Tag Archives: Step-3

If Prayers are Conversations with God, Why Am I Doing All the Talking?

Living in Recovery, , , , , ,

If prayers are conversations with God, why am I doing all the talking?For many years after I joined the church my morning and evening prayers were 90% talking and 10% listening, if that. They went something like this:

  1. Kneel at the side of the bed or couch.
  2. Open by addressing God, usually as “Heavenly Father.”
  3. Thank Him for what I am grateful for.
  4. Tell Him what I want to tell Him.
  5. Ask Him what I want to ask Him.
  6. Request what I want Him to do for me or a loved one.
  7. Close in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
  8. Get up and get on with my day, or into my bed.

I would do an abbreviated form of this during the day, if needed, usually one or more of steps 3 – 6.

As I heard more about getting “answers to prayers,” I started trying to hear or look for answers in my scripture reading, church meetings, and conference talks. I also hoped that somehow I would “hear” in my mind, direct answers.

At some point I realized that if I wanted to hear answers, it might make sense to listen for them(!), and I began waiting momentarily, after I said “amen,” to see if I could hear anything. When I actually did begin hearing the Lord answer my prayers, I began writing them, so that I could remember what He told me. I have written about this much more extensively in other posts.

Step Prayers

I want to suggest another kind of prayer, based on the 12 steps. These are prayers of humility that may or may not take the place of “normal” prayers. They help me see myself in my proper relationship to God, and help me internalize the principles of recovery. I take steps 1, 2, 3, 7, and 11 in these prayers. Then I just listen. God does most of the talking; I do most of the listening. Here is one example of what this might sound like:

Dearest Heavenly Father, I know that I, of myself, am powerless. Without you I am nothing. I know that you can and will manage my life effectively and help me to realize my full potential, if I let you. I turn my will and my life over to you today. Please remove my weaknesses and shortcomings if it is your will, and give me a new heart. Please help me to recognize and carry out your will in each moment. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

And then… I listen.

It takes less than a minute to say prayers like this, so I have plenty of time to listen. Instead of 90% talking and 10% listening, these prayers are 10% talking and 90% listening. Sometimes it just feels like the right way to connect with God.

  • Can you see steps 1, 2, 3, 7, and 11 in my sample prayer?
  • What percentage of your prayer time is spent talking as compared to listening?
  • What are you willing to do today to improve your conscious contact with God?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Prayer, Meditation and Pondering, Tools: Quality Prayer

 

 

Practicing Instinctively Turning to the Lord

Working the Program, , ,

Instinctively turn to the Lord for comfort and help instead of any other person, substance or behaviorLife is better when certain knowledge and skills are instinctive. Children learn their math facts by repetition, also known as “drill and practice.” When I was a child, we memorized addition, subtraction and multiplication tables. We chanted, “One plus one is two. One plus two is three…” We used flashcards. It was pretty boring, but it worked.

Why do children spend so much time on this rote memorization? They need to be able to use these facts in daily life instinctively, without having to take time to think. When they are supposed to be learning algebra, if they are still trying to get the arithmetic right they will be at a disadvantage.

We teach children to “stop, drop and roll” if their clothing catches fire. Why do they practice this in their families and at school? So that instead of running and screaming the children will instinctively do the most effective thing they can to put out the flames.

In basic training military recruits learn to obey orders instinctively. This training can save their lives or the lives of their companions in combat situations. Thinking through and questioning orders in the midst of a battle could get people killed.

Our children run instinctively to us if they are hurt or scared. In our spiritual lives, we need to develop the habit of instinctively turning to the Lord in times of stress. We also need to express gratitude to Him in all things. Unfortunately, many of us have learned over the years to rely on some other source of comfort. For some it is other people. For others it is a substance or behavior. If turning to those sources instead of the Lord in times of need becomes instinctive, it can lead to addiction.

