Category Archives: Working the Program

Receiving Revelation for Our Lives

November 14, 2018Living in Recovery, Working the ProgramPersonal-Revelation, Prayer, Step-11, Trust, WritingMira Daniels

“Pray in the name of Jesus Christ about your concerns, your fears, your weaknesses—yes, the very longings of your heart. And then listen! Write the thoughts that come to your mind. Record your feelings and follow through with actions that you are prompted to take.” (President Russell M. Nelson, Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives, Ensign, May 2018, p. 95)

I love step-by step approaches to improving my life. In this talk, Russell M. Nelson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, offers a simple, straightforward approach to receiving personal revelation for our lives. He did not present it as a set of defined steps, but that is how they feel to me.

1. Pray

What should we pray about? Our concerns, our fears, our weaknesses, and the longings of our hearts. How do we pray? In the name of Jesus Christ.

When we pray with a true understanding of the Lord’s ability and willingness to ease our burdens and help us come unto and become like Him; if we are willing to trust Him, He can deliver us. What does He deliver us from? From bondage to our concerns, our fears, our weaknesses and shortcomings. When we take them out of the dark hiding places of our hearts and hold them up to His light, they lose their power to keep us from achieving our full potential in this life, with His help.

2. And then listen!

What a concept! This took me many years to learn for myself. I thought I was finished with my prayer when I said “Amen.” I would get up from my knees and go about my life wondering when and how I would ever hear answers to my prayers.

3. Write the thoughts…Record your feelings

The thoughts and feelings that come to us when we listen after praying can be personal revelation for our lives. When I first started listening for, and receiving answers a disconcerting pattern emerged. After a few hours I could remember that I had received an answer to my prayer, but I couldn’t remember what I had heard! I started writing – at first just the answers and then the entire prayer including the answers. My practice of written prayer has enhanced my personal relationship with the Savior so much that when I cannot write, I feel cheated.

4. Follow through with actions

This is the crux or heart of the matter. It is what I still struggle with and work on daily. Almost every prayer I write includes a plea for help with recognizing and acting upon the promptings I receive that day. Activities and distractions frequently push down the thoughts and promptings under a load of urgent but often less important things. When Satan cannot stop me from praying and receiving guidance, he settles for distracting me from acting on it. I am reminded of the talk, “Good, Better, Best” given by President Dallin H. Oaks in October 2007 General Conference. It is always best to follow the personal revelation I receive from the Lord each day.

What are you willing to do today to enhance your ability to receive personal revelation?
How can you better act upon the revelation you receive?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Steps 4 & 5: Composting Our Emotional Debris

August 16, 2018Metaphor, Working the ProgramFear, Growth, Humility, Inventory, Letting Go, Sponsorship, Step-4, Step-5, WritingMira Daniels

Planting in compost Sometimes we just need to take a good hard look at our past, learn from it and let it go. In the 12 Step program this usually takes place in Steps 4 and 5, when we write a searching and fearless moral inventory and share it with God, ourselves, and another person. We list the people, institutions, etc. towards whom we feel resentment, guilt or shame. We figuratively sweep out the root cellar of our hearts and minds, looking for stray items left behind to rot. To the best of our ability we clean house and let go of anything that is holding us back.

We list positive memories in the Step 4 inventory—those that are uplifting, enlightening or comforting—and the gifts, talents and skills we find. We examine and explore how we can use them to bless ourselves and others.

The rotten stuff we gather up and take to the emotional compost pile. As we write the inventory we let ourselves remember each incident: what happened, who was affected, how it affected us. We look for patterns of negative behavior to find the underlying causes and conditions leading to the choices we make today. Then, in Step 5 we turn it over to God and another person and let it go.

It takes humility and courage to overcome our fear of closely examining our pasts. Watered by our tears, the rotten fruit—the emotional debris—is changed into life-giving compost. We no longer need to agonize over the individual incidents in our inventory, or feelings of resentment, guilt or shame. Our memories and experiences can, with the help of the Lord, blend together and become fertile ground in which He plants the seeds of future accomplishment and contribution. In this way He consecrates our afflictions for our good. (See 2 Nephi 2:2)

One Example

One of my sponsees has had a very difficult life, starting with repeated childhood sexual abuse and neglect. To survive her life of continual trauma she developed several dysfunctional coping mechanisms including an eating disorder and other forms of self harm. After decades of these behaviors, with the help of the Lord she found abstinence from her eating disorder. She is now using the 12 Steps to overcome her other addictions. This woman is immersing herself in Steps 4 and 5 with great humility and commitment, even though it hurts to examine her very difficult past. She writes in her inventory every day and shares with me what she has written.

How has her “emotional compost” led to growth and joy? She is recognizing her need for boundaries and learning to set them. Every time she does so, it is a victory for her. She is learning to recognize anxiety when it starts. She is learning to deliberately choose alternative behaviors – healthy behaviors – to cope with it. She is learning to relate to her husband with a new, more spiritually mature love. She is teaching me how to help others with a background of complex post traumatic stress.

God is using her emotional debris to create a rich, nourishing medium for growth: hers, mine, and all the others we each work with through this inspired 12 Step program.

Write about how God can consecrate your affliction for good if you are willing to examine your past and turn it over to Him.
Are you willing to do a “searching and fearless moral inventory”?
What are you willing to do today to get started?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

How Humility Enables God to Remove Our Weakness

October 25, 2017Working the ProgramHumility, Step-6, Step-7, WeaknessMira Daniels

Working steps 6 and 7 with humility enables us to access the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ to turn our weaknesses and shortcomings over to God so He can remove them. An important aspect of this process is to understand is the difference between sins (deliberate choices to turn away from God) and weaknesses (lack of skill or ability). God gives us weakness (Ether 12:27). It is a part of the human condition.

In “It Isn’t a Sin to Be Weak,” in the April 2015 issue of the Ensign and Liahona, Wendy Ulrich has written a masterful explanation of the difference between sin and weakness. In it she explains important concepts relating to the purpose of weakness (to lead us to God), how to distinguish sin from weakness, and how we should handle each in our lives. She says:

“We cannot simply repent of being weak—nor does weakness itself make us unclean. We cannot grow spiritually unless we reject sin, but we also do not grow spiritually unless we accept our state of human weakness, respond to it with humility and faith, and learn through our weakness to trust in God… As we are meek and faithful, God offers grace—not forgiveness—as the remedy for weakness. Grace is an enabling power from God to do what we cannot do on our own (see Bible Dictionary, “Grace”)—the appropriate godly remedy by which He can ‘make weak things become strong.’”

Overcoming Weakness through Humility

We can overcome some weaknesses by hard work and practice. But what about character weakness? What about interpersonal skills that continue to create problems in our relationships despite our own best efforts to overcome them?

When we turn to the Lord, in humility and faith, and acknowledge our weakness, he can give us grace. Through His grace we can first become willing to let go of the weakness and then actually ask Him to remove it.

In the parable of the vine (John 15:1-11), the Lord does not say that the branches must prune themselves in order to become more fruitful. He says that God, who is the husbandman (see verses 1-2) will purge the branches so that they will bring forth more fruit. Do you believe that you would bring forth more spiritual fruit if your weakness was removed? Then you need to become willing to let go of it and ask God to remove it. This is a two step process.

Step 6: Becoming Ready

“Become entirely ready to have God remove all your character weaknesses.”

Recognizing a shortcoming or weakness is a prerequisite to asking for it to be removed. But identifying it is not enough. We must become entirely ready to have God remove it.

In a previous post on Step 6 I have suggested that one approach to becoming entirely ready is to visualize what new behaviors will take the place of the one you are trying to eliminate. Yet most of us still want to make these changes by ourselves. And after all, what if God’s idea of what I will be like without this shortcoming is different than mine? A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing says “Probably the most humbling thing to acknowledge is that you still harbor a prideful desire to change without the help of God.” (p. 35). If this is because we don’t trust Him to deliver the outcome we envision, we might need to review step 3.

If trust is not the issue, it may be feelings of unworthiness. We may think, how can I ask God to help me when I haven’t done all that is humanly possibly to overcome this by myself? The truth, as Brad Wilcox describes so well in “His Grace is Sufficient,” is that any and all of our own efforts are not really our own anyway. God has given us every bit of power we have to do anything. We need to let go of pride, admit our powerlessness (see step 1) and face our shortcomings and weaknesses with humility.

