Tag Archives: Writing

Receiving Revelation for Our Lives

November 14, 2018Living in Recovery, Working the ProgramPersonal-Revelation, Prayer, Step-11, Trust, WritingMira Daniels

“Pray in the name of Jesus Christ about your concerns, your fears, your weaknesses—yes, the very longings of your heart. And then listen! Write the thoughts that come to your mind. Record your feelings and follow through with actions that you are prompted to take.” (President Russell M. Nelson, Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives, Ensign, May 2018, p. 95)

I love step-by step approaches to improving my life. In this talk, Russell M. Nelson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, offers a simple, straightforward approach to receiving personal revelation for our lives. He did not present it as a set of defined steps, but that is how they feel to me.

1. Pray

What should we pray about? Our concerns, our fears, our weaknesses, and the longings of our hearts. How do we pray? In the name of Jesus Christ.

When we pray with a true understanding of the Lord’s ability and willingness to ease our burdens and help us come unto and become like Him; if we are willing to trust Him, He can deliver us. What does He deliver us from? From bondage to our concerns, our fears, our weaknesses and shortcomings. When we take them out of the dark hiding places of our hearts and hold them up to His light, they lose their power to keep us from achieving our full potential in this life, with His help.

2. And then listen!

What a concept! This took me many years to learn for myself. I thought I was finished with my prayer when I said “Amen.” I would get up from my knees and go about my life wondering when and how I would ever hear answers to my prayers.

3. Write the thoughts…Record your feelings

The thoughts and feelings that come to us when we listen after praying can be personal revelation for our lives. When I first started listening for, and receiving answers a disconcerting pattern emerged. After a few hours I could remember that I had received an answer to my prayer, but I couldn’t remember what I had heard! I started writing – at first just the answers and then the entire prayer including the answers. My practice of written prayer has enhanced my personal relationship with the Savior so much that when I cannot write, I feel cheated.

4. Follow through with actions

This is the crux or heart of the matter. It is what I still struggle with and work on daily. Almost every prayer I write includes a plea for help with recognizing and acting upon the promptings I receive that day. Activities and distractions frequently push down the thoughts and promptings under a load of urgent but often less important things. When Satan cannot stop me from praying and receiving guidance, he settles for distracting me from acting on it. I am reminded of the talk, “Good, Better, Best” given by President Dallin H. Oaks in October 2007 General Conference. It is always best to follow the personal revelation I receive from the Lord each day.

What are you willing to do today to enhance your ability to receive personal revelation?
How can you better act upon the revelation you receive?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Steps 4 & 5: Composting Our Emotional Debris

August 16, 2018Metaphor, Working the ProgramFear, Growth, Humility, Inventory, Letting Go, Sponsorship, Step-4, Step-5, WritingMira Daniels

Planting in compost Sometimes we just need to take a good hard look at our past, learn from it and let it go. In the 12 Step program this usually takes place in Steps 4 and 5, when we write a searching and fearless moral inventory and share it with God, ourselves, and another person. We list the people, institutions, etc. towards whom we feel resentment, guilt or shame. We figuratively sweep out the root cellar of our hearts and minds, looking for stray items left behind to rot. To the best of our ability we clean house and let go of anything that is holding us back.

We list positive memories in the Step 4 inventory—those that are uplifting, enlightening or comforting—and the gifts, talents and skills we find. We examine and explore how we can use them to bless ourselves and others.

The rotten stuff we gather up and take to the emotional compost pile. As we write the inventory we let ourselves remember each incident: what happened, who was affected, how it affected us. We look for patterns of negative behavior to find the underlying causes and conditions leading to the choices we make today. Then, in Step 5 we turn it over to God and another person and let it go.

It takes humility and courage to overcome our fear of closely examining our pasts. Watered by our tears, the rotten fruit—the emotional debris—is changed into life-giving compost. We no longer need to agonize over the individual incidents in our inventory, or feelings of resentment, guilt or shame. Our memories and experiences can, with the help of the Lord, blend together and become fertile ground in which He plants the seeds of future accomplishment and contribution. In this way He consecrates our afflictions for our good. (See 2 Nephi 2:2)

One Example

One of my sponsees has had a very difficult life, starting with repeated childhood sexual abuse and neglect. To survive her life of continual trauma she developed several dysfunctional coping mechanisms including an eating disorder and other forms of self harm. After decades of these behaviors, with the help of the Lord she found abstinence from her eating disorder. She is now using the 12 Steps to overcome her other addictions. This woman is immersing herself in Steps 4 and 5 with great humility and commitment, even though it hurts to examine her very difficult past. She writes in her inventory every day and shares with me what she has written.

