Tag Archives: Change

Don’t Fight Pride, Resentment and Fear. Do This Instead.

January 10, 2018Living in RecoveryChange, Fear, Gratitude, Pride, ResentmentMira Daniels

Gratitude crowding Pride, Resentment, and Fear out of my heart.

During a 12 Step meeting I attended the group was discussing our hopes for learning to live in a state of humility. One man said that humility keeps getting crowded out by pride and resentment in his heart. There was a lively conversation about how to fight pride and resentment.

As I listened, I was reminded of the story of a wise Cherokee grandfather who told his grandson about the two wolves fighting inside his heart—inside every human heart. One was evil and the other good. When the boy asked which wolf would win the battle, his grandfather said, “the one you feed.”

Sometimes fighting the evil actually feeds it. When I work hard to overcome pride and resentment, I am focusing on pride and resentment. The attention I give them feeds them, even if it is negative attention. I judge myself lacking when I dwell on those feelings which can put me into a cycle of guilt and/or shame.

Nurturing something positive, instead, works better in my experience. As it grows, it will crowd out the resentment and pride, and fear as well.

What is that positive I can focus on? What can I nurture that will swell and grow and leave no room for negative attitudes and feelings? For me it is gratitude. When I fill my heart with gratitude and focus on how grateful I am for the innumerable blessings of my life, it crowds out the tendencies of the natural woman toward fear, pride and resentment. My heart sings with joy when I focus on gratitude, and it isn’t about what I am grateful for. Once I started looking, I saw blessings all around me. No, it is about the feeling itself—the attitude of gratitude!

When I cultivate gratitude I am feeding and watering love in my heart. Love for and from God fills my heart and crowds out all negatives. It is an awesome way to live!

Do you recognize negative feelings or attitudes in your life?
Are you willing to focus on gratitude to crowd those out?
List 10 things you are grateful for today. Are you willing to do that every day?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Don’t just pull weeds, plant grass!

October 5, 2017MetaphorChange, GrowthMira Daniels

I once lived in a house with a lawn of weeds. If I regularly mowed the weeds, keeping the lawn very short, it looked more or less green. But if I missed a mowing and let it grow at all, it became obvious to me, and to the neighbors, that my lawn was mostly weeds. Some of the weeds were benign—clover, for example. Others, like crabgrass and dandelions, were insidious, spreading quickly and easily getting out of control. How much nicer it would have been to have a lush green lawn consisting entirely of grass! I could have let it grow longer, enjoying both the way it looked and the way it felt to my bare feet, if I had been willing to do the work to remove the weeds and plant and nurture the grass.

Our lives are like the lawn. We may be living in denial, trying to hide our shortcomings, keeping them “in check,” so no one will know—even ourselves. But if an unexpected challenge occurs in our lives, we lose control and they quickly become obvious. Some of the shortcomings might be benign, not really affecting our quality of life too much, but others may quickly become unmanageable, seriously affecting our lives and our loved ones. How much better would it be to work with the Lord to remove the shortcomings and develop Christlike qualities that would then help us face challenges more successfully in the future?

Elder Bruce C. Hafen shared this metaphor in April 2004 General Conference:

“We grow in two ways—removing negative weeds and cultivating positive flowers. The Savior’s grace blesses both parts—if we do our part. First and repeatedly we must uproot the weeds of sin and bad choices. It isn’t enough just to mow the weeds. Yank them out by the roots, repenting fully to satisfy the conditions of mercy. But being forgiven is only part of our growth. We are not just paying a debt. Our purpose is to become celestial beings. So once we’ve cleared our heartland, we must continually plant, weed, and nourish the seeds of divine qualities. And then as our sweat and discipline stretch us to meet His gifts, ‘the flow’rs of grace appear,’ like hope and meekness.” (Bruce C. Hafen, “The Atonement:All for All,” Ensign, May 2004)

The interesting thing about letting the grass grow is that when the lawn is thick and healthy, the longer grass actually chokes out weed seedlings and keeps them from getting established. Of course, to keep it that way does require feeding, watering, and immediate removal of any weeds that do begin to grow.

Using the Steps to Pull the Weeds and Plant Grass

In our lives, we can choose to accept the Savior’s grace and help (steps 1-3) to identify our shortcomings (step 4 inventory). We can do the work of repentance (steps 5-10) to remove them. But that is not enough. Nature abhors a vacuum. If I pulled all the weeds out of my lawn but didn’t plant good grass seed I would quickly develop a new crop of weeds. We must plant the seeds of healthy habits and Christ-like attributes and nurture them through daily prayer, scripture study, personal revelation (step 11), service (step 12) and obedience.

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Stop Wearing Body Armor

February 26, 2017MetaphorChange, Fear, Growth, Letting Go, TrustMira Daniels

Underwater body armor Sometimes, even as early as childhood, we are given “gifts” that do us more harm than good. Sometimes they are given to us quite on purpose by loving but misguided people who think they are “doing it for our own good.” At other times these “gifts” are given to us by dysfunctional people who are, deliberately or unwittingly, trying to manipulate us so that they can get their own needs met. The unwelcome gifts I am talking about are things like fear, low self-esteem or self confidence, feelings of lack of worthiness, of never being “good enough” to please a parent or loved one.

If we continue to hold onto these unwelcome “gifts,” to believe these false ideas and act in harmony with them, we cannot reach our full God-given potential. Be assured that these feelings do not come from God.

Imagine that these feelings are like clothing. We open the box and try them on. We may wear them for a very long time, but we are capable of taking them off, putting them aside and choosing something else to wear.

At their most destructive this clothing is like a suit of body armor. It will protect us from being hurt. But it is very heavy and it saps our energy to wear it. We may not be vulnerable to the arrows or bullets that may come our way, but we also cannot run or jump or dance while we wear it. It severely limits our freedom to explore our world, find our talents, experience joy.

Imagine that we are living on the seashore. As we “go out into the world” we walk into the ocean. Free of the body armor, we can swim. We can hear loving voices calling to us and see the light of the lighthouse so that even if we venture out into deep water, we can find our way home. Wearing the body armor, we quickly find ourselves under water, feet firmly planted on the ocean floor. Our Rescuer sits in a rowboat over our heads, holding a tube down to us so that we can breathe. We gulp the air from the tube, feeling like the world is a very hard place to live. We cannot hear clearly. We cannot see clearly. We cannot move quickly or easily. We may be developing very strong muscles as we fight to live under the water in this way, wearing the armor that is weighing us down, but at what price?

Take off the armor! Let it go! Even if it was a gift from someone you love, it is causing you to drown! Will taking it off make you vulnerable? Possibly, but you will shoot to the surface, be able to breathe deeply and fully and freely. You will hear the voices of Love and Truth clearly calling to you. The Rescuer will help you into the boat and carry you safely to shore. He will protect you and heal you when you get hurt. You will be able to swim, to run, to laugh, to play, to experience joy and fulfillment. These are gifts that are far more valuable than the suffocating “protection” of the body armor. Let go of fear. Trust the Rescuer to protect you.