Step 7: Asking God for His Help

“Humbly ask Heavenly Father to remove your shortcomings.”

Humility is the key to step 7. If we go through the motions of asking Him to remove our shortcomings without sincerity and humility, we are wasting our time and breath. He will not—indeed he cannot remove our shortcomings unless we let them go. He will not override our agency. So long as we are stubbornly or fearfully holding on to our weaknesses, He will not remove them.

What does humility look like in taking step 7? Total surrender. Acceptance of God’s will even when we don’t know what it is. Unconditional willingness to become clay in the Master’s hands, to be molded and formed as He sees fit. Acknowledgement that we have failed to live up to our God-given potential, and that we are ready to allow God to enable us to do so, no matter what.

I testify that when we take steps 6 and 7 in true humility, even if it is born of desperation, God will help us to experience the change of heart spoken of in the scriptures. In so doing, we will begin to blossom and bloom in ways we could not have imagined. I have seen it in myself. I have witnessed it in those who have shared their stories in ARP meetings. I have nurtured it in the lives of those I sponsor.

What shortcomings or weaknesses are you ready to let go of?
Do you trust the Lord to remove them?
What are you willing to do to let them go?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

What About the Debt Justice Owes to Us?

August 28, 2017Working the ProgramAtonement, Debt, Mercy, SufferingMira Daniels

The Atonement is the means by which both mercy and justice can be simultaneously satisfied. The Savior has paid our debt to justice (caused by our sins and transgressions in this life) in full through His suffering in the garden and on the cross. By paying our debt He extends us mercy. We no longer need pay that debt. He has paid it for us.

In order to receive the Lord’s mercy for the debt we owe to justice, we must become willing to accept His payment of our debt. We demonstrate our willingness by humble repentance. In 12 Step terms, as we work Steps 4 – 10, we unlock the power of the Atonement and apply it to our weakness, sin and shortcomings. We repent and do our best to obey the commandments going forward, and He pays our debt.

But what about the debt justice owes to us?

What about the things that have happened or been done to us, which were not caused by any sin or transgression on our part? For example, what if we have been abused, or suffer from physical, mental or emotional illness? Do we get compensated for those things?

Elder D. Todd Christofferson clearly answers this question in his April 2013 conference talk, “Redemption.”

“The Savior’s suffering in Gethsemane and His agony on the cross redeem us from sin by satisfying the demands that justice has upon us. He extends mercy and pardons those who repent. The Atonement also satisfies the debt justice owes to us by healing and compensating us for any suffering we innocently endure. ‘For behold, he suffereth the pains of all men, yea, the pains of every living creature, both men, women, and children, who belong to the family of Adam’ (2 Nephi 9:21; see also Alma 7:11–12).” (emphasis added)

Have you suffered pain that was not a consequence of your own choices? Then justice owes you a debt, and the Lord has paid it. Indeed, He paid it before you were born. He knew what you would experience, and He paid the price for your pain and suffering.

What must we do to receive the healing and compensation Elder Christofferson promises us for any suffering we innocently endure? We have to let go of the resentment, anger, hate and fear we feel towards those who have hurt us, and towards the Lord for allowing those things to happen to us. (See Learning to Let Go, or click on “Letting Go” in the tag cloud to find suggestions for how to do this.) Holding onto negative feelings is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. When we let go and choose to begin learning to trust the Lord again, we make it possible for Him to heal us. It takes time and we need His help to do it. Letting go and learning to trust again make it possible for Him to turn our suffering into jewels of testimony, faith, peace, serenity and love.

What more do you need to do to pay your debt to justice so you can have the Lord’s mercy applied to your sins and shortcomings?
Does justice owe you for innocent suffering? What can you do today to let go of resentment, anger, hate and fear and learn to trust the Lord so you can receive the compensation promised you?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Avoid Disappointment – Better Expectations

January 25, 2017Working the ProgramAcceptance, Discouragement, Letting Go, TrustMira Daniels

Don’t “dig a pit for your neighbor” by holding expectations that have not been communicated.

It has been my observation that much of the unhappiness in our relationships can be attributed to expectations: missed expectations, unreasonable expectations, unexpressed expectations. When I have expectations of how others will behave, and they are not aware of or not capable of meeting them, I am setting them up to fail. If I don’t know what someone’s expectations are, despite my best efforts to meet their needs and serve them with love, I may disappoint them.

Those of us who have been hurt or abused in the past, may have deep-seated unmet needs. We may desperately want those around us to meet those needs. We must be careful not to compound the problem by having such high expectations of those around us that we set ourselves up for disappointment.

Part of the problem is that we don’t always know that we have expectations of someone until they fail to meet them! Then our surprise and disappointment can make them feel inadequate, incapable, embarrassed or ashamed. It can become a cycle of hurt.

Think about times that there have been negative feelings in your relationships. Can you trace it back to missed expectations?

I can hear some of you saying, “But I have to have some expectations of others in my life!” Perhaps. If you feel like you must, here are some guidelines that I have found help to avoid creating hurt and disappointment in my relationships.

Guidelines for Expectations:

Be aware of them

Sometimes we have expectations of others that we aren’t even aware of. This could be because we assume all people will behave the way we do, or the way we were raised. Think about your expectations of others and try to be aware of them.

Choose them carefully

If you find that you do have expectations of others, make a conscious decision that you are either going to keep them, or let them go. Don’t just hold on to them by default.

Make sure they are reasonable

Ask yourself if it is likely that the other person will be able to meet your expectations. If it is not, then you are creating an environment of continually repeated hard feelings and frustration. This damages the other person by making them feel like they will never be good enough. This also affects you, by almost guaranteeing your disappointment, and feelings of low self-worth. After all, if s/he really cared about you they would meet your expectations, right?

Communicate them

Even if you have conscious, reasonable expectations, if you do not clearly communicate them, the other person can fail to meet them. Not because they can’t, and not because they choose not to, but just because they didn’t know about them, or don’t have the same understanding of them as you have! For example, perhaps you are a romantic and you would like your loved one to recognize the anniversary of your first date. If s/he is not romantic by nature, they may not even know what the date is, never mind realize that you would like to celebrate it! It is unfair of you to be disappointed that they didn’t remember. If it is important to you, let them know. Don’t “dig a pit for your neighbor” (2 Nephi 28) by setting up situations in your relationships in which someone is likely to be disappointed or hurt.

The other person must agree to them

If you don’t share your reasonable expectations with the other person, and come to an agreement that they will try, in good faith, to meet them, you are likely to be disappointed. Suppose that you express to them that you have a need, and request that they meet it. If they don’t agree to do it, you will probably be disappointed. You cannot control others. You can only control yourself.

What if this person doesn’t want to meet your expectations? Then you need to let go of their behavior and focus on your own. If the other person is an adult, you have to come to terms with the fact that they have their agency and are not obligated to comply with your requests, however reasonable and clearly communicated. When the person in question is one of your children, Love and Logic has some great approaches. Most of them deal with focusing on what you can control (your own choices and behaviors) rather than what you cannot control (your child’s choices and behaviors).

It may make you feel vulnerable to express your needs and desires and risk rejection. You are already doing that by assuming that they will know what to do to make you happy and are willing and able to do it. It is better to talk about it in a calm and reasonable way ahead of time and try to work out a win/win for your relationship.

What if I do all that and I am still disappointed?

What do I do if someone does not meet my reasonable and communicated expectations? That depends on the circumstance.

They tried and failed. I thank them for their efforts, figure out how to get the immediate problem solved without judgment or shaming, and think about or talk with them about what we can do the next time to get a better outcome.
They didn’t even try. This tells me that there is something wrong on a deeper level in our relationship. Perhaps my expectation was not as reasonable as I thought. Perhaps it didn’t take into consideration his/her needs. Perhaps s/he was reluctant to share their true feelings with me because when I don’t get what I want I have a tendency to throw shame or guilt. I have to examine my motives. Am I trying to manipulate or control the other person? Am I being selfish? Maybe they have an unexpressed need that I wasn’t aware of? Maybe they never really agreed to meet my expectations in the first place?