Something happened in my life the other day that was totally unexpected. My immediate reaction was anger. I don’t get angry very often. For the most part, I have learned not to say hurtful things in a moment of anger, but will only give myself a “C” for this particular “test.” After making a few unhelpful comments I removed myself from the environment to cool off. Not a bad strategy, perhaps.

As a part of living in a state of recovery, and having worked steps 6 and 7, I try to partner with the Lord on removing my shortcomings. One approach I use is to ask myself, “Who do I want to be in this moment and what would she do?” I want to be someone who, in that moment of unexpected anger, will turn instinctively to the Lord for help and guidance. I will work on that. A better strategy, I think.

Practice Instinctively Turning to the Lord

How do we practice instinctively turning to the Lord in each moment? By deliberate repetition of behaviors, actions and attitudes that have worked for ourselves and others. We can turn to the Lord in prayer frequently throughout the day. I once heard a talk from a Mission President’s wife. She said that the first thing she did when she got up in the morning was get on her knees to pray. The last thing she did before she went to bed at night was get down on her knees to finish her prayer. The remainder of the the day she was having a running conversation with God.

We can practice an attitude of gratitude by writing daily in a journal. We can use affirmations – rote repetitions of principles that we want to burn into our brains – to help us learn new behaviors or attitudes. For example, “I turn to the Lord in moments of stress.” We can use a God Box to turn things over to the Lord. We can wear a piece of jewelry that helps us remember that He is available to us at all times. Each of us needs to pray for guidance and discernment to find those tools that will work best for us, individually, to develop this life-changing habit of instinctively turning to the Lord.

Life will provide plenty of opportunities to be tested – to assess how well we have learned to rely upon Him. One day it will truly become “ours” and the nature of our “practice” will change from that of a child memorizing math facts to a doctor “practicing” medicine.

  • Consider how well you do at turning to the Lord for comfort or guidance instead of anyone one or anything else.
  • What are you willing to do today to develop an instinctive habit of turning to Him in all things?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Staying Abstinent: Using the Tools – Part 4, Learning to Let Go, Finding Peace

 

Ten Rewards for Embracing God’s Will

Working the Program, , ,

Step 3: Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He ca make a lot more out of their lives than they can.But what if God’s will for my life is not what I want? What if Their will involves discomfort, suffering and pain? What if Their answer to the righteous desires of my heart is, “We have a different plan for you?” What if Their plan involves slogging through a jungle or staggering across a desert? Even worse, what if Their plan involves allowing my loved ones to make bad decisions?

What if I don’t like Their plan? Why should I overcome my fear, trust God and turn my life over? The best answer I have even seen can be found in an apostolic promise from President Ezra Taft Benson, quoted in the Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing. It appears in Step 12, on page 71. 

“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life” (Ezra Taft Benson, “Jesus Christ—Gifts and Expectations,” Ensign, Dec. 1988, 4).

In this quote, President Benson offers us ten blessings that come from turning our lives over to God.

1. “Deepen their Joys”

In the Book of Mormon, Nephi teaches us that “men are, that they might have joy.” (2 Ne. 2:25.) Who would not like to have deeper joy? But what am I willing to sacrifice to have it? I want this. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to receive it?

2. “Expand their Vision”

What if I could shed my self-limiting beliefs and visualize the full potential God has created for me? What if I could expand my ability to see as the Father sees? I am reminded of the story of Elisha and the chariots: “the Lord opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha.” (See 2 Kgs. 6:14–17.) I would like to be able to see — to have increased awareness of — the spiritual support the Lord is providing me to do and accomplish more than I could have imagined possible. I want this. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order for my vision to be expanded?

3. “Quicken their Minds”

What does it mean to have one’s mind “quickened?” According to Webster’s Revised Unabridged Dictionary, one definition of “quicken” is “To make lively, active, or sprightly; to impart additional energy to; to stimulate; to make quick or rapid; to hasten; to accelerate; as, to quicken one’s steps or thoughts.” What a blessing! As I think about what happens to my mind when I am trying to control my own life (and especially the lives of those around me), the kind of words that come to mind are: overwhelmed, frustrated, discouraged. Am I willing to let go of my will in order to have my mind quickened?

