove your shortcomings.”
Humility is the key to step 7. If we go through the motions of asking Him to remove our shortcomings without sincerity and humility, we are wasting our time and breath. He will not—indeed he cannot remove our shortcomings unless we let them go. He will not override our agency. So long as we are stubbornly or fearfully holding on to our weaknesses, He will not remove them.
What does humility look like in taking step 7? Total surrender. Acceptance of God’s will even when we don’t know what it is. Unconditional willingness to become clay in the Master’s hands, to be molded and formed as He sees fit. Acknowledgement that we have failed to live up to our God-given potential, and that we are ready to allow God to enable us to do so, no matter what.
I testify that when we take steps 6 and 7 in true humility, even if it is born of desperation, God will help us to experience the change of heart spoken of in the scriptures. In so doing, we will begin to blossom and bloom in ways we could not have imagined. I have seen it in myself. I have witnessed it in those who have shared their stories in ARP meetings. I have nurtured it in the lives of those I sponsor.
What shortcomings or weaknesses are you ready to let go of?
Do you trust the Lord to remove them?
What are you willing to do to let them go?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
I once lived in a house with a lawn of weeds. If I regularly mowed the weeds, keeping the lawn very short, it looked more or less green. But if I missed a mowing and let it grow at all, it became obvious to me, and to the neighbors, that my lawn was mostly weeds. Some of the weeds were benign—clover, for example. Others, like crabgrass and dandelions, were insidious, spreading quickly and easily getting out of control. How much nicer it would have been to have a lush green lawn consisting entirely of grass! I could have let it grow longer, enjoying both the way it looked and the way it felt to my bare feet, if I had been willing to do the work to remove the weeds and plant and nurture the grass.
Our lives are like the lawn. We may be living in denial, trying to hide our shortcomings, keeping them “in check,” so no one will know—even ourselves. But if an unexpected challenge occurs in our lives, we lose control and they quickly become obvious. Some of the shortcomings might be benign, not really affecting our quality of life too much, but others may quickly become unmanageable, seriously affecting our lives and our loved ones. How much better would it be to work with the Lord to remove the shortcomings and develop Christlike qualities that would then help us face challenges more successfully in the future?
Elder Bruce C. Hafen shared this metaphor in April 2004 General Conference:
“We grow in two ways—removing negative weeds and cultivating positive flowers. The Savior’s grace blesses both parts—if we do our part. First and repeatedly we must uproot the weeds of sin and bad choices. It isn’t enough just to mow the weeds. Yank them out by the roots, repenting fully to satisfy the conditions of mercy. But being forgiven is only part of our growth. We are not just paying a debt. Our purpose is to become celestial beings. So once we’ve cleared our heartland, we must continually plant, weed, and nourish the seeds of divine qualities. And then as our sweat and discipline stretch us to meet His gifts, ‘the flow’rs of grace appear,’ like hope and meekness.” (Bruce C. Hafen, “The Atonement:All for All,” Ensign, May 2004)
The interesting thing about letting the grass grow is that when the lawn is thick and healthy, the longer grass actually chokes out weed seedlings and keeps them from getting established. Of course, to keep it that way does require feeding, watering, and immediate removal of any weeds that do begin to grow.
Using the Steps to Pull the Weeds and Plant Grass
In our lives, we can choose to accept the Savior’s grace and help (steps 1-3) to identify our shortcomings (step 4 inventory). We can do the work of repentance (steps 5-10) to remove them. But that is not enough. Nature abhors a vacuum. If I pulled all the weeds out of my lawn but didn’t plant good grass seed I would quickly develop a new crop of weeds. We must plant the seeds of healthy habits and Christ-like attributes and nurture them through daily prayer, scripture study, personal revelation (step 11), service (step 12) and obedience.
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
The Atonement is the means by which both mercy and justice can be simultaneously satisfied. The Savior has paid our debt to justice (caused by our sins and transgressions in this life) in full through His suffering in the garden and on the cross. By paying our debt He extends us mercy. We no longer need pay that debt. He has paid it for us.
In order to receive the Lord’s mercy for the debt we owe to justice, we must become willing to accept His payment of our debt. We demonstrate our willingness by humble repentance. In 12 Step terms, as we work Steps 4 – 10, we unlock the power of the Atonement and apply it to our weakness, sin and shortcomings. We repent and do our best to obey the commandments going forward, and He pays our debt.