Letting Go

I have written several posts on how to let go of things we cannot control. If our best efforts to have and communicate reasonable expectations are ineffective, the Lord can help us to let go and seek His help to find another approach to getting our needs met.

Write about times you have been disappointed or worse as a result of expectations that were not met.
What will you do differently in the future to pursue serenity and peace in your life?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Weakness, Shortcoming or Defect?

November 13, 2016Working the ProgramChange, Discouragement, Growth, Perfectionism, Potential, Step-6, Step-7, WeaknessMira Daniels

I recently heard this in an ARP meeting: if we are creations of God, an omnipotent and perfect Being, then we cannot be defective. That would seem to be an obvious truth. But neither are we perfect. We know this is true also. We have been given weakness by God.

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27)

How? How do weak things become strong unto us? We must learn to come unto Christ, humbly allow Him to show forth His power in our lives, and become like Him. Paul describes it this way:

And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

Perfection through Weakness

We have shortcomings. Christ has asked us to become perfect (see Matthew 5:48). What does He mean by that, if He, Himself, has given unto us weakness? According to Russell M. Nelson, in this scripture, “the term perfect was translated from the Greek teleios, which means “complete.” (“Pending Perfection,” October 1995 conference.) Elder Nelson goes on to describe in detail how this term is used and what kind of perfection (or “completeness”) we can and should seek in this mortal life. I recommend reading the entire talk.

How should we go about seeking perfection? Most of us cringe when we see our weaknesses and shortcomings. Sometimes we try to hide them from ourselves and those around us. Other times we beat ourselves up for our lack of perfection, and allow Satan to convince us that somehow we are too broken, too imperfect. That we truly are defective and that there is no hope for us.

We need to put those thoughts and voices behind us and turn to Christ, seeking His omnipotent strength and love, and allow His power to rest upon us, as Paul says.

We finally abandoned the idea that we could become perfect by ourselves, and we accepted the truth that God desires us to conquer our weaknesses in this life by coming to Christ and being perfected in Him. (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, p.41)

You may not yet be perfect, but you are not defective. You are a beloved son or daughter of God, created by Him and given the full potential to become like Him. Regardless of what your life looks like now or was like in the past, as you turn to Christ in your weakness, and take His yoke upon you, His strength and power will rest upon you and you will become like Him. It will take time. Be patient and diligent. Walk in faith. It will happen.

I testify that this is true.

Are you willing to acknowledge your weakness and recognize that you, including your weaknesses, were created by God?
Write about your weakness and your willingness to be perfected in Him.
What can you do today to demonstrate your willingness?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Making Amends – Wait for Step 9

November 2, 2016Working the ProgramAmends, Step-9Mira Daniels

When we find the humility to let go of pride and see ourselves, our relationships and our past actions as objectively as possible, many of us want to reach out to those we have hurt, make amends and repair those relationships immediately. We want to wipe the slate clean and start living a new life characterized by the new heart which we have received from the Lord as a result of working Steps 1-8. Sometimes, this desire comes to us before we have finished Step 8.

Don’t jump the gun! As it says on page 47 of A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, “We learned, however, that impulsively rushing to make amends without taking time for prayer and perhaps counsel from a trusted adviser … could be as detrimental as not making amends.” In Step 8 we think through and make a plan for our amends. We discuss the plan with a sponsor, bishop, counselor or another trusted adviser to make sure that we do no further damage in our efforts to repair our relationships. As it says in the guide on page 53, “This part of recovery must never lead to the further harm of others.”

In order to work Step 8 successfully we need to complete Steps 6 and 7 to let go of our shortcomings and allow the Lord to heal us. Our loved ones will be more willing to receive our amends if they have seen a change in our behavior and character. In order to have a list of shortcomings to turn over to the Lord in Steps 6 and 7 we need to have done Steps 4 and 5. And in order to be able to complete a thorough written moral inventory we need to be able to trust the Lord to carry us through this hard work. Steps 1-3 help us learn to have that level of trust.

In other words, the steps are in order for a reason. Don’t get ahead of yourself. Of course, if you have already completed Steps 1-9, and are working the “maintenance steps” (Steps 10-12) please make amends, if appropriate as soon as you realize you have caused harm!

Start by Writing Letters

After you have read all of the Step 9 program literature and answered the questions, one approach for making amends is to write a letter to each person on your Step 8 list. You will decide later whether to actually deliver the letter. Regardless, the first thing to do is write it because:

You can get all of your thoughts and feelings expressed in a coherent form.
Your ability to do this will not be limited by time, interruptions or the other person’s body language.
If it doesn’t come out right the first time you can revise it until you are comfortable with it.
You can look for and remove any blame, guilt throwing, guilt catching, shaming, or justifying.

Once you have written the letters share them with your sponsor or someone else you trust, so that you can get feedback on whether they convey what you are trying to say without containing anything that might be hurtful or misinterpreted.

Another very important thing to pray about and discuss ahead of time is what you will do to actually make amends. An apology is important, but if you have harmed someone you need to try to reverse the damage if possible.

Meeting

If the person you are making amends to is still a part of your life, and willing to meet with you, it is usually best to talk to them in person. This gives the best possible opportunity for healing to take place. Do not have any expectations from the other person. You cannot predict how they will respond. Turn this over to the Lord ahead of time. The purpose of this meeting is for you to apologize and make amends.

Find a mutually convenient time, when you are not in a hurry. Choose someplace to meet that will be relatively free of distractions and feel “safe” for both of you. Make eye contact during the conversation. Smile, if appropriate. You may choose to read your letter aloud, hand it to him or her to read themselves, or simply share the thoughts contained in it. Just be sure you don’t introduce any complicating issues, get sidetracked, say things in a blaming or accusatory way, or justify or excuse your behavior.

Direct Amends

A part of this meeting will be to tell the person what you intend to do to make amends. If you can correct or repair the harm you have done to this person, that would be your amends. Sometimes there is no way to directly repair the damage you have done. This is what Elder Neal A. Maxwell had to say about such situations.

“Sometimes . . . restitution is not possible in real terms, such as when one contributed to another’s loss of faith or virtue. Instead, a subsequent example of righteousness provides a compensatory form of restitution” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1991, 41; or Ensign, Nov. 1991, 31).

If you cannot meet in person, prayerfully consider whether to send the letter, and make amends directly or indirectly as appropriate. Again, discuss this with someone you trust.

Indirect Amends

Indirect amends should be made when direct amends are not possible or would create further harm. For example, if the person you harmed has worked hard to put the events behind them and move on, bringing it up again might traumatize them. The Guide explains several options for making indirect amends.

In other cases, you may have no way of making amends directly. The person may be dead, or you may not be able to discover where he or she lives. In such cases, you can still make amends indirectly. You can write the person a letter expressing your regret and desire for reconciliation, even if the letter cannot be delivered. You can give a gift to the person’s favorite charity. You can find someone who reminds you of that person and do something to help him or her. Or you may be able to do something to help a member of the family anonymously. (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, p. 53)

Remember that the Lord has promised to give you the power to do the things that are “expedient unto Him” if you walk in faith (Moroni 7:33).

Are you willing to work through Steps 1-8 so that you can have the best chance of healing your relationships by making amends in Step 9?
What are you willing to do to make amends to those you have harmed?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Practicing Instinctively Turning to the Lord

October 16, 2016Working the ProgramGod-Box, Gratitude, Step-3, Turn-to-ChristMira Daniels

Life is better when certain knowledge and skills are instinctive. Children learn their math facts by repetition, also known as “drill and practice.” When I was a child, we memorized addition, subtraction and multiplication tables. We chanted, “One plus one is two. One plus two is three…” We used flashcards. It was pretty boring, but it worked.

Why do children spend so much time on this rote memorization? They need to be able to use these facts in daily life instinctively, without having to take time to think. When they are supposed to be learning algebra, if they are still trying to get the arithmetic right they will be at a disadvantage.

We teach children to “stop, drop and roll” if their clothing catches fire. Why do they practice this in their families and at school? So that instead of running and screaming the children will instinctively do the most effective thing they can to put out the flames.

