All posts by Mira Daniels

Ten Rewards for Embracing God’s Will

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Step 3: Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He ca make a lot more out of their lives than they can.But what if God’s will for my life is not what I want? What if Their will involves discomfort, suffering and pain? What if Their answer to the righteous desires of my heart is, “We have a different plan for you?” What if Their plan involves slogging through a jungle or staggering across a desert? Even worse, what if Their plan involves allowing my loved ones to make bad decisions?

What if I don’t like Their plan? Why should I overcome my fear, trust God and turn my life over? The best answer I have even seen can be found in an apostolic promise from President Ezra Taft Benson, quoted in the Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing. It appears in Step 12, on page 71. 

“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life” (Ezra Taft Benson, “Jesus Christ—Gifts and Expectations,” Ensign, Dec. 1988, 4).

In this quote, President Benson offers us ten blessings that come from turning our lives over to God.

1. “Deepen their Joys”

In the Book of Mormon, Nephi teaches us that “men are, that they might have joy.” (2 Ne. 2:25.) Who would not like to have deeper joy? But what am I willing to sacrifice to have it? I want this. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to receive it?

2. “Expand their Vision”

What if I could shed my self-limiting beliefs and visualize the full potential God has created for me? What if I could expand my ability to see as the Father sees? I am reminded of the story of Elisha and the chariots: “the Lord opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha.” (See 2 Kgs. 6:14–17.) I would like to be able to see — to have increased awareness of — the spiritual support the Lord is providing me to do and accomplish more than I could have imagined possible. I want this. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order for my vision to be expanded?

3. “Quicken their Minds”

What does it mean to have one’s mind “quickened?” According to Webster’s Revised Unabridged Dictionary, one definition of “quicken” is “To make lively, active, or sprightly; to impart additional energy to; to stimulate; to make quick or rapid; to hasten; to accelerate; as, to quicken one’s steps or thoughts.” What a blessing! As I think about what happens to my mind when I am trying to control my own life (and especially the lives of those around me), the kind of words that come to mind are: overwhelmed, frustrated, discouraged. Am I willing to let go of my will in order to have my mind quickened?

4. “Strengthen their Muscles”

Now this is quite a promise! Stronger muscles. How can letting go of my will enable the Lord to bless me with stronger muscles? I don’t know! Perhaps it means better health? In any case, I want this! Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to allow God to strengthen my muscles?

5. “Lift their Spirits”

There sure are times when I feel overwhelmed and discouraged. President Benson promises that if I turn my will over to God, He will lift my spirits. Wow! I want this. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to permit Him lift my spirits?

6. “Multiply their Blessings”

I already feel so blessed by the Lord! My heart is filled with gratitude for the blessings He has showered upon me. Nevertheless, there is always room for more! I am not yet perfect at turning over my will. I want God to multiply my blessings. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to receive more blessings?

7. “Increase their Opportunities”

There have been times in my life when I have felt boxed in – that I didn’t see any opportunities to expand my horizons and my life. I have begun to see opportunities all around, but sometimes I am afraid to pursue them. Am I willing to let go of my fears and embrace God’s will in order to receive the opportunities He would like to give me?

8. “Comfort their Souls”

The more of life I experience, the more I am vulnerable to disappointment and grief. I love to feel the arm of the Lord around me, comforting me. I want more of this. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to receive His comfort?

9. “Raise up Friends”

When I moved across the country I left behind many friends. I haven’t lost them, but I am far away and don’t get to spend time with them and socialize with them like I used to. But I felt a confirmation that I was supposed to make this move. Within a few months I had found my best friend – my eternal friend and companion, but it took longer to find my circle of friends. Having embraced God’s will I have received this blessing and hope to continue to receive it as I let go of my own will.

10. “Pour Out Peace”

I am so grateful for the peace of the Lord. I am so grateful for one-day-at-a-time serenity. I have found in Him, and in surrendering my own will in order to embrace His, The Great Source of Peace. I am willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to maintain this peace.

  • Which of these blessings would be most welcome in your life right now?
  • Are you willing to let go of your own will and turn your own life over to God in order to receive it?
  • What will you do today to make progress in this area?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Walking in the Light, Six Points to Discern the Lord’s Will, Learning to Let Go

 

Walking in the Light

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You have not traveled beyond the reach of divine loveWhen we walk toward the Lord, we are walking into His light. We see Him and we see where we are going. When we walk away from the Lord, we walk away from the light. We walk into the deep dark shadows — into the darkness. (Shared by a participant at a recent ARP 12-Step meeting.)

For some of us, looking back at our lives, it feels like we have traveled so far, so deeply into the shadows that we cannot find our way back to the light.

In a talk given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland in April 2012 General Conference, he says:

“…however late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.”

What this means to me, is that no one is too broken for Christ to fix. And frankly, isn’t it kind of prideful to think that I can mess up beyond Christ’s ability to clean up? So what does it take to go from thinking I am beyond the reach of Christ’s light to accepting and applying the Atonement in my life? Working steps 1, 2, and 3.

Step 1:

Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.

Whatever thinking or habits have gotten me into this situation are not going to get me out of it. As Albert Einstein put it, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Just to be clear, I cannot fix myself. If I could have, I would have already! But despite my best efforts, I am still broken. The good news here is that once I admit that I am not able to overcome this by my own efforts alone, I am free to to move on to Step 2.

Step 2:

Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.

Here is the hard part for those of us who think we are beyond help. We have to become willing to believe two important truths. First, that Christ CAN (is capable of) healing our brokenness. Second, that Christ loves us individually and personally and, despite our flaws and mistakes, that He is WILLING to heal our brokenness.

If I don’t believe these things, I fail to understand a third important truth. Christ already atoned for my sins. He knew over 2,000 years ago what I was going to do and experience and He chose to pay the price to have those things wiped away, at that time! It is done. The question is not will He do it. The question is will I accept the gift? Will I accept Christ’s grace in my life and allow Him to “lead me, guide me and walk beside me” as I turn away from the darkness and walk back into the light of His love? Which brings us to Step 3.

Step 3:

Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

The operative word here is “decide.” If I decide to turn my will and my life over to Them, I am surrendering control. To put it another way, I become willing to follow the promptings I receive and the truths I am taught and let go of the outcome. I decide that God’s will for me, whatever it is and even if it is not what I thought I wanted, is better than the results I have been able (and will ever be able) to achieve by my own efforts.

Having made this decision, we become willing to give up our own will in favor of His. Elder Boyd K. Packer says it this way:

“Perhaps the greatest discovery of my life, without question the greatest commitment, came when finally I had the confidence in God that I would loan or yield my agency to him— without compulsion or pressure, without any duress, as a single individual alone, by myself, no counterfeiting, nothing expected other than the privilege. In a sense, speaking figuratively, to take one’s agency, that precious gift which the scriptures make plain is essential to life itself, and say, ‘I will do as you direct,’ is afterward to learn that in so doing you possess it all the more” (Obedience, Brigham Young University Speeches of the Year [Dec. 7, 1971], 4).

I choose to walk out of the darkness, toward the Lord, and into the light. I choose to rely upon the Lord to direct me. I relinquish control of the outcome. This has enabled me to let go of my addiction, cope with the death of a child, let go of a difficult marriage, weather financial stress, lose a house, start life over in a new part of the country, trust sufficiently to become willing to marry again, become a stepparent to school age children after seven years as an empty nester, love them without expecting reciprocation, and let go of my parents within a year of each other. It works. Each day I thank God for this gift and try to be aware of additional shortcomings and defects as I recognize them, turning them over as quickly as possible.