How has her “emotional compost” led to growth and joy? She is recognizing her need for boundaries and learning to set them. Every time she does so, it is a victory for her. She is learning to recognize anxiety when it starts. She is learning to deliberately choose alternative behaviors – healthy behaviors – to cope with it. She is learning to relate to her husband with a new, more spiritually mature love. She is teaching me how to help others with a background of complex post traumatic stress.

God is using her emotional debris to create a rich, nourishing medium for growth: hers, mine, and all the others we each work with through this inspired 12 Step program.

Write about how God can consecrate your affliction for good if you are willing to examine your past and turn it over to Him.
Are you willing to do a “searching and fearless moral inventory”?
What are you willing to do today to get started?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Low-hanging Spiritual Fruit

June 3, 2016MetaphorGrowth, Inventory, Letting Go, Step-4, Step-6, Willingness, WritingMira Daniels

God has created us in His image. He has given us divine potential or “spiritual fruit”: gifts and talents we can discover and develop throughout our lives. Sometimes they are apparent and obvious. From a very young age we can begin to develop and enjoy them. Others are obscured; hidden beneath shortcomings only to be freed and discerned as we become willing to turn to the Lord for help in letting go of and overcoming weakness.

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27 emphasis added)

Suppose when we are born we each have our very own spiritual fruit tree—let’s say it is an orange tree. Each orange represents a strength, gift or talent. The low-hanging fruit is easy to pick, even for a small child. We must remove the peel which encases the sweet, delicious orange full of vitamins and goodness. That requires some work. As soon as we become aware that it is there, and someone teaches us how to pick and peel it we can eat the spiritual fruit and grow stronger and more capable.

A new baby is too weak to roll over or sit up alone. But as loving parents nurture and feed the child s/he grows stronger and through determined effort learns to sit, crawl, walk, run and climb. The capabilities of the miraculous body created for this child develop and strengthen as s/he works at those skills, too young to be afraid of failure or hard work. The youngster develops spiritually as well as physically, developing wonder, faith, gratitude and a sense of sacred awe.

At some point, we will have picked and eaten all of the low-hanging fruit, but there is still more on our tree. The higher fruit is more difficult to see and reach. We might need to climb the tree or get a ladder. Climbing, stretching and reaching may be outside of our comfort zone. We may feel scared and off balance. But the Lord holds the ladder and stands beneath the tree prepared to catch us if we fall. If we listen, He tells us where to reach and how to obtain the spiritual fruit. But He won’t pick or peel it for us.

As we mature into adulthood we develop fears and bad habits that keep us from exploring and finding more gifts, talents and strengths. If we focus on the ground and don’t look up at the beautiful tree, we may not even realize there is more fruit. Writing an inventory of our shortcomings and weaknesses helps us spot the spiritual fruit. We may not have any idea what wonderful gift lies within the rough, ugly peel, but we can turn to the Lord for help in becoming willing to do the work necessary to obtain the fruit, remove the shortcoming that encases it, and allow Him to replace the weakness with strength.

What spiritual fruit have you already picked?
What is stopping you from picking more?
What will you do today to spot and reach for more?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

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Read to Learn; Write to Grow

January 6, 2016Tools, Working the ProgramGrowth, Literature, WritingMira Daniels

As I work on my recovery, I learn so much from reading. This includes 12-Step program literature, scriptures, spiritually uplifting talks by Church leaders, books and other sources. I get new ideas, see things I may not have seen before and gain understanding. I learn new tips and techniques for dealing with temptation or stress. I find metaphors that help me make sense of my own strengths and shortcomings and the journey I am on. I learn about the program and about the recovery process.

Nevertheless, most of this happens in my head, not my heart. Reading about it does not make it a part of me.

We have long been counseled by our Church leaders to keep a journal. There are many different kinds of journal writing. Some people primarily record the events of their lives. Others share their deepest feelings, hopes and dreams. No matter what kind of writing you do, and whether you write in a journal or notebook or on a computer, I have found that writing accesses a different part of your brain than pondering or speaking.

When I write, I explore how the things I am learning apply to me; to my life. When I write I find new understanding and practical application of what I have read or heard. I get ideas about how I want to implement these concepts and practices in my life. I make commitments to myself and to God about what I am willing to do today, and start conceptualizing what my life could look like in the future as I become willing to apply more and more of what I have learned.