In basic training military recruits learn to obey orders instinctively. This training can save their lives or the lives of their companions in combat situations. Thinking through and questioning orders in the midst of a battle could get people killed.

Our children run instinctively to us if they are hurt or scared. In our spiritual lives, we need to develop the habit of instinctively turning to the Lord in times of stress. We also need to express gratitude to Him in all things. Unfortunately, many of us have learned over the years to rely on some other source of comfort. For some it is other people. For others it is a substance or behavior. If turning to those sources instead of the Lord in times of need becomes instinctive, it can lead to addiction.

Something happened in my life the other day that was totally unexpected. My immediate reaction was anger. I don’t get angry very often. For the most part, I have learned not to say hurtful things in a moment of anger, but will only give myself a “C” for this particular “test.” After making a few unhelpful comments I removed myself from the environment to cool off. Not a bad strategy, perhaps.

As a part of living in a state of recovery, and having worked steps 6 and 7, I try to partner with the Lord on removing my shortcomings. One approach I use is to ask myself, “Who do I want to be in this moment and what would she do?” I want to be someone who, in that moment of unexpected anger, will turn instinctively to the Lord for help and guidance. I will work on that. A better strategy, I think.

Practice Instinctively Turning to the Lord

How do we practice instinctively turning to the Lord in each moment? By deliberate repetition of behaviors, actions and attitudes that have worked for ourselves and others. We can turn to the Lord in prayer frequently throughout the day. I once heard a talk from a Mission President’s wife. She said that the first thing she did when she got up in the morning was get on her knees to pray. The last thing she did before she went to bed at night was get down on her knees to finish her prayer. The remainder of the the day she was having a running conversation with God.

We can practice an attitude of gratitude by writing daily in a journal. We can use affirmations – rote repetitions of principles that we want to burn into our brains – to help us learn new behaviors or attitudes. For example, “I turn to the Lord in moments of stress.” We can use a God Box to turn things over to the Lord. We can wear a piece of jewelry that helps us remember that He is available to us at all times. Each of us needs to pray for guidance and discernment to find those tools that will work best for us, individually, to develop this life-changing habit of instinctively turning to the Lord.

Life will provide plenty of opportunities to be tested – to assess how well we have learned to rely upon Him. One day it will truly become “ours” and the nature of our “practice” will change from that of a child memorizing math facts to a doctor “practicing” medicine.

Consider how well you do at turning to the Lord for comfort or guidance instead of anyone one or anything else.
What are you willing to do today to develop an instinctive habit of turning to Him in all things?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Step 2: Hope – No One is Too Broken for Christ to Fix

October 2, 2016Working the ProgramFear, Forgiveness, Repentance, Step-2, Turn-to-ChristMira Daniels

“Principle 2: Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.”

“Hope” is the gospel principle assigned to Step 2 in the ARP manual, A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing. Hope for what? What do those working Step 2 of the 12 Steps hope for? We hope that as we have admitted our powerlessness to beat our addictions by sheer willpower in Step 1, Christ will, in fact, heal us personally. The question is not, “Will Christ help those who repent turn their lives around?” Nor is it, “Can people recover through the grace of Jesus Christ?” No, the question is, “Will Christ heal poor, rebellious, sinful, broken me? Me personally? Not all those other people out there, but will he actually heal me?”

You see, by the time we get to the 12 Steps, most of us have tried every other way we know to fix ourselves and we have failed. Our greatest fear is that the 12 Steps won’t work either, and we will, in fact, turn out to be permanently and hopelessly broken; too broken for even Christ to fix.

Boyd K. Packer shared this in October 1995 General Conference: “The gospel teaches us that relief from torment and guilt can be earned through repentance… there is no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no offense exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness.” (Emphasis added.) Steps 4-10 are the repentance process. President Packer’s words tell me that when I have worked those steps with a sincere heart, to the best of my ability, I can receive forgiveness. Knowing this, and believing that these words cover all of my sins, I can dare to have hope that I can be healed.

If all the willpower in the world has been unable to fix me, then how am I going to make it through the repentance process?

“Preach unto them repentance, and faith on the Lord Jesus Christ; teach them to humble themselves and to be meek and lowly in heart; teach them to withstand every temptation of the devil, with their faith on the Lord Jesus Christ” (Alma 37:33 emphasis added).

Understanding Grace Gives Us Hope

In the Bible Dictionary, grace is defined as “divine means of help or strength” given through the “bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ” (“Grace,” 697). This gift of divine strength enables you to do more than you would be able to do if left on your own. The Savior will do for you what you cannot do for yourself. His grace is the means by which you can repent and be changed. (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, p. 9)

No one is more broken than Christ can fix. Thinking that I am so powerful and wonderful that my ability to be messed up is greater than Christ’s ability to fix is arrogant and prideful. It is a lie; a lie planted in my brain and carefully nurtured by Satan. By working Step 2 I receive hope that through grace the Lord will help me overcome what I cannot overcome by myself.

Do you believe that Christ can and will fix your brokenness, personally?
If you do believe it, what are you willing to do today to prepare yourself to receive that gift?
If you don’t believe it, what are you willing to do today to let go of the lie that tells you that you are either beyond Christ’s ability to fix, or that He has rejected you.

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Paul’s Thorn – Weakness is Not Always Removed by Faith, Steps 1, 2, and 3: I Can’t, He Can, I’ll Let Him

Don’t Sabotage Your Recovery – Prepare Ahead

September 25, 2016Metaphor, Working the ProgramAbstinence, Plan, Step-10Mira Daniels

There is an old adage which has been quoted by President Ezra Taft Benson, among others: “It is better to prepare and prevent than to repair and repent.” This applies to living in a state of recovery as much (if not more) than it does to everyday life.

Think of it like this. My normal walk through life is like wading in the surf. The gentle ocean waves come in and out, lapping against my calves as I look around at the scenery and keep my eyes open for beautiful shells on the beach. Perhaps I walk out to a sandbar to see what I can find there. When the tide comes in the water rises. It can get up to my waist, with waves going even higher. If I don’t stay aware of the both the tide and the waves, I may find myself sputtering for air if I get hit by a particularly large one. However, if I keep aware and alert, I will see the wave coming. I can prepare by jumping up at the right moment, to keep my head above the water. Or, even better, I can get myself to safety before the tide gets that high. The more I practice this kind of awareness, the better I will become at recognizing how to keep myself safe.

How to Prepare for Everyday Life

One of the questions I ask my sponsees when we talk is, “What might happen today that could blindside you?” Then I ask, “What can you do to prepare so that you don’t lose your abstinence (or composure) when something unexpected happens?”

For example, if a compulsive eater tells me that she will be going with a group to a restaurant, I may encourage her to find the menu online and decide what she is going to eat before she gets there. Deciding what to order when you are hungry and surrounded by people who are ordering things which might not be good choices for you (but sound yummy) may not be a good idea.

Here is another example. A sponsee told me that she was going to have a very busy afternoon and evening, with just enough time to come home and eat before they were off to the evening’s activities. I asked her what she was planning to make for dinner. She hadn’t thought about it. She realized during our conversation that if she didn’t plan ahead and put something in the slow cooker in the morning, the options available in the evening were not going to be good, and she would be stressed and rushed. That is not a good situation to be in when you are trying to recover from any addiction. Knowing that dinner would be ready when they walked in the door contributed to their family having a much less stressful afternoon and evening.

Have you ever found yourself blindsided by something that you could have avoided if you had thought ahead about it?
Are you willing to practice thinking through your day and planning in the morning so that the rest of your day will go well?
What will you do today to avoid the “high tides” of life and prepare for the waves?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Step 11: Receiving Meaningful Personal Revelation

September 13, 2016Working the ProgramPersonal-Revelation, Repentance, Step-11, Turn-to-ChristMira Daniels

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are taught how to receive personal revelation from childhood. Adult converts are taught by the missionaries how to seek it before they are baptized. From the pulpit in Church and in General Conference we are exhorted to seek the counsel of the Lord and to try to discern His will through prayer and meditation. We know that by doing the other basics: scripture study, attending Church meetings, keeping the Word of Wisdom, holding Family Home Evening, writing in our journals, we prepare ourselves to receive personal revelation. None of these things require working the 12 Steps.

