Tag Archives: Letting Go

Steps 4 & 5: Composting Our Emotional Debris

August 16, 2018Metaphor, Working the ProgramFear, Growth, Humility, Inventory, Letting Go, Sponsorship, Step-4, Step-5, WritingMira Daniels

Planting in compost Sometimes we just need to take a good hard look at our past, learn from it and let it go. In the 12 Step program this usually takes place in Steps 4 and 5, when we write a searching and fearless moral inventory and share it with God, ourselves, and another person. We list the people, institutions, etc. towards whom we feel resentment, guilt or shame. We figuratively sweep out the root cellar of our hearts and minds, looking for stray items left behind to rot. To the best of our ability we clean house and let go of anything that is holding us back.

We list positive memories in the Step 4 inventory—those that are uplifting, enlightening or comforting—and the gifts, talents and skills we find. We examine and explore how we can use them to bless ourselves and others.

The rotten stuff we gather up and take to the emotional compost pile. As we write the inventory we let ourselves remember each incident: what happened, who was affected, how it affected us. We look for patterns of negative behavior to find the underlying causes and conditions leading to the choices we make today. Then, in Step 5 we turn it over to God and another person and let it go.

It takes humility and courage to overcome our fear of closely examining our pasts. Watered by our tears, the rotten fruit—the emotional debris—is changed into life-giving compost. We no longer need to agonize over the individual incidents in our inventory, or feelings of resentment, guilt or shame. Our memories and experiences can, with the help of the Lord, blend together and become fertile ground in which He plants the seeds of future accomplishment and contribution. In this way He consecrates our afflictions for our good. (See 2 Nephi 2:2)

One Example

One of my sponsees has had a very difficult life, starting with repeated childhood sexual abuse and neglect. To survive her life of continual trauma she developed several dysfunctional coping mechanisms including an eating disorder and other forms of self harm. After decades of these behaviors, with the help of the Lord she found abstinence from her eating disorder. She is now using the 12 Steps to overcome her other addictions. This woman is immersing herself in Steps 4 and 5 with great humility and commitment, even though it hurts to examine her very difficult past. She writes in her inventory every day and shares with me what she has written.

How has her “emotional compost” led to growth and joy? She is recognizing her need for boundaries and learning to set them. Every time she does so, it is a victory for her. She is learning to recognize anxiety when it starts. She is learning to deliberately choose alternative behaviors – healthy behaviors – to cope with it. She is learning to relate to her husband with a new, more spiritually mature love. She is teaching me how to help others with a background of complex post traumatic stress.

God is using her emotional debris to create a rich, nourishing medium for growth: hers, mine, and all the others we each work with through this inspired 12 Step program.

Write about how God can consecrate your affliction for good if you are willing to examine your past and turn it over to Him.
Are you willing to do a “searching and fearless moral inventory”?
What are you willing to do today to get started?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Stop Wearing Body Armor

February 26, 2017MetaphorChange, Fear, Growth, Letting Go, TrustMira Daniels

Underwater body armor Sometimes, even as early as childhood, we are given “gifts” that do us more harm than good. Sometimes they are given to us quite on purpose by loving but misguided people who think they are “doing it for our own good.” At other times these “gifts” are given to us by dysfunctional people who are, deliberately or unwittingly, trying to manipulate us so that they can get their own needs met. The unwelcome gifts I am talking about are things like fear, low self-esteem or self confidence, feelings of lack of worthiness, of never being “good enough” to please a parent or loved one.

If we continue to hold onto these unwelcome “gifts,” to believe these false ideas and act in harmony with them, we cannot reach our full God-given potential. Be assured that these feelings do not come from God.

Imagine that these feelings are like clothing. We open the box and try them on. We may wear them for a very long time, but we are capable of taking them off, putting them aside and choosing something else to wear.

At their most destructive this clothing is like a suit of body armor. It will protect us from being hurt. But it is very heavy and it saps our energy to wear it. We may not be vulnerable to the arrows or bullets that may come our way, but we also cannot run or jump or dance while we wear it. It severely limits our freedom to explore our world, find our talents, experience joy.

Imagine that we are living on the seashore. As we “go out into the world” we walk into the ocean. Free of the body armor, we can swim. We can hear loving voices calling to us and see the light of the lighthouse so that even if we venture out into deep water, we can find our way home. Wearing the body armor, we quickly find ourselves under water, feet firmly planted on the ocean floor. Our Rescuer sits in a rowboat over our heads, holding a tube down to us so that we can breathe. We gulp the air from the tube, feeling like the world is a very hard place to live. We cannot hear clearly. We cannot see clearly. We cannot move quickly or easily. We may be developing very strong muscles as we fight to live under the water in this way, wearing the armor that is weighing us down, but at what price?

Take off the armor! Let it go! Even if it was a gift from someone you love, it is causing you to drown! Will taking it off make you vulnerable? Possibly, but you will shoot to the surface, be able to breathe deeply and fully and freely. You will hear the voices of Love and Truth clearly calling to you. The Rescuer will help you into the boat and carry you safely to shore. He will protect you and heal you when you get hurt. You will be able to swim, to run, to laugh, to play, to experience joy and fulfillment. These are gifts that are far more valuable than the suffocating “protection” of the body armor. Let go of fear. Trust the Rescuer to protect you.

What feeling, thought or ideas are weighing you down that you can take off and let go of?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Avoid Disappointment – Better Expectations

January 25, 2017Working the ProgramAcceptance, Discouragement, Letting Go, TrustMira Daniels

Don’t “dig a pit for your neighbor” by holding expectations that have not been communicated.

It has been my observation that much of the unhappiness in our relationships can be attributed to expectations: missed expectations, unreasonable expectations, unexpressed expectations. When I have expectations of how others will behave, and they are not aware of or not capable of meeting them, I am setting them up to fail. If I don’t know what someone’s expectations are, despite my best efforts to meet their needs and serve them with love, I may disappoint them.

Those of us who have been hurt or abused in the past, may have deep-seated unmet needs. We may desperately want those around us to meet those needs. We must be careful not to compound the problem by having such high expectations of those around us that we set ourselves up for disappointment.

Part of the problem is that we don’t always know that we have expectations of someone until they fail to meet them! Then our surprise and disappointment can make them feel inadequate, incapable, embarrassed or ashamed. It can become a cycle of hurt.

