Tag Archives: Love

Gratitude: A Desire to Magnify My Callings

Working the Program,

When my heart is full to overflowing with gratitude, I am filled with a desire to magnify my callings.On a recent Sunday morning, I lay in bed pondering before getting up to start my day. My heart was filled with joy and gratitude for the many blessings the Lord has bestowed upon me. I am grateful for a wonderful husband. We complement one another in so many ways. Our marriage is a blessing to each of us. We are both aware of it and frequently share these feelings with one another. I am grateful to be a mother and step-mother. I love writing. I have wonderful friends. I love all of my callings — both the official ones extended by my priesthood leaders and the ones the Lord has extended to me privately. I have a life filled with love.

When my heart is full to overflowing with gratitude I express it in words, in thoughts, in prayers, in obedience to the commandments, and to the promptings I receive. Perhaps most importantly, I am filled with a desire to magnify my callings—wife, mother, writer, sponsor, and church callings—as a form of service to the Lord, to express my thanks.

I pondered these things in my heart that morning. Later, in Sacrament Meeting the talks were on magnifying our callings.  Coincidence? I think not. One speaker shared this quote:

“What does it mean to magnify a calling? It means to build it up in dignity and importance, to make it honorable and commendable in the eyes of all men, to enlarge and strengthen it, to let the light of heaven shine through it to the view of other men. And how does one magnify a calling? Simply by performing the service that pertains to it.” (Thomas S. Monson, “The Call of Duty,” April 1986, emphasis added.)

As I look for ways to magnify my callings, I become aware of areas for improvement; ways in which I can better perform that service. I try to live my life in a state of recovery, or, in other words, a state of repentance. To me, it is the same thing. At an earlier time in my life, finding an area with room for improvement might have filled me with guilt, discouragement and shame. Now I see that the Lord has opened my eyes to a new opportunity to show my gratitude to Him by seeking His guidance and following His direction as I work to grow and become better—to progress in becoming perfect  (or complete)—as He and His Father are.

Sure, there are times when my list of stubborn shortcomings (the ones I have been working on for years) seems sufficient without the addition of any more opportunities for improvement. But I know that as I take the Lord’s yoke upon me, He will give me rest. I know that He will help me do just a little bit better today than I did yesterday if I rely upon the enabling power of the Atonement. I know that I need to live in the present and just do those things that He directs me to do in this moment. And as always, I remember:

“And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.” (Moroni 7:33)

  • What are you grateful for in your life? How do you express it?
  • What opportunities do you have to magnify your callings – official and personal?
  • What will you do today to progress?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Living Fully in the Present, Grateful for My Addiction! Are You Kidding Me?, Step 12: Service within the Program

Am I Motivated by Fear, Duty or Love?

Working the Program, , ,

Steps Graphic: Fear, Duty, LoveWhen I do something good, am I motivated by fear, duty, or love? It makes a difference! Regardless of whether I am performing a service for someone else or for myself, the quality of the outcome is affected by my motivation.

Motivated by Fear

When fear is my motivation for doing good, it might be because I am afraid I will get in trouble or look bad to others if I don’t do it. For example, when someone is on probation, they may do all the right things because they are afraid of what will happen if they don’t. People who attend Church only to avoid giving the neighbors something to talk about are motivated by fear. Doing something good because I don’t want to disappoint someone I care about is another example. In any case, when I am motivated by fear, my heart is not in it. I most likely receive very little joy or blessing as a result of doing it.

Motivated by Duty

Being motivated by duty is a little bit higher on the motivation scale. When I am motivated by duty, I know it is the “right thing to do” and I am choosing to be obedient. Participating in a service project because “someone has to do it” is an example of this. It doesn’t contain quite as much of a negative undertone as being motivated by fear, but when I am motivated by duty I am still holding something back. Obedience is good. Doing the right thing is good. But again, I will not receive all the blessings of joy and satisfaction that are possible when I act out of duty.