As I write I report on my progress; report both to myself and to the Lord. I look back at what I have written in the past and see proof of it. As I work to articulate my feelings and my observations I gain keener insight into them and synthesize new ideas I did not even have when I sat down to write.

I am grateful for all that has been written by others; for the raw materials I find there. I am even more grateful for the ability and opportunity to write for myself and co-create the new me with God, starting with who I am today and using those raw materials to become more of what He has given me the potential to be.

I read to learn. I write to grow.

How do you use the tool of writing?
How does/could writing help you to grow?
What are you willing to do today to use writing to co-create the new you with God?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Some Patterns Cause Us to Stumble, Others Help Us Build

November 25, 2015Working the ProgramAbstinence, Change, Growth, Meetings, Pattern, Plan, Prayer, Progress, Structure, WritingMira Daniels

I have been working the 12 Steps since 1999. I actually started going to meetings in 1991, but didn’t get a sponsor and start working the program for eight years. Even in those early years, as I went to meetings week after week, I heard people talk about what helped them find sobriety and serenity, and what caused them to stumble. As I have listened to others, and as I have worked the Steps myself, I have gained an understanding of the importance of looking for patterns – patterns that help me grow as well as patterns that undermine my recovery. I have learned to look for them, analyze them, and use them to my advantage.

Patterns in Practice

The first time I became aware of the importance of a pattern was when I finally became willing to start recording the food I ate. It was the first change I became willing to make in my life as a result of my participation in the 12 Step program. I wasn’t willing to change how I ate at that point or tell anyone else what I was eating, and I certainly wasn’t willing to plan my food, but I decided that I was willing to record what I was eating.

Two things began to happen when I started to collect data on what I was eating. First of all, I started to lose weight. Why? Because I found that I had been eating mindlessly – picking up a handful of something every time I passed through the kitchen. When I committed to writing down every bite that went into my mouth, I discovered that some of the food I had been eating just wasn’t worth the effort it took to write it down! So the mindless snacking was cut way back.

The second thing was that I started to notice patterns. I could eat lunch on one day, and eat a different lunch the next day, both of which contained approximately the same number of servings from the same food groups, and find that I was satisfied when I finished one lunch but still wanted to eat more after I finished the other. As I continued to record what I ate, a pattern emerged. My satisfaction level was controlled not simply by how much I ate, or what kinds of foods I ate. The most important factor in determining whether I would be satisfied was texture – specifically crunch! If I didn’t get enough crunch in a meal, I wanted to continue eating. As soon as I came to that realization, I started keeping crunchy foods in the house and I found that I could eat less, be satisfied, and lose more weight!

Looking for patterns in an inventory

One of the objectives I have when receiving someone’s 5^th step inventory, is to help them identify a list of shortcomings and character defects they can use as input to Step 6. As I listen to the person share their inventory, I make note of patterns I hear. Are they using certain words repeatedly? Does the same kind of thing keep happening to them? These patterns usually point to a shortcoming or character defect that I jot down. When they are done sharing their inventory I ask them to look back over it and identify any patterns they can find, and come up with their own list of shortcomings. Then we compare lists and talk about what they think they need to become willing to turn over to God as they embark on Step 6.

Dailies

The use of patterns I mentioned so far is for taking a look at past behavior and understanding it better. Patterns can also help us create healthier and more effective ways of living. In the program I often hear people talk about “the dailies.” This is a set of activities they do every day to help them maintain sobriety and happiness. Here are some of the dailies that help me live a life of recovery:

Scripture Study

At one time in my life I heard people talk about the importance of daily scripture study. I just couldn’t seem to find time to do it. Finally, I made a decision to get up before my children, very early in the morning, and try to establish a pattern of daily scripture study and prayer. I was successful and it made a big difference in my life.

Prayer

I try to write my morning prayer every day. That is a part of my “dailies.” Written prayer helps me “tune in” to the right frequency to connect with the Lord all day long.

Exercise

My husband and I walk each morning. It is good for our health and good for our relationship. It also gets our day off to a good start. This is a pattern that helps me in my life.

Long-time readers will know that I believe structure is a very important aspect of living a sober and successful life. Collecting data to analyze and looking for self-limiting patterns helps me to identify things I need to change. Establishing recovery-promoting patterns helps me put a framework in place to allow the Lord to change me from within so that I can live my best life.