  • In what ways or areas have you been trying to control outcomes in your life?
  • Would working the first three steps with these things in mind help you?
  • What are you willing to do today to walk out of the shadows and into the light?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: There is No Darkness in the Presence of the Lord, Steps 1, 2, and 3: I Can’t, He Can, I’ll Let Him, Agency – the Heart of Step 3, Change: The AADWAR Process

 

Gratitude: A Desire to Magnify My Callings

Working the Program,

When my heart is full to overflowing with gratitude, I am filled with a desire to magnify my callings.On a recent Sunday morning, I lay in bed pondering before getting up to start my day. My heart was filled with joy and gratitude for the many blessings the Lord has bestowed upon me. I am grateful for a wonderful husband. We complement one another in so many ways. Our marriage is a blessing to each of us. We are both aware of it and frequently share these feelings with one another. I am grateful to be a mother and step-mother. I love writing. I have wonderful friends. I love all of my callings — both the official ones extended by my priesthood leaders and the ones the Lord has extended to me privately. I have a life filled with love.

When my heart is full to overflowing with gratitude I express it in words, in thoughts, in prayers, in obedience to the commandments, and to the promptings I receive. Perhaps most importantly, I am filled with a desire to magnify my callings—wife, mother, writer, sponsor, and church callings—as a form of service to the Lord, to express my thanks.

I pondered these things in my heart that morning. Later, in Sacrament Meeting the talks were on magnifying our callings.  Coincidence? I think not. One speaker shared this quote:

“What does it mean to magnify a calling? It means to build it up in dignity and importance, to make it honorable and commendable in the eyes of all men, to enlarge and strengthen it, to let the light of heaven shine through it to the view of other men. And how does one magnify a calling? Simply by performing the service that pertains to it.” (Thomas S. Monson, “The Call of Duty,” April 1986, emphasis added.)

As I look for ways to magnify my callings, I become aware of areas for improvement; ways in which I can better perform that service. I try to live my life in a state of recovery, or, in other words, a state of repentance. To me, it is the same thing. At an earlier time in my life, finding an area with room for improvement might have filled me with guilt, discouragement and shame. Now I see that the Lord has opened my eyes to a new opportunity to show my gratitude to Him by seeking His guidance and following His direction as I work to grow and become better—to progress in becoming perfect  (or complete)—as He and His Father are.

Sure, there are times when my list of stubborn shortcomings (the ones I have been working on for years) seems sufficient without the addition of any more opportunities for improvement. But I know that as I take the Lord’s yoke upon me, He will give me rest. I know that He will help me do just a little bit better today than I did yesterday if I rely upon the enabling power of the Atonement. I know that I need to live in the present and just do those things that He directs me to do in this moment. And as always, I remember:

“And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.” (Moroni 7:33)

  • What are you grateful for in your life? How do you express it?
  • What opportunities do you have to magnify your callings – official and personal?
  • What will you do today to progress?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Living Fully in the Present, Grateful for My Addiction! Are You Kidding Me?, Step 12: Service within the Program

Trust: Take My Yoke Upon You

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“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me … and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Carrying two buckets on a yoke.

 

Picture yourself taking His yoke upon you. What do you see? Do you see yourself carrying a balanced burden using a yoke He has designed especially for your body, to enable you to bear your burdens as easily as possible? Is the burden that you carry heavy, but more efficiently borne because of the yoke He has given you to help you carry it?

 

Sharing a double yoke with the LordOr do you see yourself harnessed to one side of a double yoke, sharing the burden with the Lord?

Alma asked the people he was teaching in the wilderness if they were “willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light.” He told them this was one of the requirements for baptism. Who are we told to emulate in this life? Who is our great Example? Christ, of course. We are counseled to become like Him. If we are to “bear one another’s burdens” as a prerequisite to baptism we must be following Christ’s example in which He bears ours!

President Howard W. Hunter explained what is meant by “take my yoke upon you.”

Why do we hesitate to take His yoke upon us?

For some, the culture of self-reliance has become twisted in our minds to the extent that we think it means we have to exhaust every ounce of human strength within our bodies before we can ask for His help. If this is what is holding you back, I would encourage you to watch “His Grace is Sufficient,” an inspiring and informative BYU Devotional talk by Brad Wilcox.

Some people are afraid “His yoke” will be heavier than their own; that taking His yoke upon them will add to their existing burden. He promises that if we will take His yoke upon us He will give us rest! His yoke is lighter than ours because He carries most of the weight. Imagine if you were in a double yoke pulling a heavy cart and the person sharing the yoke with you was a small child. Who would be carrying most of the weight? You, of course. And suppose there was rocky ground and the child lost their footing and was stumbling and struggling to regain it and keep up with you. Would the child’s struggle make it easier or harder for you to pull the load? Harder! When we are sharing a yoke with the Lord, if we come to rocky ground and lose our footing, we make His job more difficult by trying desperately to figure out how to regain our balance for ourselves. During those times, we need to lift our feet and allow Him to carry us to smooth ground and resume our journey.

Finally, some are reluctant to be yoked to the Lord because they are not really sure they can trust Him. They are afraid that the direction He will pull or the weight of the load or the speed of the journey will not be what they would choose. They are reluctant to turn their will and their lives over to His care. They think that they are more capable of choosing the best (easiest) path for themselves than He is. Through Malachi the Lord challenges us to “prove me now herewith.” Alma also challenged the people to test the Lord.

“But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.” (Alma 32:27)

To you who are not sure you can trust Him, I say, give Him a chance. You can always take back control later if He proves unworthy of your trust. But give Him enough time to get some results before giving up.

I challenge you to try taking the Lord’s double yoke upon you. If you have already done so, and the journey still seems harder than it should be, I would encourage you to ask Him how to lift your feet and allow Him to carry you to smoother ground.

  • What burdens are you carrying in your journey?
  • What are you doing to make your journey harder than it needs to be?
  • What will you do today to “take His yoke upon you” as a way to enable Him to make your burden light and grant you rest?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts:

My Journey Down the River of Life, Finding Peace, Problem Solving Flowchart, Tuning In

Credits: Single yoke image: Copyright: xochicalco / 123RF Stock Photo, Double yoke image.

 

Low-hanging Spiritual Fruit

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Picking Spiritual FruitGod has created us in His image. He has given us divine potential or “spiritual fruit”: gifts and talents we can discover and develop throughout our lives. Sometimes they are apparent and obvious. From a very young age we can begin to develop and enjoy them. Others are obscured; hidden beneath shortcomings only to be freed and discerned as we become willing to turn to the Lord for help in letting go of and overcoming weakness.

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27 emphasis added)

Suppose when we are born we each have our very own spiritual fruit tree—let’s say it is an orange tree. Each orange represents a strength, gift or talent. The low-hanging fruit is easy to pick, even for a small child. We must remove the peel which encases the sweet, delicious orange full of vitamins and goodness. That requires some work. As soon as we become aware that it is there, and someone teaches us how to pick and peel it we can eat the spiritual fruit and grow stronger and more capable.

A new baby is too weak to roll over or sit up alone. But as loving parents nurture and feed the child s/he grows stronger and through determined effort learns to sit, crawl, walk, run and climb. The capabilities of the miraculous body created for this child develop and strengthen as s/he works at those skills, too young to be afraid of failure or hard work. The youngster develops spiritually as well as physically, developing wonder, faith, gratitude and a sense of sacred awe.

At some point, we will have picked and eaten all of the low-hanging fruit, but there is still more on our tree. The higher fruit is more difficult to see and reach. We might need to climb the tree or get a ladder. Climbing, stretching and reaching may be outside of our comfort zone. We may feel scared and off balance. But the Lord holds the ladder and stands beneath the tree prepared to catch us if we fall. If we listen, He tells us where to reach and how to obtain the spiritual fruit. But He won’t pick or peel it for us.