Motivated by Love

The highest level of motivation is love or charity (“the pure love of Christ”). If I go serve at the nursing home because my heart goes out to the people there and I want to bring them joy and happiness, I am serving with love. If I go to Church and partake of the sacrament on Sunday because I love the Lord and want to renew my covenants with Him, I will look forward to it and be filled with the Spirit as I do it. If I put hours into my calling that no one will ever know about or see because I feel inspired to do so and it makes me happy, I am motivated by love.

Motivation in Working the Steps

When I work my 12 Step program, the same three levels of motivation apply. Which level I am on will determine how much I will get out of the work I am doing. If I attend meetings because I am mandated to do so by the court or study and write because I am afraid that if I stop I will relapse, that is better than nothing! If I do it because I know I am a child of God, I deserve to be free from my addictions, and I believe that if I work the program I will find sobriety, that is better. But if my 12 Step work is motivated by my love of the Lord, my gratitude for the Atonement He made for me, the joy I find in serving and a desire to become an instrument in His hands to help others find recovery, then I open myself up to receiving the full blessings He wants to bestow upon me.

“Consider whether your activity in the Church is still motivated by fear or duty or if it is a natural outgrowth of your reborn faith in Christ.” (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, p. 54.)

  • What is your motivation for working the 12 Step program?
  • Are you satisfied with your level of motivation and activity in the program?
  • What will you do today to improve your motivation, activity, and progress?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Love: The Economy of God

 

 

Improvement under Pressure

Metaphor, ,

UImage of the blue fountain pen with silver cap that was made more useful by subjecting it to pressure.I have always enjoyed the physical act of writing. Since childhood I have particularly enjoyed writing with a fountain pen. Good fountain pens are pretty expensive, but I love the feel of the ink smoothly flowing on the paper. I own two of them right now, and use them to write my morning prayers. One has a blue barrel and silver cap and is filled with blue-black ink. I use that one for my letter to God. The other has a gold barrel and cap and is filled with black ink. That one I use for His letter to me. The blue pen was a gift from my children, so it has sentimental value to me.

The blue pen never worked consistently well. It skipped and often felt dry as I wrote. I tried cleaning it. That made it worse.  I actually talked to the Lord about that pen. I asked Him to help me figure out how to get it adjusted so that it would glide across the paper without effort as I express my love and gratitude and the desires of my heart to Him. I could not find a pen shop nearby where there might be a pen guru to work magic on it. I was reluctant to send it off to the repair facility and wait weeks to get it back and hope it was adjusted just right. I considered just setting it aside and getting a new pen, but between the cost and the sentimental value, I didn’t. I just kept limping along wishing it worked better.

Last week it occurred to me to look online for information. I discovered a number of websites with fountain pen tuning instructions. After spending an hour searching and reading, I found exactly what I needed and decided to try it. I chose a straightforward method, but I was concerned about ruining the nib. The directions were to press down hard on the paper – hard enough to bend the nib slightly. But how was I to know how hard was hard enough? I got up the courage and did it. It worked!

As I was writing my prayer yesterday morning, the ink flowing freely and beautifully as my gratitude and thoughts tumbled out onto the page, I realized that in a certain way, I am like my fountain pen.  As a tool in the hand of the Lord, I have worked better at some times than others.  At times His love flows freely through me to those around me, helping them to turn to Him and feel His love. At other times – not so much. I suppose there were occasions when He might have even had to use a different servant to get His work done, during times of self-absorption and spiritual deafness.

Rather than discard me, He worked with me and molded me into a more valiant and profitable servant by subjecting me to pressure that I found uncomfortable – even painful at times.  I yielded under that pressure, and learned new behaviors and attitudes. Now I am a much better conduit for His love. Does my pen have feelings? If it does, perhaps it feels as I do when I contemplate the work done by the hand of my Master: grateful and joyous at the improvement!