4. “Strengthen their Muscles”

Now this is quite a promise! Stronger muscles. How can letting go of my will enable the Lord to bless me with stronger muscles? I don’t know! Perhaps it means better health? In any case, I want this! Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to allow God to strengthen my muscles?

5. “Lift their Spirits”

There sure are times when I feel overwhelmed and discouraged. President Benson promises that if I turn my will over to God, He will lift my spirits. Wow! I want this. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to permit Him lift my spirits?

6. “Multiply their Blessings”

I already feel so blessed by the Lord! My heart is filled with gratitude for the blessings He has showered upon me. Nevertheless, there is always room for more! I am not yet perfect at turning over my will. I want God to multiply my blessings. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to receive more blessings?

7. “Increase their Opportunities”

There have been times in my life when I have felt boxed in – that I didn’t see any opportunities to expand my horizons and my life. I have begun to see opportunities all around, but sometimes I am afraid to pursue them. Am I willing to let go of my fears and embrace God’s will in order to receive the opportunities He would like to give me?

8. “Comfort their Souls”

The more of life I experience, the more I am vulnerable to disappointment and grief. I love to feel the arm of the Lord around me, comforting me. I want more of this. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to receive His comfort?

9. “Raise up Friends”

When I moved across the country I left behind many friends. I haven’t lost them, but I am far away and don’t get to spend time with them and socialize with them like I used to. But I felt a confirmation that I was supposed to make this move. Within a few months I had found my best friend – my eternal friend and companion, but it took longer to find my circle of friends. Having embraced God’s will I have received this blessing and hope to continue to receive it as I let go of my own will.

10. “Pour Out Peace”

I am so grateful for the peace of the Lord. I am so grateful for one-day-at-a-time serenity. I have found in Him, and in surrendering my own will in order to embrace His, The Great Source of Peace. I am willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to maintain this peace.

  • Which of these blessings would be most welcome in your life right now?
  • Are you willing to let go of your own will and turn your own life over to God in order to receive it?
  • What will you do today to make progress in this area?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Walking in the Light, Six Points to Discern the Lord’s Will, Learning to Let Go

 

Walking in the Light

Metaphor, Working the Program, , , ,

You have not traveled beyond the reach of divine loveWhen we walk toward the Lord, we are walking into His light. We see Him and we see where we are going. When we walk away from the Lord, we walk away from the light. We walk into the deep dark shadows — into the darkness. (Shared by a participant at a recent ARP 12-Step meeting.)

For some of us, looking back at our lives, it feels like we have traveled so far, so deeply into the shadows that we cannot find our way back to the light.

In a talk given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland in April 2012 General Conference, he says:

“…however late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.”

What this means to me, is that no one is too broken for Christ to fix. And frankly, isn’t it kind of prideful to think that I can mess up beyond Christ’s ability to clean up? So what does it take to go from thinking I am beyond the reach of Christ’s light to accepting and applying the Atonement in my life? Working steps 1, 2, and 3.

Step 1:

Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.

Whatever thinking or habits have gotten me into this situation are not going to get me out of it. As Albert Einstein put it, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Just to be clear, I cannot fix myself. If I could have, I would have already! But despite my best efforts, I am still broken. The good news here is that once I admit that I am not able to overcome this by my own efforts alone, I am free to to move on to Step 2.

Step 2:

Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.

Here is the hard part for those of us who think we are beyond help. We have to become willing to believe two important truths. First, that Christ CAN (is capable of) healing our brokenness. Second, that Christ loves us individually and personally and, despite our flaws and mistakes, that He is WILLING to heal our brokenness.