What feeling, thought or ideas are weighing you down that you can take off and let go of?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Weakness, Shortcoming or Defect?

November 13, 2016Working the ProgramChange, Discouragement, Growth, Perfectionism, Potential, Step-6, Step-7, WeaknessMira Daniels

I recently heard this in an ARP meeting: if we are creations of God, an omnipotent and perfect Being, then we cannot be defective. That would seem to be an obvious truth. But neither are we perfect. We know this is true also. We have been given weakness by God.

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27)

How? How do weak things become strong unto us? We must learn to come unto Christ, humbly allow Him to show forth His power in our lives, and become like Him. Paul describes it this way:

And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

Perfection through Weakness

We have shortcomings. Christ has asked us to become perfect (see Matthew 5:48). What does He mean by that, if He, Himself, has given unto us weakness? According to Russell M. Nelson, in this scripture, “the term perfect was translated from the Greek teleios, which means “complete.” (“Pending Perfection,” October 1995 conference.) Elder Nelson goes on to describe in detail how this term is used and what kind of perfection (or “completeness”) we can and should seek in this mortal life. I recommend reading the entire talk.

How should we go about seeking perfection? Most of us cringe when we see our weaknesses and shortcomings. Sometimes we try to hide them from ourselves and those around us. Other times we beat ourselves up for our lack of perfection, and allow Satan to convince us that somehow we are too broken, too imperfect. That we truly are defective and that there is no hope for us.

We need to put those thoughts and voices behind us and turn to Christ, seeking His omnipotent strength and love, and allow His power to rest upon us, as Paul says.

We finally abandoned the idea that we could become perfect by ourselves, and we accepted the truth that God desires us to conquer our weaknesses in this life by coming to Christ and being perfected in Him. (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, p.41)

You may not yet be perfect, but you are not defective. You are a beloved son or daughter of God, created by Him and given the full potential to become like Him. Regardless of what your life looks like now or was like in the past, as you turn to Christ in your weakness, and take His yoke upon you, His strength and power will rest upon you and you will become like Him. It will take time. Be patient and diligent. Walk in faith. It will happen.

I testify that this is true.

Are you willing to acknowledge your weakness and recognize that you, including your weaknesses, were created by God?
Write about your weakness and your willingness to be perfected in Him.
What can you do today to demonstrate your willingness?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

How to Become Entirely Ready for God to Remove Your Shortcomings

April 29, 2016Working the ProgramChange, Letting Go, Step-6Mira Daniels

Do you have a desire to be your best self? Do you want to have your shortcomings and weaknesses removed? Would you like to put your old self behind you and walk into the future a new and improved creature? Well what exactly does that look like? Can you describe the “new you”? What does it look like to allow God to remove your shortcomings? Notice that I said “allow,” because He will not change you against your will. You must spiritually create the new you before you can “become entirely ready” to allow God to make it happen.

Just like an architect visualizes a home remodeling project and creates it in his/her mind, then electronically or on paper before construction begins, I must create (with God’s help) the new me in my mind, and perhaps on the pages of my journal, before I have become entirely ready to be changed in the physical or temporal world. Then and only then will I be willing to allow Him to begin the remodeling process.

All things are created spiritually before they are created physically.

Genesis 2:4–5

“These are the generations of the heavens and of the earth when they were created, in the day that the Lord God made the earth and the heavens, And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew…”

Moses 3:5

“And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew. For I, the Lord God, created all things, of which I have spoken, spiritually, before they were naturally upon the face of the earth.”

Many people are unable to complete Step 6, “becom[ing] entirely ready to have God remove all [their] character weaknesses” because, with no concept of who they would be without those weaknesses, they are afraid to let go of them. Stuck in Step 6, they cannot get to Step 7, where they humbly ask to have their shortcomings removed.

The work of Step 6: how do we become entirely ready?

I have written before about how each step has an “input and an output.” The input to Step 6 is the list of shortcomings and weaknesses we identified in Step 5. (For more on this read “Six Thoughts about Step 5.”) Starting with this list, we have to somehow find the willingness to allow God to remove them.

According to Aristotle, nature abhors a vacuum. Trying to simply have a shortcoming removed is counterproductive. Removing it will leave a space into which something else will rush. If we don’t determine ahead of time what that “something else” is going to be, it could be worse than what we wanted to have removed!

“Unless you examine all your tendencies toward fear, pride, resentment, anger, self-will, and self-pity, your abstinence will be shaky at best. You will continue with your original addiction or switch to another one. Your addiction is a symptom of other “causes and conditions” (Alcoholics Anonymous [2001], 64).” (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, p. 13. emphasis added.)

So, suppose you get caught up playing solitaire on the computer when you are bored. You know it is a waste of time and decide to ask the Lord to remove it. If you don’t spiritually create a better way to handle boredom first, you might mindlessly start surfing the Internet instead of playing solitaire and develop an addiction to shopping online! Wouldn’t it be better if you prayerfully made a list of productive things you could do when you are bored, made sure you had the resources you needed to be able to do those things, imagined yourself doing them and pictured what it would look like in your life, and then asked Him to remove the solitaire addiction?

What about a character weakness, such as being quick to anger? Suppose you asked the Lord to remove this weakness, and then when something happened to make you angry you just stuffed it and tried to ignore it until you s.l.o.w.l.y got to the point where you exploded. Would that be an improvement? Wouldn’t it make more sense to write and pray about what healthy behavior you could use in those situations, do some research, start practicing using those behaviors and then ask the Lord to remove the “quick to anger” weakness? Would you be more likely to “become entirely ready” to have this weakness actually removed by doing this work than by simply thinking, “I don’t want to have this weakness anymore,” and asking Him to remove it?

If I do the work of Step 6 by spiritually creating the “new me” after prayerfully considering what options I have and what I want the “new me” to look like, the Lord will be able to remove my shortcomings when I ask Him to in Step 7. It will be up to Him whether and when He will remove them. If I know that I have done the work required of me to “become entirely ready” to have them removed, I can accept with serenity the will of the Lord. I know that I am a better person simply for having done this work. That makes it worth the effort.

What shortcomings would you like to have the Lord remove in your life?
Have you become entirely ready to have them removed?
What will you do today to become entirely ready for the Lord to remove your shortcomings?

Please share your thoughts about this post or other resources you would recommend by commenting below.