  • Has the Lord used uncomfortable situations to mold you and improve your usefulness to Him?
  • In what ways have you changed under that pressure?
  • Write about your feelings as you think about this.

 

Love: Turn Your Umbrella Upside Down

Metaphor, , ,

Upside down umbrella catching rain drops. Imagine that you are a gardener. It’s late winter and you excitedly plan your garden. In your mind you can see what it will look like when everything is in full bloom. You can smell the earth and feel it between your fingers. As soon as it is warm enough you get out and turn over the dirt, carefully planting each seed, fertilizing it and tamping down the ground around it. And then, you wait.

Are you going to go out and cover your garden so that the sun can’t shine on it, the rain can’t fall on it and the insects can’t pollinate it? No! You’re grateful for those things that nourish your garden and gently coax the seeds to sprout and help the plants to grow. If there’s not enough rain you carefully water, because you know that without enough water, your garden will wither and die.

God is also a gardener. He carefully planned for each one of us. He eagerly anticipates our blossoming – each of us reaching for the full potential of what we can be. He knows what we need to grow and to bloom. He pours his love out upon us each day in so many ways: in the gentle smile of a stranger, the kind words of a friend, a sincere compliment, the gratitude of someone we have helped, the smell of a baby. He sheds a myriad of tender mercies upon us, things that others might miss, and some might call coincidences: A comforting song on the radio, a whiff of perfume in a crowd that reminds us of someone we once knew, turning on the TV just in time to hear a story that answers a prayer, finding just the right Bible verse, running into an old friend.

Much to God’s dismay, many of us don’t receive the love he pours out on us. It’s like we’re holding up umbrellas that say “I am not worthy” or “That couldn’t be for me”. We allow God’s love to run off the umbrella and fall on the ground instead of soaking it up and blossoming.

He wants us to stand in the rain of his love, look up to the sky, open our mouths and drink it in. We need to turn those umbrellas upside down and catch as much of his love as possible. Then we can gently share his love with those around us who still have their umbrellas up, letting them taste it and helping them to find the courage to peek out from under their own umbrellas and receive it for themselves.

Make Him happy. Receive his love … and share it.

  • What seeds has God planted in you?
  • How does he nurture them in your life?
  • What form does “the rain of his love” take in your life?
  • Are you using an umbrella that blocks his love from fully nurturing your life?
  • What are you willing to do to turn your umbrella upside down, catch his love and share it with others?

 

Peace: It Is What It Is

Journal Entry, ,

Last picture of my parents togetherAs I write this I am on an airplane heading home.  A week ago last Monday, my Dad took a turn for the worse and I made next day plans to fly out to be with him.  He was almost 93, and had lived a full and VERY productive life, both professionally and personally.  He was instrumental in building several creative and community institutions and quietly worked to keep them vibrant and running smoothly almost to the very end.  He was also opinionated and stubborn.  And I mustn’t forget brilliant.

I arrived around 10 PM on Tuesday and my brother took me straight to the hospital.  I decided to stay the night with Dad there.  I am glad I did.  He was uncomfortable and I was able to help.  I was up with him 2 or 3 times an hour through the night as I tried to make him comfortable.  I finally asked him if he wanted me to request some pain medication.  He wasn’t exactly in pain – mostly he was just ultra sensitive to folds in the sheets or edges in the pads under him.  He said no to the pain medication. “It doesn’t help!,” he said with exasperation.  “Dad,” I said, “If it doesn’t help we need to increase the dose!”

Wednesday morning I talked to the doctors and we were able to get him a dose that was effective and for the first time in a long time he was able to rest comfortably.  We spent the day setting things in motion to bring him “home” to his room in the nursing facility where my Mom also has a room.  Wednesday evening I went to my brother’s home for dinner and a shower and back to the hospital to spend a peaceful night with Dad.