Step 11: Seek through prayer and meditation to know the Lord’s will and to have the power to carry it out.

Why is Personal Revelation Part of Recovery?

Why is personal revelation included in the Addiction Recovery program if we already learn about it as a part of the gospel?
What is different about the practice of receiving personal revelation as part of working the Steps?
How do steps 1-10 prepare us to receive personal revelation in a deeper way?

We Develop Faith by Working Steps 1-3

Step 1: Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.
Step 2: Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.
Step 3: Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

Steps 1 through 3 (see “I Can’t, He Can, I’ll Let Him”) are a “simple” to follow breakdown of the anatomy of faith. When I (1) admit that I cannot do what needs to be done by my own power and strength, (2) acknowledge that God has all power and can, in fact, make it happen, and (3) make a decision to allow God to team up with me and help me on my journey through life, I am practicing faith in Him. These are not simple statements that I just have to read and accept. No, not at all. Working these steps takes me through serious introspection and effort. This work, and it is hard spiritual work, takes me from a place of surface acknowledgment of the principle of faith, to deep down, in my heart, “wrestling with God” to receive the gift of faith.

We Repent by Working Steps 4 through 10

Step 4: Make a searching and fearless written moral inventory of yourself.
Step 5: Admit to yourself, to your Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ, to proper priesthood authority, and to another person the exact nature of your wrongs.
Step 6: Become entirely ready to have God remove all your character weaknesses.
Step 7: Humbly ask Heavenly Father to remove your shortcomings.
Step 8: Make a written list of all persons you have harmed and become willing to make
restitution to them.
Step 9: Wherever possible, make direct restitution to all persons you have harmed.
Step 10: Continue to take personal inventory, and when you are wrong promptly admit it.

Steps 4 through 10 are an incredible step by step breakdown of the repentance process by which we can receive the healing power of the Atonement. I am not going to take the time to go through each of these steps in depth in this post, as I have done so previously. Taken together, Steps 4 through 10 are the most comprehensive and succinct, yet simple, explanation of what a person needs to do to completely repent of all their shortcomings and weaknesses I have ever seen. When we work them deeply and without reservation, they help us achieve a humble state of repentance. They bring us into an intimate relationship with and mindful dependence upon the Lord from moment to moment. Which brings me to the point:

We Receive Personal Revelation Best in a State of Humility and Repentance

Earlier in this post I asked a few questions about why personal revelation is included in the 12 Steps. Here are my answers. By working Steps 1-10, we develop a deeper level of faith and a state of humility. Through sincere repentance and the grace of the Lord, we receive a new and humble heart. The old, proud and stony heart has been rooted out of our breasts.

With this broken heart and contrite spirit, we are prepared to receive personal revelation almost as if we were conversing with God, face-to-face. Receiving personal revelation is part of God’s plan for us. He wants us to receive it. There are those who somehow intuitively know how to turn to Him in this way without working the Steps. I am not one of them. It was working Steps 1-10 that truly prepared me to receive communication from God. I am grateful for the 12 Steps in my life. I am grateful for my addiction and the things that brought me to the ARP program. The price I had to pay to get here was well worth the reward: an intimate relationship with my Savior that is characterized by regular and meaningful personal revelation.

Are you satisfied with the quantity and quality of personal revelation in your life?
What do you think it would take for you to improve in this area?
What are you willing to do today to make progress?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Tuning In

Paul’s Thorn – Weakness is Not Always Removed by Faith

August 20, 2016Working the ProgramAcceptance, Grace, Letting Go, WeaknessMira Daniels

We have a tendency to look at our Church leaders and compare ourselves to what we see. We always come up short in these comparisons. We don’t see their imperfections, defects, or areas of weakness. Therefore, we presume they have none. We are painfully aware of our own, however, and Satan encourages us to think of ourselves as “damaged goods.”

As we learn about the Atonement and the repentance process we find hope that, somehow, our shortcomings can be removed by the Savior through the Atonement. We work hard, we pray hard, we do our best, and some of them are removed. Some are not. Again Satan tries to convince us that the reason God does not remove all of our weakness is that we are not worthy, He doesn’t really love us, or He doesn’t really exist.

Nephi’s Weakness

Do you remember Nephi exclaiming: “O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.” (2 Nephi 4:17-19). When it finally actually registered (about the umpteenth time I read it) I remember thinking, “Nephi!? Nephi!? Even Nephi was discouraged by his sins and shortcomings? Wow!” Nephi was a great prophet and leader. He may not have been perfect, but he trusted in the Lord and the Lord helped him carry his load. He will help us, too.

Paul’s Weakness

The Apostle Paul was one of the great leaders of the early Church in the years immediately following Christ’s death. His conversion experience, recorded in Acts 9, is generally considered to have taken place within a few years following the Crucifixion. Just over half of the books of the New Testament are attributed to Paul. It is easy for us to read his words and lose sight of the fact that he was a man, just like our Church leaders of today — a good man — but he was not perfect. He tells us in his own words that he had a weakness which He asked God to remove three times, to no avail.

And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

I will continue to do the footwork the Lord gives me to do. I will continue to try to find new and better ways of handling things, and find new behaviors to replace my unproductive ones. But, like Paul and Nephi, I am grateful for the power of Christ which supplements and compensates for my weakness. I am happy to give the Lord credit for those aspects of my life in which, together, we are strong.

What is your “thorn in the flesh”?
What have you done to try to remove it yourself?
What will you do today to accept the Lord’s help, and His will — to either have your thorn removed or allow Him to demonstrate through you that through His grace His “strength is made perfect in [your] weakness?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Change: The AADWAR Process, Tuning In

Ten Rewards for Embracing God’s Will

August 9, 2016Working the ProgramBlessings, Letting Go, Step-3, Turn-to-ChristMira Daniels

Step 3: Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

But what if God’s will for my life is not what I want? What if Their will involves discomfort, suffering and pain? What if Their answer to the righteous desires of my heart is, “We have a different plan for you?” What if Their plan involves slogging through a jungle or staggering across a desert? Even worse, what if Their plan involves allowing my loved ones to make bad decisions?

What if I don’t like Their plan? Why should I overcome my fear, trust God and turn my life over? The best answer I have even seen can be found in an apostolic promise from President Ezra Taft Benson, quoted in the Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing. It appears in Step 12, on page 71.

“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life” (Ezra Taft Benson, “Jesus Christ—Gifts and Expectations,” Ensign, Dec. 1988, 4).

In this quote, President Benson offers us ten blessings that come from turning our lives over to God.

1. “Deepen their Joys”

In the Book of Mormon, Nephi teaches us that “men are, that they might have joy.” (2 Ne. 2:25.) Who would not like to have deeper joy? But what am I willing to sacrifice to have it? I want this. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to receive it?

2. “Expand their Vision”

What if I could shed my self-limiting beliefs and visualize the full potential God has created for me? What if I could expand my ability to see as the Father sees? I am reminded of the story of Elisha and the chariots: “the Lord opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha.” (See 2 Kgs. 6:14–17.) I would like to be able to see — to have increased awareness of — the spiritual support the Lord is providing me to do and accomplish more than I could have imagined possible. I want this. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order for my vision to be expanded?

3. “Quicken their Minds”

What does it mean to have one’s mind “quickened?” According to Webster’s Revised Unabridged Dictionary, one definition of “quicken” is “To make lively, active, or sprightly; to impart additional energy to; to stimulate; to make quick or rapid; to hasten; to accelerate; as, to quicken one’s steps or thoughts.” What a blessing! As I think about what happens to my mind when I am trying to control my own life (and especially the lives of those around me), the kind of words that come to mind are: overwhelmed, frustrated, discouraged. Am I willing to let go of my will in order to have my mind quickened?

4. “Strengthen their Muscles”

Now this is quite a promise! Stronger muscles. How can letting go of my will enable the Lord to bless me with stronger muscles? I don’t know! Perhaps it means better health? In any case, I want this! Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to allow God to strengthen my muscles?

5. “Lift their Spirits”

There sure are times when I feel overwhelmed and discouraged. President Benson promises that if I turn my will over to God, He will lift my spirits. Wow! I want this. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to permit Him lift my spirits?