As we mature into adulthood we develop fears and bad habits that keep us from exploring and finding more gifts, talents and strengths.  If we focus on the ground and don’t look up at the beautiful tree, we may not even realize there is more fruit. Writing an inventory of our shortcomings and weaknesses helps us spot the spiritual fruit. We may not have any idea what wonderful gift lies within the rough, ugly peel, but we can turn to the Lord for help in becoming willing to do the work necessary to obtain the fruit, remove the shortcoming that encases it, and allow Him to replace the weakness with strength.

  • What spiritual fruit have you already picked?
  • What is stopping you from picking more?
  • What will you do today to spot and reach for more?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: How to Become Entirely Ready for God to Remove Your Shortcomings, Rock of Resentment, Change: The AADWAR Process, Changing Channels, Overcoming Fear – the Invisible Fence, The 1-2-3 Waltz – Avoiding the Inventory, Overcoming Perfectionism: the “Good Enough” Principle

Copyright: <a href=’http://www.123rf.com/profile_hanapon1002′>hanapon1002 / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

Progress – Climbing the Mountain

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Making Progress: the best way out is always through. It seems like I have been trudging forever. I just want to get to my destination for some much deserved rest. In front of me is a mountain, impeding my progress.  There is a path, but I don’t want to climb this mountain. I’m exhausted. To the right and the left are woods. Maybe if I walk through the woods I will be able to find a way around the mountain.

I walk through the woods for miles, looking for a shortcut. I’m hungry and lost. I have covered lots of ground. Nevertheless, I have not made any progress. I’m no closer to getting to the other side of the mountain than I was when I was first standing in front of it.

I would have been better off if I had used the time and energy to just go over the mountain. It doesn’t matter how fast I climb it. It is not a race. What matters is that I make progress. I may need to take the mountain slowly and rest between steps. I may need to ask the Lord to walk by my side, so that I have His help and strength to enable me to do what I cannot do by myself. But one step up the mountain leads to another and another. Ten steps. Fifteen. Who knows, perhaps there will be a great view, beautiful flowers and a clear fresh spring of water along the way! Regardless, eventually I can get over the mountain and to my destination, if I stop wandering in the woods looking for an easier way.

Robert Frost said, “The best way out is always through.” (A Servant to Servants)

In the case of my mountain, the best way to get to the other side is just to climb it.

  • What mountain are you facing in your life?
  • What have you done to avoid climbing it?
  • What will you do today to help you resume your forward progress?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Growth: Life is Like a Mountain Road, Progress – Climbing through the clouds

Image – Copyright: gopfaster / 123RF Stock Photo

Step 7: Overcoming Limitations

Working the Program,

In Step 7 of A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, (p. 41), there are three sentences that, when taken together, help us acknowledge and learn the only effective way to remove our limitations.

“Genuine remorse filled our hearts, not only because we had suffered or made others suffer but because we regretted that even in recovery we still could not remove our own shortcomings…”

“We had to surrender every particle of self-sufficient pride and admit that our efforts to save ourselves had been insufficient…”

“We finally abandoned the idea that we could become perfect by ourselves, and we accepted the truth that God desires us to conquer our weaknesses in this life by coming to Christ and being perfected in Him.” (emphasis added)

We cannot remove our own limitations.We cannot remove our own limitations. We can turn to Christ, humbly acknowledge both our shortcomings and our inability to eliminate them and be perfected in Him and by Him.

This important truth comes at a pivotal time in working the Steps. Steps 1-6 are essentially introspective. In these steps we examine ourselves and come to know, accept and understand the reality of who we are, our past behavior and our relationship with the Lord. In Steps 8-12, with the Lord’s help, we do our best to right past wrongs and become the person He created us to be. Step 7 is the fulcrum of the see-saw; the point at which the balance shifts. It is in this step that we learn to adopt true humility, understand and accept our limitations, and ask the Lord for His help with those things we cannot do for ourselves.

We cannot remove our own shortcomings

I certainly tried to remove my own shortcomings. I thought that was what I was supposed to do! Long time readers know that keeping my desk organized is something I have struggled with. A quick glance at a nearby bookshelf turns up 7 books on how to get organized. There have been times when I tried very hard to implement those systems. At other times I put lots of thought and effort into coming up with my own system. None of this feverish activity has resulted in a permanent change. This limitation is a thorn in my side that could stay with me forever.

We can turn to Christ

I am slowly learning how to lean upon the Lord and apply the principles He has taught me in the past to remaining shortcomings, such as my organizational challenges. I am not content with my progress. But I know now, that it is only through Him that I am going to overcome this limitation.

Humbly acknowledge our limitations

It is actually a relief to me to admit that this is something that I cannot figure out and overcome myself. I feel like I have spent years banging my head against the wall and have finally stopped. It is not that I will be satisfied with the mess. Rather, I need to continually seek His guidance, one day at a time. The critical component that is my responsibility is to diligently ask and willingly receive His guidance, and act upon it promptly when I do.

Be perfected in Him and by Him

The scriptures tell me that I must become perfect, or complete, even as the Lord is. I can be neither without Him. As I become one with Him, I can become perfect in Him. If I add one drop of ink to a small glass of water it will become cloudy. If I add one drop of ink to the Caribbean Sea it will still be clear and blue and stunningly beautiful. As I become one with the Lord, together we are perfect. It is because of His perfection, not mine.

  • Have you humbly acknowledged your limitations? What are they?
  • What have you done to become one with Him and be perfected in Him?
  • What will you do today to take a step forward?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: One Day At A Time Management, Learning Life Skills – Your Personal Tutor, Failure? – Like a Baby Learning to Walk, From My Prayer Journal: God is My Sculptor

 

Improving Spiritual Connectedness

Working the Program

When I was a relatively new convert, I was very excited to receive my Patriarchal blessing. Before he gave me the blessing, the Patriarch spoke with me for a little while. I shared with him my desire to feel the Spirit in my life, and my doubt as to whether I had ever actually felt it. I wanted spiritual connectedness to be a part of my daily life. In my blessing, he told me that indeed the Spirit had been and would yet be very much present in my life, and that as I remained faithful I would learn to recognize it.

Recently the theme of “How do I know if I am feeling the Spirit?” and “I rarely feel the Spirit in my daily life like other people do” has come up in several conversations. One woman described how she has recently had some major health challenges and difficult decisions to make, and throughout that process she felt the Lord lifting and even carrying her. Now that she is past the most critical period, she no longer feels the Spirit in the same way, and misses it.

The Spiritual Connectedness Continuum

spiritual connectedness continuum

I think there is a spiritual connectedness continuum along which we fall at different times in our lives.  I found a wonderful talk, from which the following quotes are taken, in which Elder David A. Bednar has explained these concepts.

“As we gain experience with the Holy Ghost, we learn that the intensity with which we feel the Spirit’s influence is not always the same. Strong, dramatic spiritual impressions do not come to us frequently. Even as we strive to be faithful and obedient, there simply are times when the direction, assurance, and peace of the Spirit are not readily recognizable in our lives.” (David A Bednar, “That We May Always Have His Spirit to Be with Us,” April 2006 General Conference.)

Our choices affect our spiritual connectedness

Cannot feel the Spirit – Separated from God

Elder Bednar explains:

“We should also endeavor to discern when we “withdraw [ourselves] from the Spirit of the Lord, that it may have no place in [us] to guide [us] in wisdom’s paths that [we] may be blessed, prospered, and preserved” (Mosiah 2:36).

“The standard is clear. If something we think, see, hear, or do distances us from the Holy Ghost, then we should stop thinking, seeing, hearing, or doing that thing. If that which is intended to entertain, for example, alienates us from the Holy Spirit, then certainly that type of entertainment is not for us.

Listening for the still, small voice

“I recognize we are fallen men and women living in a mortal world and that we might not have the presence of the Holy Ghost with us every second of every minute of every hour of every day. However, the Holy Ghost can tarry with us much, if not most, of the time—and certainly the Spirit can be with us more than it is not with us.