But what about the debt justice owes to us?
What about the things that have happened or been done to us, which were not caused by any sin or transgression on our part? For example, what if we have been abused, or suffer from physical, mental or emotional illness? Do we get compensated for those things?
Elder D. Todd Christofferson clearly answers this question in his April 2013 conference talk, “Redemption.”
“The Savior’s suffering in Gethsemane and His agony on the cross redeem us from sin by satisfying the demands that justice has upon us. He extends mercy and pardons those who repent. The Atonement also satisfies the debt justice owes to us by healing and compensating us for any suffering we innocently endure. ‘For behold, he suffereth the pains of all men, yea, the pains of every living creature, both men, women, and children, who belong to the family of Adam’ (2 Nephi 9:21; see also Alma 7:11–12).” (emphasis added)
Have you suffered pain that was not a consequence of your own choices? Then justice owes you a debt, and the Lord has paid it. Indeed, He paid it before you were born. He knew what you would experience, and He paid the price for your pain and suffering.
What must we do to receive the healing and compensation Elder Christofferson promises us for any suffering we innocently endure? We have to let go of the resentment, anger, hate and fear we feel towards those who have hurt us, and towards the Lord for allowing those things to happen to us. (See Learning to Let Go, or click on “Letting Go” in the tag cloud to find suggestions for how to do this.) Holding onto negative feelings is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. When we let go and choose to begin learning to trust the Lord again, we make it possible for Him to heal us. It takes time and we need His help to do it. Letting go and learning to trust again make it possible for Him to turn our suffering into jewels of testimony, faith, peace, serenity and love.
What more do you need to do to pay your debt to justice so you can have the Lord’s mercy applied to your sins and shortcomings?
Does justice owe you for innocent suffering? What can you do today to let go of resentment, anger, hate and fear and learn to trust the Lord so you can receive the compensation promised you?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
Sometimes, even as early as childhood, we are given “gifts” that do us more harm than good. Sometimes they are given to us quite on purpose by loving but misguided people who think they are “doing it for our own good.” At other times these “gifts” are given to us by dysfunctional people who are, deliberately or unwittingly, trying to manipulate us so that they can get their own needs met. The unwelcome gifts I am talking about are things like fear, low self-esteem or self confidence, feelings of lack of worthiness, of never being “good enough” to please a parent or loved one.
If we continue to hold onto these unwelcome “gifts,” to believe these false ideas and act in harmony with them, we cannot reach our full God-given potential. Be assured that these feelings do not come from God.
Imagine that these feelings are like clothing. We open the box and try them on. We may wear them for a very long time, but we are capable of taking them off, putting them aside and choosing something else to wear.
At their most destructive this clothing is like a suit of body armor. It will protect us from being hurt. But it is very heavy and it saps our energy to wear it. We may not be vulnerable to the arrows or bullets that may come our way, but we also cannot run or jump or dance while we wear it. It severely limits our freedom to explore our world, find our talents, experience joy.
Imagine that we are living on the seashore. As we “go out into the world” we walk into the ocean. Free of the body armor, we can swim. We can hear loving voices calling to us and see the light of the lighthouse so that even if we venture out into deep water, we can find our way home. Wearing the body armor, we quickly find ourselves under water, feet firmly planted on the ocean floor. Our Rescuer sits in a rowboat over our heads, holding a tube down to us so that we can breathe. We gulp the air from the tube, feeling like the world is a very hard place to live. We cannot hear clearly. We cannot see clearly. We cannot move quickly or easily. We may be developing very strong muscles as we fight to live under the water in this way, wearing the armor that is weighing us down, but at what price?
Take off the armor! Let it go! Even if it was a gift from someone you love, it is causing you to drown! Will taking it off make you vulnerable? Possibly, but you will shoot to the surface, be able to breathe deeply and fully and freely. You will hear the voices of Love and Truth clearly calling to you. The Rescuer will help you into the boat and carry you safely to shore. He will protect you and heal you when you get hurt. You will be able to swim, to run, to laugh, to play, to experience joy and fulfillment. These are gifts that are far more valuable than the suffocating “protection” of the body armor. Let go of fear. Trust the Rescuer to protect you.