6. “Multiply their Blessings”

I already feel so blessed by the Lord! My heart is filled with gratitude for the blessings He has showered upon me. Nevertheless, there is always room for more! I am not yet perfect at turning over my will. I want God to multiply my blessings. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to receive more blessings?

7. “Increase their Opportunities”

There have been times in my life when I have felt boxed in – that I didn’t see any opportunities to expand my horizons and my life. I have begun to see opportunities all around, but sometimes I am afraid to pursue them. Am I willing to let go of my fears and embrace God’s will in order to receive the opportunities He would like to give me?

8. “Comfort their Souls”

The more of life I experience, the more I am vulnerable to disappointment and grief. I love to feel the arm of the Lord around me, comforting me. I want more of this. Am I willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to receive His comfort?

9. “Raise up Friends”

When I moved across the country I left behind many friends. I haven’t lost them, but I am far away and don’t get to spend time with them and socialize with them like I used to. But I felt a confirmation that I was supposed to make this move. Within a few months I had found my best friend – my eternal friend and companion, but it took longer to find my circle of friends. Having embraced God’s will I have received this blessing and hope to continue to receive it as I let go of my own will.

10. “Pour Out Peace”

I am so grateful for the peace of the Lord. I am so grateful for one-day-at-a-time serenity. I have found in Him, and in surrendering my own will in order to embrace His, The Great Source of Peace. I am willing to let go of my own will and embrace God’s will in order to maintain this peace.

Which of these blessings would be most welcome in your life right now?
Are you willing to let go of your own will and turn your own life over to God in order to receive it?
What will you do today to make progress in this area?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Walking in the Light

July 29, 2016Metaphor, Working the ProgramLight, Step-1, Step-2, Step-3, Turn-to-ChristMira Daniels

When we walk toward the Lord, we are walking into His light. We see Him and we see where we are going. When we walk away from the Lord, we walk away from the light. We walk into the deep dark shadows — into the darkness. (Shared by a participant at a recent ARP 12-Step meeting.)

For some of us, looking back at our lives, it feels like we have traveled so far, so deeply into the shadows that we cannot find our way back to the light.

In a talk given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland in April 2012 General Conference, he says:

“…however late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.”

What this means to me, is that no one is too broken for Christ to fix. And frankly, isn’t it kind of prideful to think that I can mess up beyond Christ’s ability to clean up? So what does it take to go from thinking I am beyond the reach of Christ’s light to accepting and applying the Atonement in my life? Working steps 1, 2, and 3.

Step 1:

Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.

Whatever thinking or habits have gotten me into this situation are not going to get me out of it. As Albert Einstein put it, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Just to be clear, I cannot fix myself. If I could have, I would have already! But despite my best efforts, I am still broken. The good news here is that once I admit that I am not able to overcome this by my own efforts alone, I am free to to move on to Step 2.

Step 2:

Come to believe that the power of God can restore you to complete spiritual health.

Here is the hard part for those of us who think we are beyond help. We have to become willing to believe two important truths. First, that Christ CAN (is capable of) healing our brokenness. Second, that Christ loves us individually and personally and, despite our flaws and mistakes, that He is WILLING to heal our brokenness.

If I don’t believe these things, I fail to understand a third important truth. Christ already atoned for my sins. He knew over 2,000 years ago what I was going to do and experience and He chose to pay the price to have those things wiped away, at that time! It is done. The question is not will He do it. The question is will I accept the gift? Will I accept Christ’s grace in my life and allow Him to “lead me, guide me and walk beside me” as I turn away from the darkness and walk back into the light of His love? Which brings us to Step 3.

Step 3:

Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

The operative word here is “decide.” If I decide to turn my will and my life over to Them, I am surrendering control. To put it another way, I become willing to follow the promptings I receive and the truths I am taught and let go of the outcome. I decide that God’s will for me, whatever it is and even if it is not what I thought I wanted, is better than the results I have been able (and will ever be able) to achieve by my own efforts.

Having made this decision, we become willing to give up our own will in favor of His. Elder Boyd K. Packer says it this way:

“Perhaps the greatest discovery of my life, without question the greatest commitment, came when finally I had the confidence in God that I would loan or yield my agency to him— without compulsion or pressure, without any duress, as a single individual alone, by myself, no counterfeiting, nothing expected other than the privilege. In a sense, speaking figuratively, to take one’s agency, that precious gift which the scriptures make plain is essential to life itself, and say, ‘I will do as you direct,’ is afterward to learn that in so doing you possess it all the more” (Obedience, Brigham Young University Speeches of the Year [Dec. 7, 1971], 4).

I choose to walk out of the darkness, toward the Lord, and into the light. I choose to rely upon the Lord to direct me. I relinquish control of the outcome. This has enabled me to let go of my addiction, cope with the death of a child, let go of a difficult marriage, weather financial stress, lose a house, start life over in a new part of the country, trust sufficiently to become willing to marry again, become a stepparent to school age children after seven years as an empty nester, love them without expecting reciprocation, and let go of my parents within a year of each other. It works. Each day I thank God for this gift and try to be aware of additional shortcomings and defects as I recognize them, turning them over as quickly as possible.

In what ways or areas have you been trying to control outcomes in your life?
Would working the first three steps with these things in mind help you?
What are you willing to do today to walk out of the shadows and into the light?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Gratitude: A Desire to Magnify My Callings

July 15, 2016Working the ProgramGratitude, LoveMira Daniels

On a recent Sunday morning, I lay in bed pondering before getting up to start my day. My heart was filled with joy and gratitude for the many blessings the Lord has bestowed upon me. I am grateful for a wonderful husband. We complement one another in so many ways. Our marriage is a blessing to each of us. We are both aware of it and frequently share these feelings with one another. I am grateful to be a mother and step-mother. I love writing. I have wonderful friends. I love all of my callings — both the official ones extended by my priesthood leaders and the ones the Lord has extended to me privately. I have a life filled with love.

When my heart is full to overflowing with gratitude I express it in words, in thoughts, in prayers, in obedience to the commandments, and to the promptings I receive. Perhaps most importantly, I am filled with a desire to magnify my callings—wife, mother, writer, sponsor, and church callings—as a form of service to the Lord, to express my thanks.

I pondered these things in my heart that morning. Later, in Sacrament Meeting the talks were on magnifying our callings. Coincidence? I think not. One speaker shared this quote:

“What does it mean to magnify a calling? It means to build it up in dignity and importance, to make it honorable and commendable in the eyes of all men, to enlarge and strengthen it, to let the light of heaven shine through it to the view of other men. And how does one magnify a calling? Simply by performing the service that pertains to it.” (Thomas S. Monson, “The Call of Duty,” April 1986, emphasis added.)

As I look for ways to magnify my callings, I become aware of areas for improvement; ways in which I can better perform that service. I try to live my life in a state of recovery, or, in other words, a state of repentance. To me, it is the same thing. At an earlier time in my life, finding an area with room for improvement might have filled me with guilt, discouragement and shame. Now I see that the Lord has opened my eyes to a new opportunity to show my gratitude to Him by seeking His guidance and following His direction as I work to grow and become better—to progress in becoming perfect (or complete)—as He and His Father are.

Sure, there are times when my list of stubborn shortcomings (the ones I have been working on for years) seems sufficient without the addition of any more opportunities for improvement. But I know that as I take the Lord’s yoke upon me, He will give me rest. I know that He will help me do just a little bit better today than I did yesterday if I rely upon the enabling power of the Atonement. I know that I need to live in the present and just do those things that He directs me to do in this moment. And as always, I remember:

“And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.” (Moroni 7:33)

What are you grateful for in your life? How do you express it?
What opportunities do you have to magnify your callings – official and personal?
What will you do today to progress?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Trust: Take My Yoke Upon You

June 17, 2016Metaphor, Working the ProgramStep-3, Trust, Turn-to-ChristMira Daniels

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me … and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Picture yourself taking His yoke upon you. What do you see? Do you see yourself carrying a balanced burden using a yoke He has designed especially for your body, to enable you to bear your burdens as easily as possible? Is the burden that you carry heavy, but more efficiently borne because of the yoke He has given you to help you carry it?

Or do you see yourself harnessed to one side of a double yoke, sharing the burden with the Lord?