Think about times that there have been negative feelings in your relationships. Can you trace it back to missed expectations?

I can hear some of you saying, “But I have to have some expectations of others in my life!” Perhaps. If you feel like you must, here are some guidelines that I have found help to avoid creating hurt and disappointment in my relationships.

Guidelines for Expectations:

Be aware of them

Sometimes we have expectations of others that we aren’t even aware of. This could be because we assume all people will behave the way we do, or the way we were raised. Think about your expectations of others and try to be aware of them.

Choose them carefully

If you find that you do have expectations of others, make a conscious decision that you are either going to keep them, or let them go. Don’t just hold on to them by default.

Make sure they are reasonable

Ask yourself if it is likely that the other person will be able to meet your expectations. If it is not, then you are creating an environment of continually repeated hard feelings and frustration. This damages the other person by making them feel like they will never be good enough. This also affects you, by almost guaranteeing your disappointment, and feelings of low self-worth. After all, if s/he really cared about you they would meet your expectations, right?

Communicate them

Even if you have conscious, reasonable expectations, if you do not clearly communicate them, the other person can fail to meet them. Not because they can’t, and not because they choose not to, but just because they didn’t know about them, or don’t have the same understanding of them as you have! For example, perhaps you are a romantic and you would like your loved one to recognize the anniversary of your first date. If s/he is not romantic by nature, they may not even know what the date is, never mind realize that you would like to celebrate it! It is unfair of you to be disappointed that they didn’t remember. If it is important to you, let them know. Don’t “dig a pit for your neighbor” (2 Nephi 28) by setting up situations in your relationships in which someone is likely to be disappointed or hurt.

The other person must agree to them

If you don’t share your reasonable expectations with the other person, and come to an agreement that they will try, in good faith, to meet them, you are likely to be disappointed. Suppose that you express to them that you have a need, and request that they meet it. If they don’t agree to do it, you will probably be disappointed. You cannot control others. You can only control yourself.

What if this person doesn’t want to meet your expectations? Then you need to let go of their behavior and focus on your own. If the other person is an adult, you have to come to terms with the fact that they have their agency and are not obligated to comply with your requests, however reasonable and clearly communicated. When the person in question is one of your children, Love and Logic has some great approaches. Most of them deal with focusing on what you can control (your own choices and behaviors) rather than what you cannot control (your child’s choices and behaviors).

It may make you feel vulnerable to express your needs and desires and risk rejection. You are already doing that by assuming that they will know what to do to make you happy and are willing and able to do it. It is better to talk about it in a calm and reasonable way ahead of time and try to work out a win/win for your relationship.

What if I do all that and I am still disappointed?

What do I do if someone does not meet my reasonable and communicated expectations? That depends on the circumstance.

They tried and failed. I thank them for their efforts, figure out how to get the immediate problem solved without judgment or shaming, and think about or talk with them about what we can do the next time to get a better outcome.
They didn’t even try. This tells me that there is something wrong on a deeper level in our relationship. Perhaps my expectation was not as reasonable as I thought. Perhaps it didn’t take into consideration his/her needs. Perhaps s/he was reluctant to share their true feelings with me because when I don’t get what I want I have a tendency to throw shame or guilt. I have to examine my motives. Am I trying to manipulate or control the other person? Am I being selfish? Maybe they have an unexpressed need that I wasn’t aware of? Maybe they never really agreed to meet my expectations in the first place?

Letting Go

I have written several posts on how to let go of things we cannot control. If our best efforts to have and communicate reasonable expectations are ineffective, the Lord can help us to let go and seek His help to find another approach to getting our needs met.

Write about times you have been disappointed or worse as a result of expectations that were not met.
What will you do differently in the future to pursue serenity and peace in your life?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Paul’s Thorn – Weakness is Not Always Removed by Faith

August 20, 2016Working the ProgramAcceptance, Grace, Letting Go, WeaknessMira Daniels

We have a tendency to look at our Church leaders and compare ourselves to what we see. We always come up short in these comparisons. We don’t see their imperfections, defects, or areas of weakness. Therefore, we presume they have none. We are painfully aware of our own, however, and Satan encourages us to think of ourselves as “damaged goods.”

As we learn about the Atonement and the repentance process we find hope that, somehow, our shortcomings can be removed by the Savior through the Atonement. We work hard, we pray hard, we do our best, and some of them are removed. Some are not. Again Satan tries to convince us that the reason God does not remove all of our weakness is that we are not worthy, He doesn’t really love us, or He doesn’t really exist.

Nephi’s Weakness

Do you remember Nephi exclaiming: “O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.” (2 Nephi 4:17-19). When it finally actually registered (about the umpteenth time I read it) I remember thinking, “Nephi!? Nephi!? Even Nephi was discouraged by his sins and shortcomings? Wow!” Nephi was a great prophet and leader. He may not have been perfect, but he trusted in the Lord and the Lord helped him carry his load. He will help us, too.

Paul’s Weakness

The Apostle Paul was one of the great leaders of the early Church in the years immediately following Christ’s death. His conversion experience, recorded in Acts 9, is generally considered to have taken place within a few years following the Crucifixion. Just over half of the books of the New Testament are attributed to Paul. It is easy for us to read his words and lose sight of the fact that he was a man, just like our Church leaders of today — a good man — but he was not perfect. He tells us in his own words that he had a weakness which He asked God to remove three times, to no avail.

And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

I will continue to do the footwork the Lord gives me to do. I will continue to try to find new and better ways of handling things, and find new behaviors to replace my unproductive ones. But, like Paul and Nephi, I am grateful for the power of Christ which supplements and compensates for my weakness. I am happy to give the Lord credit for those aspects of my life in which, together, we are strong.

What is your “thorn in the flesh”?
What have you done to try to remove it yourself?
What will you do today to accept the Lord’s help, and His will — to either have your thorn removed or allow Him to demonstrate through you that through His grace His “strength is made perfect in [your] weakness?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Change: The AADWAR Process, Tuning In

Ten Rewards for Embracing God’s Will

August 9, 2016Working the ProgramBlessings, Letting Go, Step-3, Turn-to-ChristMira Daniels

Step 3: Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

But what if God’s will for my life is not what I want? What if Their will involves discomfort, suffering and pain? What if Their answer to the righteous desires of my heart is, “We have a different plan for you?” What if Their plan involves slogging through a jungle or staggering across a desert? Even worse, what if Their plan involves allowing my loved ones to make bad decisions?