Thursday afternoon I rode with him in the ambulance.  I camped out in his room again that night, although the room wasn’t really set up for me, like the hospital room had been. I am glad I did.  Despite being in a very caring nursing facility, there were some communication problems regarding his pain meds and I had to advocate for him from about 2 to 5 in the morning until we were finally able to get him comfortable again.  I only got about 2 hours of sleep that night.

Friday morning, my Mom came into his room after breakfast and we sat facing each other by the side of Dad’s bed.  We talked about this and that for an hour or so.  Every so often one of us would hold Dad’s hand or stroke his arm as he slept.  It was a peaceful, comforting time, and I have no recollection of my Mom having difficulty conversing with me despite the ever-present aphasia from her Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s.  She gets so frustrated when she can’t find the words she needs to express herself.

About 10:30 Friday morning Dad coughed a quiet little cough, and I realized I hadn’t offered him any water on a sponge pop in a while.  I went to get him a fresh cup of ice water.  When I got back and started to place the sponge pop to his lips, I realized he was gone. I went and got the physician’s assistant from the nurse’s station and she confirmed it.  His struggle and suffering were over.

My brother and sister-in-law, who live nearby, spent the entire summer moving them into the nursing facility and clearing out their apartment and arranging their affairs and tirelessly attending to their needs.  They were especially careful in the last few weeks to make sure my Mom understood that we would be losing Dad soon.  They did “good.”  She may be very confused about a lot of things, but she is very clear about Dad.  He is gone, and it’s OK. That’s what happens in life.

I am the only one in my family who has a belief in God. It is hard for me to remember how it was and imagine how I would be able to cope with losing a loved one without faith in an afterlife.  But they seem to be at peace, if for no other reason than that it was time.  He had lived a long, full and meaningful life of contribution and accomplishment.  His body was worn out.  It was time.

I look forward to a joyous reunion.  I know we will be together again, and I will have the last laugh after all the discussions about the pointlessness and lack of need for anything spiritual or religious in their lives.  I will laugh at Dad’s surprise to find out that there actually is a life after death.  I will laugh at the necessity for him to admit that I was right.  We will laugh as we wrap our arms around one another and embark upon a new chapter of life together – with my grandparents and their parents…

It is what it is. I am at peace.

 

Why Are We Here?

Metaphor, , , ,

We, (that part of ourselves that contains our essence, which existed before our bodies were created and will exist after our bodies are gone) were happy and loved wherever we lived before we came to this earth. How do I know? Look at an infant. Watch the spontaneous demonstration of love and affection and joy that emanate from a child who has not been abused. How is it that a baby, in its brief physical existence, somehow innately knows how to love and be loved? I think we bring love with us when we come to earth, and we keep it unless others take it away from us in one way or another.

So, if we were happy where we were, but this mortal life can cause us pain and sorrow, why did we come here? We came to learn and to grow. We came to spread our wings and to fly. We came to find and to reach our full potential in this life, and to develop the skills we will need to magnify our opportunities in eternal life.

This earth life is much like going away to college or to the military. For most of us, home was safe and secure. We were loved there. We had friends, loved ones, places and institutions we were comfortable with. Yet we knew that we could do and be more. We needed to go to an unfamiliar place to learn to walk in faith and to choose for ourselves how to live and who we wanted to be. We left home and struck out on our own.

Yes, sometimes we found a particular course difficult. We may have even failed one or two, but we enjoyed many that forced us to stretch and to grow and to develop our skills, talents and abilities. When we felt discouraged about a failure or had good news to share, we “phoned home,” knowing that we would find help and support and acceptance there. So, too, we can now “phone” our eternal home – pray and ponder – and receive help, support, acceptance, and love.

We are here to find our callings, to discover our potential, to grow, and to reach beyond our current limitations so that when we return to the spiritual home we once left, we will be prepared to fulfill our eternal destiny.

  • What is your life’s calling?
  • If you know, what are you doing to magnify it?
  • If you don’t know, what are you doing to discover it?
  • What more can you do?