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Working One Step at a Time, Tools: Quality Prayer, Structure: Like a Kite String, Tuning In

Problem Solving Flowchart

November 20, 2014Working the ProgramAcceptance, Fear, God-Box, Letting Go, powerlessness, Problem Solving, Trust, WritingMira Daniels

What goes on in your mind when something “goes wrong?” I started thinking about this not too long ago. Some people obsess about why it happened. I don’t. So what do I do?

Is It Something I Can Control?

I go through a kind of flowchart in my mind in these situations. It actually happens pretty quickly most of the time. The first thing I ask myself is, “Is this something I can control?” This is a key question because if it is not something I can control, no amount of anguish, effort or frustration is going to change anything.

If the Problem or Situation is Not Under My Control

If the problem is something that I cannot control I quickly do Steps 1, 2, and 3:

Step 1: Admit that I am powerless over the matter.
Step 2: Acknowledge that God can handle it.
Step 3: Make a decision to turn it over to Him and trust His timing.

I have written several other posts on how to let go and trust God. For example, “Learning to Let Go.” Once I have turned it over, I need to be willing to trust His timing. If I find myself obsessing about the matter again, it is probably related to His timing more than anything else. I want the problem solved immediately. He has a perfect sense of when the necessary lessons have been learned and will resolve these things in His own way and time. I need to remember that I turned it over and decide to let it go once more. ( See more on the “God Box” ).

If It is Something I Can Control

Sometimes a problem is something I could do something about, but should not. It might be outside of my area of stewardship – in other words, none of my business. Or it might be better for the other people involved if I let them figure out a solution for themselves. Even if it is my problem to solve, it is often the case that the immediate and obvious answer that pops into my head is not the best one. I have found that praying for guidance is always worth the time.

Praying for Guidance

“Lord, what wilt thou have me do?” This is the humble prayer the Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing says to use in Step 7 on page 42. I usually write this type of prayer (see more here), and list out the options that I can think of, describing the pros and cons, trying to think ahead to what the outcomes (including possible unintended consequences) might be. I believe this is in harmony with the Lord’s direction to Oliver Cowdery in the 9th Section of the Doctrine & Covenants.

Doing the Footwork

Sometimes the footwork is to watch and wait and continue to pray. Other times it requires more action. If I need to take action I want to feel comfortable that the action I am going to take has the approval of the Lord. And sometimes I need to have the courage to take the action the Lord gives me to do. I may feel fear. When this happens I try to remember two of my favorite scriptures:

“And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.” (Moroni 7:33)
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

Trust in the Lord’s Timing

In the end, whether it turns out to be something I have no control over or something I need to act upon, it all comes down to trusting the Lord and His timing.

Is there something going on in your life right now that should be put through this process?
Are you willing to let go of it and turn it over if it is something that is not in your area of stewardship, or if the Lord tells you just to be patient right now?
Are you willing to ask the Lord, with an open mind and heart, if there is any footwork that you need to do?
Are you willing to do the footwork He has given you?
How do you feel about accepting His timing in the resolution of this matter?

Digging Deep: the Step-work Sandwich

October 17, 2014Working the ProgramLiterature, Steps, WritingMira Daniels

There may be as many ways of working the steps as there are people who work them. When someone finishes Step 12, they may work the maintenance Steps (10, 11 and 12) for a while or start over with Step 1. They may work the Steps quickly or slowly. They may choose a particular issue to work on as they start over, or may just go down deeper on the same issues.

In this post I am sharing an in-depth approach to working the Steps that relies heavily on the tool of writing. It may take days or weeks to get through a Step this way, and months to get through them all. If this feels overwhelming to you at this point in your program, it might be best for you to save this approach for later. It makes me dig deep and learn more about myself and about living in a sane and abstinent way. It is most effective if you have a sponsor and report your progress, discussing any insights you receive as you work through the steps.

Materials List

(see Resources page to find out where and how to obtain these materials)

He Did Deliver Me from Bondage, Colleen Harrison
Optional: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous (if you are working on food related issues) or Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Al Anon (if you are working on codependence) or any other twelve step manual that is relevant to your addiction or issue
Optional: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous (no matter what your issue is)
The ARP manual, A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing

Step-work Sandwich Overview

Think of this method of working each step as assembling a sandwich (see diagram below). The “preparation” questions at the end of the previous step in He Did Deliver Me from Bondage (“HDDM” in diagram) are one of the slices of bread. The questions at the end of the same step in A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing (the ARP manual) are the other slice of bread. The lettuce leaf just inside the first piece of bread is the step (“principle”) in He Did Deliver Me from Bondage. The lettuce leaf just inside the other piece of bread is the step in the ARP manual. Between the lettuce leaves are your choice of optional materials, listed above, to help nourish and nurture your emotional, physical and spiritual healing and growth. Each of these optional materials brings something unique to your understanding and application of the Steps. The book that specifically addresses your addiction helps you identify with how the Steps have been worked by others with your addiction. The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous (“AA 12 & 12” in diagram) is a very powerfully written book that does not pull any punches in its description of the nature of addiction and the importance of overcoming it. If you leave out the optional materials you will still be fed, but not as thoroughly and you may miss some “nutrients” that you really need. Nevertheless, you could certainly work the Steps this way – just skip items 3 and/or 4 in the “Working the Steps” section below.

Preface and Introduction

Start by reading and highlighting the Prefaces and Introduction in He Did Deliver Me from Bondage. Do not answer the questions at the end of the Introduction at this point.
Make notes in the margins or in a notebook when you have thoughts about how the text applies to your life.
Read, highlight and annotate the Preface and Introduction in the remaining books on the materials list, in order.

Working the Steps

Begin each new step by answering the “preparation” questions which are located at the end of the previous step (or at the end of the Introduction in the case of Step 1) in He Did Deliver Me from Bondage.
Read the step in He Did Deliver Me from Bondage and “capture” it as you go (as described on page A-3 of that book). Share what you have written with your sponsor or someone else who is working the Steps.
Read the step (capturing as you go) in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Al Anon (if you are working on codependence) OR in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous (if you are working on an eating disorder or food addiction) or any other 12 Step book that you find sheds light on your particular addiction.
Read the step (capturing as you go) in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Read the step (capturing as you go) in the ARP manual, A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, and answer the questions at the end of the step.
Do any footwork required by the step (e.g. make a written inventory when you are working Step 4, pray for those you are trying to forgive in Step 8, make direct amends wherever appropriate in Step 9, etc. There is some kind of footwork required by each step.)
Do a quick review of all the writing you have done for this step. Keep your mind open to promptings about any footwork you might still need to do before being ready to move to the next step.
Pray and ask the Lord if you have completed the step and are ready to move on to the next step.
When you receive a confirmation that you are ready to move on to the next step, start with the first instruction in this section, for the step following the one you have just completed.

If you do not receive a confirmation that you have completed the step, return to the step you have been working on, or even the previous step if necessary, praying for direction on how to proceed. Allow your sponsor to help you identify stumbling blocks and find solutions.

Do you have a way of working the program that is getting you the results you want?
If not, are you willing to try a different approach?
What are you willing to do to improve the quality of your program, if necessary?

Working One Step at a Time

May 9, 2014Working the ProgramCapturing, Discouragement, Literature, powerlessness, Prayer, Step-1, Step-2, Step-3, Step-4, Step-6, Step-8, Step-9, Telephone-Calls, WritingMira Daniels

It is easy to get discouraged, working the 12-Step program, if we obsess about a step we are not ready for. Think about it. Wouldn’t it be horribly discouraging to start obsessing about passing a college chemistry class when you are taking 7th grade science? Thinking ahead can paralyze you and keep you from making progress on the step you are working right now. This is especially true if we start worrying about Steps 4,5,8, or 9.

Here is some good news! Each step prepares you for the next. The output of a step becomes the input for the one that follows it. When you are ready to move on to the next step you will WANT to do it. You may not be excited about the footwork you have to do, but you will be very excited as you anticipate the results of doing it.

If you are a newcomer to the 12-step program, you are on Step 1, admitting that you are powerless over the behavior or substance that brought you to the program. Since most of us spent years thinking we were in control and not powerless at all, and trying to prove it by our actions, that can be a tall order! Focus on Step 1 if that is where you are. Read the step in the ARP manual, He Did Deliver Me from Bondage, or one of the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions books. (See my Resources page for more info on these books.) Use the tool of writing to identify material that you can apply to your own life. Colleen Harrison, the author of He Did Deliver Me from Bondage calls it “Capturing”. Here is an abbreviated explanation of how I use this tool.

As you come across a passage that you feel inclined to highlight, copy it into a notebook.
Write about what you think the passage means.
Pray for guidance on how to apply this passage to your life and then write about the impressions you get.

Take the time to thoughtfully answer the questions that appear in the book you are studying. Talk to your sponsor and/or other people who are working the steps about what you are learning. When you think you have learned all you can from this step (this time around), prayerfully ask the Lord if you are done with it and ready to move on. When you get a confirmation, start working the next one.