In a devotional Elder Bednar gave at Ricks College in 1999, he mentions four principles that, when applied diligently, can help us improve our ability to create spiritual connectedness in our lives. I highly recommend reading the text of the devotional, but here are the four principles he explains.

  1. We must desire the companionship of the Holy Ghost.
  2. We must invite the companionship of the Holy Ghost.
  3. We must heed simple promptings.
  4. We must heed promptings quickly.

Spiritual High

From time to time in our lives we experience profound spiritual connectedness. Sometimes it accompanies times of great joy and happiness such as weddings, births, baptisms, blessings, confirmations, etc. It can also accompany times of challenge, difficulty, trial and sorrow such as the death of a loved one, health or financial challenges, etc. When our hearts are open to the Spirit because they are filled with gratitude or because we have turned to the Lord in humility and faith and are in need of His comfort, we can experience a kind of “spiritual high.” This is not a normal state of living, for anyone! It is a peak experience that we should record and treasure. It is personal and private; not to be shared with the world. We do not have these experiences because we seek them, nor as a reward for anything we have done. When we are living day to day in a manner that would invite and welcome the Spirit into our lives we will be able to experience these spiritual highs as the Lord sees fit to bestow them upon us.

How does this relate to recovery?

Have you ever heard someone say at a meeting that they are grateful for their addiction? Newcomers might hear that and think “These people are crazy! Why would anyone be grateful for their addiction?”

When I joined the Church, I learned the answers to the “three questions”: Where did I come from? Why am I here? Where am I going? I came to understand that my purpose in life was to learn to come to the Lord, partake of the Atonement, and return to live in the Celestial Kingdom with God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ.

What I did not learn was how to do this. When I found the 12 Steps, I started learning how. How to find spiritual connectedness. How to partake of the Atonement. How to receive the power the Lord promises to the faithful in Moroni 7:33.

I am so grateful that I have been blessed to find, in my journey of recovery, a way of living that provides a continual opportunity to listen for, hear and feel the still, small voice, in my life.

  • Where are you on the spiritual connectedness continuum?
  • Have you learned to recognize the influence of the Spirit in your daily life?
  • What can you do today to improve your spiritual connectedness?

Please share your thoughts about this post or other resources you would recommend by commenting below.

Related Posts: Tuning In, Grateful for My Addiction! Are You Kidding Me?, Prayer, Meditation and Pondering

 

 

How to Become Entirely Ready for God to Remove Your Shortcomings

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Step 6: Become Entirely ReadyDo you have a desire to be your best self? Do you want to have your shortcomings and weaknesses removed? Would you like to put your old self behind you and walk into the future a new and improved creature? Well what exactly does that look like? Can you describe the “new you”? What does it look like to allow God to remove your shortcomings? Notice that I said “allow,” because He will not change you against your will. You must spiritually create the new you before you can “become entirely ready” to allow God to make it happen.

Just like an architect visualizes a home remodeling project and creates it in his/her mind, then electronically or on paper before construction begins, I must create (with God’s help) the new me in my mind, and perhaps on the pages of my journal, before I have become entirely ready to be changed in the physical or temporal world. Then and only then will I be willing to allow Him to begin the remodeling process.

All things are created spiritually before they are created physically.

Genesis 2:4–5

“These are the generations of the heavens and of the earth when they were created, in the day that the Lord God made the earth and the heavens, And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew…”

Moses 3:5

“And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew. For I, the Lord God, created all things, of which I have spoken, spiritually, before they were naturally upon the face of the earth.”

Many people are unable to complete Step 6, “becom[ing] entirely ready to have God remove all [their] character weaknesses” because, with no concept of who they would be without those weaknesses, they are afraid to let go of them. Stuck in Step 6, they cannot get to Step 7, where they humbly ask to have their shortcomings removed.

The work of Step 6: how do we become entirely ready?

I have written before about how each step has an “input and an output.” The input to Step 6 is the list of shortcomings and weaknesses we identified in Step 5. (For more on this read “Six Thoughts about Step 5.”) Starting with this list, we have to somehow find the willingness to allow God to remove them.

According to Aristotle, nature abhors a vacuum. Trying to simply have a shortcoming removed is counterproductive. Removing it will leave a space into which something else will rush. If we don’t determine ahead of time what that “something else” is going to be, it could be worse than what we wanted to have removed!

“Unless you examine all your tendencies toward fear, pride, resentment, anger, self-will, and self-pity, your abstinence will be shaky at best. You will continue with your original addiction or switch to another one. Your addiction is a symptom of other “causes and conditions” (Alcoholics Anonymous [2001], 64).” (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, p. 13. emphasis added.)

So, suppose you get caught up playing solitaire on the computer when you are bored. You know it is a waste of time and decide to ask the Lord to remove it. If you don’t spiritually create a better way to handle boredom first, you might mindlessly start surfing the Internet instead of playing solitaire and develop an addiction to shopping online! Wouldn’t it be better if you prayerfully made a list of productive things you could do when you are bored, made sure you had the resources you needed to be able to do those things, imagined yourself doing them and pictured what it would look like in your life, and then asked Him to remove the solitaire addiction?

What about a character weakness, such as being quick to anger? Suppose you asked the Lord to remove this weakness, and then when something happened to make you angry you just stuffed it and tried to ignore it until you s.l.o.w.l.y got to the point where you exploded. Would that be an improvement? Wouldn’t it make more sense to write and pray about what healthy behavior you could use in those situations, do some research, start practicing using those behaviors and then ask the Lord to remove the “quick to anger” weakness? Would you be more likely to “become entirely ready” to have this weakness actually removed by doing this work than by simply thinking, “I don’t want to have this weakness anymore,” and asking Him to remove it?

If I do the work of Step 6 by spiritually creating the “new me” after prayerfully considering what options I have and what I want the “new me” to look like, the Lord will be able to remove my shortcomings when I ask Him to in Step 7. It will be up to Him whether and when He will remove them. If I know that I have done the work required of me to “become entirely ready” to have them removed, I can accept with serenity the will of the Lord. I know that I am a better person simply for having done this work. That makes it worth the effort.

  • What shortcomings would you like to have the Lord remove in your life?
  • Have you become entirely ready to have them removed?
  • What will you do today to become entirely ready for the Lord to remove your shortcomings?

Please share your thoughts about this post or other resources you would recommend by commenting below.

Related Posts: Changing Channels, Rock of Resentment, One Day At A Time Management

Why Recovery Stories are Important

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Knowledge lodges in my mind. Stories bind it in my heart.

Sometimes we study the 12 Steps but don’t seem to be able to find recovery. It may not be because we don’t understand the Steps. Rather, it might be because we haven’t figured out how to apply the steps in our lives. In reality, the 12 Steps are neither more nor less than a way of learning about and applying the power of the Atonement in our lives. Learning about the Atonement and the 12 Steps is important, but applying them in our lives is more important. One way to do this is by listening to the recovery stories of others.

I have an opportunity to hear these stories when I attend 12 Step meetings. The more meetings I go to, the more opportunities I have to hear people tell how they apply the Steps in their lives on a daily basis. The recovery stories I hear at meetings give me ideas about how I can integrate the 12 Steps in my daily life and live in a state of recovery.

Another way to hear recovery stories is to listen to the podcasts and videos the Church has made available on their website. For example:

There are also stories of how people have seen the 12 Steps work in their lives in program literature from other fellowships.The basic texts of many of the 12 Step fellowships have recovery stories at the back of the book. For example:

  • Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book)
  • Overeaters Anonymous (The Brown Book)
  • Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text (6th Edition)

There are also monthly magazines that contain recovery stories:

  • Alcoholics Anonymous Grapevine Magazine (subscription required to access most content)
  • Overeaters Anonymous Lifeline magazine (free online in PDF format)
  • The NA Way magazine (free online in PDF format)

Parables and metaphors are also stories. The Savior used them when he taught because it helped those who were spiritually prepared to better understand and apply the principle he was talking about. Many of my blog posts contain metaphors that have come as I have searched for a way to explain a Step or concept to someone or as the Lord has explained one to me!