What feeling, thought or ideas are weighing you down that you can take off and let go of?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
Don’t “dig a pit for your neighbor” by holding expectations that have not been communicated.
It has been my observation that much of the unhappiness in our relationships can be attributed to expectations: missed expectations, unreasonable expectations, unexpressed expectations. When I have expectations of how others will behave, and they are not aware of or not capable of meeting them, I am setting them up to fail. If I don’t know what someone’s expectations are, despite my best efforts to meet their needs and serve them with love, I may disappoint them.
Those of us who have been hurt or abused in the past, may have deep-seated unmet needs. We may desperately want those around us to meet those needs. We must be careful not to compound the problem by having such high expectations of those around us that we set ourselves up for disappointment.
Part of the problem is that we don’t always know that we have expectations of someone until they fail to meet them! Then our surprise and disappointment can make them feel inadequate, incapable, embarrassed or ashamed. It can become a cycle of hurt.
Think about times that there have been negative feelings in your relationships. Can you trace it back to missed expectations?
I can hear some of you saying, “But I have to have some expectations of others in my life!” Perhaps. If you feel like you must, here are some guidelines that I have found help to avoid creating hurt and disappointment in my relationships.
Guidelines for Expectations:
Be aware of them
Sometimes we have expectations of others that we aren’t even aware of. This could be because we assume all people will behave the way we do, or the way we were raised. Think about your expectations of others and try to be aware of them.
Choose them carefully
If you find that you do have expectations of others, make a conscious decision that you are either going to keep them, or let them go. Don’t just hold on to them by default.
Make sure they are reasonable
Ask yourself if it is likely that the other person will be able to meet your expectations. If it is not, then you are creating an environment of continually repeated hard feelings and frustration. This damages the other person by making them feel like they will never be good enough. This also affects you, by almost guaranteeing your disappointment, and feelings of low self-worth. After all, if s/he really cared about you they would meet your expectations, right?
Communicate them
Even if you have conscious, reasonable expectations, if you do not clearly communicate them, the other person can fail to meet them. Not because they can’t, and not because they choose not to, but just because they didn’t know about them, or don’t have the same understanding of them as you have! For example, perhaps you are a romantic and you would like your loved one to recognize the anniversary of your first date. If s/he is not romantic by nature, they may not even know what the date is, never mind realize that you would like to celebrate it! It is unfair of you to be disappointed that they didn’t remember. If it is important to you, let them know. Don’t “dig a pit for your neighbor” (2 Nephi 28) by setting up situations in your relationships in which someone is likely to be disappointed or hurt.
The other person must agree to them
If you don’t share your reasonable expectations with the other person, and come to an agreement that they will try, in good faith, to meet them, you are likely to be disappointed. Suppose that you express to them that you have a need, and request that they meet it. If they don’t agree to do it, you will probably be disappointed. You cannot control others. You can only control yourself.
What if this person doesn’t want to meet your expectations? Then you need to let go of their behavior and focus on your own. If the other person is an adult, you have to come to terms with the fact that they have their agency and are not obligated to comply with your requests, however reasonable and clearly communicated. When the person in question is one of your children, Love and Logic has some great approaches. Most of them deal with focusing on what you can control (your own choices and behaviors) rather than what you cannot control (your child’s choices and behaviors).
It may make you feel vulnerable to express your needs and desires and risk rejection. You are already doing that by assuming that they will know what to do to make you happy and are willing and able to do it. It is better to talk about it in a calm and reasonable way ahead of time and try to work out a win/win for your relationship.
What if I do all that and I am still disappointed?
What do I do if someone does not meet my reasonable and communicated expectations? That depends on the circumstance.
They tried and failed. I thank them for their efforts, figure out how to get the immediate problem solved without judgment or shaming, and think about or talk with them about what we can do the next time to get a better outcome.
They didn’t even try. This tells me that there is something wrong on a deeper level in our relationship. Perhaps my expectation was not as reasonable as I thought. Perhaps it didn’t take into consideration his/her needs. Perhaps s/he was reluctant to share their true feelings with me because when I don’t get what I want I have a tendency to throw shame or guilt. I have to examine my motives. Am I trying to manipulate or control the other person? Am I being selfish? Maybe they have an unexpressed need that I wasn’t aware of? Maybe they never really agreed to meet my expectations in the first place?