If I don’t believe these things, I fail to understand a third important truth. Christ already atoned for my sins. He knew over 2,000 years ago what I was going to do and experience and He chose to pay the price to have those things wiped away, at that time! It is done. The question is not will He do it. The question is will I accept the gift? Will I accept Christ’s grace in my life and allow Him to “lead me, guide me and walk beside me” as I turn away from the darkness and walk back into the light of His love? Which brings us to Step 3.

Step 3:

Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

The operative word here is “decide.” If I decide to turn my will and my life over to Them, I am surrendering control. To put it another way, I become willing to follow the promptings I receive and the truths I am taught and let go of the outcome. I decide that God’s will for me, whatever it is and even if it is not what I thought I wanted, is better than the results I have been able (and will ever be able) to achieve by my own efforts.

Having made this decision, we become willing to give up our own will in favor of His. Elder Boyd K. Packer says it this way:

“Perhaps the greatest discovery of my life, without question the greatest commitment, came when finally I had the confidence in God that I would loan or yield my agency to him— without compulsion or pressure, without any duress, as a single individual alone, by myself, no counterfeiting, nothing expected other than the privilege. In a sense, speaking figuratively, to take one’s agency, that precious gift which the scriptures make plain is essential to life itself, and say, ‘I will do as you direct,’ is afterward to learn that in so doing you possess it all the more” (Obedience, Brigham Young University Speeches of the Year [Dec. 7, 1971], 4).

I choose to walk out of the darkness, toward the Lord, and into the light. I choose to rely upon the Lord to direct me. I relinquish control of the outcome. This has enabled me to let go of my addiction, cope with the death of a child, let go of a difficult marriage, weather financial stress, lose a house, start life over in a new part of the country, trust sufficiently to become willing to marry again, become a stepparent to school age children after seven years as an empty nester, love them without expecting reciprocation, and let go of my parents within a year of each other. It works. Each day I thank God for this gift and try to be aware of additional shortcomings and defects as I recognize them, turning them over as quickly as possible.

  • In what ways or areas have you been trying to control outcomes in your life?
  • Would working the first three steps with these things in mind help you?
  • What are you willing to do today to walk out of the shadows and into the light?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: There is No Darkness in the Presence of the Lord, Steps 1, 2, and 3: I Can’t, He Can, I’ll Let Him, Agency – the Heart of Step 3, Change: The AADWAR Process

 

Trust: Take My Yoke Upon You

Metaphor, Working the Program, ,

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me … and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Carrying two buckets on a yoke.

 

Picture yourself taking His yoke upon you. What do you see? Do you see yourself carrying a balanced burden using a yoke He has designed especially for your body, to enable you to bear your burdens as easily as possible? Is the burden that you carry heavy, but more efficiently borne because of the yoke He has given you to help you carry it?

 

Sharing a double yoke with the LordOr do you see yourself harnessed to one side of a double yoke, sharing the burden with the Lord?

Alma asked the people he was teaching in the wilderness if they were “willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light.” He told them this was one of the requirements for baptism. Who are we told to emulate in this life? Who is our great Example? Christ, of course. We are counseled to become like Him. If we are to “bear one another’s burdens” as a prerequisite to baptism we must be following Christ’s example in which He bears ours!

President Howard W. Hunter explained what is meant by “take my yoke upon you.”

Why do we hesitate to take His yoke upon us?

For some, the culture of self-reliance has become twisted in our minds to the extent that we think it means we have to exhaust every ounce of human strength within our bodies before we can ask for His help. If this is what is holding you back, I would encourage you to watch “His Grace is Sufficient,” an inspiring and informative BYU Devotional talk by Brad Wilcox.