Knowledge lodges in the mind. Stories bind it in the heart.

  • What recovery stories have you read or heard that help you apply the Steps to your life?
  • What story can you share with others about living in recovery or applying the Steps?
  • What will you do today to help yourself or others to find ways to apply the Atonement?

Please share your thoughts about this post or other resources you would recommend by commenting below.

Related Posts: In the right hand column of this page, under the heading “Categories,” click on “Metaphor” to find stories that might help you live in a state of recovery.

 

 

My Journey Down the River of Life

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Journey Down the River of LifeI float on my back down the river of life. My feet are downstream so that I see just a little bit of what lies ahead over the tips of my toes. The river moves slowly and the Lord walks by my side with his hand under me, supporting my back. He sees what is coming ahead. I trust Him to guide me and keep me safe on this relatively easy and effortless journey.

From time to time there are boulders and trees in the riverbed. When I come close enough to touch something with my feet, I need to be soft and flexible. My knees act like shock absorbers, bending as needed and then I straighten them to push myself off the obstruction. Sometimes I “tiptoe” around the object until I can resume my journey.

The water flows a little faster as the riverbed drops down on occasion. I feel a little fear, and look up at my Savior who continues to walk calmly by my side. He smiles reassuringly. I feel His hand gently supporting me. My circumstances do not threaten me. I am safe with Him.

Sometimes there are rapids. I may get bumped and a little bruised. But with the Lord to rescue me and keep me safe, I will not drown, unless I refuse His aid. He may lift me directly and carry me down river past the danger. Or He may have a raft manned by His servants pick me up and care for me temporarily. Sometimes He drafts me to care for others as my journey downstream continues.

There is only one way for me to be in danger: if I decide to manage the trip myself. Even when the river is slow, I barely see over the tips of my toes. Without His loving guidance I will get snagged by submerged limbs. If I try to go it alone in the white water, I will surely be smashed on the rocks or caught in a whirlpool. No. I cannot navigate the river alone. And why would I want to?

  • How fast is the river of your life flowing right now?
  • How flexible are you when you encounter obstacles? What does that look like in your life?
  • What will you do today to give more control to the Savior and allow Him to guide you?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Problem Solving Flowchart, Tuning In, Trust: Do Not Put Other Gods Before Him, There is No Darkness in the Presence of the Lord

 

Creating a Nurturing Environment

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The very same hydrangea bush produces either pink or blue flowers depending on its environment. (image)I love hydrangeas. They feel fluffy and soft and happy to me. I especially like pink and blue ones. I once lived in a townhouse that had a small front yard. I decided to plant hydrangea bushes – one pink and one blue. Imagine my surprise when I went to the plant nursery and they told me that the hydrangea bush could bear either pink blossoms or blue ones depending upon the acidity of the soil! If I wanted the flowers to be blue, I needed to amend the soil around that bush to lower the pH, and if I wanted them to be pink I needed to give them soil with a higher pH. But either way, I needed to make sure they had a good environment to live in with appropriate amounts of water and nutrients and light and space to grow.

Recently I was pondering how we are like hydrangea bushes. God created us perfectly. If our life isn’t pretty, it is not because we are basically flawed and need to be plucked up and cast into the fire. The environment we live in – both the external environment and the environment within our hearts and minds – has nurtured and produced the fruit and flowers we currently bear. Modifying that environment can change the way in which we blossom.

External Environment

Just like we can pull the weeds that steal nutrients and water in our gardens, we may find that we need to eliminate certain things from the environment we live in. This may include certain influences that come from the media, certain beverages or foods that are bad for us or trigger us to eat in unhealthy ways, or anything non-essential that we turn to in moments of stress instead of turning to the Lord. We may even need to eliminate toxic relationships from our lives and learn to modify the way we relate to others in ways that will make the garden of our lives more beautiful and fragrant.

If we are planted in soil that is truly dry and barren, surrounded by weeds that greedily claim the little bit of water and nutrients available, we may struggle to bear any fruit or flowers at all. In such extreme cases we may need to actually transplant ourselves to a more hospitable garden – someplace where there is fertile ground and plenty of rain and people to tend the garden. Some people find that their old friends, neighborhoods and sometimes even family members are so unable to provide the caring and nurturing they need to bloom that it is impossible to improve their environment and they just need to leave it behind and find a new community. These people may need to cut ties to those who suck the life out of them even if it hurts. Fortunately this is not often required.

Internal Environment

To blossom as fully as we possibly can, we can pull the weeds and nourish and amend the internal soil of our minds and hearts. We can eliminate activities and thoughts that drag us down. We can read scriptures, study program literature, write, pray, listen to uplifting music and associate with others who are on the same path to recovery. We can work the Steps with humility and do our best to learn from others who have overcome the same challenges we have and are willing to show us how they did it.

  • How satisfied are you with your current crop of fruit and flowers?
  • What can you do to improve both your internal and external environments?
  • What are you willing to do today?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Spiritual Metamorphosis, From My Prayer Journal: God is My Sculptor, Change: The AADWAR Process

 

How I Liken the Scriptures to Myself

Tools

Liken the scriptures to us - President Ezra T. Benson quote

Church leaders, from Isaiah and Nephi to our modern day prophets have taught us to apply, or “liken” the scriptures to ourselves. In my life, this often takes the form of putting my own name into the scripture as if it is being spoken to me, or just thinking of it as if it were being addressed directly to me. Certain scriptures, when applied in this way, have formed foundational concepts for me – that is, they color or inform the way I think about life and the world. One of the most important of these is Isaiah 41, verses 10 and 13.

 

10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. 13 For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.

This verse reminds me that I do not walk alone. I do not have to be strong enough to live my life without His help. I can turn to Him whenever I feel weak, inadequate or fearful. In fact, I don’t need to feel any of those things at all, because He is always with me. He stands by my side and holds my right hand. When I do feel those things, instead of dwelling on them or allowing them to control my thoughts, feelings and actions, this scripture comes racing into my mind and I turn to Him, pause to search for and feel His presence and His strength, and calmly face the situation. I am grateful for this reminder that although I am nothing without Him, He is always with me, and together we can handle anything life throws my way.

There are some passages of scripture that I liken to myself by rewriting them, changing the details so that they conform to my life and experience. This can be a very powerful exercise. The one that means the most to me is 2 Nephi 4:16-35, sometimes called “The Psalm of Nephi.” As my life unfolds, I modify my own version of it to be applicable to me in the moment. Likening this beautiful psalm to my life reminds me of my strengths and blessings as well as my continuing weakness and my need to turn to the Lord in each moment.