Letting Go
I have written several posts on how to let go of things we cannot control. If our best efforts to have and communicate reasonable expectations are ineffective, the Lord can help us to let go and seek His help to find another approach to getting our needs met.
Write about times you have been disappointed or worse as a result of expectations that were not met.
What will you do differently in the future to pursue serenity and peace in your life?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
I recently heard this in an ARP meeting: if we are creations of God, an omnipotent and perfect Being, then we cannot be defective. That would seem to be an obvious truth. But neither are we perfect. We know this is true also. We have been given weakness by God.
“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27)
How? How do weak things become strong unto us? We must learn to come unto Christ, humbly allow Him to show forth His power in our lives, and become like Him. Paul describes it this way:
And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)
Perfection through Weakness
We have shortcomings. Christ has asked us to become perfect (see Matthew 5:48). What does He mean by that, if He, Himself, has given unto us weakness? According to Russell M. Nelson, in this scripture, “the term perfect was translated from the Greek teleios, which means “complete.” (“Pending Perfection,” October 1995 conference.) Elder Nelson goes on to describe in detail how this term is used and what kind of perfection (or “completeness”) we can and should seek in this mortal life. I recommend reading the entire talk.
How should we go about seeking perfection? Most of us cringe when we see our weaknesses and shortcomings. Sometimes we try to hide them from ourselves and those around us. Other times we beat ourselves up for our lack of perfection, and allow Satan to convince us that somehow we are too broken, too imperfect. That we truly are defective and that there is no hope for us.
We need to put those thoughts and voices behind us and turn to Christ, seeking His omnipotent strength and love, and allow His power to rest upon us, as Paul says.
We finally abandoned the idea that we could become perfect by ourselves, and we accepted the truth that God desires us to conquer our weaknesses in this life by coming to Christ and being perfected in Him. (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, p.41)
You may not yet be perfect, but you are not defective. You are a beloved son or daughter of God, created by Him and given the full potential to become like Him. Regardless of what your life looks like now or was like in the past, as you turn to Christ in your weakness, and take His yoke upon you, His strength and power will rest upon you and you will become like Him. It will take time. Be patient and diligent. Walk in faith. It will happen.
I testify that this is true.
Are you willing to acknowledge your weakness and recognize that you, including your weaknesses, were created by God?
Write about your weakness and your willingness to be perfected in Him.
What can you do today to demonstrate your willingness?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
When we find the humility to let go of pride and see ourselves, our relationships and our past actions as objectively as possible, many of us want to reach out to those we have hurt, make amends and repair those relationships immediately. We want to wipe the slate clean and start living a new life characterized by the new heart which we have received from the Lord as a result of working Steps 1-8. Sometimes, this desire comes to us before we have finished Step 8.
Don’t jump the gun! As it says on page 47 of A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, “We learned, however, that impulsively rushing to make amends without taking time for prayer and perhaps counsel from a trusted adviser … could be as detrimental as not making amends.” In Step 8 we think through and make a plan for our amends. We discuss the plan with a sponsor, bishop, counselor or another trusted adviser to make sure that we do no further damage in our efforts to repair our relationships. As it says in the guide on page 53, “This part of recovery must never lead to the further harm of others.”
In order to work Step 8 successfully we need to complete Steps 6 and 7 to let go of our shortcomings and allow the Lord to heal us. Our loved ones will be more willing to receive our amends if they have seen a change in our behavior and character. In order to have a list of shortcomings to turn over to the Lord in Steps 6 and 7 we need to have done Steps 4 and 5. And in order to be able to complete a thorough written moral inventory we need to be able to trust the Lord to carry us through this hard work. Steps 1-3 help us learn to have that level of trust.
In other words, the steps are in order for a reason. Don’t get ahead of yourself. Of course, if you have already completed Steps 1-9, and are working the “maintenance steps” (Steps 10-12) please make amends, if appropriate as soon as you realize you have caused harm!
Start by Writing Letters
After you have read all of the Step 9 program literature and answered the questions, one approach for making amends is to write a letter to each person on your Step 8 list. You will decide later whether to actually deliver the letter. Regardless, the first thing to do is write it because:
You can get all of your thoughts and feelings expressed in a coherent form.
Your ability to do this will not be limited by time, interruptions or the other person’s body language.