Creating a Nurturing Environment

April 6, 2016MetaphorChange, Environment, GrowthMira Daniels

I love hydrangeas. They feel fluffy and soft and happy to me. I especially like pink and blue ones. I once lived in a townhouse that had a small front yard. I decided to plant hydrangea bushes – one pink and one blue. Imagine my surprise when I went to the plant nursery and they told me that the hydrangea bush could bear either pink blossoms or blue ones depending upon the acidity of the soil! If I wanted the flowers to be blue, I needed to amend the soil around that bush to lower the pH, and if I wanted them to be pink I needed to give them soil with a higher pH. But either way, I needed to make sure they had a good environment to live in with appropriate amounts of water and nutrients and light and space to grow.

Recently I was pondering how we are like hydrangea bushes. God created us perfectly. If our life isn’t pretty, it is not because we are basically flawed and need to be plucked up and cast into the fire. The environment we live in – both the external environment and the environment within our hearts and minds – has nurtured and produced the fruit and flowers we currently bear. Modifying that environment can change the way in which we blossom.

External Environment

Just like we can pull the weeds that steal nutrients and water in our gardens, we may find that we need to eliminate certain things from the environment we live in. This may include certain influences that come from the media, certain beverages or foods that are bad for us or trigger us to eat in unhealthy ways, or anything non-essential that we turn to in moments of stress instead of turning to the Lord. We may even need to eliminate toxic relationships from our lives and learn to modify the way we relate to others in ways that will make the garden of our lives more beautiful and fragrant.

If we are planted in soil that is truly dry and barren, surrounded by weeds that greedily claim the little bit of water and nutrients available, we may struggle to bear any fruit or flowers at all. In such extreme cases we may need to actually transplant ourselves to a more hospitable garden – someplace where there is fertile ground and plenty of rain and people to tend the garden. Some people find that their old friends, neighborhoods and sometimes even family members are so unable to provide the caring and nurturing they need to bloom that it is impossible to improve their environment and they just need to leave it behind and find a new community. These people may need to cut ties to those who suck the life out of them even if it hurts. Fortunately this is not often required.

Internal Environment

To blossom as fully as we possibly can, we can pull the weeds and nourish and amend the internal soil of our minds and hearts. We can eliminate activities and thoughts that drag us down. We can read scriptures, study program literature, write, pray, listen to uplifting music and associate with others who are on the same path to recovery. We can work the Steps with humility and do our best to learn from others who have overcome the same challenges we have and are willing to show us how they did it.

How satisfied are you with your current crop of fruit and flowers?
What can you do to improve both your internal and external environments?
What are you willing to do today?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Willingness to Become Willing

March 24, 2016Working the ProgramChange, Growth, Prayer, Temptation, WillingnessMira Daniels

When I first began the journey of overcoming my food addiction, I attended 12-Step meetings, read the literature between meetings and talked to my sponsor, but I told her right up front, “I am not yet willing to change anything about the way I eat.” After about 6 months of “working” the steps, I received a gift from the Lord, a tiny little bit of willingness. I wasn’t ready to change the way I ate yet, but I found the willingness to start recording what I was eating.

I didn’t report it to anyone. I didn’t plan what I was going to eat. I didn’t swear off any trigger foods. I just started writing down what I ate, after the fact. And I started losing weight! I discovered that I had a tendency to grab something to eat every time I walked through the kitchen. I had no idea! I started to lose weight because when I found myself about to grab something, I realized that I didn’t really want it badly enough to write it down. ?

Eventually I became willing to start planning my food, and eat according to my plan; more or less. (I can be stubborn!) I realized after a while that if I would stop and ask the Lord for the willingness to say no to myself when I was about to eat something inappropriate, He would give me that willingness! It was amazing. But this introduced a new problem. Sometimes I didn’t want to ask for willingness because I knew that He would give it to me, and I wanted the food more than I wanted the willingness to abstain from it!

I heard someone say in a meeting that if she wasn’t willing to pray for willingness then she prayed for the willingness to become willing. I tried it. It worked! I don’t know why I should be so surprised. He often grants our righteous petitions, and I know He wants me to be living in a state of recovery. Willingness to change my behavior is a condition of learning to live in a state of recovery.

Is there something you are not yet willing to do that you know will help you on your recovery? What?
Are you willing to pray for willingness? If not, are you willing to pray for the willingness to become willing?
What will you do today to become willing to take another step on your journey of recovery?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Some Patterns Cause Us to Stumble, Others Help Us Build

November 25, 2015Working the ProgramAbstinence, Change, Growth, Meetings, Pattern, Plan, Prayer, Progress, Structure, WritingMira Daniels

I have been working the 12 Steps since 1999. I actually started going to meetings in 1991, but didn’t get a sponsor and start working the program for eight years. Even in those early years, as I went to meetings week after week, I heard people talk about what helped them find sobriety and serenity, and what caused them to stumble. As I have listened to others, and as I have worked the Steps myself, I have gained an understanding of the importance of looking for patterns – patterns that help me grow as well as patterns that undermine my recovery. I have learned to look for them, analyze them, and use them to my advantage.

Patterns in Practice

The first time I became aware of the importance of a pattern was when I finally became willing to start recording the food I ate. It was the first change I became willing to make in my life as a result of my participation in the 12 Step program. I wasn’t willing to change how I ate at that point or tell anyone else what I was eating, and I certainly wasn’t willing to plan my food, but I decided that I was willing to record what I was eating.

Two things began to happen when I started to collect data on what I was eating. First of all, I started to lose weight. Why? Because I found that I had been eating mindlessly – picking up a handful of something every time I passed through the kitchen. When I committed to writing down every bite that went into my mouth, I discovered that some of the food I had been eating just wasn’t worth the effort it took to write it down! So the mindless snacking was cut way back.

The second thing was that I started to notice patterns. I could eat lunch on one day, and eat a different lunch the next day, both of which contained approximately the same number of servings from the same food groups, and find that I was satisfied when I finished one lunch but still wanted to eat more after I finished the other. As I continued to record what I ate, a pattern emerged. My satisfaction level was controlled not simply by how much I ate, or what kinds of foods I ate. The most important factor in determining whether I would be satisfied was texture – specifically crunch! If I didn’t get enough crunch in a meal, I wanted to continue eating. As soon as I came to that realization, I started keeping crunchy foods in the house and I found that I could eat less, be satisfied, and lose more weight!

Looking for patterns in an inventory

One of the objectives I have when receiving someone’s 5^th step inventory, is to help them identify a list of shortcomings and character defects they can use as input to Step 6. As I listen to the person share their inventory, I make note of patterns I hear. Are they using certain words repeatedly? Does the same kind of thing keep happening to them? These patterns usually point to a shortcoming or character defect that I jot down. When they are done sharing their inventory I ask them to look back over it and identify any patterns they can find, and come up with their own list of shortcomings. Then we compare lists and talk about what they think they need to become willing to turn over to God as they embark on Step 6.