What if I don’t like Their plan? Why should I overcome my fear, trust God and turn my life over? The best answer I have even seen can be found in an apostolic promise from President Ezra Taft Benson, quoted in the Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing. It appears in Step 12, on page 71.

“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life” (Ezra Taft Benson, “Jesus Christ—Gifts and Expectations,” Ensign, Dec. 1988, 4).

In this quote, President Benson offers us ten blessings that come from turning our lives over to God.

1. “Deepen their Joys”

In the Book of Mormon, Nephi teaches us that “men are, that they might have joy.” (2 Ne. 2:25.) Who would not like to have deeper joy? But what am I willing to sacrifice to have it? I want this. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to receive it?

2. “Expand their Vision”

What if I could shed my self-limiting beliefs and visualize the full potential God has created for me? What if I could expand my ability to see as the Father sees? I am reminded of the story of Elisha and the chariots: “the Lord opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha.” (See 2 Kgs. 6:14–17.) I would like to be able to see — to have increased awareness of — the spiritual support the Lord is providing me to do and accomplish more than I could have imagined possible. I want this. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order for my vision to be expanded?

3. “Quicken their Minds”

What does it mean to have one’s mind “quickened?” According to Webster’s Revised Unabridged Dictionary, one definition of “quicken” is “To make lively, active, or sprightly; to impart additional energy to; to stimulate; to make quick or rapid; to hasten; to accelerate; as, to quicken one’s steps or thoughts.” What a blessing! As I think about what happens to my mind when I am trying to control my own life (and especially the lives of those around me), the kind of words that come to mind are: overwhelmed, frustrated, discouraged. Am I willing to let go of my will in order to have my mind quickened?

4. “Strengthen their Muscles”

Now this is quite a promise! Stronger muscles. How can letting go of my will enable the Lord to bless me with stronger muscles? I don’t know! Perhaps it means better health? In any case, I want this! Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to allow God to strengthen my muscles?

5. “Lift their Spirits”

There sure are times when I feel overwhelmed and discouraged. President Benson promises that if I turn my will over to God, He will lift my spirits. Wow! I want this. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to permit Him lift my spirits?

6. “Multiply their Blessings”

I already feel so blessed by the Lord! My heart is filled with gratitude for the blessings He has showered upon me. Nevertheless, there is always room for more! I am not yet perfect at turning over my will. I want God to multiply my blessings. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to receive more blessings?

7. “Increase their Opportunities”

There have been times in my life when I have felt boxed in – that I didn’t see any opportunities to expand my horizons and my life. I have begun to see opportunities all around, but sometimes I am afraid to pursue them. Am I willing to let go of my fears and embrace God’s will in order to receive the opportunities He would like to give me?

8. “Comfort their Souls”

The more of life I experience, the more I am vulnerable to disappointment and grief. I love to feel the arm of the Lord around me, comforting me. I want more of this. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to receive His comfort?

9. “Raise up Friends”

When I moved across the country I left behind many friends. I haven’t lost them, but I am far away and don’t get to spend time with them and socialize with them like I used to. But I felt a confirmation that I was supposed to make this move. Within a few months I had found my best friend – my eternal friend and companion, but it took longer to find my circle of friends. Having embraced God’s will I have received this blessing and hope to continue to receive it as I let go of my own will.

10. “Pour Out Peace”

I am so grateful for the peace of the Lord. I am so grateful for one-day-at-a-time serenity. I have found in Him, and in surrendering my own will in order to embrace His, The Great Source of Peace. I am willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to maintain this peace.

Which of these blessings would be most welcome in your life right now?
Are you willing to let go of your own will and turn your own life over to God in order to receive it?
What will you do today to make progress in this area?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Low-hanging Spiritual Fruit

June 3, 2016MetaphorGrowth, Inventory, Letting Go, Step-4, Step-6, Willingness, WritingMira Daniels

God has created us in His image. He has given us divine potential or “spiritual fruit”: gifts and talents we can discover and develop throughout our lives. Sometimes they are apparent and obvious. From a very young age we can begin to develop and enjoy them. Others are obscured; hidden beneath shortcomings only to be freed and discerned as we become willing to turn to the Lord for help in letting go of and overcoming weakness.

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27 emphasis added)

Suppose when we are born we each have our very own spiritual fruit tree—let’s say it is an orange tree. Each orange represents a strength, gift or talent. The low-hanging fruit is easy to pick, even for a small child. We must remove the peel which encases the sweet, delicious orange full of vitamins and goodness. That requires some work. As soon as we become aware that it is there, and someone teaches us how to pick and peel it we can eat the spiritual fruit and grow stronger and more capable.

A new baby is too weak to roll over or sit up alone. But as loving parents nurture and feed the child s/he grows stronger and through determined effort learns to sit, crawl, walk, run and climb. The capabilities of the miraculous body created for this child develop and strengthen as s/he works at those skills, too young to be afraid of failure or hard work. The youngster develops spiritually as well as physically, developing wonder, faith, gratitude and a sense of sacred awe.

At some point, we will have picked and eaten all of the low-hanging fruit, but there is still more on our tree. The higher fruit is more difficult to see and reach. We might need to climb the tree or get a ladder. Climbing, stretching and reaching may be outside of our comfort zone. We may feel scared and off balance. But the Lord holds the ladder and stands beneath the tree prepared to catch us if we fall. If we listen, He tells us where to reach and how to obtain the spiritual fruit. But He won’t pick or peel it for us.

As we mature into adulthood we develop fears and bad habits that keep us from exploring and finding more gifts, talents and strengths. If we focus on the ground and don’t look up at the beautiful tree, we may not even realize there is more fruit. Writing an inventory of our shortcomings and weaknesses helps us spot the spiritual fruit. We may not have any idea what wonderful gift lies within the rough, ugly peel, but we can turn to the Lord for help in becoming willing to do the work necessary to obtain the fruit, remove the shortcoming that encases it, and allow Him to replace the weakness with strength.