Some people are afraid “His yoke” will be heavier than their own; that taking His yoke upon them will add to their existing burden. He promises that if we will take His yoke upon us He will give us rest! His yoke is lighter than ours because He carries most of the weight. Imagine if you were in a double yoke pulling a heavy cart and the person sharing the yoke with you was a small child. Who would be carrying most of the weight? You, of course. And suppose there was rocky ground and the child lost their footing and was stumbling and struggling to regain it and keep up with you. Would the child’s struggle make it easier or harder for you to pull the load? Harder! When we are sharing a yoke with the Lord, if we come to rocky ground and lose our footing, we make His job more difficult by trying desperately to figure out how to regain our balance for ourselves. During those times, we need to lift our feet and allow Him to carry us to smooth ground and resume our journey.

Finally, some are reluctant to be yoked to the Lord because they are not really sure they can trust Him. They are afraid that the direction He will pull or the weight of the load or the speed of the journey will not be what they would choose. They are reluctant to turn their will and their lives over to His care. They think that they are more capable of choosing the best (easiest) path for themselves than He is. Through Malachi the Lord challenges us to “prove me now herewith.” Alma also challenged the people to test the Lord.

“But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.” (Alma 32:27)

To you who are not sure you can trust Him, I say, give Him a chance. You can always take back control later if He proves unworthy of your trust. But give Him enough time to get some results before giving up.

I challenge you to try taking the Lord’s double yoke upon you. If you have already done so, and the journey still seems harder than it should be, I would encourage you to ask Him how to lift your feet and allow Him to carry you to smoother ground.

  • What burdens are you carrying in your journey?
  • What are you doing to make your journey harder than it needs to be?
  • What will you do today to “take His yoke upon you” as a way to enable Him to make your burden light and grant you rest?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts:

My Journey Down the River of Life, Finding Peace, Problem Solving Flowchart, Tuning In

Credits: Single yoke image: Copyright: xochicalco / 123RF Stock Photo, Double yoke image.

 

Agency – the Heart of Step 3

Working the Program, ,

“Step 3: Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.”

 

It is about Grace.Steps 1 and 2 are about gaining new understanding  (1 – that I am powerless and 2 – that God can restore me) and being willing to integrate that understanding into my belief system. In Step 3 I make a decision to allow God to restore me and to allow Him give me the power to do what I have been unable to do for myself; the power to be healed from my addiction, from my shortcomings, and from my afflictions.

Allow God to do something? Really? Am I in a position to determine whether God can do anything or not? God is omnipotent! Of course He is. But, if I hold so tightly to my own puny power and will that I cannot open my heart to receive His gifts then there is nothing He can do.  Why? Because above all else, God respects my agency, the greatest gift he has given me. Agency is the principle over which the war in Heaven was fought. Agency is the essential element of the Plan of Salvation. There is no need for the Fall or the Atonement (primary elements of the Plan of Salvation) unless we have agency. The point of the Fall is to put me in a position to learn to use my agency to walk in faith and obedience, and become like the Savior.  The point of the Atonement is to provide power for me to overcome my weaknesses and shortcomings on my journey and to pay the demands of justice so that I can return to Heavenly Father’s presence even though I will never achieve perfection on this earth. At the heart of the whole plan is Agency.

Working a 12-Step program is not really about the steps, willpower, sponsors or meetings. It is about grace. It is about understanding that God’s grace is a free gift to all of his children, not made conditional on worthiness or anything else.  When we open our hearts to receive His grace, to receive the power He atoned and died to provide for us, we use our agency to pick up the one thing we need to recover from addiction, overcome grief, or be healed from trauma.

  • Write about your decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.
  • Are you willing to receive both the enabling and redeeming powers of the Atonement to help you on your journey of recovery? (See Elder Bednar’s 2012 conference talk:  The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality)
  • What will you do today to use your agency to make progress?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Steps 1, 2, and 3: I Can’t, He Can, I’ll Let Him, Learning to Let Go

 

Steps 1, 2, and 3: I Can’t, He Can, I’ll Let Him

Working the Program, , ,

Image of first three steps: 1. I can't. 2. He can. 3. I'll let Him. There is a short-hand way of describing the first three Steps of the 12-Step Recovery process: “I can’t, He can, I’ll let Him.” The “He,” for me, is the Lord.