 

2 Nephi 4:16-35 (“The Psalm of Nephi”) Likening the scriptures to myself
  16 Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard. My heart is full with gratitude for the blessings the Lord has given me. I am grateful especially for spiritual insight.
  17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. Nevertheless, despite my many spiritual experiences and blessings, sometimes I find myself obsessing about my shortcomings and perceived weaknesses and failings. I feel guilty and unworthy of the blessings the Lord has given me.
  18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. I feel so disappointed in myself for turning to old behaviors and forgetting to turn to the Lord when I am troubled.
  19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. And when I want to be happy and joyful, the thought of my weaknesses and sins comes to my mind. Nevertheless, I know where to turn for strength.
  20 My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. The Lord Jesus Christ has guided me through adversity: through losing a child, a difficult marriage, divorce, losing my job, illness, starting over in a new city without friends, a new marriage, step children, losing my parents.
  21 He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh. At times I feel his love so profoundly, it seems to fill every fiber of my being.
  22 He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me. He has helped me find recovery from my addiction and learn to recognize Satan and turn away from him.
  23 Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time. He listens to my prayers at all times and gives me personal revelation.  He has sent people into my life who have sustained and supported and strengthened me when I needed it.
  24 And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me.
  25 And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been carried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them. He has answered my prayers in glorious and sacred ways.
  26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions? If I have been so richly and abundantly blessed, why am I still subject to the whisperings of Satan that cause me to doubt my spiritual experiences and my worthiness and why do I allow myself to be distracted from my focus on God?
  27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy? Why am I still tempted turn to distractions (like computer games) and comforts of the flesh (like compulsive eating) to deal with difficult situations and emotions?
  28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul. I rejoice in the Lord and remember His infinite love for me. I am eternally grateful for his blessings!
  29 Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions. I will not give in to temptation and turn to any other source of comfort or strength than the Lord.
  30 Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation. I will express my gratitude in prayer and thanksgiving.  I will share my joy and testimony with the world. My heart will be turned to the Lord in each moment!
  31 O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin? Lord, please help me to trust Thee completely, to know that Thou wilt remove my shortcomings and defects in Thy time as I walk in faith.
  32 May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me,  that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road! Because I am willing to turn to Thee in each moment, please help me to become deaf to the enticings of Satan. Please help me to turn my will and my life over to Thee in each moment and walk in conscious contact with Thee continually.
  33 O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy. Lord, encircle me in the arms of Thy love! Please help me to walk in faith and not stumble.  Please help me to always remember thee and know that thou art by my side always.  Please help me to recognize and turn away from the whisperings of Satan.
  34 O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm. Oh Lord, I have trusted Thee to guide me through challenges in the past.  I know that all things work together for my good when I trust Thee and follow the promptings and counsel I receive.
  35 Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen. I know that Thou wilt provide for me and give unto me all that I need, when I need it.  Please help me to bend my will to Thine; to want only those things that would be good for me; to ask for that which it will be possible for Thee to grant, and to be grateful and satisfied with each blessing Thou givest unto me.  Please help me to remember Thee in each moment and to be still and trust that all will be well.  I pray for all things in Jesus’ Holy Name.  Amen.
  • What scriptures have brought you strength and peace?
  • Try likening them to yourself, either by addressing them to yourself, or by rewriting them so that they apply to you.
  • How does using this technique help you to feel closer to the Lord?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Staying Abstinent: Using the Tools – Part 2, Being a 12-Step Sponsor is Like Serving a Mission

 

Willingness to Become Willing

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"Pray for the Willingness to become Willing."When I first began the journey of overcoming my food addiction, I attended 12-Step meetings, read the literature between meetings and talked to my sponsor, but I told her right up front, “I am not yet willing to change anything about the way I eat.” After about 6 months of “working” the steps, I received a gift from the Lord, a tiny little bit of willingness. I wasn’t ready to change the way I ate yet, but I found the willingness to start recording what I was eating.

I didn’t report it to anyone. I didn’t plan what I was going to eat. I didn’t swear off any trigger foods. I just started writing down what I ate, after the fact. And I started losing weight! I discovered that I had a tendency to grab something to eat every time I walked through the kitchen. I had no idea! I started to lose weight because when I found myself about to grab something, I realized that I didn’t really want it badly enough to write it down. ?

Eventually I became willing to start planning my food, and eat according to my plan; more or less. (I can be stubborn!) I realized after a while that if I would stop and ask the Lord for the willingness to say no to myself when I was about to eat something inappropriate, He would give me that willingness! It was amazing. But this introduced a new problem. Sometimes I didn’t want to ask for willingness because I knew that He would give it to me, and I wanted the food more than I wanted the willingness to abstain from it!

I heard someone say in a meeting that if she wasn’t willing to pray for willingness then she prayed for the willingness to become willing. I tried it. It worked! I don’t know why I should be so surprised. He often grants our righteous petitions, and I know He wants me to be living in a state of recovery. Willingness to change my behavior is a condition of learning to live in a state of recovery.

  • Is there something you are not yet willing to do that you know will help you on your recovery? What?
  • Are you willing to pray for willingness? If not, are you willing to pray for the willingness to become willing?
  • What will you do today to become willing to take another step on your journey of recovery?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Change: The AADWAR Process, Working One Step at a Time, Finding Peace

 

 

Creating the Fabric of Life – Checking the Pattern

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When creating the fabric of life, check the pattern often. (image)As I crochet, I frequently look back at my work. It gives me pleasure to watch the fabric grow, stitch by stitch, row by row. Sometimes I notice that I made a mistake. I messed up the pattern or missed a stitch. Because I look back regularly, I rarely have to rip very far to fix the errors. But occasionally I do notice something I somehow missed in a previous row. Then I have a decision to make. I can rip out everything I have done since, and fix the error, or I can accept that it is part of my fabric and let it go.

It occurred to me the other day that this is very much like living in a state of recovery. I check my life regularly (daily inventory – Step 10), looking back from time to time during the day. If I messed up I can fix it pretty easily. Even better, if I pay attention to the pattern and mindfully try to execute it to the best of my ability as I go along, I have less to fix! Occasionally my eyes are opened and I see a flaw that may have happened some time ago. Generally, this is harder to repair than something that happened today. I may have to use steps 4 through 9 to deal with that kind of mistake or shortcoming.

I am so glad to have the steps to help me improve/repair my life and my relationships. However, even if I do use those tools, I may not be able to completely erase the problem. I do the best I can and then accept that what remains is part of the fabric of my life. I let it go.

Sometimes when I am looking for a new crochet project I find a pattern that looks awesome, but difficult. It may use stitches that are new to me or the instructions may not be clear to me when I read them. I re-read the pattern several times. I try to follow the directions. Sometimes I get pretty far into it before I figure out that I must be doing something wrong because it isn’t turning out like the picture. I could just give up. That has happened. But if it is important to me, if I just feel called to make that pattern, there is help available. Sometimes there is someone at a yarn shop who can help me figure out the directions. I can post in an online group asking for help from someone who has already made that pattern. With email and websites I can contact the person who designed the pattern to get their help in figuring out what I am doing wrong and get on the right track.

The same process occurs in the creation of the fabric of my life. From time to time I feel inspired to try something new, different, and perhaps difficult. If it doesn’t go well, despite my best efforts, I could give up. That has happened. But if it is important to me, if I just feel called to do it, there is help available. I can talk to my Bishop or my sponsor. I can attend a 12-Step meeting and ask others with recovery for their ideas. And most importantly, I can reach out to the Designer of my life, my Savior, and ask for His help in figuring out what I am doing wrong and how to get on the right track.

  • What do you do to monitor the fabric of your life and make corrections quickly?
  • Write about how you can apply this metaphor to your life.
  • What are you willing to do today to clean up your mistakes as you go or repair a mistake from your past?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Some Patterns Cause Us to Stumble, Others Help Us Build, Learning Life Skills – Your Personal Tutor

 

The 1-2-3 Waltz – Avoiding the Inventory

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Inventory Avoidance - 1-2-3 Waltz image. A waltz is danced to music that has three beats to the measure. Think of “My Cup Runneth Over (with Love)”  or “Morning Has Broken.” Imagine Cinderella at the ball. It is beautiful, sweeping, romantic. When learning to dance the waltz, the instructor and the dancers can be heard counting to themselves, “One, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three,” in time to the music.

In the 12-Step program there is also a 1-2-3 waltz. It is not beautiful. It is not romantic. It happens when someone starts working the program, gets through the first 3 steps, gets stuck on the 4th Step inventory, relapses (or not) and returns to Step 1. Over. And over. And over again. I did the 1-2-3 waltz for the first 8 years I was in the program.

Why Do We Get Stuck on the Step 4 Inventory?