If it doesn’t come out right the first time you can revise it until you are comfortable with it.
You can look for and remove any blame, guilt throwing, guilt catching, shaming, or justifying.
Once you have written the letters share them with your sponsor or someone else you trust, so that you can get feedback on whether they convey what you are trying to say without containing anything that might be hurtful or misinterpreted.
Another very important thing to pray about and discuss ahead of time is what you will do to actually make amends. An apology is important, but if you have harmed someone you need to try to reverse the damage if possible.
Meeting
If the person you are making amends to is still a part of your life, and willing to meet with you, it is usually best to talk to them in person. This gives the best possible opportunity for healing to take place. Do not have any expectations from the other person. You cannot predict how they will respond. Turn this over to the Lord ahead of time. The purpose of this meeting is for you to apologize and make amends.
Find a mutually convenient time, when you are not in a hurry. Choose someplace to meet that will be relatively free of distractions and feel “safe” for both of you. Make eye contact during the conversation. Smile, if appropriate. You may choose to read your letter aloud, hand it to him or her to read themselves, or simply share the thoughts contained in it. Just be sure you don’t introduce any complicating issues, get sidetracked, say things in a blaming or accusatory way, or justify or excuse your behavior.
Direct Amends
A part of this meeting will be to tell the person what you intend to do to make amends. If you can correct or repair the harm you have done to this person, that would be your amends. Sometimes there is no way to directly repair the damage you have done. This is what Elder Neal A. Maxwell had to say about such situations.
“Sometimes . . . restitution is not possible in real terms, such as when one contributed to another’s loss of faith or virtue. Instead, a subsequent example of righteousness provides a compensatory form of restitution” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1991, 41; or Ensign, Nov. 1991, 31).
If you cannot meet in person, prayerfully consider whether to send the letter, and make amends directly or indirectly as appropriate. Again, discuss this with someone you trust.
Indirect Amends
Indirect amends should be made when direct amends are not possible or would create further harm. For example, if the person you harmed has worked hard to put the events behind them and move on, bringing it up again might traumatize them. The Guide explains several options for making indirect amends.
In other cases, you may have no way of making amends directly. The person may be dead, or you may not be able to discover where he or she lives. In such cases, you can still make amends indirectly. You can write the person a letter expressing your regret and desire for reconciliation, even if the letter cannot be delivered. You can give a gift to the person’s favorite charity. You can find someone who reminds you of that person and do something to help him or her. Or you may be able to do something to help a member of the family anonymously. (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, p. 53)
Remember that the Lord has promised to give you the power to do the things that are “expedient unto Him” if you walk in faith (Moroni 7:33).
Are you willing to work through Steps 1-8 so that you can have the best chance of healing your relationships by making amends in Step 9?
What are you willing to do to make amends to those you have harmed?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
Life is better when certain knowledge and skills are instinctive. Children learn their math facts by repetition, also known as “drill and practice.” When I was a child, we memorized addition, subtraction and multiplication tables. We chanted, “One plus one is two. One plus two is three…” We used flashcards. It was pretty boring, but it worked.
Why do children spend so much time on this rote memorization? They need to be able to use these facts in daily life instinctively, without having to take time to think. When they are supposed to be learning algebra, if they are still trying to get the arithmetic right they will be at a disadvantage.
We teach children to “stop, drop and roll” if their clothing catches fire. Why do they practice this in their families and at school? So that instead of running and screaming the children will instinctively do the most effective thing they can to put out the flames.
In basic training military recruits learn to obey orders instinctively. This training can save their lives or the lives of their companions in combat situations. Thinking through and questioning orders in the midst of a battle could get people killed.
Our children run instinctively to us if they are hurt or scared. In our spiritual lives, we need to develop the habit of instinctively turning to the Lord in times of stress. We also need to express gratitude to Him in all things. Unfortunately, many of us have learned over the years to rely on some other source of comfort. For some it is other people. For others it is a substance or behavior. If turning to those sources instead of the Lord in times of need becomes instinctive, it can lead to addiction.
Something happened in my life the other day that was totally unexpected. My immediate reaction was anger. I don’t get angry very often. For the most part, I have learned not to say hurtful things in a moment of anger, but will only give myself a “C” for this particular “test.” After making a few unhelpful comments I removed myself from the environment to cool off. Not a bad strategy, perhaps.