What spiritual fruit have you already picked?
What is stopping you from picking more?
What will you do today to spot and reach for more?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

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How to Become Entirely Ready for God to Remove Your Shortcomings

April 29, 2016Working the ProgramChange, Letting Go, Step-6Mira Daniels

Do you have a desire to be your best self? Do you want to have your shortcomings and weaknesses removed? Would you like to put your old self behind you and walk into the future a new and improved creature? Well what exactly does that look like? Can you describe the “new you”? What does it look like to allow God to remove your shortcomings? Notice that I said “allow,” because He will not change you against your will. You must spiritually create the new you before you can “become entirely ready” to allow God to make it happen.

Just like an architect visualizes a home remodeling project and creates it in his/her mind, then electronically or on paper before construction begins, I must create (with God’s help) the new me in my mind, and perhaps on the pages of my journal, before I have become entirely ready to be changed in the physical or temporal world. Then and only then will I be willing to allow Him to begin the remodeling process.

All things are created spiritually before they are created physically.

Genesis 2:4–5

“These are the generations of the heavens and of the earth when they were created, in the day that the Lord God made the earth and the heavens, And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew…”

Moses 3:5

“And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew. For I, the Lord God, created all things, of which I have spoken, spiritually, before they were naturally upon the face of the earth.”

Many people are unable to complete Step 6, “becom[ing] entirely ready to have God remove all [their] character weaknesses” because, with no concept of who they would be without those weaknesses, they are afraid to let go of them. Stuck in Step 6, they cannot get to Step 7, where they humbly ask to have their shortcomings removed.

The work of Step 6: how do we become entirely ready?

I have written before about how each step has an “input and an output.” The input to Step 6 is the list of shortcomings and weaknesses we identified in Step 5. (For more on this read “Six Thoughts about Step 5.”) Starting with this list, we have to somehow find the willingness to allow God to remove them.

According to Aristotle, nature abhors a vacuum. Trying to simply have a shortcoming removed is counterproductive. Removing it will leave a space into which something else will rush. If we don’t determine ahead of time what that “something else” is going to be, it could be worse than what we wanted to have removed!

“Unless you examine all your tendencies toward fear, pride, resentment, anger, self-will, and self-pity, your abstinence will be shaky at best. You will continue with your original addiction or switch to another one. Your addiction is a symptom of other “causes and conditions” (Alcoholics Anonymous [2001], 64).” (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, p. 13. emphasis added.)

So, suppose you get caught up playing solitaire on the computer when you are bored. You know it is a waste of time and decide to ask the Lord to remove it. If you don’t spiritually create a better way to handle boredom first, you might mindlessly start surfing the Internet instead of playing solitaire and develop an addiction to shopping online! Wouldn’t it be better if you prayerfully made a list of productive things you could do when you are bored, made sure you had the resources you needed to be able to do those things, imagined yourself doing them and pictured what it would look like in your life, and then asked Him to remove the solitaire addiction?

What about a character weakness, such as being quick to anger? Suppose you asked the Lord to remove this weakness, and then when something happened to make you angry you just stuffed it and tried to ignore it until you s.l.o.w.l.y got to the point where you exploded. Would that be an improvement? Wouldn’t it make more sense to write and pray about what healthy behavior you could use in those situations, do some research, start practicing using those behaviors and then ask the Lord to remove the “quick to anger” weakness? Would you be more likely to “become entirely ready” to have this weakness actually removed by doing this work than by simply thinking, “I don’t want to have this weakness anymore,” and asking Him to remove it?

If I do the work of Step 6 by spiritually creating the “new me” after prayerfully considering what options I have and what I want the “new me” to look like, the Lord will be able to remove my shortcomings when I ask Him to in Step 7. It will be up to Him whether and when He will remove them. If I know that I have done the work required of me to “become entirely ready” to have them removed, I can accept with serenity the will of the Lord. I know that I am a better person simply for having done this work. That makes it worth the effort.

What shortcomings would you like to have the Lord remove in your life?
Have you become entirely ready to have them removed?
What will you do today to become entirely ready for the Lord to remove your shortcomings?

Please share your thoughts about this post or other resources you would recommend by commenting below.

My Journey Down the River of Life

April 13, 2016MetaphorAcceptance, Fear, Journey, Letting Go, TrustMira Daniels

I float on my back down the river of life. My feet are downstream so that I see just a little bit of what lies ahead over the tips of my toes. The river moves slowly and the Lord walks by my side with his hand under me, supporting my back. He sees what is coming ahead. I trust Him to guide me and keep me safe on this relatively easy and effortless journey.

From time to time there are boulders and trees in the riverbed. When I come close enough to touch something with my feet, I need to be soft and flexible. My knees act like shock absorbers, bending as needed and then I straighten them to push myself off the obstruction. Sometimes I “tiptoe” around the object until I can resume my journey.

The water flows a little faster as the riverbed drops down on occasion. I feel a little fear, and look up at my Savior who continues to walk calmly by my side. He smiles reassuringly. I feel His hand gently supporting me. My circumstances do not threaten me. I am safe with Him.

Sometimes there are rapids. I may get bumped and a little bruised. But with the Lord to rescue me and keep me safe, I will not drown, unless I refuse His aid. He may lift me directly and carry me down river past the danger. Or He may have a raft manned by His servants pick me up and care for me temporarily. Sometimes He drafts me to care for others as my journey downstream continues.

There is only one way for me to be in danger: if I decide to manage the trip myself. Even when the river is slow, I barely see over the tips of my toes. Without His loving guidance I will get snagged by submerged limbs. If I try to go it alone in the white water, I will surely be smashed on the rocks or caught in a whirlpool. No. I cannot navigate the river alone. And why would I want to?

How fast is the river of your life flowing right now?
How flexible are you when you encounter obstacles? What does that look like in your life?
What will you do today to give more control to the Savior and allow Him to guide you?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Letting Go

February 4, 2016Working the ProgramLetting GoMira Daniels

Letting go of my dreams – the vision I had of what my future would hold – and learning to allow God to create a future for me has been one of the more difficult aspects of my recovery. It is so much more complicated than it sounds! It is not really that I think I could do a better job than God, but rather that not being in control triggers feelings of discomfort and fear.

I have become attached to the ideas and the pictures in my head of how my life will turn out. Letting go of them is painful. Trusting that the Lord’s plan for my life will be better than mine is also hard. I love the Lord. I want to trust Him. I know, intellectually, that I can and should trust Him and that He is much more capable of designing the perfect life for me than I am. But what if His plan for me is hard? What if His plan has me wading through trials and pain? What if I have to experience things I don’t want to experience? Sometimes my intellectual knowledge and even my faith that “all things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28), isn’t enough to overcome my fear.