Alma asked the people he was teaching in the wilderness if they were “willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light.” He told them this was one of the requirements for baptism. Who are we told to emulate in this life? Who is our great Example? Christ, of course. We are counseled to become like Him. If we are to “bear one another’s burdens” as a prerequisite to baptism we must be following Christ’s example in which He bears ours!

President Howard W. Hunter explained what is meant by “take my yoke upon you.”

Why do we hesitate to take His yoke upon us?

For some, the culture of self-reliance has become twisted in our minds to the extent that we think it means we have to exhaust every ounce of human strength within our bodies before we can ask for His help. If this is what is holding you back, I would encourage you to watch “His Grace is Sufficient,” an inspiring and informative BYU Devotional talk by Brad Wilcox.

Some people are afraid “His yoke” will be heavier than their own; that taking His yoke upon them will add to their existing burden. He promises that if we will take His yoke upon us He will give us rest! His yoke is lighter than ours because He carries most of the weight. Imagine if you were in a double yoke pulling a heavy cart and the person sharing the yoke with you was a small child. Who would be carrying most of the weight? You, of course. And suppose there was rocky ground and the child lost their footing and was stumbling and struggling to regain it and keep up with you. Would the child’s struggle make it easier or harder for you to pull the load? Harder! When we are sharing a yoke with the Lord, if we come to rocky ground and lose our footing, we make His job more difficult by trying desperately to figure out how to regain our balance for ourselves. During those times, we need to lift our feet and allow Him to carry us to smooth ground and resume our journey.

Finally, some are reluctant to be yoked to the Lord because they are not really sure they can trust Him. They are afraid that the direction He will pull or the weight of the load or the speed of the journey will not be what they would choose. They are reluctant to turn their will and their lives over to His care. They think that they are more capable of choosing the best (easiest) path for themselves than He is. Through Malachi the Lord challenges us to “prove me now herewith.” Alma also challenged the people to test the Lord.

“But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.” (Alma 32:27)

To you who are not sure you can trust Him, I say, give Him a chance. You can always take back control later if He proves unworthy of your trust. But give Him enough time to get some results before giving up.

I challenge you to try taking the Lord’s double yoke upon you. If you have already done so, and the journey still seems harder than it should be, I would encourage you to ask Him how to lift your feet and allow Him to carry you to smoother ground.

What burdens are you carrying in your journey?
What are you doing to make your journey harder than it needs to be?
What will you do today to “take His yoke upon you” as a way to enable Him to make your burden light and grant you rest?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

My Journey Down the River of Life, Finding Peace, Problem Solving Flowchart, Tuning In

Credits: Single yoke image: Copyright: xochicalco / 123RF Stock Photo, Double yoke image.

Step 7: Overcoming Limitations

May 13, 2016Working the ProgramGrowth, Step-7Mira Daniels

In Step 7 of A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, (p. 41), there are three sentences that, when taken together, help us acknowledge and learn the only effective way to remove our limitations.

“Genuine remorse filled our hearts, not only because we had suffered or made others suffer but because we regretted that even in recovery we still could not remove our own shortcomings…”

“We had to surrender every particle of self-sufficient pride and admit that our efforts to save ourselves had been insufficient…”

“We finally abandoned the idea that we could become perfect by ourselves, and we accepted the truth that God desires us to conquer our weaknesses in this life by coming to Christ and being perfected in Him.” (emphasis added)

We cannot remove our own limitations. We can turn to Christ, humbly acknowledge both our shortcomings and our inability to eliminate them and be perfected in Him and by Him.

This important truth comes at a pivotal time in working the Steps. Steps 1-6 are essentially introspective. In these steps we examine ourselves and come to know, accept and understand the reality of who we are, our past behavior and our relationship with the Lord. In Steps 8-12, with the Lord’s help, we do our best to right past wrongs and become the person He created us to be. Step 7 is the fulcrum of the see-saw; the point at which the balance shifts. It is in this step that we learn to adopt true humility, understand and accept our limitations, and ask the Lord for His help with those things we cannot do for ourselves.

We cannot remove our own shortcomings

I certainly tried to remove my own shortcomings. I thought that was what I was supposed to do! Long time readers know that keeping my desk organized is something I have struggled with. A quick glance at a nearby bookshelf turns up 7 books on how to get organized. There have been times when I tried very hard to implement those systems. At other times I put lots of thought and effort into coming up with my own system. None of this feverish activity has resulted in a permanent change. This limitation is a thorn in my side that could stay with me forever.

We can turn to Christ

I am slowly learning how to lean upon the Lord and apply the principles He has taught me in the past to remaining shortcomings, such as my organizational challenges. I am not content with my progress. But I know now, that it is only through Him that I am going to overcome this limitation.

Humbly acknowledge our limitations

It is actually a relief to me to admit that this is something that I cannot figure out and overcome myself. I feel like I have spent years banging my head against the wall and have finally stopped. It is not that I will be satisfied with the mess. Rather, I need to continually seek His guidance, one day at a time. The critical component that is my responsibility is to diligently ask and willingly receive His guidance, and act upon it promptly when I do.

Be perfected in Him and by Him

The scriptures tell me that I must become perfect, or complete, even as the Lord is. I can be neither without Him. As I become one with Him, I can become perfect in Him. If I add one drop of ink to a small glass of water it will become cloudy. If I add one drop of ink to the Caribbean Sea it will still be clear and blue and stunningly beautiful. As I become one with the Lord, together we are perfect. It is because of His perfection, not mine.

Have you humbly acknowledged your limitations? What are they?
What have you done to become one with Him and be perfected in Him?
What will you do today to take a step forward?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Improving Spiritual Connectedness

May 6, 2016Working the ProgramMira Daniels

When I was a relatively new convert, I was very excited to receive my Patriarchal blessing. Before he gave me the blessing, the Patriarch spoke with me for a little while. I shared with him my desire to feel the Spirit in my life, and my doubt as to whether I had ever actually felt it. I wanted spiritual connectedness to be a part of my daily life. In my blessing, he told me that indeed the Spirit had been and would yet be very much present in my life, and that as I remained faithful I would learn to recognize it.

Recently the theme of “How do I know if I am feeling the Spirit?” and “I rarely feel the Spirit in my daily life like other people do” has come up in several conversations. One woman described how she has recently had some major health challenges and difficult decisions to make, and throughout that process she felt the Lord lifting and even carrying her. Now that she is past the most critical period, she no longer feels the Spirit in the same way, and misses it.

The Spiritual Connectedness Continuum

I think there is a spiritual connectedness continuum along which we fall at different times in our lives. I found a wonderful talk, from which the following quotes are taken, in which Elder David A. Bednar has explained these concepts.

“As we gain experience with the Holy Ghost, we learn that the intensity with which we feel the Spirit’s influence is not always the same. Strong, dramatic spiritual impressions do not come to us frequently. Even as we strive to be faithful and obedient, there simply are times when the direction, assurance, and peace of the Spirit are not readily recognizable in our lives.” (David A Bednar, “That We May Always Have His Spirit to Be with Us,” April 2006 General Conference.)

Our choices affect our spiritual connectedness

Cannot feel the Spirit – Separated from God

Elder Bednar explains:

“We should also endeavor to discern when we “withdraw [ourselves] from the Spirit of the Lord, that it may have no place in [us] to guide [us] in wisdom’s paths that [we] may be blessed, prospered, and preserved” (Mosiah 2:36).

“The standard is clear. If something we think, see, hear, or do distances us from the Holy Ghost, then we should stop thinking, seeing, hearing, or doing that thing. If that which is intended to entertain, for example, alienates us from the Holy Spirit, then certainly that type of entertainment is not for us.

Listening for the still, small voice

“I recognize we are fallen men and women living in a mortal world and that we might not have the presence of the Holy Ghost with us every second of every minute of every hour of every day. However, the Holy Ghost can tarry with us much, if not most, of the time—and certainly the Spirit can be with us more than it is not with us.

In a devotional Elder Bednar gave at Ricks College in 1999, he mentions four principles that, when applied diligently, can help us improve our ability to create spiritual connectedness in our lives. I highly recommend reading the text of the devotional, but here are the four principles he explains.