 

Love: The Economy of God

Metaphor, ,

Our economy works because people trade goods and services for pieces of paper that have numbers and pictures on them. We call these pieces of paper “money”. When an employer pays a worker, the dollar the worker receives passes through many hands. The worker buys food at the grocery store. The grocery store pays the wholesaler. The wholesaler pays their employee. That person makes their mortgage payment. You get the idea.

When people are afraid to spend their money, the economy begins to go into a recession. The worker spends less at the grocery store; the grocer buys less from the wholesaler. The wholesaler is selling less so he doesn’t pay as much out in wages, and so forth. If the fear and the cycle get bad enough, the economy comes to a screeching halt, and the recession becomes a depression.

God also has an economy, but the currency isn’t money; it is love, often expressed in service. When people in a community need help and allow others to serve them, God’s economy of love grows. People feel an abundance of love, both from serving and from being served, and they desire to serve others. Sarah’s lawn needs to be mowed, and her neighbor Alan does it while doing his own. Alan loses his job, and Beatrice tells him about an opportunity where she works. Beatrice has a wayward son, and Roger, who has walked that path before and knows where it leads extends a hand of friendship to him. Roger has health problems, and Sarah prays for him. Love “goes around and comes around.”

On the other hand, when fear causes people to refuse help, they don’t give anyone else an opportunity to serve. This can happen because they are embarrassed or they “don’t want to be beholden” to anyone, or they think that it is a sign of failure or weakness if they are not completely self-sufficient.  This situation can bring the economy of God to a screeching halt. When no one is willing to receive service, no one can give it which leads to a different kind of depression.

  • What kinds of service are you able to give?
  • Do you take the opportunity to do so?
  • What kinds of service are you willing to receive?
  • Is there something you would like the Lord to help you with?
  • Most of the time he provides help through others, rather than directly. Are you willing to receive the help you need through the people around you?

 

Love: The Power of the Universe

Journal Entry

From My JournalI love you so much. If you could feel the smallest part of my love you would be filled with unspeakable joy.  Let yourself feel it, my dear one.  Let yourself bask in the warmth and feel the cool breeze of my love for you.  Let yourself know, in your heart and deep in your bowels, how much you are loved.  My love is the power of the Universe – indeed all universes which have been or will be created.  It surrounds you like fluid surrounds an infant in the womb.  It nurtures you.  You breathe it in and out.  You are cushioned by it; protected by it; you hear the sound of it in your ears.  It helps you maintain the body temperature you need to survive and thrive.  Let yourself feel it.  Release your disappointments into my love like a drop of food coloring into the ocean.  I will absorb it and all you will feel is my love.  All will be well.  Go in peace.  Amen.

There is No Darkness in the Presence of the Lord

Metaphor, , ,

Image of someone walking toward a light coming down from above through intense darkness.I have often heard people compare life to a roller coaster, with ups and downs.  There is some value in that metaphor, but it seems to me that it might be more helpful to compare our lives to the earth as it travels its course.  As it revolves, it goes from day to night and back to day.  Yet, even as this rhythm is beating like a drum, it passes through seasons that encompass the days and the nights.

During the day, we can usually see the path before us clearly, although there are seasons when it is obscured even in the daytime, when covered with snow, or our vision is limited by fog or storms.  During the night, even though we know there is a path before us, it can be very hard to see it, as our human eyes require a high level of light to see things and recognize them with confidence.

The Lord is our light source at all times.  During the day, he provides the sunlight, and we see so easily and well that we may take it for granted.  However, during the night, without sunlight we can become discouraged, we can lose our way, stray from the path.  Sometimes, because we fear, we stop our forward progress during the night completely.  We refuse to take a step without being able to see the horizon, and we wait for the morning, for the dawn.  This seems like the safest choice. But even when we cannot see clearly, the Lord can be our beacon.  Even in the darkest times, he shines the light so that we may see the path, if we will look and trust him.  If we let go of our fear, open our eyes and take one step at a time we are safe when we stay in the light of his love.  Even when all that we can see is where to put one foot next, if we trust him not to lead us astray we can continue our journey.  And the night will eventually give birth to the day.