Getting Stuck

If I am stuck on a step and can’t seem to find the willingness to move on, it usually means that I probably wasn’t really done with the previous step when I started this one. For example, if I am working Step 3, and just can’t seem to find the willingness to turn my will and my life over to the Lord and trust Him so I can start Step 4, I might need to go back to Step 2, and dig deeper for the ability and willingness to embrace the fact that He really CAN deliver me from my situation. If I really believe that He can and will deliver me then why would I be reluctant to ask Him to do so in Step 3?

Input and Output

What did I mean when I said that the output of one step becomes the input for the next? In Step 4 you make an inventory. That inventory contains the things you confess in Step 5. As you work Step 5, and give away your inventory, the person who receives it will be able to help you identify patterns and put together a list of your shortcomings and weaknesses. In Step 6, you become willing to ask the Lord to remove them. Truly, every one of the steps prepares us to work the next step, if we give ourselves to the work with humility and persistence.

What step are you working on?
Are you doing it with humility and persistence?
Are you making progress?
Are you using the tool of writing?
Are you talking to others about what you are learning?
What are you willing to do to move forward?

Changing Channels

May 3, 2014Metaphor, Working the ProgramChange, Growth, Plan, Step-6, Step-7, WritingMira Daniels

Oh, how often I have wished that I could wave a magic wand and remove my own shortcomings and character defects. Changing can be so hard! Over the years I have observed that my habits and behaviors are like water flowing down the side of a hill. The water will find the path of least resistance and as it flows, the channel it runs through gets deeper and wider. The longer the water flows down that channel the deeper it becomes and the harder it is to change. When something triggers me emotionally my behavior immediately starts running down those old familiar paths before I even have a chance to realize what has happened. I have found that changing the channel – creating new and better habits and behaviors – requires action of three different sorts. First of all, I have to become willing to let go of the old behavior, and turn it over to the Lord. Secondly, I have to put up a dam that prevents the water from starting to flow down the familiar channel and finally, I have to dig a new channel based on the direction I receive from the Lord. Eventually the new channel becomes deep enough and wide enough that my behavior immediately goes down the new, more productive path when something happens.

The Dam

Just like putting up a dam is necessary to prevent the water from going down the old channel, the first thing I need to do to eliminate an old, bad habit is to recognize it as undesirable and make a decision to stop it. That decision is not enough to change my behavior, but without that decision I don’t have a chance. I need to think about the pattern, write about it, consider what I get out of it and why I go there. I write about the consequences of it and why I don’t want to do it anymore. I make a decision and a commitment – to myself, to the Lord, and to another person – that I will not go down that path anymore. This commitment is the dam.

Digging the New Channel

If all I do is put up a dam without digging a new channel – creating a new pathway for the water (my behavior) to flow – the next time I am triggered I will create a flood, a big puddle, or a mess. Nature abhors a vacuum. I need to prayerfully decide what new behavior will work better for me, and learn how to do it. Again, for me, this involves writing. I write about my options – everything I can think of. I ask my sponsor and others who have good recovery for their ideas. I consider what feels comfortable for me; what new behavior I can see myself using in the situation instead of the old ones I am trying to change. I pray for a confirmation that this is the right channel to dig, and then I start digging (doing the footwork)! I write out a plan and ask the Lord to confirm it. I read and reread it every day. I commit to it – to myself, the Lord, and other people. I take inventory throughout the day to see if I need a course correction. I write about and thank the Lord every day for my progress. It is an iterative process. If it isn’t working perfectly, I try to figure out why and make a change to the plan. I know the Lord wants me to become more like Him and will give me the power I need to do it, if I will have faith in Him. (See Moroni 7:33)

Do you have any old habits or behaviors that don’t serve you well? What are they?
Are you willing to let them go?
What new channels would you like to dig? Are you willing to do the footwork?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Staying Abstinent: Using the Tools – Part 2

April 10, 2014Tools, Working the ProgramAbstinence, Literature, Music, Scriptures, Stress, Talks, Temptation, WritingMira Daniels

My last post was Part 1 of a list of tools to use to help you stay abstinent by turning to the Lord instead of your addiction, or other inappropriate behavior in stressful situations. Part 1 described the tools of Prayer and Meditation, Meetings, Service, Sponsorship and Telephone Calls. Here is Part 2, which covers Writing, Music, Program Literature, Scriptures and Talks. There will be a part 3, but it may not be the next post, because I have some other things I want to write about, so watch for it.