As a part of living in a state of recovery, and having worked steps 6 and 7, I try to partner with the Lord on removing my shortcomings. One approach I use is to ask myself, “Who do I want to be in this moment and what would she do?” I want to be someone who, in that moment of unexpected anger, will turn instinctively to the Lord for help and guidance. I will work on that. A better strategy, I think.
Practice Instinctively Turning to the Lord
How do we practice instinctively turning to the Lord in each moment? By deliberate repetition of behaviors, actions and attitudes that have worked for ourselves and others. We can turn to the Lord in prayer frequently throughout the day. I once heard a talk from a Mission President’s wife. She said that the first thing she did when she got up in the morning was get on her knees to pray. The last thing she did before she went to bed at night was get down on her knees to finish her prayer. The remainder of the the day she was having a running conversation with God.
We can practice an attitude of gratitude by writing daily in a journal. We can use affirmations – rote repetitions of principles that we want to burn into our brains – to help us learn new behaviors or attitudes. For example, “I turn to the Lord in moments of stress.” We can use a God Box to turn things over to the Lord. We can wear a piece of jewelry that helps us remember that He is available to us at all times. Each of us needs to pray for guidance and discernment to find those tools that will work best for us, individually, to develop this life-changing habit of instinctively turning to the Lord.
Life will provide plenty of opportunities to be tested – to assess how well we have learned to rely upon Him. One day it will truly become “ours” and the nature of our “practice” will change from that of a child memorizing math facts to a doctor “practicing” medicine.
Consider how well you do at turning to the Lord for comfort or guidance instead of anyone one or anything else.
What are you willing to do today to develop an instinctive habit of turning to Him in all things?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
“Principle 2: Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.”
“Hope” is the gospel principle assigned to Step 2 in the ARP manual, A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing. Hope for what? What do those working Step 2 of the 12 Steps hope for? We hope that as we have admitted our powerlessness to beat our addictions by sheer willpower in Step 1, Christ will, in fact, heal us personally. The question is not, “Will Christ help those who repent turn their lives around?” Nor is it, “Can people recover through the grace of Jesus Christ?” No, the question is, “Will Christ heal poor, rebellious, sinful, broken me? Me personally? Not all those other people out there, but will he actually heal me?”
You see, by the time we get to the 12 Steps, most of us have tried every other way we know to fix ourselves and we have failed. Our greatest fear is that the 12 Steps won’t work either, and we will, in fact, turn out to be permanently and hopelessly broken; too broken for even Christ to fix.
Boyd K. Packer shared this in October 1995 General Conference: “The gospel teaches us that relief from torment and guilt can be earned through repentance… there is no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no offense exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness.” (Emphasis added.) Steps 4-10 are the repentance process. President Packer’s words tell me that when I have worked those steps with a sincere heart, to the best of my ability, I can receive forgiveness. Knowing this, and believing that these words cover all of my sins, I can dare to have hope that I can be healed.
If all the willpower in the world has been unable to fix me, then how am I going to make it through the repentance process?
“Preach unto them repentance, and faith on the Lord Jesus Christ; teach them to humble themselves and to be meek and lowly in heart; teach them to withstand every temptation of the devil, with their faith on the Lord Jesus Christ” (Alma 37:33 emphasis added).
Understanding Grace Gives Us Hope
In the Bible Dictionary, grace is defined as “divine means of help or strength” given through the “bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ” (“Grace,” 697). This gift of divine strength enables you to do more than you would be able to do if left on your own. The Savior will do for you what you cannot do for yourself. His grace is the means by which you can repent and be changed. (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, p. 9)
No one is more broken than Christ can fix. Thinking that I am so powerful and wonderful that my ability to be messed up is greater than Christ’s ability to fix is arrogant and prideful. It is a lie; a lie planted in my brain and carefully nurtured by Satan. By working Step 2 I receive hope that through grace the Lord will help me overcome what I cannot overcome by myself.
Do you believe that Christ can and will fix your brokenness, personally?
If you do believe it, what are you willing to do today to prepare yourself to receive that gift?
If you don’t believe it, what are you willing to do today to let go of the lie that tells you that you are either beyond Christ’s ability to fix, or that He has rejected you.