Dailies

The use of patterns I mentioned so far is for taking a look at past behavior and understanding it better. Patterns can also help us create healthier and more effective ways of living. In the program I often hear people talk about “the dailies.” This is a set of activities they do every day to help them maintain sobriety and happiness. Here are some of the dailies that help me live a life of recovery:

Scripture Study

At one time in my life I heard people talk about the importance of daily scripture study. I just couldn’t seem to find time to do it. Finally, I made a decision to get up before my children, very early in the morning, and try to establish a pattern of daily scripture study and prayer. I was successful and it made a big difference in my life.

Prayer

I try to write my morning prayer every day. That is a part of my “dailies.” Written prayer helps me “tune in” to the right frequency to connect with the Lord all day long.

Exercise

My husband and I walk each morning. It is good for our health and good for our relationship. It also gets our day off to a good start. This is a pattern that helps me in my life.

Long-time readers will know that I believe structure is a very important aspect of living a sober and successful life. Collecting data to analyze and looking for self-limiting patterns helps me to identify things I need to change. Establishing recovery-promoting patterns helps me put a framework in place to allow the Lord to change me from within so that I can live my best life.

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Working One Step at a Time, Tools: Quality Prayer, Structure: Like a Kite String, Tuning In

Spiritual Metamorphosis

May 20, 2015MetaphorChange, Growth, Progress, Step-4, Step-5, Step-6, Step-7, Step-8, Step-9Mira Daniels

Monarch caterpillar, chrysalis and butterfly image. — Copyright: / 123RF Stock Photo

During its lifetime a Monarch butterfly goes through four stages. First it is an egg which must develop and eventually hatch. When it hatches, the Monarch is a caterpillar. It is very busy during this brief time of its life, eating as much as once or twice its weight in leaves every day and growing rapidly. In fact, it must shed its skin and develop a new one several times during this stage. Then it encloses itself in a chrysalis and seems to be resting. Actually, during this third stage of its life it is undergoing a remarkable transformation called metamorphosis, in which it is being made into a totally new creature. No longer will it look like a striped worm with many legs. It will emerge as a delicate, colorful butterfly. When it first breaks out of the chrysalis its wings are still weak and wet. It spends several hours fluttering them to dry and strengthen them. Finally ready, it fulfills its full potential, living the remainder of its life as a beautiful butterfly.

We, too, go through several stages on our journey of spiritual growth and development. At first we are like the butterfly eggs in our spiritual immaturity. At some point in our spiritual youth (which may be in adulthood, depending upon when we experience conversion) we gain understanding and accountability and are spiritually born, like the eggs hatch. This may or may not happen when we are baptized.

For some period of time we live as caterpillars, focusing almost exclusively on satisfying our appetites. Some of us get stuck in this phase of our lives, and don’t develop spiritual maturity due to our addictions. A recovery program can help us get unstuck.

As we work the 12 Step program we become more spiritually aware through the first three steps. This phase of our spiritual lives can be compared to the caterpillar stage of the Monarch’s life. We may shed old or immature beliefs like the caterpillar sheds its old skin to make room for our spiritual development, but we still look pretty much like a caterpillar.

When we get to step 4 we begin a period of in depth introspection and inventorying of our past. This is kind of like entering the chrysalis stage of our lives. Giving away our inventories in Step 5, identifying our shortcomings and becoming willing to ask God to remove them (Step 6) clears the way for us to be completely changed by the Lord, right down to receiving a new heart (Step 7).

A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh Ezekiel 36:26

In Steps 8 and 9 we complete the spiritual metamorphosis as we shed resentments, guilt and shame and make restitution and amends for all of our previous mistakes, misdeeds and sins. We emerge from this process cleansed and ready to live a new life in the maintenance steps (10, 11 and 12) using the structure of these steps to “flutter our wings” and become spiritually strong and independent, be delivered from the bondage of our addictions, and have the maturity to serve others and share what we have learned in our own journey.

Where are you in your emotional and spiritual journey?
Write about your experience using the metaphor of the monarch, comparing your spiritual metamorphosis to the butterfly’s life.
What will you do today to move forward in spiritual maturity?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

From My Prayer Journal: God is My Sculptor

April 22, 2015Journal Entry, MetaphorChange, Potential, Step-6, Step-7Mira Daniels

God is so good to His children. It amazes and inspires me to see His plans gently unfolding – almost unnoticed if one is not focused and attuned to watch, observe and see His hand in all things. It amazes me. Often the signs are so subtle – as the gentle unfurling of a new leaf on a plant. Yet each action quietly opens the way for us to go through another door, overcome the next stumbling block, see past the next obstacle, around the next corner.

We have to learn to trust Him; to know He has our lives in His capable hands. He is a sculptor, gently removing shortcomings as unnecessary clay, adding and strengthening, bending and straightening, but only because we have placed ourselves willingly in His hands. The one thing He will not take is our agency.

We must freely and willingly give ourselves to the Sculptor and trust Him to liberate our full and best selves from the block of marble in which we are encased; chipping each small imperfection away, sometimes with a chisel – the chisel of circumstance, adversity and the actions of others in our lives – other times smoothing and polishing as flowing water infinitely slowly and gently removes sharp edges from a stone. He uses the water of the scriptures, the living water of the gospel truths we hear – at church, in prayer and meditation, in writing, in 12-Step meetings, in hearing these truths come out of our own mouths as we teach, sponsor, and befriend others.

Dearest Daughter,

Peace be unto you. My peace I give unto you. Not as the world giveth. I give you the peace and serenity of the gospel and the 12-Steps, that through them, you may draw near to me, that you may feel my loving embrace; that you may share with others the love which I so freely give unto men. This peace and serenity are available to all, if they will but turn their faces away from the solutions the world offers, and unto me. I am the source of the living water that nourishes, but also polishes and perfects. Fear nothing. I am always with you. I walk your walk with you. I support and sustain you as you labor in my behalf. All will be well. Trust me. I will open the way for you to be an instrument in my hands. Go in peace. Amen.

How have you seen God’s hand in your life?
How have you been changed by his chisel, or by his living water?
What will you do today to become more aware of His hand in your life, or, to allow Him to smooth your rough edges?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

The Chess Strategy for Living

February 17, 2015MetaphorChange, Plan, Progress, VisualizationMira Daniels

When I was a young girl, my Dad’s desk was a place of wonder to me. He had so many treasures in his drawers: a beautiful slender silver letter opener, India ink pens, engineering and architecture rulers, and templates for drawing circles and other shapes, to name a few. Among the treasures were some old yellowed newspaper clippings. One of them was a story that mentioned my Dad.

A famous chess master was coming to town and would be playing against a large number of amateur players at the same time — upwards of twenty, if I recall correctly. My Dad was the youngest chess player to qualify to participate at the age of 14.

Twenty games at the same time! How could anyone keep the strategy for twenty games in their head at the same time, I wondered. So I asked my Dad about it. He said, “You don’t. You come to the board, make the move that most improves your position at that moment in time, and move on.”