I am reminded of the words of a wonderful hymn (#97), “Lead, Kindly Light,” written by John Newman in 1833.

Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom,
Lead Thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home
Lead Thou me on!
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene; one step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that Thou
Shouldst lead me on;
I loved to choose and see my path; but now
Lead Thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years!

So long Thy power hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on.
O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone,
And with the morn those angel faces smile, which I
Have loved long since, and lost awhile!

He is always there, shining the light.  He never changes.  However, there are times when we turn away, perhaps in fear, and do not want to look where the light is pointing.  We have eyes but do not see the way before us because we choose to look in the wrong direction, or shut our eyes and refuse to look at all, because we are afraid.

Trust the Lord.  Allow Him to illuminate your path.  He teaches us the truth and gives us his unconditional love. If you are experiencing darkness, bask in the warmth of his love, trust in his light, and take one step at a time until the morning comes.  Let go of fear.  Let go of discouragement.  Let go of disappointment.  Live in the present.  Life is a gift.  Receive it.  Enjoy it.  Experience it.  Grow with it.  There is no darkness in the presence of the Lord.

  • Can you think of a time when you experienced darkness?
  • Is there an area of your life in which you are experiencing darkness now?
  • Have you looked for divine light – even just a glimmer showing you your next step?
  • If so, are you willing to take the step that has been shown to you? If not, are you willing to look to the Lord for light and guidance?
  • What will you do today to find and follow the light?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Progress – Climbing through the clouds, Help: Encircled about in the Arms of His Love

Turn Away from Temptation

Journal Entry, , ,

From My Journal“Good morning, sweet daughter. I love thee so much. I am always with thee. My light surrounds thee. My love encompasses thee. My arms envelope thee. I hold thee close. I comfort and console thee. I take thy hand and lead thee. I will strengthen, support and sustain thee that thou wilt make the best possible choices. If thou art tempted, turn to me; look at my face and thou wilt receive the strength and the love that thou needest to turn away from temptation and walk toward the light. Thou art a valiant and faithful servant. Fear nothing. All is well. There is more than enough and to spare. Be generous. Be kind. Be loving. Be grateful. Be fearless. Go in peace. Amen.”

 

On Being a Perfect Rosebud

Metaphor,

Consider a rosebud. It is one of the most wondrous of God’s creations. Its color can be rich and deep or soft and delicate. Its scent is fragrant and a gentle touch reveals the softness and smoothness of its petals. It holds such promise and has the potential to bloom and burst forth in glorious beauty. We nurture it, feed and water it, protect it from extremes of wind and temperature. We wait and watch, anticipating its unfolding and the fulfillment of its mission: to bring joy and awe to all who gaze upon it.

Are we not like rosebuds? We are not finished yet. We have not fully bloomed. We have not yet attained the glory and immortality that the Lord came to earth to bring to pass. We have shortcomings.

Do we fault or criticize the rosebud for not being a fully bloomed rose? Do we discard it and abandon it and fail to care for or nurture it because it isn’t complete? Do we deliberately pollute its water or subject it to conditions that will most likely kill it? Do we withhold sunlight and water from it?

Let us nurture our own emerging selves with the light of Christ and the living water of the gospel. Let us see ourselves through the eyes of the Gardener. Let us marvel at our unfolding beauty. Let us appreciate the good qualities we have developed thus far and nurture the gifts and talents He has given us. Let us abstain from polluting ourselves with substances, thoughts, or attitudes that would harm us.

May we wait patiently for the gentle unfolding of our full potential and appreciate the journey and the process. We may not yet be perfect roses, but we are perfect rosebuds, and God loves us exactly as we are.