Step 1: I Can’t

Step 1 is about admitting my powerlessness. I did everything I knew how to do to improve my situation, and it got me to where I am right now. Goodness knows I tried. I tried various diets and exercise programs hoping to lose weight. I tried dozens of self-help books to overcome my shortcomings. I tried three different therapists. None of those things brought a long term solution. By the time I started working the 12 Steps I was pretty much at the end of the line. If the 12 Steps didn’t work, I had nowhere else to turn.

Step 2: He Can

Step 2 is about acknowledging that the Lord can do for me what I cannot do for myself. He can fix problems that I cannot imagine the solution for. He is omnipotent. It is arrogant and prideful to think that I am so broken that I am beyond the help of the Lord. No one is too broken for Christ to fix. He cares about each and every one of us individually and wants to be our personal Savior.

Step 3: I’ll Let Him

Step 3 is about making a decision to trust the Lord and turn my life over to Him. He has promised that he would be right by my side and would help me do anything that is in harmony with His will, and I know that overcoming my addiction and letting go of my shortcomings and character defects fits that description.

He will not do for me what I can do for myself. And He will only do what I am willing to let Him do. He will not violate my agency. I do not have to understand what the solution is, nor do I have to tell Him what to do or when to do it. He is smarter than I am. I need to trust that His solution will be what is best for me. I need to turn the matter over to Him, pray for guidance on what footwork He wants me to do, and do the footwork He gives me to do. I also need to wait on His timing; patiently, if possible.

Progress

The 12 Steps did and do work for me. I have experienced His love personally. I have received a new heart. I now walk in faith and not fear. I trust that His solution will be best for me. I have long term recovery, both from compulsive eating and from many of the shortcomings and character defects that kept my life in turmoil. Someday, in the Lord’s time, I hope to be delivered from all of them. I have comfortable relationships with my loved ones. When I mess up, I follow the steps and personal revelation to make amends quickly. I love living in a state of recovery. It is a good state to live in.

  • What are your addictions, shortcomings and character defects? Are you willing to admit that you are powerless over all of them?
  • Do you believe that the Lord is capable of removing your shortcomings and restoring you to complete spiritual health? Why or why not?
  • How do you feel about turning your will and your life over to Him? Are you willing to ask and allow Him to be in charge of your life?
  • Are you willing to seek inspiration on the footwork you need to do and act upon the revelation you receive?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

 

Working One Step at a Time

Working the Program, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Working the StepsIt is easy to get discouraged, working the 12-Step program, if we obsess about a step we are not ready for.  Think about it.  Wouldn’t it be horribly discouraging to start obsessing about passing a college chemistry class when you are taking 7th grade science? Thinking ahead can paralyze you and keep you from making progress on the step you are working right now.  This is especially true if we start worrying about Steps 4,5,8, or 9.

Here is some good news! Each step prepares you for the next. The output of a step becomes the input for the one that follows it. When you are ready to move on to the next step you will WANT to do it. You may not be excited about the footwork you have to do, but you will be very excited as you anticipate the results of doing it.

If you are a newcomer to the 12-step program, you are on Step 1, admitting that you are powerless over the behavior or substance that brought you to the program. Since most of us spent years thinking we were in control and not powerless at all, and trying to prove it by our actions, that can be a tall order! Focus on Step 1 if that is where you are.  Read the step in the ARP manual, He Did Deliver Me from Bondage, or one of the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions books. (See my Resources page for more info on these books.) Use the tool of writing to identify material that you can apply to your own life. Colleen Harrison, the author of He Did Deliver Me from Bondage  calls it “Capturing”. Here is an abbreviated explanation of how I use this tool.

  1. As you come across a passage that you feel inclined to highlight, copy it into a notebook.
  2. Write about what you think the passage means.
  3. Pray for guidance on how to apply this passage to your life and then write about the impressions you get.