I have often pondered that idea, and have found that it is actually an excellent philosophy for living. I am sure that the chess master has a vision for the game — ending in a win. I have a vision for my life, too — ending in eternal life for me and my loved ones. But I can face each new challenge, each move of the adversary, each new day, by making the move that will most improve my position at that moment in time, and move on.

What moves will improve my position? Here are a few thoughts: drawing near to the Lord, growing spiritually, learning to love unconditionally, gaining new skills, learning to trust God, obeying the commandments and living one day at a time.

It is intriguing to me that this philosophy of living is very consistent with my recent post “Living Fully in the Present.” The chess master cannot win the game by living in the past — beating himself up for a bad move or glorying in a previous game. He cannot win the game by living in the future — imagining each move his opponent might make and how glorious his victory will be. He can only win the game by studying the board and making the move that will most improve his position at that moment in time: the present.

What is your vision for your life?
What challenges are you facing right now?
What strategy or moves would improve your position at this moment in time?
What are you willing to do today?

Please share your thoughts about this metaphor by commenting below.

One Day At A Time Management

January 21, 2015Working the ProgramChange, Perfectionism, Progress, Step-6, Step-7Mira Daniels

Picture of a desk with paper piled all over. — My desk before “One Day at a Time” management.

In early November 2014 I shared my journey of learning to aim for progress, and not perfection. I posted a picture of my desk. In the post I wrote about how eating and clutter are areas of my life I have not managed well without a spiritual approach. I identified lessons I had learned about overcoming perfectionism with regard to food and promised to update you on how I did going forward on applying those lessons to my paper clutter problem.

Here is a quote from that post:

So what can I learn from my success with eating in a healthy way (overcoming perfectionism) that might apply to my problem with paper clutter?

I need a spiritual solution to this problem, not an exclusively temporal one.

I need to turn to the Lord for His help in developing a plan that is flexible (as appropriate) but effective, not about perfection, but about nurturing myself; creating a wholesome environment in which I can thrive.

I need to do the footwork he gives me to do, one day at a time.

I need to let go of all or nothing thinking, and be satisfied with “progress, not perfection” (a 12-Step slogan).

If I fall off the wagon I need to get back on as quickly as possible.

I need to recognize discouragement as a tool Satan uses to keep me from growth and recovery.

I need to commit to never giving up.

I pondered and prayed about what to do differently than I have ever done before. It is crazy to keep doing the same thing over and over and expect the results to change! I knew that the first thing I had to do was sort and file and pitch and get the work surface cleaned off. I couldn’t even think with that mess. I had no place to work. But I still didn’t know how to prevent the piles from coming back, as they always have in the past.

Even though I didn’t have the whole plan, I began working on the footwork the Lord had given me to do – get the work surfaces cleared. It was very hard for me, because I hate doing it so much. I prayed for the power the Lord promises to give us when we walk in faith (see Moroni 7:33). I made some progress, and then during winter break, my wonderful husband gave me a gift of time – his most precious commodity. He gave me a whole day to keep me company and help me get it done.

One Day At A Time

Having done that footwork, the Lord gave me a plan for keeping it clear. I found it interesting that the plan did not come to me until I completed the footwork the Lord had already given me. I did not get to see the end from the beginning. I received the direction I needed one day at a time. Also significant – it was a plan that I had never tried before.

If you follow this blog you know that I write my morning prayers. This is an excerpt of what the Lord told me on New Year’s Eve:

“You have made a lot of progress on your desk area this week. I am pleased and proud. One small change in your dailies will keep it that way. Don’t go to bed with stuff out on your desk. Just the same as the kitchen: after dinner you need to clear your desk. You can have a drawer you use to keep open project work in if you need a place to put it. It could be one of your desk drawers, or the shallow drawer in the credenza. But don’t leave anything out on the work surfaces. You have plenty of file drawers. You know how to use them… Do some filing every day and you will make progress. The big thing is daily incoming mail. If you process it every day you will not get behind again.

“I love you. You can do this. I will help you. Fear nothing. All will be well. Go in peace. Amen.”

Image of my desk and work surface - clear and without clutter - kept that way one day at a time. — My desk maintained “One Day at a Time.”

As you can see from the current picture of my desk, it has stayed clear for three weeks.What is most important is that it feels different this time. Perhaps it is that for the first time I have a real plan – a doable plan – a plan that is flexible and simple. I like having my work surfaces clear. It makes me happy. It brings me peace.

I still need to sort/file/pitch boxes of old papers. I know that I can work on it one day at a time. But for now, I am satisfied with keeping my work surfaces clear and processing the mail when it comes in. I am grateful for the Lord’s help on this. I look forward to receiving further guidance and direction from Him. I pray for the willingness to carry it out, one day at a time.

Come to think of it, I think I am Changing Channels in this area of my life. Finally. Woohoo!

What recurring problem in your life has not responded to all your efforts to find a solution?
Are you willing to try a spiritual solution?
Are you willing to apply the seven lessons listed above to your problem?
Are you willing to take it one day at a time?
What action are you willing to take today?

Improvement under Pressure

January 14, 2015MetaphorChange, Growth, LoveMira Daniels

I have always enjoyed the physical act of writing. Since childhood I have particularly enjoyed writing with a fountain pen. Good fountain pens are pretty expensive, but I love the feel of the ink smoothly flowing on the paper. I own two of them right now, and use them to write my morning prayers. One has a blue barrel and silver cap and is filled with blue-black ink. I use that one for my letter to God. The other has a gold barrel and cap and is filled with black ink. That one I use for His letter to me. The blue pen was a gift from my children, so it has sentimental value to me.

The blue pen never worked consistently well. It skipped and often felt dry as I wrote. I tried cleaning it. That made it worse. I actually talked to the Lord about that pen. I asked Him to help me figure out how to get it adjusted so that it would glide across the paper without effort as I express my love and gratitude and the desires of my heart to Him. I could not find a pen shop nearby where there might be a pen guru to work magic on it. I was reluctant to send it off to the repair facility and wait weeks to get it back and hope it was adjusted just right. I considered just setting it aside and getting a new pen, but between the cost and the sentimental value, I didn’t. I just kept limping along wishing it worked better.

Last week it occurred to me to look online for information. I discovered a number of websites with fountain pen tuning instructions. After spending an hour searching and reading, I found exactly what I needed and decided to try it. I chose a straightforward method, but I was concerned about ruining the nib. The directions were to press down hard on the paper – hard enough to bend the nib slightly. But how was I to know how hard was hard enough? I got up the courage and did it. It worked!

As I was writing my prayer yesterday morning, the ink flowing freely and beautifully as my gratitude and thoughts tumbled out onto the page, I realized that in a certain way, I am like my fountain pen. As a tool in the hand of the Lord, I have worked better at some times than others. At times His love flows freely through me to those around me, helping them to turn to Him and feel His love. At other times – not so much. I suppose there were occasions when He might have even had to use a different servant to get His work done, during times of self-absorption and spiritual deafness.