Step 4 is Hard

Step 4 is hard! The first three steps are hard, too, if we really work them. But many newcomers to the program, especially those who have a background that includes a faith tradition, think they already know they need God, are not afraid to admit it and, at least nominally, turn their will and their lives over to Him. When they get to Step 4, they have to sit down with a pen and paper and review their whole lives, trying to find everything bad (or good) they have ever done. That is hard! It is called a “searching and fearless moral inventory.” Many of us have spent much of our lives running away from our fears. Doing a searching and fearless moral inventory seems overwhelming. We are not sure we can honestly face all the things that we have done, all the people we have hurt, all the bad decisions we have made.

We May Not Be Ready

Each step prepares us for the next one. As a general rule, I have found that if I am stuck on any step, I probably need to go back to the previous step, dig a little deeper, and be a little more honest. Truly turning our will and our lives over to the Lord may be easier said than done. If we haven’t really dug deeply enough in Step 3, we aren’t really ready to access His power to do a searching and fearless moral inventory.

We Don’t Know How to Do It

Never having done such a thing before, we don’t even know where to start. There are some suggestions in the ARP Guide and other 12-Step books (see my Resources page), but there are so many different ways to do it! How do we know which one is right for us? And as we begin, we have questions. How do we know if we are doing it right? Who should we ask for advice?

We are Not Accountable to Anyone

One of the ways we get hard things done in our lives is to be accountable to someone else: a parent, a teacher, a team, a boss, a spouse, a friend. Many of us find it hard to implement changes in our lives or do new things if there is no one holding us accountable for following through on our goals.

How Do We Break the Cycle?

If You Don’t Have a Sponsor, Find One

It is hard to work the program effectively without an accountability partner. A sponsor is is an accountability partner, but much more than that. A sponsor is someone who has walked this path before us and is willing to share his/her journey with us. A sponsor will understand how hard it is to do an inventory and offer words of encouragement and suggestions to consider when we are struggling.

Dig Deeper on the First Three Steps

If we do feel a need to start over with steps 1, 2, and 3, it needs to be different this time. It needs to be deeper. We need to make outreach calls, and talk to others about their recovery. We need to follow the suggestions of a sponsor. We can try using the tool of writing more. There are additional 12-Step books that might be helpful (see my Resources page). Especially on Step 3, we need to spend some time on our knees and make sure that we have really done the work, that we are really willing to do the Lord’s will even if it is not what we want to do.

Become Willing to Receive the Lord’s Enabling Power

The Atonement is a power that works for redemption at the end of life, and it is also an enabling power that gives us the strength to do hard things now. Watch Brad Wilcox’ amazing talk, His Grace is Sufficient or read Elder Bednar’s wonderful article from the April 2012 Ensign: The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality for more insight on how grace (the power of the Atonement) can work in your life.

“And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.” (Moroni 7:33) When you rely on the Lord’s grace to do the things that are expedient unto Him, you will be able to do things you never thought you could do.

Just Do It

So what if you are afraid? You have done other things you were afraid to do and lived to tell about it. Program literature clarifies that “fearless” does not mean “without fear.” Rather, it means that we do the inventory to the best of our ability without allowing our fear to stop us.

So what if you don’t know the “best” way, or the “right” way to do your inventory? Just prayerfully pick an approach. No one is giving you a grade for this. No one is going to tell you you did it wrong. You get as many chances as you want to do it again and try another way. There is no right way, no wrong way. Just do it.

  • Are you stuck in the 1-2-3 Waltz?
  • If so, what do you think is keeping you from moving forward with Step 4?
  • What are you willing to do today to trust God, rely on His power, dig deeper, and receive the blessings and promises available to you?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Fear: the Enemy of Progress and Recovery, Christ is the Power Source, Working One Step at a Time

Finding Peace

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“If you feel worried, self-pitying, troubled, anxious, resentful, carnal minded, or fearful in any way, turn immediately to the Father and allow Him to replace these thoughts with peace.”

A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, Step 10, page 59

Method for Finding PeaceWhen I turn to my addiction (or any other behavior) rather than the Savior when I feel “worried, self-pitying, troubled, anxious, resentful, carnal minded, or fearful,” I voluntarily forfeit the peace the Lord can give me and settle instead for temporary numbness or distraction and subsequent remorse. He is willing and able to give me the peace I crave. The price for that peace is the willingness to recognize the pain, humble myself, turn to Him, and open my heart to receive it. So why don’t I just do it?

Recognize the Pain

The feelings listed in the quote above are uncomfortable. I don’t like to feel them. I don’t want to stay in this place. I have a natural tendency, a habit of many years, to look for comfort in distraction or in my “drug of choice.” When I feel these emotions, I need to train myself to recognize this moment as an opportunity to find peace, rather than turn to my old familiar “friends.” (see Changing Channels.)

Humble Myself

I need to admit that I cannot obtain the relief and peace I seek by my own efforts. I have tried and failed at this repeatedly. I need to acknowledge that only with the Lord’s help will I find the peace I crave.

Turn to the Lord

I figuratively or literally get on my knees and acknowledge to the Lord that I am feeling things that have sent me to my addiction in the past. I tell Him that I don’t want to go there this time. I tell Him I am willing to let go of these feelings. I ask Him to take them, and replace them with peace. (See Staying Abstinent: Using the Tools – Part 1.)

Open My Heart to Receive His Peace

I make a decision to trust that He will do it, and wait for it to happen. Sometimes I wait right there on my knees. At other times I go about my business, and allow myself to feel the feelings for the moment. I remind myself that I will not die from these feelings. I choose to trust Him to walk by my side and help me to bear them, until He grants me peace, in His time.

“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness…For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.”

Isaiah 41:10,13

 Why Don’t I Just Do It Every Time?

I am not perfect yet. (See On Being a Perfect Rosebud.) I am a child of God, a human being on earth, and as such, I instinctively avoid pain. But I have learned that I can survive pain now, to get what I want. It is called delaying gratification. I save now so that I can buy what I want later without going into debt. I exercise now so that I enjoy good health and am happy with my body. I work the steps now so that I can live “happy, joyous and free” from my addiction.

I turn to the Lord now, instead of my addiction, so that I can have peace.

  • What uncomfortable feelings trigger you to seek relief in the wrong places?
  • What behaviors do you habitually turn to to escape the discomfort or pain?
  • What are you willing to do today to seek the peace of the Lord instead?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Changing Channels, Staying Abstinent: Using the Tools – Part 1, Help: Encircled about in the Arms of His Love, Trust: Do Not Put Other Gods Before Him, On Being a Perfect Rosebud

Six Points to Discern the Lord’s Will

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Richard G Scott quote re discerning the Lord's will.In this quote, Elder Scott expressed in elegant simplicity what it looks like to live in Step 11: “Seek through prayer and meditation to know the Lord’s will and to have the power to carry it out.” Elder Scott points out that our success in doing this is contingent upon our spiritual preparation to receive two important blessings: knowledge of the Lord’s will for us and the power and willingness to carry it out. In this post I am focusing on the first, discerning the Lord’s will.

The Lord will not compel us to do what would be best for us. That was Satan’s plan. He rarely hits us over the head with personal revelation, either. The Lord’s plan is to allow us to choose our attitudes, work ethic, and activity level. He will grant unto us those things we request which are in harmony with His will, if we do the work necessary to receive them. Two of Elder Scott’s conference talks (“How to Obtain Revelation and Inspiration for Your Personal Life” and “To Acquire Spiritual Guidance“) give us a glimpse of the importance of personal revelation to him and how he went about receiving knowledge of the Lord’s will for him.

What does it take to be spiritually prepared to receive this personal revelation? I think it takes work! Here are six things that I have found to be personally helpful to me as I strive to “live to be worthy to know the will of the Lord and to live to have, with his help, the capacity and courage to carry out that will—and to desire nothing else,” as Elder Scott says.