Take the time to thoughtfully answer the questions that appear in the book you are studying. Talk to your sponsor and/or other people who are working the steps about what you are learning. When you think you have learned all you can from this step (this time around), prayerfully ask the Lord if you are done with it and ready to move on.  When you get a confirmation, start working the next one.

Getting Stuck

If I am stuck on a step and can’t seem to find the willingness to move on, it usually means that I probably wasn’t really done with the previous step when I started this one.  For example, if I am working Step 3, and just can’t seem to find the willingness to turn my will and my life over to the Lord and trust Him so I can start Step 4, I might need to go back to Step 2, and dig deeper for the ability and willingness to embrace the fact that He really CAN deliver me from my situation. If I really believe that He can and will deliver me then why would I be reluctant to ask Him to do so in Step 3?

Input and Output

What did I mean when I said that the output of one step becomes the input for the next? In Step 4 you make an inventory.  That inventory contains the things you confess in Step 5.  As you work Step 5, and give away your inventory, the person who receives it will be able to help you identify patterns and put together a list of your shortcomings and weaknesses.  In Step 6, you become willing to ask the Lord to remove them.  Truly, every one of the steps prepares us to work the next step, if we give ourselves to the work with humility and persistence.

  1. What step are you working on?
  2. Are you doing it with humility and persistence?
  3. Are you making progress?
  4. Are you using the tool of writing?
  5. Are you talking to others about what you are learning?
  6. What are you willing to do to move forward?

 

Overcoming Fear – the Invisible Fence

Metaphor, , , ,

Image of dog bounding across yard. One way to keep a dog in the yard without tying him up is to install an “invisible fence.”  This consists of a wire which is buried around the perimeter of the yard and a collar that the dog wears.  The collar has a radio receiver that picks up a signal if the dog gets too close to the wire.  When this occurs a mild “correction” (shock) is triggered to let the dog know not to go any further.  Most dogs can be trained to learn the boundaries and not to get too close to them.  Why?  They don’t like being “corrected!”  In fact, after a while, you might even forget to turn on the fence, and the dog might never even realize it.

Supposing, however, that the dog has a boy, a boy he loves and would protect with his life.  Suppose further that the boy is being attacked by the neighborhood bully just outside of the fence.  Do you think there is a good chance that the dog would defend his boy even if it meant that he had to endure the “correction?”  Why?  Because his reason to cross the fence is more important and more urgent than his reason not to.

Most of us also have an invisible fence. We call it our “comfort zone.”  One way or another we have learned that when we get too close to the limits of our comfort zone we get this nasty “sick” feeling. I may gaze longingly out past the limits, daydreaming about what I could achieve or accomplish or do … if only I wasn’t afraid to try.   I may feel frustrated at the limitations I have imposed upon myself, but I am too afraid of the “correction” I might receive (such as rejection, criticism, failure or ridicule) if I were to get too close to the line.

Just like the dog, it takes a reason more important to me than my fear to get me to cross the line; something I want badly enough to risk getting hurt.  Sometimes when I finally step out of my comfort zone I discover that someone forgot to turn on the fence, and, other than the butterflies in my stomach, I receive no “correction” at all!  Then there are times when someone does criticize or reject me, or I do try something and “fail” the first time.  But if I just keep working on it, what I come to find out is that the limits of my comfort zone have expanded and I have lived to tell about it.  In fact, after a while I may discover that pushing on the limits of my comfort zone has become a game I play with myself, receiving enough joy and pleasure in setting goals and reaching them to outweigh the discomfort or pain of the growth process.

What is your reason – your dream? Is it big enough to help you overcome your fear?  If it is a righteous desire of your heart, the Lord will help you achieve it.  He may not just give it to you.  It may come in the form of smaller experiences, perhaps even uncomfortable ones, which strengthen you and prepare you so that when the opportunity does present itself you are ready to act upon it.  Do you need help in overcoming fear? Find your dream.  Think it through. Write about it.  