Writing

I love writing. I find that when I have a pen in my hand I use a different part of my brain than when I am just thinking or talking. If I just start writing about something that I am struggling with, I often find that in the very act of writing, my mind has become clear and I can see and understand things that were hidden from or confusing me. When this happens it becomes much easier for me to stay abstinent. For more on writing see my post on written prayer.

Music

Music can change my mood in an instant in a way that few other things can. Identify music that lifts your mood and music that helps you connect with the Savior. Keep a written list, and/or a playlist on your electronic device. Create or find a Pandora station that plays what you need to hear. Memorize a hymn or other song and sing it to yourself when you need a pick-me-up. Listening to the right music can help me become willing to be abstinent!

I had an amazing spiritual experience with music that was an answer to prayer once. It was a particularly difficult and stressful time in my life and I woke up one morning with a melody going around in my mind. It was not familiar to me, but it sounded like a hymn tune. I got out my hymn book and started turning the pages, one at a time, looking for a melody like the one I was hearing in my head. When I got to page 114 it jumped off the page at me. I didn’t recall ever having sung or heard Come Unto Me before, but the words – and melody – brought such peace to my heart and solace to my soul! I have memorized and used it for comfort in difficult times ever since.

Program Literature

Have you ever escaped from dealing with the reality of life by reading a novel or watching TV? Then you know how media can serve the purpose of distracting you from whatever is causing stress in your life. The problem with using those things to escape the moment is that when you stop reading or watching nothing has changed. I have found that turning to my program literature, such as the ARP manual, The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, Al-Anon, or another 12-Step program, or He Did Deliver Me from Bondage by Colleen Harrison can distract me for the moment, and also remind me of the progress I am making and why I WANT to be abstinent. Additionally I can find specific thoughts or principles in this literature that can help me turn to the Lord for the power to address the challenges I am facing, instead of my addiction or some other behavior that will not bring me peace or serenity.

Scriptures

The scriptures can also provide great insight and help when we struggle with life. Use your Topical Guide in the back of Bible to search the scriptures by topic. Use the footnotes to lead you to other scriptures that might be relevant. Memorize scriptures that seem particularly helpful. The scriptures contain direct counsel from the Lord. If you are looking for guidance from the Lord to help you deal with a situation you can often find it in the scriptures. See my Resources page for some of my favorite program-related scriptures.

Talks

There is an awesome additional resource for obtaining counsel from the Lord: the writing and talks given by the General Authorities of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. They are contained in the monthly Ensign magazine, and can be accessed on the Church website. The General Conference Addresses can be watched, listened to, printed or downloaded here. There are additional wonderful Devotionals and other talks given by Church leaders and BYU personnel which can be accessed at the BYUtv website or at BYU Speeches. Since the Church has created its own channel on Youtube, lots of great talks and videos are available there. Finally, checkout MormonChannel.org, another great site with lots of uplifting content where you may be able to find the guidance you need.

I have links to some of my favorites talks and links to sites where you can order the books I mentioned on my Resources page.

Tools: Quality Prayer

March 5, 2014ToolsPersonal-Revelation, Prayer, WritingMira Daniels

There was a time in my life when I found it very difficult to connect with God through prayer. I studied my scriptures every day, and walked in faith to the best of my ability, but when I knelt in prayer, it felt like my prayers were bouncing around inside the room. My thoughts went around in circles and I often found myself indulging in “vain repetition.” Answers? No real connection there either. I saw that God answered my prayers sometimes, by the actions or words of others, but I longed for a direct connection. I desperately wanted to feel like I could hear the Lord answer my prayers personally. Not knowing what else to do, I just kept praying.

Over time, I stumbled upon a novel thought. For the most part, my prayer life wasn’t so much a conversation with God, as it was a monologue. I would kneel and pray, following the pattern I had been taught, finish with an “Amen,” get up and go about my business, wondering why I couldn’t hear the Lord’s voice. Perhaps, after I was done praying, I needed to wait and listen to give the Lord a chance to say something to me – really to give myself a chance to listen quietly and hear what He was saying! I began to practice this “listening” phase of my prayer and started to recognize thoughts coming into my mind; thoughts that were not my own and sometimes not even related to what I had prayed about! He was speaking to me! I was finally learning to “hear” the still, small voice.