  1. I have to humble myself and become willing to receive knowledge of the Lord’s will even when it is not what I was hoping for.
  2. I have to spend time in the scriptures, not necessarily to find answers there, but to learn to recognize the voice of the Lord, and to quiet my mind and prepare myself to be able to hear with spiritual ears the message the Lord has for me.
  3. Working my own program – reading the ARP Guide and other 12-Step books and implementing in my life the way of living described there – clears away many stumbling blocks and impediments to receiving knowledge of the Lord’s will.
  4. Spending time talking to others who are living in a state of recovery helps me feel more able to receive knowledge of the Lord’s will, both directly from Him, and in the words and examples of those I talk to.
  5. Writing is, for me, one of the most effective and helpful tools for receiving personal revelation. (See Tools: Quality Prayer.)
  6. Once I receive knowledge of the Lord’s will for me I must act upon it.

I have found that if I do not act upon my promptings quickly, the moment can pass, and I miss out on the blessings that might have been mine. I have also found that if I ignore the promptings I receive for an extended period of time, I lose some of my ability to hear and understand what the Lord would have me do. Sometimes I don’t act because I feel overwhelmed; sometimes because I am afraid. When the Lord wants me to go outside of my comfort zone I tend to question whether I heard Him correctly. Of course He wants me to go outside of my comfort zone! He wants me to grow and reach my full potential! He isn’t finished with me yet.

  • Step 11 says, “Seek through prayer and meditation to know the Lord’s will and to have the power to carry it out.” How satisfied are you with your prayer and meditation practice?
  • How confident are you that you are able to discern the Lord’s will for you?
  • What are you willing to do today to improve in this area?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: On Being a Perfect Rosebud, Prayer, Meditation and Pondering, Tuning In,

 

A Quick Look at Codependency

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Image of parents arguing and daughter covering her ears.
Copyright: ejwhite / 123RF Stock Photo

A reader recently asked me if this blog has any posts about codependency. She wanted to know what it is and how to tell if you struggle with it. I haven’t written much about codependency, although I do struggle with it. Much has been published on the subject by experts in the field. I am not an expert. However, here are my own observations.

Definition of Codependency

I use the term “codependency” to describe someone in a relationship in which s/he is obsessed with the dysfunctional behavior of another to the extent that his or her own life is being compromised. Usually the other person is an addict, in poor mental or physical health, irresponsible, or an underachiever. The codependent person is obsessed with trying to make things better for their loved one. Once the pattern of codependency has been established in someone’s life, it often happens that they “collect” dysfunctional friends and loved ones who are perfectly willing to have someone enable their bad behavior, even if the price is listening to them nag or berate them.

Someone once told me that “virtue out of balance” is a shortcoming. In the mind of a codependent, their obsession with and attempt to fix their loved one is an expression of their love. But it is not healthy love. We have been counseled to love as Christ does. Christ loves us by accepting us for who we are unconditionally, and allowing us to experience the consequences of our choices. Christ loves us by not doing for us what we can do for ourselves, even if we choose not to. He will not force us or beg us to do what would be in our own best interest. He doesn’t try to manipulate us nor does He allow us to manipulate Him. If we ask Him, He will give us direction, and power to do what we cannot do alone. But if we don’t follow His guidance, He does not berate, abandon or ignore us.

Drug of Choice

The drug of choice for someone who struggles with codependency is usually either “to fix” or “to control.” When I hear myself saying (or even thinking) that I want to “fix” someone, I know it is time to do an inventory on my relationship with that person and apply the Steps. When I find myself in a power struggle with a loved one (usually spouse or child) I need to examine whether I am trying to control that person. Even if the reason is that I don’t want them to ruin their future, my trying to “make” them do what (I think) would be best for them is codependent behavior.

I am an assertive person by nature, and my codependency is usually expressed in an assertive way. However, people who are passive can also try to control others, and get them to do what they want. Some play the victim, or allow the other person to walk all over them (sometimes called “being a doormat”) in order to avoid conflict, or in a mistaken belief that it will keep the other person from leaving them. They are still trying to get what they think would be best by manipulating their loved one.

Approaches to Recovery from Codependency

People recover from codependency in different ways. Some people find success by treating codependency as an addiction, and applying the 12-Step program to it in their own lives. Others use more of an educationally-based approach. Counseling can be helpful either on its own or in conjunction with one of the first two methods.

Using the 12-Steps to Overcome Codependency

Many of our LDS Addiction Recovery (ARP) meeting participants are codependents. Some are also addicted to a substance or another behavior. Applying the 12-Steps to their codependency has worked amazingly well for many of them.  They have learned to recognize their codependent behavior and apply the steps to overcome it with the help of the Lord, and the Atonement. There are other 12-Step programs that use a similar approach to overcoming codependency as well – for example: Al-Anon and CoDa (Co-Dependents Anonymous).

Educational Support Approaches

The LDS Church has introduced a new approach to supporting spouses and family members of addicts. It includes a guide that contains 12 principles to be studied along with various talks from General Authorities that relate to that principle. There are weekly meetings in which the material in the guide is discussed, one principle per week. The attendees at the meetings all struggle with the addiction of a loved one, and often learn from each other by listening and sharing during the meetings.

When the person in your life who seems to be making bad choices is a child, it is sometimes very difficult to know where “good parenting” stops and “codependence” begins. There is a fine line between trying to help a child (of any age) find and stay on a path that leads to happiness, and trying to take away his or her agency in order to “make” them do what you “know” is best. I think the term “helicopter parent” is really another name for codependency. I have found a lot of help in trying to learn how to be a supportive parent without being a codependent one from the Love and Logic Institute. They have many resources including books and CDs. They offer classes in many areas. I have recently found support from a Facebook group called “Love and Logic Parents Unite” where parents can share what is working for them.

  • Write about how the various ways you show love are healthy and unhealthy.
  • What approaches or resources might help you overcome any codependent behavior you might have?
  • What are you willing to do today to help you improve the way you relate to your loved ones?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Staying Abstinent: Using the Tools – Part 4

 

Letting Go

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Broken Dreams, by Lauretta P. Burns: a poem about letting go."Letting go of my dreams – the vision I had of what my future would hold – and learning to allow God to create a future for me has been one of the more difficult aspects of my recovery. It is so much more complicated than it sounds! It is not really that I think I could do a better job than God, but rather that not being in control triggers feelings of discomfort and fear.

I have become attached to the ideas and the pictures in my head of how my life will turn out. Letting go of them is painful. Trusting that the Lord’s plan for my life will be better than mine is also hard. I love the Lord. I want to trust Him. I know, intellectually, that I can and should trust Him and that He is much more capable of designing the perfect life for me than I am. But what if His plan for me is hard? What if His plan has me wading through trials and pain? What if I have to experience things I don’t want to experience? Sometimes my intellectual knowledge and even my faith that “all things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28), isn’t enough to overcome my fear.

I have written previously about how to let go. This post is just to acknowledge that it is hard. But I also want to say that it is worth it. In every case where I have chosen to let go, I have found peace. I have stepped into the unknown and found the Lord by my side. This poem was particularly helpful to me as I tried to learn to let go in the early days of my recovery.

BROKEN DREAMS by Lauretta P. Burns

As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because He was my friend.

But then instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
With ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried,
“How could you be so slow?”
“My child,” He said, “what could I do?”
“You never did let go.”

I testify that God loves us and that He will give us what we need. He will enable us to reach our full potential, if we let Him. Jesus is my friend. He walks by my side. He carries the burden for me when it is more than I have strength to bear. He smiles and is pleased when I grow. He will never leave me. Nor will He leave you.

  • What are your broken dreams?
  • Do you have a testimony that Jesus is always there for you? Write it out.
  • What will you do today to learn to let go?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Learning to Let Go, Steps 1, 2, and 3: I Can’t, He Can, I’ll Let Him, Becoming Entirely Ready