The Lord loves us.  He doesn’t toy with us.  In Moroni 7:33 we find this promise:

“And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.”

Become willing to follow His guidance and counsel, walking in faith, so that he can give you the power to achieve the righteous desires of your heart.

  • What are you afraid to try?
  • What would help you to overcome your fear?
  • Will you pray for that help?
  • What will you do today to push out the limits of your comfort zone?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Failure? – Like a Baby Learning to Walk, Fear: the Enemy of Progress and Recovery, Learning Life Skills – Your Personal Tutor, Focus: Riding through the Boulders, The Quest for Perfection – Reflecting on Genesis 17:1

 

Learning to Let Go

Tools, , , , , ,

Step 3

Step 3 of A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing talks about trusting in God.  It is easy to talk about that theoretically – how important it is to do it, why we should, how silly it is to doubt Him, etc. Actually learning to do it is another matter. Letting go of the things we want so desperately to control and turning them over to God can be hard!  Here are a few tools and techniques that have helped me learn to “Let Go and Let God”. I hope you find them useful on your own journey.

Writing

Writing uses a different part of your brain than just thinking or speaking.  When I write out my thoughts and the feelings of my heart, my mind slows down and I am able to discover thoughts and feelings and ideas that might have been too fleeting to capture any other way.  If I write about my desire to let go of something and my reluctance to trust that the Lord will take care of it to my satisfaction, I can often find the willingness to let it go.

Visualization

Sometimes I just stand in the middle of an empty room and imagine putting whatever I am trying to let go of in a bubble resting in my open palms.  Then I lift my arms and visualize myself giving the bubble a little push up to send it on its way toward the Lord’s outstretched hands.  I see him receive my bubble and embrace it and I know that it is safely under His control. I know it sounds hokey, but try it. It really works for me! This works particularly well when what I need to turn over to Him is another person, usually someone who is making choices that concern me.

God Box

I have a box that I call my God Box.  (Some people have a can instead, because, after all, God “CAN”.) When I find myself obsessing about a situation or a person and I know I have done everything I can do to resolve it, I write it down on a piece of paper, date it, fold it up and put it in my God Box as a physical representation of having turned the matter over to God.  The next time I find myself obsessing about it, I have two choices.  I can either take it out of the box and tell God that I decided to take it back, or I can remind myself that I turned it over to Him and let it go. One amazing side benefit of using the God Box is that when I put something new in it I get to go back and reread all the old papers. Doing this reminds me of what a great job He did with all those other things.  In fact, He did such a fabulous job with some of those things that I don’t even remember what they were!

By the way, a “virtual” God Box does not work.  There is something about physically writing it down on a piece of paper and putting it in the box that is just different and more effective than doing it in your mind.

Fasting

It is not that unusual, in the Church, for people to fast and pray for something they are concerned about. However, many times we use this tool as a way of “counseling the Lord”.  In other words, we know what outcome we want for the situation and we try to control it by telling the Lord what we want Him to do. We may even add the obligatory “if it is thy will” or “nevertheless, thy will be done” to the end of our prayer as we begin our fast, but I wonder how often we really mean that.

I am going to suggest a slightly different way of using the tool of fasting. When I have a situation that I know I cannot control and that I have done everything I can or should do about it, I will fast and pray to understand and accept the Lord’s will in the matter.  In this way, I invoke His help in letting it go, and turning it over to Him.

  • In which areas of your life do you need to do a better job of “letting go and letting God?”
  • Of the tools listed here, which you not tried before, feels the most comfortable to you?
  • What will you do today to try a new way of learning to let go?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related posts: Problem Solving Flowchart, Forgiveness – the Essence of Step 8, Becoming Entirely Ready, Jealousy: Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires, Forgiveness – the Essence of Step 8, Change: The AADWAR Process, Trust: Do Not Put Other Gods Before Him