Rather than discard me, He worked with me and molded me into a more valiant and profitable servant by subjecting me to pressure that I found uncomfortable – even painful at times. I yielded under that pressure, and learned new behaviors and attitudes. Now I am a much better conduit for His love. Does my pen have feelings? If it does, perhaps it feels as I do when I contemplate the work done by the hand of my Master: grateful and joyous at the improvement!

Has the Lord used uncomfortable situations to mold you and improve your usefulness to Him?
In what ways have you changed under that pressure?
Write about your feelings as you think about this.

My 5 Priorities for Living in Recovery

January 9, 2015Working the ProgramAbstinence, Change, GrowthMira Daniels

Covey Time Management Grid for establishing priorities. Sometimes there is so much on my task list that I feel like I will never get caught up. I don’t have all the answers, but I have learned this: there are some things that will always be priorities in my life and other things that will come and go, depending on what season of life I am in.

Stephen Covey developed a 4-box grid to evaluate the importance and urgency of our various activities and assess whether we are spending our time in the most effective way. Determining the true importance of what I am trying to accomplish gives me perspective and helps me to set reasonable expectations of myself. My “fixed” priorities are “Quadrant II” activities: important but not urgent. That makes them easy to put off – with unhappy consequences.

My Relationship with God

Maintaining a close and meaningful relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is a top priority for me. If I sacrifice those relationships because I am “too busy” (with urgent things that may not be very important) I have less power and less ability to meet all the other demands of my life.

Personal Recovery and Walking in Faith

As a recovering addict, I cannot let my abstinence and working my program become low priorities. I have to focus on them every day and always be listening for the promptings of the Spirit. I need to do the footwork the Lord assigns to me in order to stay sane and sober and to be able to do my best in the other important areas of my life.

Marriage and Family

Marriage and family are always high priorities for me, although what that looks like has changed over the years. I make sure that my husband and I spend quality time together, talk to one another about meaningful things, and speak one another’s love language. I try to stay in touch with my adult children and see/video chat with my grandchildren regularly. When I remarried four years ago I had been an empty-nester for 7 years. My new husband had 5 children, including one in elementary school and one teenager. I put thought and effort into building and maintaining relationships with my new children and grandchildren, both those at home and those who are grown.

Church Callings

Magnifying my Church callings in a spirit of love and service is a priority for me. The Lord would not have called me unless he was prepared to give me the power and the time to do the work required. (See Moroni 7:33.) This may include unofficial callings, like family history work, as you feel prompted by the Spirit.

Work and Resource Management

Working to support my family, and/or being a good steward over our family resources needs to be a priority. If I am not a good steward over the temporal resources the Lord provides, I cannot expect others to “cover the slack” for me. This was not always an area of strength in my life, and my husband and I are working very hard to manage our resources wisely.

The Seasons – or – Other Priorities

What about other things? What about travel, hobbies, entertainment, reading, service, friends, and video games? Don’t I get any down time?

Well, how much downtime you get depends on the season of your life. And a lot of those things can be worked into one of the 5 main priorities I have listed above. For example, you may need a getaway, just to nurture your marriage! If I am on top of these 5 things and I still have free time, great! I can do what I want with that time. However, if the important stuff is falling apart – I don’t have time to play.

For example, when I have been actively raising children, and especially while I was also working, I did not have time to do much on the “optional” list. It was my season to focus on the basic 5. Working my program was critical for me at that time because it helped me to be a better parent and raise healthier children. If you don’t put enough time into raising young children they can turn into teenagers who do unwise things to get your attention! I have a responsibility to the Lord and as an example to my children to magnify my callings. I taught my children to love the Lord and serve others by my example, and as I felt prompted to do so I included them whenever possible. And I am teaching my children how to have an eternal family by working on my marriage. Let children observe these things so that they will know what to do when they enter that season themselves.

There will be other seasons of life to develop additional talents and explore other options when parenting isn’t so time consuming. Aren’t you glad you have something to look forward to when you are no longer raising children or working?

I have a vague memory of a Relief Society lesson from many years ago in which former General Relief Society President Barbara Winder was quoted saying that women would comment to her, in awe, about all she had done and accomplished, expressing doubt that they would ever be able to approach her accomplishments. “Yes,” she would say, “I have accomplished all those things, but not all at the same time.”

Look at how you actually spend your time now. What does this analysis tell you about how you prioritize your time right now?
Are these the priorities you think the Lord wants you to have? If not, what needs to change?
Do you trust the Lord to give you the power to do the things He wants you to do?
What are you willing to change about your life to bring your time usage into harmony with the priorities you want to have? Ask the Lord to help you to make these changes.

Learning Life Skills – Your Personal Tutor

January 1, 2015MetaphorChange, Fear, Growth, Step-7Mira Daniels

When I was in college I had to take a year of advanced math. The class met an hour a day, Monday through Friday. I did the best I could in class, paid attention, took detailed notes, and asked questions when I didn’t understand. But I quickly found that when I went home each night I could not do the homework. I spent hours trying to figure it out, reading the book, looking over my notes, to no avail. The next day the instructor moved on to something new — something that required an understanding of the previous day’s material. I was lost, and it was only the first week of class!

I discovered that there was a Math lab, where tutors were available to help, one-on-one. I found that if I went to the lab right after class every day and did the homework with the help of a tutor, I could learn the material and avoid getting behind. Sometimes the tutors had to find a different way of explaining the concepts to me. Other times we had to go over and over things in multiple ways in order for me to grasp the material. It was hard, and frustrating, but I knew that if I didn’t do whatever it took to learn it, it would just be that much more difficult the next day.

I have found the same pattern in my life since I graduated, but I didn’t recognize it right away. I have come to understand that when I need to learn new life skills the Lord will give me as many opportunities as I need to learn them. When I don’t learn from one experience, the Lord gives me another. Sometimes I don’t learn from an experience because, in my pride, I blame others for the circumstances or outcome. Other times I am unwilling to do the work I fear would be necessary to go through an experience so I either work around it or run away from it. There are times when I have needed multiple lessons before I finally have learned a new life skill. When I do master it, I can see how necessary it was for me to learn it! New opportunities open to me. I become a more useful servant to the Lord.

You have a personal tutor who plans your education — individualized and customized to your strengths and weaknesses — for the purpose of teaching you the life skills you will need to ascend to your eternal destiny. If you refuse or fail to learn the skill from one experience you will have as many opportunities as you need to learn it.

Are you tired of facing the same challenges over and over?
How have you reacted to these challenges in the past? Have you run away or blamed others?
How can you embrace the opportunities the Lord is giving you, search for insight regarding the life skills you need to learn from challenging experiences and do the work necessary to master them?
Are you willing to do this? What are you willing to do?

Lack of Self-Discipline or Perfectionism?