I have written previously about how to let go. This post is just to acknowledge that it is hard. But I also want to say that it is worth it. In every case where I have chosen to let go, I have found peace. I have stepped into the unknown and found the Lord by my side. This poem was particularly helpful to me as I tried to learn to let go in the early days of my recovery.

BROKEN DREAMS by Lauretta P. Burns

As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because He was my friend.

But then instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
With ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried,
“How could you be so slow?”
“My child,” He said, “what could I do?”
“You never did let go.”

I testify that God loves us and that He will give us what we need. He will enable us to reach our full potential, if we let Him. Jesus is my friend. He walks by my side. He carries the burden for me when it is more than I have strength to bear. He smiles and is pleased when I grow. He will never leave me. Nor will He leave you.

What are your broken dreams?
Do you have a testimony that Jesus is always there for you? Write it out.
What will you do today to learn to let go?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Acceptance: Reflections on the Death of My Mother

November 18, 2015Journal Entry, Working the ProgramAcceptance, Letting Go, TrustMira Daniels

Losing a loved one is always hard. Even when they have lived a good life and are just “done”, it is hard to let go; to accept that there will now be a time of separation. For those who have a testimony of life after death, it can be a little easier, because we have hope of being together again. But the pain of missing them is still a reality of life.

Acceptance

The key to peace for me, as I lost first my father and then my mother within ten months, is acceptance. In On Grief and Grieving Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler identified 5 stages in the grieving process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I know that many people do experience these five stages, and it is good for them to understand the process so that they don’t think something is wrong with them as they pass through these emotions.

My Experience

Thirty years ago I lost my three year-old son Mikey in a drowning accident. It was certainly unexpected and played out quickly over just a few days. Now I have lost my Dad and my Mom who both declined slowly over years and months. In all three cases, regardless of whether death came suddenly and unexpectedly, as a welcome relief, or was a quiet, peaceful passing, my experience with grief and loss seems to be colored by my testimony of an afterlife and the 12-Step work I have done on acceptance. I have learned to trust the Lord in all things, everyday. I have learned that with His help I can overcome anything; he will give me the strength and power to do all things that are expedient unto him (see Moroni 7:33.)

As far as I can tell, I have not experienced denial, anger, bargaining or depression in the face of death; some sadness – yes, but sadness is not depression. I have been blessed to go immediately to a place of acceptance. It is a comfortable place. I am grateful for this gift.

The morning I got word that my mother had slipped through the veil, I was standing in the bedroom and the following conversation took place in my head. I seemed to hear my mother speaking to me.

Mom: “You know what? There IS an afterlife! And Dad is here, too!!!”

Me: “I know, Mom. ?”

Then, a few minutes later, I was reflecting on the fact that I never “heard from” Dad after he died, and I thought, “He was too proud and stubborn to tell me I was right”. And then, in my head, I heard HIS voice: “Yeah, yeah.?”

As I wrote my prayers in the days following my mother’s death, this came to me in the Lord’s response to one prayer:

“Your Mom and Dad are adjusting to the new realities of their lives. Because your Mom is more open to learning new truth that is not consistent with the ‘traditions of their fathers,’ she and your Dad will be walking the same spiritual path at the same time, despite his earlier arrival. It helps that Mikey, and their parents, are able to visit with and teach them. Oh, what interesting conversations are taking place up here. ?”

As I said at the end of my post about Dad’s death, it is what it is. I am at peace. And I am grateful.

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Steps 1, 2, and 3: I Can’t, He Can, I’ll Let Him

February 25, 2015Working the ProgramLetting Go, Step-1, Step-2, Step-3Mira Daniels

There is a short-hand way of describing the first three Steps of the 12-Step Recovery process: “I can’t, He can, I’ll let Him.” The “He,” for me, is the Lord.

Step 1: I Can’t

Step 1 is about admitting my powerlessness. I did everything I knew how to do to improve my situation, and it got me to where I am right now. Goodness knows I tried. I tried various diets and exercise programs hoping to lose weight. I tried dozens of self-help books to overcome my shortcomings. I tried three different therapists. None of those things brought a long term solution. By the time I started working the 12 Steps I was pretty much at the end of the line. If the 12 Steps didn’t work, I had nowhere else to turn.

Step 2: He Can

Step 2 is about acknowledging that the Lord can do for me what I cannot do for myself. He can fix problems that I cannot imagine the solution for. He is omnipotent. It is arrogant and prideful to think that I am so broken that I am beyond the help of the Lord. No one is too broken for Christ to fix. He cares about each and every one of us individually and wants to be our personal Savior.

Step 3: I’ll Let Him

Step 3 is about making a decision to trust the Lord and turn my life over to Him. He has promised that he would be right by my side and would help me do anything that is in harmony with His will, and I know that overcoming my addiction and letting go of my shortcomings and character defects fits that description.

He will not do for me what I can do for myself. And He will only do what I am willing to let Him do. He will not violate my agency. I do not have to understand what the solution is, nor do I have to tell Him what to do or when to do it. He is smarter than I am. I need to trust that His solution will be what is best for me. I need to turn the matter over to Him, pray for guidance on what footwork He wants me to do, and do the footwork He gives me to do. I also need to wait on His timing; patiently, if possible.

Progress

The 12 Steps did and do work for me. I have experienced His love personally. I have received a new heart. I now walk in faith and not fear. I trust that His solution will be best for me. I have long term recovery, both from compulsive eating and from many of the shortcomings and character defects that kept my life in turmoil. Someday, in the Lord’s time, I hope to be delivered from all of them. I have comfortable relationships with my loved ones. When I mess up, I follow the steps and personal revelation to make amends quickly. I love living in a state of recovery. It is a good state to live in.

What are your addictions, shortcomings and character defects? Are you willing to admit that you are powerless over all of them?
Do you believe that the Lord is capable of removing your shortcomings and restoring you to complete spiritual health? Why or why not?
How do you feel about turning your will and your life over to Him? Are you willing to ask and allow Him to be in charge of your life?
Are you willing to seek inspiration on the footwork you need to do and act upon the revelation you receive?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Problem Solving Flowchart

November 20, 2014Working the ProgramAcceptance, Fear, God-Box, Letting Go, powerlessness, Problem Solving, Trust, WritingMira Daniels

What goes on in your mind when something “goes wrong?” I started thinking about this not too long ago. Some people obsess about why it happened. I don’t. So what do I do?