Then I noticed a very disturbing thing. By the time several hours had passed, I could remember that the Lord had spoken to me, but I could not remember what He had said! To me that seemed like the height of disrespect! The great God of the Universe had spoken to ME and I couldn’t remember what He had said! So I started bringing a small notebook and a pen to the side of the couch where I prayed. As soon as I finished praying, I would write down what I heard.

Pretty soon I realized that it might be more useful to me to have His answers recorded if I also recorded the contents of my prayer. It seemed like the answers I recorded in my little book were out of context. So I decided to try writing my prayer. I wrote my prayer in one color, put down my pen, picked up His, listened, and recorded what I heard in a different color.

I discovered an amazing thing as I began this practice. It seems that I use a different part of my brain when I write than when I am thinking or saying my prayer. As I write my thoughts, they slow down and are not jumbled. They are more coherent and the act of writing them down helps me to process them in a very helpful and productive way. No more vain repetitions. No more wondering what I should pray for and about. My thoughts flow as I pour out my heart to my Heavenly Father on the page. I have been able to capture great words of comfort and direction in this prayer journal and go back and study it. When I do not have time to write, it almost feels like I have been cheated.

Elder Richard Scott has spoken on several occasions about the way in which he uses writing to receive personal revelation. There are links to some of those talks on my resources page. I have shared this tool of written prayer with many people over the years. Some people are not ready to invest the time it takes to do it in their relationship with the Lord. Those who have tried it have found new insights and a new and deeper relationship with God. Are you ready to invest your time? I could never put a price on the value of the return I have received on this investment.

Learning to Let Go

January 23, 2014ToolsFasting, God-Box, Letting Go, Step-3, Trust, Visualization, WritingMira Daniels

Step 3 of A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing talks about trusting in God. It is easy to talk about that theoretically – how important it is to do it, why we should, how silly it is to doubt Him, etc. Actually learning to do it is another matter. Letting go of the things we want so desperately to control and turning them over to God can be hard! Here are a few tools and techniques that have helped me learn to “Let Go and Let God”. I hope you find them useful on your own journey.

Writing

Writing uses a different part of your brain than just thinking or speaking. When I write out my thoughts and the feelings of my heart, my mind slows down and I am able to discover thoughts and feelings and ideas that might have been too fleeting to capture any other way. If I write about my desire to let go of something and my reluctance to trust that the Lord will take care of it to my satisfaction, I can often find the willingness to let it go.

Visualization

Sometimes I just stand in the middle of an empty room and imagine putting whatever I am trying to let go of in a bubble resting in my open palms. Then I lift my arms and visualize myself giving the bubble a little push up to send it on its way toward the Lord’s outstretched hands. I see him receive my bubble and embrace it and I know that it is safely under His control. I know it sounds hokey, but try it. It really works for me! This works particularly well when what I need to turn over to Him is another person, usually someone who is making choices that concern me.

God Box

I have a box that I call my God Box. (Some people have a can instead, because, after all, God “CAN”.) When I find myself obsessing about a situation or a person and I know I have done everything I can do to resolve it, I write it down on a piece of paper, date it, fold it up and put it in my God Box as a physical representation of having turned the matter over to God. The next time I find myself obsessing about it, I have two choices. I can either take it out of the box and tell God that I decided to take it back, or I can remind myself that I turned it over to Him and let it go. One amazing side benefit of using the God Box is that when I put something new in it I get to go back and reread all the old papers. Doing this reminds me of what a great job He did with all those other things. In fact, He did such a fabulous job with some of those things that I don’t even remember what they were!

By the way, a “virtual” God Box does not work. There is something about physically writing it down on a piece of paper and putting it in the box that is just different and more effective than doing it in your mind.

Fasting

It is not that unusual, in the Church, for people to fast and pray for something they are concerned about. However, many times we use this tool as a way of “counseling the Lord”. In other words, we know what outcome we want for the situation and we try to control it by telling the Lord what we want Him to do. We may even add the obligatory “if it is thy will” or “nevertheless, thy will be done” to the end of our prayer as we begin our fast, but I wonder how often we really mean that.

I am going to suggest a slightly different way of using the tool of fasting. When I have a situation that I know I cannot control and that I have done everything I can or should do about it, I will fast and pray to understand and accept the Lord’s will in the matter. In this way, I invoke His help in letting it go, and turning it over to Him.

In which areas of your life do you need to do a better job of “letting go and letting God?”
Of the tools listed here, which you not tried before, feels the most comfortable to you?
What will you do today to try a new way of learning to let go?

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