November 6, 2014Working the ProgramAbstinence, Change, Discouragement, Perfectionism, Plan, Problem SolvingMira Daniels

I have had certain shortcomings my entire life. One of them has been clutter. I remember my room as a child. You couldn’t even see the floor. It wasn’t that I didn’t have enough storage space to put things. I just didn’t do it. It was a major source of contention between me and my parents.

As an adult I thought for many years that the problem was self-discipline. If only I could develop and maintain a system for managing the paper, I would be able to solve the problem once and for all. I repeatedly cleaned up the mess only to have it accumulate again. I began to buy, (collect) books on the subject of organization. I set up filing systems. I just did not have the self-discipline to maintain them. That was the problem, I thought.

I had the same problem with food. If only I could learn to control the way I ate and exert some self-discipline I could get off the diet roller coaster. I would control for a while, on a diet, but then find an excuse to eat for comfort or pleasure. I would get discouraged, give up, and my weight would start climbing again, until I felt badly enough about my weight to start the cycle over.

The Problem is Not Lack of Self-Discipline

Somewhere along the line someone pointed out to me the many areas of my life where I had plenty of self-discipline. I was confused. If I wasn’t short on self-discipline, why could I not maintain a clutter-free environment or a normal weight?

I have come to understand that my problem is not self-discipline; it is perfectionism. If I couldn’t do it perfectly (whatever “it” was), I became discouraged and gave up.

If I couldn’t figure out the perfect filing system, one that enabled me to store everything out of sight, find it again easily when needed, and not forget about anything that needed to be taken care of, I wouldn’t file at all. Perfectionism. I wouldn’t throw much away because, after all, I might need it again. So I ended up with filing systems too complicated to maintain or that did not meet my requirements, or else no system at all, and things would start accumulating. Again. When I saw the piles begin to grow, I became discouraged – again – and just gave up.

If I couldn’t maintain my diet perfectly, losing as much weight as quickly as I wanted to and denying myself anything that wasn’t on the diet, I would become discouraged, and give up. Perfectionism.

Do you see a pattern here? For some reason, in certain areas of my life, I naturally see only perfection or failure. There is nothing in between. When I can’t be perfect I become discouraged. And quit trying.

A Spiritual Solution

As a compulsive eater in recovery I have learned that diets don’t work for me. What I need is a plan of eating that I can live with day in and day out. Something that works for me and is sufficiently flexible for me to be able to adjust to the circumstances of my life. I need a plan that is not about losing weight, but about nurturing myself. I decided to turn my weight over to the Lord. He helped me develop a food plan that worked for me. It went through several iterations, and is still subject to revision as needed. My footwork is to use the plan to decide what to eat, how much to eat, and when to eat, one day at a time. His job is to help me maintain a normal weight. And if I eat something I should not have, I no longer see it as a reason to throw the whole food plan out. I just start eating abstinently again from that moment. I have put an end to the all or nothing thinking, the cycle of perfectionism and discouragement that kept me in bondage to compulsive eating.

(Some people do have trigger foods which need to be treated like allergies; they simply cannot have that food or they will be set off onto a binge. When the Lord helps them develop a food plan, it will not contain those foods.)

So what can I learn from my success with eating in a healthy way (overcoming perfectionism) that might apply to my problem with paper clutter?

I need a spiritual solution to this problem, not an exclusively temporal one.
I need to turn to the Lord for His help in developing a plan that is flexible (as appropriate) but effective, not about perfection, but about nurturing myself; creating a wholesome environment in which I can thrive.
I need to do the footwork he gives me to do, one day at a time.
I need to let go of all or nothing thinking, and be satisfied with “progress, not perfection” (a 12-Step slogan).
If I fall off the wagon I need to get back on as quickly as possible.
I need to recognize discouragement as a tool Satan uses to keep me from growth and recovery.
I need to commit to never giving up.

I will keep you posted on my progress.

What recurring problem in your life has not responded to all your efforts to find a solution?
Are you willing to try a spiritual solution?
When will you start?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Persistence – Doing the Footwork

September 27, 2014Working the ProgramChange, Growth, Persistence, Personal-Revelation, Step-7Mira Daniels

Step 7 asks us to humbly petition the Lord to remove our shortcomings. When I first worked through the steps, I had the naive and wildly optimistic hope that, having become willing to allow God to remove all of my character weaknesses in Step 6, when I asked him to remove them in Step 7, they would all magically disappear with a wave of his omnipotent hand. I was sadly disappointed.

I came to understand as I continued to work the steps, that it was a joint effort; there would be footwork for me to do. It was no longer my job to stubbornly try to remove my shortcomings myself through sheer willpower. That much I understood. My new job was to seek humbly and prayerfully for the guidance of the Lord regarding the footwork that I needed to do, and do it.

This quote from U.S. President Calvin Coolidge about persistence filled me with hope then, and still does today.

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”

I would add one thing to President Coolidge’s thought: we must be pressing on in response to divine guidance.

The adversary does not want us to be persistent, especially not in applying the Atonement in our lives. He wants us to give up. When he can frustrate us enough to make us quit, he is delighted. But he will also accept good intentions delayed indefinitely. I once heard someone say that the Devil doesn’t need to talk a man out of doing something good; all he needs to do is convince him to put it off until tomorrow.

Prayerfully seek guidance on what footwork you need to do to enable the Lord to remove your weaknesses and shortcomings. Ask your sponsor for feedback from personal experience and observation of you. Write about it. Then do the footwork with persistence. Don’t let the adversary discourage you. You will not do it perfectly. It’s okay. Just Don’t Quit!

What weaknesses and shortcomings are you trying to release?
What footwork has the Lord given you to do?
Are you doing the footwork with persistence or do you stop and start?
What are you willing to do to improve in your efforts?

Structure: Like a Kite String

September 19, 2014Metaphor, ToolsAbstinence, Change, Plan, StructureMira Daniels

A young boy was spending a glorious Saturday afternoon with his Dad. They were flying the new kite that the boy had received for his birthday. The gentle breeze was perfect for launching the kite and keeping it up in the clean, crisp air. The sun was shining but not brutally hot; a perfect kite flying day.

As the boy let out the line a little bit at a time, the kite flew higher and higher. It was so much fun to see the kite dancing and bobbing in the sunshine! He felt the kite pulling against his hold on the reel. There was no more line to let out! He wanted to see how high his kite could go, but there was no more string. “Daddy,” he pled, “let’s cut the line so the kite can fly higher!”

Dad tried to explain to the boy that if they cut the line the kite would fall. The boy wasn’t buying it. It didn’t make sense! He could feel the kite straining against the reel, pulling the line taught, seemingly trying to go higher than the line would allow. Finally the wise father agreed to cut the line and stood by as his disappointed and confused son sadly watch the kite fall into a tree. The line, the very thing that was holding the kite back, was also what enabled it to fly.