Is It Something I Can Control?

I go through a kind of flowchart in my mind in these situations. It actually happens pretty quickly most of the time. The first thing I ask myself is, “Is this something I can control?” This is a key question because if it is not something I can control, no amount of anguish, effort or frustration is going to change anything.

If the Problem or Situation is Not Under My Control

If the problem is something that I cannot control I quickly do Steps 1, 2, and 3:

Step 1: Admit that I am powerless over the matter.
Step 2: Acknowledge that God can handle it.
Step 3: Make a decision to turn it over to Him and trust His timing.

I have written several other posts on how to let go and trust God. For example, “Learning to Let Go.” Once I have turned it over, I need to be willing to trust His timing. If I find myself obsessing about the matter again, it is probably related to His timing more than anything else. I want the problem solved immediately. He has a perfect sense of when the necessary lessons have been learned and will resolve these things in His own way and time. I need to remember that I turned it over and decide to let it go once more. ( See more on the “God Box” ).

If It is Something I Can Control

Sometimes a problem is something I could do something about, but should not. It might be outside of my area of stewardship – in other words, none of my business. Or it might be better for the other people involved if I let them figure out a solution for themselves. Even if it is my problem to solve, it is often the case that the immediate and obvious answer that pops into my head is not the best one. I have found that praying for guidance is always worth the time.

Praying for Guidance

“Lord, what wilt thou have me do?” This is the humble prayer the Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing says to use in Step 7 on page 42. I usually write this type of prayer (see more here), and list out the options that I can think of, describing the pros and cons, trying to think ahead to what the outcomes (including possible unintended consequences) might be. I believe this is in harmony with the Lord’s direction to Oliver Cowdery in the 9th Section of the Doctrine & Covenants.

Doing the Footwork

Sometimes the footwork is to watch and wait and continue to pray. Other times it requires more action. If I need to take action I want to feel comfortable that the action I am going to take has the approval of the Lord. And sometimes I need to have the courage to take the action the Lord gives me to do. I may feel fear. When this happens I try to remember two of my favorite scriptures:

“And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.” (Moroni 7:33)
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

Trust in the Lord’s Timing

In the end, whether it turns out to be something I have no control over or something I need to act upon, it all comes down to trusting the Lord and His timing.

Is there something going on in your life right now that should be put through this process?
Are you willing to let go of it and turn it over if it is something that is not in your area of stewardship, or if the Lord tells you just to be patient right now?
Are you willing to ask the Lord, with an open mind and heart, if there is any footwork that you need to do?
Are you willing to do the footwork He has given you?
How do you feel about accepting His timing in the resolution of this matter?

Becoming Entirely Ready

November 12, 2014MetaphorLetting GoMira Daniels

Step 6 – Change of Heart: “Become entirely ready to have God remove all your character weaknesses.”

“As painful as it may be, you may have to admit, as we did, that recognizing and confessing your character weaknesses in steps 4 and 5 did not necessarily mean you were ready to give them up.”

(A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, Step 6, p. 35)

Step 6 can be scary, as you contemplate letting go of all of your character weaknesses. After all, they have been a part of your personality since you can remember, and they have helped you cope with the stresses of life. And besides, who would you be without them?

Let’s imagine that your vision seems to be getting worse and worse. You are having more difficulty seeing and focusing. It seems as if there is something blocking your sight. Maybe you have cataracts or macular degeneration. You debate what to do about it. You know you should probably go to the eye doctor, but what if she wants to do surgery on your eyes! The very thought makes your stomach churn. You finally get up the courage to go, fearing the worst.

The doctor examines your eyes and after she is finished she gives you the good news: there is nothing wrong with your eyes; you need to get your bangs cut!

Of course this is a silly metaphor. But really, how do you know that the character weaknesses you are stubbornly holding onto, afraid to turn over to the Lord, are not something that will be as easy to have removed as getting your bangs cut, once you become willing to ask Him to remove them?

What character weaknesses are you reluctant to let go of?
Write about the worst possible outcome of asking the Lord to remove them.
What can you do to become ready and willing to ask God to remove all your character weaknesses?

Jealousy: Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires

October 2, 2014MetaphorBlessings, Jealousy, Letting Go, Resentment, Step-8Mira Daniels

From time to time I become aware of great things going on in the lives of those around me. Sometimes they have a wonderful marriage and when I see them together it is obvious how much in love they are. Perhaps their children are bright and accomplished and a joy to be around. Maybe a new job that is everything they have been working towards in their career has finally come into their lives.

Generally, my heart is filled with gratitude for these blessings in their lives and I am happy for them. Occasionally, when their blessing is one that I have wished for, or even prayed for, there is also a tiny little spark of jealousy. I have come to understand that these feelings are natural, and I don’t want to beat myself up or feel shame for having them. The important thing for my ongoing recovery and healing is what I do with them when they come.

If I always have a little pile of dry tinder and an abundant supply of kindling and firewood, those sparks may start a fire in my life. I can blow on the little embers that I ignite with those feelings and feed the flames of jealousy with ever-larger pieces of wood until I have a bonfire which consumes me, and keeps me from enjoying the many blessings of my own life. Or, like the Forest Service cleaning out unnecessary brush and dead wood to be able to better control forest fires, I can make sure I don’t keep a supply of fuel on hand for the jealousy fire by letting go of resentments and hurts as soon as possible, and avoiding comparisons of my life to others. I can keep a handy supply of living water, accumulated through gospel study and service, and use it to stamp out and douse those little sparks when they come flying through my life.

What feelings are sparks in your life?
Do you have a supply of kindling and firewood?
What steps are you willing to take to eliminate that fuel from your life?
What are you willing to do to increase your supply of living water?

Forgiveness – the Essence of Step 8

August 24, 2014Working the ProgramForgiveness, Letting Go, Resentment, Step-8, Step-9Mira Daniels

Forgive others and reward yourself with peace. — (Found on Lisa Raye’s Facebook Page.)