We must desire the companionship of the Holy Ghost.
We must invite the companionship of the Holy Ghost.
We must heed simple promptings.
We must heed promptings quickly.

Spiritual High

From time to time in our lives we experience profound spiritual connectedness. Sometimes it accompanies times of great joy and happiness such as weddings, births, baptisms, blessings, confirmations, etc. It can also accompany times of challenge, difficulty, trial and sorrow such as the death of a loved one, health or financial challenges, etc. When our hearts are open to the Spirit because they are filled with gratitude or because we have turned to the Lord in humility and faith and are in need of His comfort, we can experience a kind of “spiritual high.” This is not a normal state of living, for anyone! It is a peak experience that we should record and treasure. It is personal and private; not to be shared with the world. We do not have these experiences because we seek them, nor as a reward for anything we have done. When we are living day to day in a manner that would invite and welcome the Spirit into our lives we will be able to experience these spiritual highs as the Lord sees fit to bestow them upon us.

How does this relate to recovery?

Have you ever heard someone say at a meeting that they are grateful for their addiction? Newcomers might hear that and think “These people are crazy! Why would anyone be grateful for their addiction?”

When I joined the Church, I learned the answers to the “three questions”: Where did I come from? Why am I here? Where am I going? I came to understand that my purpose in life was to learn to come to the Lord, partake of the Atonement, and return to live in the Celestial Kingdom with God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ.

What I did not learn was how to do this. When I found the 12 Steps, I started learning how. How to find spiritual connectedness. How to partake of the Atonement. How to receive the power the Lord promises to the faithful in Moroni 7:33.

I am so grateful that I have been blessed to find, in my journey of recovery, a way of living that provides a continual opportunity to listen for, hear and feel the still, small voice, in my life.

Where are you on the spiritual connectedness continuum?
Have you learned to recognize the influence of the Spirit in your daily life?
What can you do today to improve your spiritual connectedness?

Please share your thoughts about this post or other resources you would recommend by commenting below.

How to Become Entirely Ready for God to Remove Your Shortcomings

April 29, 2016Working the ProgramChange, Letting Go, Step-6Mira Daniels

Do you have a desire to be your best self? Do you want to have your shortcomings and weaknesses removed? Would you like to put your old self behind you and walk into the future a new and improved creature? Well what exactly does that look like? Can you describe the “new you”? What does it look like to allow God to remove your shortcomings? Notice that I said “allow,” because He will not change you against your will. You must spiritually create the new you before you can “become entirely ready” to allow God to make it happen.

Just like an architect visualizes a home remodeling project and creates it in his/her mind, then electronically or on paper before construction begins, I must create (with God’s help) the new me in my mind, and perhaps on the pages of my journal, before I have become entirely ready to be changed in the physical or temporal world. Then and only then will I be willing to allow Him to begin the remodeling process.

All things are created spiritually before they are created physically.

Genesis 2:4–5

“These are the generations of the heavens and of the earth when they were created, in the day that the Lord God made the earth and the heavens, And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew…”

Moses 3:5

“And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew. For I, the Lord God, created all things, of which I have spoken, spiritually, before they were naturally upon the face of the earth.”

Many people are unable to complete Step 6, “becom[ing] entirely ready to have God remove all [their] character weaknesses” because, with no concept of who they would be without those weaknesses, they are afraid to let go of them. Stuck in Step 6, they cannot get to Step 7, where they humbly ask to have their shortcomings removed.

The work of Step 6: how do we become entirely ready?

I have written before about how each step has an “input and an output.” The input to Step 6 is the list of shortcomings and weaknesses we identified in Step 5. (For more on this read “Six Thoughts about Step 5.”) Starting with this list, we have to somehow find the willingness to allow God to remove them.

According to Aristotle, nature abhors a vacuum. Trying to simply have a shortcoming removed is counterproductive. Removing it will leave a space into which something else will rush. If we don’t determine ahead of time what that “something else” is going to be, it could be worse than what we wanted to have removed!

“Unless you examine all your tendencies toward fear, pride, resentment, anger, self-will, and self-pity, your abstinence will be shaky at best. You will continue with your original addiction or switch to another one. Your addiction is a symptom of other “causes and conditions” (Alcoholics Anonymous [2001], 64).” (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, p. 13. emphasis added.)

So, suppose you get caught up playing solitaire on the computer when you are bored. You know it is a waste of time and decide to ask the Lord to remove it. If you don’t spiritually create a better way to handle boredom first, you might mindlessly start surfing the Internet instead of playing solitaire and develop an addiction to shopping online! Wouldn’t it be better if you prayerfully made a list of productive things you could do when you are bored, made sure you had the resources you needed to be able to do those things, imagined yourself doing them and pictured what it would look like in your life, and then asked Him to remove the solitaire addiction?

What about a character weakness, such as being quick to anger? Suppose you asked the Lord to remove this weakness, and then when something happened to make you angry you just stuffed it and tried to ignore it until you s.l.o.w.l.y got to the point where you exploded. Would that be an improvement? Wouldn’t it make more sense to write and pray about what healthy behavior you could use in those situations, do some research, start practicing using those behaviors and then ask the Lord to remove the “quick to anger” weakness? Would you be more likely to “become entirely ready” to have this weakness actually removed by doing this work than by simply thinking, “I don’t want to have this weakness anymore,” and asking Him to remove it?

If I do the work of Step 6 by spiritually creating the “new me” after prayerfully considering what options I have and what I want the “new me” to look like, the Lord will be able to remove my shortcomings when I ask Him to in Step 7. It will be up to Him whether and when He will remove them. If I know that I have done the work required of me to “become entirely ready” to have them removed, I can accept with serenity the will of the Lord. I know that I am a better person simply for having done this work. That makes it worth the effort.

What shortcomings would you like to have the Lord remove in your life?
Have you become entirely ready to have them removed?
What will you do today to become entirely ready for the Lord to remove your shortcomings?

Please share your thoughts about this post or other resources you would recommend by commenting below.

Why Recovery Stories are Important

April 22, 2016Working the ProgramLiterature, Meetings, StoriesMira Daniels

Sometimes we study the 12 Steps but don’t seem to be able to find recovery. It may not be because we don’t understand the Steps. Rather, it might be because we haven’t figured out how to apply the steps in our lives. In reality, the 12 Steps are neither more nor less than a way of learning about and applying the power of the Atonement in our lives. Learning about the Atonement and the 12 Steps is important, but applying them in our lives is more important. One way to do this is by listening to the recovery stories of others.

I have an opportunity to hear these stories when I attend 12 Step meetings. The more meetings I go to, the more opportunities I have to hear people tell how they apply the Steps in their lives on a daily basis. The recovery stories I hear at meetings give me ideas about how I can integrate the 12 Steps in my daily life and live in a state of recovery.

Another way to hear recovery stories is to listen to the podcasts and videos the Church has made available on their website. For example:

Recovery Videos to watch – there are are so many of them!
Recovery Stories to read/watch – you can sort or filter them by topic.
ARP Meeting Podcasts – listen to a meeting when you can’t attend one.

There are also stories of how people have seen the 12 Steps work in their lives in program literature from other fellowships.The basic texts of many of the 12 Step fellowships have recovery stories at the back of the book. For example:

Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book)
Overeaters Anonymous (The Brown Book)
Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text (6th Edition)

There are also monthly magazines that contain recovery stories:

Alcoholics Anonymous Grapevine Magazine (subscription required to access most content)
Overeaters Anonymous Lifeline magazine (free online in PDF format)
The NA Way magazine (free online in PDF format)

Parables and metaphors are also stories. The Savior used them when he taught because it helped those who were spiritually prepared to better understand and apply the principle he was talking about. Many of my blog posts contain metaphors that have come as I have searched for a way to explain a Step or concept to someone or as the Lord has explained one to me!

Knowledge lodges in the mind. Stories bind it in the heart.

What recovery stories have you read or heard that help you apply the Steps to your life?
What story can you share with others about living in recovery or applying the Steps?
What will you do today to help yourself or others to find ways to apply the Atonement?

Please share your thoughts about this post or other resources you would recommend by commenting below.

Related Posts: In the right hand column of this page, under the heading “Categories,” click on “Metaphor” to find stories that might help you live in a state of recovery.