In our lives there are also elements that enable us to fly, but may feel like they are holding us back. They are sometimes called rules, or laws, or commandments. In a more general way, they can be called “structure”.

Examples of Structure

I have learned that in order to have a great day, I need to get to bed early the night before and get up early in the morning. (See D&C 88:124.) Years ago, I stayed up late to try to get everything done. I was so exhausted by the time I got to bed that I woke up late and was still tired. I wasn’t very productive, and I felt frustrated and overwhelmed. It took a leap of faith to try going to bed early and getting up early, but putting that structure in place in my life has given me productivity and accomplishment I never had before.

I have lived through periods of time when money was very tight. If you don’t have enough money to pay the bills, it is tough to believe that paying tithing could help. Another leap of faith, and willingness to try it and I found that the blessings that came to me from paying tithing far outweighed the apparent shortage of money. I found that I couldn’t afford not to pay tithing. Over time I learned to first eliminate and then stay out of debt. Structure in my financial life has given me peace of mind and freedom that I never had when my money managed me, rather than me managing my money.

I am a compulsive eater. In the days when I ate anything I wanted to, whenever I wanted to, I had to wear clothes much larger than what I wanted to, and my thinking became as compulsive as my eating. A compulsive eater cannot just stop eating, like a drinker can stop drinking, so what I had to do was put structure in place around my eating. I started by writing down everything that I was eating, and figuring out what actually satisfied me. I started planning my meals, including when, what, where, and how much I would eat. When I eat mindfully, according to my plan, to nurture my body with food that is good for me, I am not compulsive, and no longer think obsessively about food. This is what I have called “Planned Abstinence” in another post.

What areas of your life feel out of control?
What kind of structure could you put in place to help you with these things?
Are there any commandments or is there any guidance from Church leaders that pertain to this which you haven’t fully implemented?
If you can’t think of anything you haven’t already tried, who could you talk to who might be able to help you come up with some ideas?

Failure? – Like a Baby Learning to Walk

September 4, 2014MetaphorChange, Failure, Fear, Growth, Step-7Mira Daniels

Picture yourself playing with a baby who is just learning to walk. Perhaps the baby is an excellent crawler and has learned to pull herself up to a standing position and “cruise” from one piece of furniture to the next. She has never, however, taken a “solo” step – without holding on. As you sit on the floor, separated from her by a few feet, you hold out your arms and encourage her to come to you. You tell her she can do it. You call to her. You encourage her in every way you know how.

She takes one step – maybe two. Then she abruptly sits down. Hard. Tears start to form in her eyes. Which of the following do you say?

“You are such a failure. You will never learn to walk.”
“I know, honey, walking is too hard. Don’t worry. I don’t mind carrying you.”
“Yay! You did it! You took 2 steps all by yourself! You can do it! You can do it again! Come on. Come to me!”

Number 3, of course. You want her to learn to walk. You know she doesn’t know how. But she is ready to learn and anxious to learn, and she doesn’t know that there is anything wrong with not being very good at it yet. She doesn’t cry if you don’t encourage her to feel sorry for herself. She smiles at your encouragement. Any tears that have started have dried up, and she crawls over to the couch, pulls herself up, and tries again.

We may not be learning to walk, but we are children of God figuring out how to do other things that we need to learn, only now we know what failure is, and we try to avoid it at any cost. We don’t want anyone to know if we cannot do something that we think is important. We certainly don’t want anyone to know that we tried and failed.

Do you think your Heavenly Father is standing by with judgmental statements like number one and number two above? Do you think He wants us to give up on things we haven’t mastered yet? Or even things that we haven’t even attempted yet at all? No! He is standing right by us saying, “You can do it! I have confidence in you!” If we, as mortal parents, want our children to succeed, how much more does God, our perfect and eternal Father, want us to succeed!

We need to let go of our fear of failure and recognize it as a stepping stone to a new skill. Failing means we aren’t perfect yet. Failing means we are trying to learn. Failing means we want to grow.

You can do it! I know you can! God knows you can! You know you can. You just need to keep trying and no matter what, DON’T…GIVE…UP!!!

What skill do you want to learn or habit do you want to change?
Regardless of how many times you have tried and failed, are you willing to try again?
Make a plan for learning this new skill. How can you take the Lord up on His promise to help you? (See Moroni 7:33)
Solicit the help of others who have been placed by God in your path to help you.
Follow through on your plan and don’t give up.

Help: Encircled about in the Arms of His Love

August 29, 2014Metaphor, Working the ProgramChange, Discouragement, Growth, HelpMira Daniels

Sometimes, when I feel discouraged and am trying my best to make important changes in my life, I can lose sight of the startling and critical fact that I am not alone. The Lord is always with me, arms around me, walking my path with me, sustaining and supporting me, carrying me when necessary. The scriptures abound with confirmation of this.

Isaiah 41:10,13 “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness…For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.”

When I first became aware of this scripture, I pondered how the Lord could hold my right hand. He must be right next to me! Holy cow! I am standing here, looking at this same incredible mountain that I have to climb, but now He is standing next to me, holding my right hand. He can do anything! If He is holding my right hand, together we can do anything!

I began wearing bangle bracelets on my right wrist to remind me always that he is holding my hand. I still wear them.

Eventually I came across a slightly different picture described in the scriptures. The Lord could still be holding my right hand, but he is also on my left! I am “encircled about in the arms of His love!” I love that image!

D&C84:88 “…I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”

2 Nephi 1:15 “… I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love.”

Doctrine and Covenants 6:20 “…Be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love.“

But what would that look like in my life, I wondered. A picture came into my mind of me holding a small child. We are sitting at a table. The child has just drawn a picture – mostly just lines on the page: joyous, exuberant scribbles. Now she wants me to help her write her name. I don’t do it for her. I hold her gently on my lap, my right hand over hers as she holds the crayon. Together we slowly and carefully write her name on her picture. She is so proud! And then, done with my help, she hops off my lap and is on to other things. Perhaps that is how Christ has me encircled in the arms of His love. When I am willing to come to Him for help, he gently cradles me, lovingly reaches around me and guides me to be able to do all things that he would like me to do.

Moroni 7:33 “And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.”

There is nothing too small to ask for His help with. Am I having trouble getting to bed early or getting to sleep or getting up early or reading my scriptures or getting to work on time or finding a job or magnifying my calling or dealing with stress or changing my behavior or being kind to my family or giving up my addiction? Those things are all “expedient in [Him].” I pray for the desire and the willingness to walk the Lord’s path for me always; to come to Him for His help whenever I need it; to be grateful for his power, strength, gifts, talents, and abilities; to always remember that I am encircled about in the arms of His love, and that he is right next to me. I am never alone.

Can you image the Lord being right next to you, holding your hand?
How would that change your life?
What might you be able to do with His guidance that you are having trouble doing now?
Are you willing to turn to Him for His help?