Forgiveness is the central principal discussed in Step 8 of the 12 Steps. All things are created spiritually before they are created physically. (See Moses 3:5–7; Genesis 2:4–5.) Step 8 is the spiritual creation of the reconciliation and restitution that will actually happen in Step 9. In order for me to accomplish this spiritual creation, I need to become intimately acquainted with forgiveness.

Step 8 asks me to consider two different aspects of forgiveness: asking others to forgive me, and forgiving those who have hurt me. In either case, sometimes the other person isn’t even aware that they need my forgiveness or that I need theirs. It is interesting to me to ponder how easily people give and take offense in this world, sometimes without even being aware of it. Sometimes people hold resentment in their hearts for years, sapping them of joy and preventing them from living in a state of peace.

Forgiving Others

When I hold resentment in my heart, I am the one who suffers. I have heard it said that holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It tears me up inside, consumes my spiritual and emotional energy, and blocks me from feeling the Spirit. Some people think that we should only forgive someone if they apologize. If the offender doesn’t apologize they don’t deserve my forgiveness, they reason. We don’t forgive others because they deserve it. We forgive others because we deserve it! (shared at church recently by Deron Brent Horne). I hate living in a state of resentment! I owe it to myself to let go of those feelings and let them float out of my life like helium-filled balloons. I do it for myself, as a way of taking care of myself. I do it to get my life back, and my laugh back. How, you ask? Here are two methods that help me.

Tell Myself Another Story

When someone does something that makes me angry I learned from Kimberly Schneider to tell myself a different story. I ask myself this question: “Under what circumstance could this person’s actions have made sense?” Then I make up a story, which I know is probably not true, but makes me feel better and more able to blow off the perceived offense. Did someone cut me off in traffic? They might be worried about something that is going on at home, and I might have been in their blind spot. Did someone fail to deliver on a promise? Perhaps they got a bad night’s sleep or a call from someone with bad news or they were just having a senior moment. The story doesn’t matter! Just thinking about the incident in this way helps me to let go of it.

Detach with Love

I learned in Al Anon years ago about how to “detach with love.” It is a principle that enables me to not take offense, and to let go of resentment toward someone close to me who says or does something that hurts me. Rather than obsessing about what happened or what was said, I separate myself from the offense without separating myself from the person. For me it works like this. I have an imaginary bubble that I can deploy at a moment’s notice. It surrounds me and a little bit of personal space. The person on the outside of the bubble may be lashing out at me, hurling hurtful words in my direction, and my bubble allows the message in without the hurt. If there is any truth in the message that I need to consider and respond to, I can do so, without getting caught up in the delivery method. The negative aspects stay on the outside of the bubble, with the person they come from. I can still love them, but I don’t have to allow their words to hurt me.

Asking for Forgiveness

When I make a list of people who have hurt me and forgive them, as Step 8 asks me to do, I am having a very personal and meaningful experience with forgiveness. What better way to prepare myself to ask others for their forgiveness?! If I have done things that were harmful towards someone else, who might be hurting inside because of my actions, even if I make amends, or restitution, it might be very difficult for them to forgive me. When I, myself, have recently gone through the process of forgiving others, I am in a better position to understand how difficult it may be for someone to forgive me, even if they are willing to do it. In Step 8 I am not actually asking anyone for forgiveness; I am becoming willing to make amends and to be reconciled to those I have hurt. I won’t actually figure out exactly how I will approach the other person until Step 9, and I certainly will not be actually making the amends or making restitution until I get to Step 9. But until I truly become willing to do it, and let the Lord heal my heart, I will never be ready to do it, and will live with broken relationships indefinitely.

What resentments are you holding in your heart?
What are you willing to do to let go of them so that you can progress?
Are you willing to do whatever it takes to be reconciled to those you have hurt? If not, what can you do to help you become willing?

Change: The AADWAR Process

June 7, 2014Working the ProgramAADWAR, Change, Fear, Growth, Letting Go, Potential, Step-6, Step-7Mira Daniels

In Steps 6 and 7 we become entirely ready to have God remove our character weaknesses and then we ask Him, humbly, to do it. So then what? Do we just expect Him to wave a magic wand and, poof, our character weaknesses are gone? No. Part of becoming entirely ready is getting to the point where we are willing to do the footwork He gives us to develop the new positive habits and behaviors that will take the place of the negative ones. I become a co-creator with God as I create the new me, just like Jesus was a co-creator with God as He created the world.

I have observed that there is a process we go through to implement change in our lives. I call it the AADWAR process, which is an acronym for Awareness, Acceptance, Desire, Willingness, Action, Results.

Awareness: “Something needs to change.”

Awareness is the first step of the change process. Nothing will change in my life until I make a decision to change it. I am not going to make a decision to change something unless I know it is a problem! I can become aware of things that need to change as I read, study, and pray with a humble heart. If I listen with an open mind to others share in meetings and at Church the Spirit will tell me how to apply what I hear to my life. My loved ones will also bring opportunities for change to my attention if I am willing to listen to the message instead of reacting to the method of delivery.

Acceptance: “This really does apply to me now.”

I am sure each of us could make a list of habits or behaviors we “know” we need to change, but have not done anything about. I certainly have a few of those items. Acceptance is an important part of the change process. When I go from thinking “I should make this change” to thinking “I will make this change” I have found acceptance. Acceptance may be triggered by the pain caused by my dysfunctional old behavior or by a prompting or confirmation from the Holy Ghost. Often times pride is the reason I struggle with acceptance.

Desire: “I have a vision of what I want to be like.”

Just because I know what I need to change does not mean that I have a desire to do the work necessary to get there, especially if I don’t know what my new replacement habits or behavior will look like! When I can visualize what my life will be like having made this change, and develop a desire for that new lifestyle strong enough to motivate me to actually make it happen, I have taken a powerful step toward getting there. Once I have the desire I ask the Lord what I need to do. He gives me work to do, actions to take, a “roadmap” to get me from where I am to where I want to be.

Willingness: “I am willing to act.”

Sometimes, despite having a strong desire for the new life that a certain change will bring, I cannot overcome my fear or reluctance to take the necessary action. Until I become willing to do the footwork, nothing will change! Praying for willingness is very effective. There are times when I choose not to pray for willingness, because I know that if I do pray for it, the Lord will give it to me, and I don’t want to do it! There is a difference between having a desire for the new behavior to be a part of my life, and being willing to do the work necessary to get there. When I cannot make myself pray for willingness, I may be able to get myself to pray for the willingness to be willing. I know that sounds silly, but it really does work.