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
There is an old adage which has been quoted by President Ezra Taft Benson, among others: “It is better to prepare and prevent than to repair and repent.” This applies to living in a state of recovery as much (if not more) than it does to everyday life.
Think of it like this. My normal walk through life is like wading in the surf. The gentle ocean waves come in and out, lapping against my calves as I look around at the scenery and keep my eyes open for beautiful shells on the beach. Perhaps I walk out to a sandbar to see what I can find there. When the tide comes in the water rises. It can get up to my waist, with waves going even higher. If I don’t stay aware of the both the tide and the waves, I may find myself sputtering for air if I get hit by a particularly large one. However, if I keep aware and alert, I will see the wave coming. I can prepare by jumping up at the right moment, to keep my head above the water. Or, even better, I can get myself to safety before the tide gets that high. The more I practice this kind of awareness, the better I will become at recognizing how to keep myself safe.
How to Prepare for Everyday Life
One of the questions I ask my sponsees when we talk is, “What might happen today that could blindside you?” Then I ask, “What can you do to prepare so that you don’t lose your abstinence (or composure) when something unexpected happens?”
For example, if a compulsive eater tells me that she will be going with a group to a restaurant, I may encourage her to find the menu online and decide what she is going to eat before she gets there. Deciding what to order when you are hungry and surrounded by people who are ordering things which might not be good choices for you (but sound yummy) may not be a good idea.
Here is another example. A sponsee told me that she was going to have a very busy afternoon and evening, with just enough time to come home and eat before they were off to the evening’s activities. I asked her what she was planning to make for dinner. She hadn’t thought about it. She realized during our conversation that if she didn’t plan ahead and put something in the slow cooker in the morning, the options available in the evening were not going to be good, and she would be stressed and rushed. That is not a good situation to be in when you are trying to recover from any addiction. Knowing that dinner would be ready when they walked in the door contributed to their family having a much less stressful afternoon and evening.
Have you ever found yourself blindsided by something that you could have avoided if you had thought ahead about it?
Are you willing to practice thinking through your day and planning in the morning so that the rest of your day will go well?
What will you do today to avoid the “high tides” of life and prepare for the waves?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are taught how to receive personal revelation from childhood. Adult converts are taught by the missionaries how to seek it before they are baptized. From the pulpit in Church and in General Conference we are exhorted to seek the counsel of the Lord and to try to discern His will through prayer and meditation. We know that by doing the other basics: scripture study, attending Church meetings, keeping the Word of Wisdom, holding Family Home Evening, writing in our journals, we prepare ourselves to receive personal revelation. None of these things require working the 12 Steps.
Step 11: Seek through prayer and meditation to know the Lord’s will and to have the power to carry it out.
Why is Personal Revelation Part of Recovery?
Why is personal revelation included in the Addiction Recovery program if we already learn about it as a part of the gospel?
What is different about the practice of receiving personal revelation as part of working the Steps?
How do steps 1-10 prepare us to receive personal revelation in a deeper way?
We Develop Faith by Working Steps 1-3
Step 1: Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable. Step 2: Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health. Step 3: Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.
Steps 1 through 3 (see “I Can’t, He Can, I’ll Let Him”) are a “simple” to follow breakdown of the anatomy of faith. When I (1) admit that I cannot do what needs to be done by my own power and strength, (2) acknowledge that God has all power and can, in fact, make it happen, and (3) make a decision to allow God to team up with me and help me on my journey through life, I am practicing faith in Him. These are not simple statements that I just have to read and accept. No, not at all. Working these steps takes me through serious introspection and effort. This work, and it is hard spiritual work, takes me from a place of surface acknowledgment of the principle of faith, to deep down, in my heart, “wrestling with God” to receive the gift of faith.
We Repent by Working Steps 4 through 10
Step 4: Make a searching and fearless written moral inventory of yourself. Step 5: Admit to yourself, to your Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ, to proper priesthood authority, and to another person the exact nature of your wrongs. Step 6: Become entirely ready to have God remove all your character weaknesses. Step 7: Humbly ask Heavenly Father to remove your shortcomings. Step 8: Make a written list of all persons you have harmed and become willing to make
restitution to them. Step 9: Wherever possible, make direct restitution to all persons you have harmed. Step 10: Continue to take personal inventory, and when you are wrong promptly admit it.
Steps 4 through 10 are an incredible step by step breakdown of the repentance process by which we can receive the healing power of the Atonement. I am not going to take the time to go through each of these steps in depth in this post, as I have done so previously. Taken together, Steps 4 through 10 are the most comprehensive and succinct, yet simple, explanation of what a person needs to do to completely repent of all their shortcomings and weaknesses I have ever seen. When we work them deeply and without reservation, they help us achieve a humble state of repentance. They bring us into an intimate relationship with and mindful dependence upon the Lord from moment to moment. Which brings me to the point:
We Receive Personal Revelation Best in a State of Humility and Repentance
Earlier in this post I asked a few questions about why personal revelation is included in the 12 Steps. Here are my answers. By working Steps 1-10, we develop a deeper level of faith and a state of humility. Through sincere repentance and the grace of the Lord, we receive a new and humble heart. The old, proud and stony heart has been rooted out of our breasts.
With this broken heart and contrite spirit, we are prepared to receive personal revelation almost as if we were conversing with God, face-to-face. Receiving personal revelation is part of God’s plan for us. He wants us to receive it. There are those who somehow intuitively know how to turn to Him in this way without working the Steps. I am not one of them. It was working Steps 1-10 that truly prepared me to receive communication from God. I am grateful for the 12 Steps in my life. I am grateful for my addiction and the things that brought me to the ARP program. The price I had to pay to get here was well worth the reward: an intimate relationship with my Savior that is characterized by regular and meaningful personal revelation.
Are you satisfied with the quantity and quality of personal revelation in your life?
What do you think it would take for you to improve in this area?
What are you willing to do today to make progress?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
We have a tendency to look at our Church leaders and compare ourselves to what we see. We always come up short in these comparisons. We don’t see their imperfections, defects, or areas of weakness. Therefore, we presume they have none. We are painfully aware of our own, however, and Satan encourages us to think of ourselves as “damaged goods.”
As we learn about the Atonement and the repentance process we find hope that, somehow, our shortcomings can be removed by the Savior through the Atonement. We work hard, we pray hard, we do our best, and some of them are removed. Some are not. Again Satan tries to convince us that the reason God does not remove all of our weakness is that we are not worthy, He doesn’t really love us, or He doesn’t really exist.
Nephi’s Weakness
Do you remember Nephi exclaiming: “O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.” (2 Nephi 4:17-19). When it finally actually registered (about the umpteenth time I read it) I remember thinking, “Nephi!? Nephi!? Even Nephi was discouraged by his sins and shortcomings? Wow!” Nephi was a great prophet and leader. He may not have been perfect, but he trusted in the Lord and the Lord helped him carry his load. He will help us, too.
Paul’s Weakness
The Apostle Paul was one of the great leaders of the early Church in the years immediately following Christ’s death. His conversion experience, recorded in Acts 9, is generally considered to have taken place within a few years following the Crucifixion. Just over half of the books of the New Testament are attributed to Paul. It is easy for us to read his words and lose sight of the fact that he was a man, just like our Church leaders of today — a good man — but he was not perfect. He tells us in his own words that he had a weakness which He asked God to remove three times, to no avail.
And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)
I will continue to do the footwork the Lord gives me to do. I will continue to try to find new and better ways of handling things, and find new behaviors to replace my unproductive ones. But, like Paul and Nephi, I am grateful for the power of Christ which supplements and compensates for my weakness. I am happy to give the Lord credit for those aspects of my life in which, together, we are strong.
What is your “thorn in the flesh”?
What have you done to try to remove it yourself?
What will you do today to accept the Lord’s help, and His will — to either have your thorn removed or allow Him to demonstrate through you that through His grace His “strength is made perfect in [your] weakness?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
I am not perfect, yet. I must be cleansed and made perfect before I can enter the Kingdom of God. How does this happen?
Sometimes, even as early as childhood, we are given “gifts” that do us more harm than good. Sometimes they are given to us quite on purpose by loving but misguided people who think they are “doing it for our own good.” At other times these “gifts” are given to us by dysfunctional people who are, deliberately or unwittingly, trying to manipulate us so that they can get their own needs met. The unwelcome gifts I am talking about are things like fear, low self-esteem or self confidence, feelings of lack of worthiness, of never being “good enough” to please a parent or loved one.