Action: “I do the footwork.”

Once I have become willing, I start to implement the plan the Lord gave me. I may be scared out of my wits, but I do it anyway, as Susan Jeffers says in Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway. I may feel uncertain about whether I am doing it “right” but I remind myself that I am after “progress, not perfection,” as the AA/Al-Anon slogan says. I don’t let perfectionism keep me in a state of procrastination. And most importantly, I focus on doing the footwork, not on what the results will look like, because I am not in control of the results.

Results: “Up to God”

Letting go of the results is one of the hardest parts about the change process. In the past I started with the results I wanted and worked backwards to figure out how and what to change. Unfortunately, I was frequently frustrated and disappointed because it rarely turned out the way I had envisioned it. Now I know that the results are up to God. The results are up to God! Actually, this is a relief, when you think about it. God knows what I need far better than I do. He is capable of bringing other resources to bear to help me achieve my full potential. If I can let go of what the results look like and trust Him, I am always amazed at what he can do with my cooperation, which is necessary, because the Lord will not take away my agency.

One trick I use to let go of the results is to make a decision to search for the blessings in the results the Lord has given me. When I see them, and embrace them, and write about them, and express gratitude for them, I begin to “own” them. Eventually they become a part of my life and I see that God’s vision of my life is even better than mine.

What needs to change in your life?
Where are you in the AADWAR process?
What are you willing to do to progress?

Trust: Do Not Put Other Gods Before Him

March 18, 2014Working the ProgramAbstinence, Letting Go, Stress, TrustMira Daniels

Deuteronomy 5:7, “Thou shalt have none other gods before me.”

When is my addiction like another god which I am putting before the Lord? When I turn to my addiction for comfort at times of stress instead of turning to Him.

When I am stressed, what happens in my brain goes something like this:

I feel uncomfortable/stressed/anxious, etc.
I don’t like feeling this way. I just want the feeling to stop!
What will make me feel better? I know!
My old friend #$%&# (in my case, food, but you can substitute any behavior or substance).

At this point in the process, I begin to obsess about how to use my addiction to make myself feel better. Unless I do something to break the pattern, I will probably act out, sooner or later.

The Lord tells us not to put any other gods before him, and what will happen if we do (2 Chronicles 7:19-22). We will lose the blessings and privileges he has given us. I will lose the progress and recovery that I have gained if I turn to my addiction instead of the Lord.

So what can I do to break the pattern? How can I turn to the Lord when I am stressed or anxious or experiencing any other feeling I don’t want to feel?

I stop what I am doing, take a deep breath and literally turn to my right (Isaiah 41:10,13), where I imagine that the Lord is standing by my side. I ask Him to take this from me; to help me to bear this burden by giving me the strength I need to get through this situation without giving in to my addiction. I remember that he has promised that he will give me the power to do all things which are expedient unto Him (Moroni 7:33), and I make a decision to trust Him and let His power flow into me. I may have to do it more than once until the feeling subsides completely, but eventually, it will be gone and I will be grateful that I chose abstinence instead of letting my addiction win.

What do you turn to for comfort when you are stressed?
Are you “putting other gods before Him?”
What could you do differently that would help you more than what you do now?

Learning to Let Go

January 23, 2014ToolsFasting, God-Box, Letting Go, Step-3, Trust, Visualization, WritingMira Daniels

Step 3 of A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing talks about trusting in God. It is easy to talk about that theoretically – how important it is to do it, why we should, how silly it is to doubt Him, etc. Actually learning to do it is another matter. Letting go of the things we want so desperately to control and turning them over to God can be hard! Here are a few tools and techniques that have helped me learn to “Let Go and Let God”. I hope you find them useful on your own journey.

Writing

Writing uses a different part of your brain than just thinking or speaking. When I write out my thoughts and the feelings of my heart, my mind slows down and I am able to discover thoughts and feelings and ideas that might have been too fleeting to capture any other way. If I write about my desire to let go of something and my reluctance to trust that the Lord will take care of it to my satisfaction, I can often find the willingness to let it go.

Visualization

Sometimes I just stand in the middle of an empty room and imagine putting whatever I am trying to let go of in a bubble resting in my open palms. Then I lift my arms and visualize myself giving the bubble a little push up to send it on its way toward the Lord’s outstretched hands. I see him receive my bubble and embrace it and I know that it is safely under His control. I know it sounds hokey, but try it. It really works for me! This works particularly well when what I need to turn over to Him is another person, usually someone who is making choices that concern me.

God Box

I have a box that I call my God Box. (Some people have a can instead, because, after all, God “CAN”.) When I find myself obsessing about a situation or a person and I know I have done everything I can do to resolve it, I write it down on a piece of paper, date it, fold it up and put it in my God Box as a physical representation of having turned the matter over to God. The next time I find myself obsessing about it, I have two choices. I can either take it out of the box and tell God that I decided to take it back, or I can remind myself that I turned it over to Him and let it go. One amazing side benefit of using the God Box is that when I put something new in it I get to go back and reread all the old papers. Doing this reminds me of what a great job He did with all those other things. In fact, He did such a fabulous job with some of those things that I don’t even remember what they were!

By the way, a “virtual” God Box does not work. There is something about physically writing it down on a piece of paper and putting it in the box that is just different and more effective than doing it in your mind.

Fasting

It is not that unusual, in the Church, for people to fast and pray for something they are concerned about. However, many times we use this tool as a way of “counseling the Lord”. In other words, we know what outcome we want for the situation and we try to control it by telling the Lord what we want Him to do. We may even add the obligatory “if it is thy will” or “nevertheless, thy will be done” to the end of our prayer as we begin our fast, but I wonder how often we really mean that.

I am going to suggest a slightly different way of using the tool of fasting. When I have a situation that I know I cannot control and that I have done everything I can or should do about it, I will fast and pray to understand and accept the Lord’s will in the matter. In this way, I invoke His help in letting it go, and turning it over to Him.

In which areas of your life do you need to do a better job of “letting go and letting God?”
Of the tools listed here, which you not tried before, feels the most comfortable to you?
What will you do today to try a new way of learning to let go?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.