Tag Archives: God-Box

Practicing Instinctively Turning to the Lord

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Instinctively turn to the Lord for comfort and help instead of any other person, substance or behaviorLife is better when certain knowledge and skills are instinctive. Children learn their math facts by repetition, also known as “drill and practice.” When I was a child, we memorized addition, subtraction and multiplication tables. We chanted, “One plus one is two. One plus two is three…” We used flashcards. It was pretty boring, but it worked.

Why do children spend so much time on this rote memorization? They need to be able to use these facts in daily life instinctively, without having to take time to think. When they are supposed to be learning algebra, if they are still trying to get the arithmetic right they will be at a disadvantage.

We teach children to “stop, drop and roll” if their clothing catches fire. Why do they practice this in their families and at school? So that instead of running and screaming the children will instinctively do the most effective thing they can to put out the flames.

In basic training military recruits learn to obey orders instinctively. This training can save their lives or the lives of their companions in combat situations. Thinking through and questioning orders in the midst of a battle could get people killed.

Our children run instinctively to us if they are hurt or scared. In our spiritual lives, we need to develop the habit of instinctively turning to the Lord in times of stress. We also need to express gratitude to Him in all things. Unfortunately, many of us have learned over the years to rely on some other source of comfort. For some it is other people. For others it is a substance or behavior. If turning to those sources instead of the Lord in times of need becomes instinctive, it can lead to addiction.

Something happened in my life the other day that was totally unexpected. My immediate reaction was anger. I don’t get angry very often. For the most part, I have learned not to say hurtful things in a moment of anger, but will only give myself a “C” for this particular “test.” After making a few unhelpful comments I removed myself from the environment to cool off. Not a bad strategy, perhaps.

As a part of living in a state of recovery, and having worked steps 6 and 7, I try to partner with the Lord on removing my shortcomings. One approach I use is to ask myself, “Who do I want to be in this moment and what would she do?” I want to be someone who, in that moment of unexpected anger, will turn instinctively to the Lord for help and guidance. I will work on that. A better strategy, I think.

Practice Instinctively Turning to the Lord

How do we practice instinctively turning to the Lord in each moment? By deliberate repetition of behaviors, actions and attitudes that have worked for ourselves and others. We can turn to the Lord in prayer frequently throughout the day. I once heard a talk from a Mission President’s wife. She said that the first thing she did when she got up in the morning was get on her knees to pray. The last thing she did before she went to bed at night was get down on her knees to finish her prayer. The remainder of the the day she was having a running conversation with God.

We can practice an attitude of gratitude by writing daily in a journal. We can use affirmations – rote repetitions of principles that we want to burn into our brains – to help us learn new behaviors or attitudes. For example, “I turn to the Lord in moments of stress.” We can use a God Box to turn things over to the Lord. We can wear a piece of jewelry that helps us remember that He is available to us at all times. Each of us needs to pray for guidance and discernment to find those tools that will work best for us, individually, to develop this life-changing habit of instinctively turning to the Lord.

Life will provide plenty of opportunities to be tested – to assess how well we have learned to rely upon Him. One day it will truly become “ours” and the nature of our “practice” will change from that of a child memorizing math facts to a doctor “practicing” medicine.

  • Consider how well you do at turning to the Lord for comfort or guidance instead of anyone one or anything else.
  • What are you willing to do today to develop an instinctive habit of turning to Him in all things?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Staying Abstinent: Using the Tools – Part 4, Learning to Let Go, Finding Peace

 

Problem Solving Flowchart

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Flowchart for problem solving based on whether I have control over the problem.

What goes on in your mind when something “goes wrong?” I started thinking about this not too long ago. Some people obsess about why it happened. I don’t. So what do I do?

Is It Something I Can Control?

I go through a kind of flowchart in my mind in these situations. It actually happens pretty quickly most of the time. The first thing I ask myself is, “Is this something I can control?” This is a key question because if it is not something I can control, no amount of anguish, effort or frustration is going to change anything.

If the Problem or Situation is Not Under My Control

If the problem is something that I cannot control I quickly do Steps 1, 2, and 3:

  • Step 1: Admit that I am powerless over the matter.
  • Step 2: Acknowledge that God can handle it.
  • Step 3: Make a decision to turn it over to Him and trust His timing.

I have written several other posts on how to let go and trust God. For example, “Learning to Let Go.” Once I have turned it over, I need to be willing to trust His timing. If I find myself obsessing about the matter again, it is probably related to His timing more than anything else.  I want the problem solved immediately.  He has a perfect sense of when the necessary lessons have been learned and will resolve these things in His own way and time. I need to remember that I turned it over and decide to let it go once more. ( See more on the “God Box” ).

If It is Something I Can Control

Sometimes a problem is something I could do something about, but should not. It might be outside of my area of stewardship – in other words, none of my business. Or it might be better for the other people involved if I let them figure out a solution for themselves. Even if it is my problem to solve, it is often the case that the immediate and obvious answer that pops into my head is not the best one. I have found that praying for guidance is always worth the time.

Praying for Guidance

“Lord, what wilt thou have me do?” This is the humble prayer the Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing says to use in Step 7 on page 42.  I usually write this type of prayer (see more here), and list out the options that I can think of, describing the pros and cons, trying to think ahead to what the outcomes (including possible unintended consequences) might be. I believe this is in harmony with the Lord’s direction to Oliver Cowdery in the 9th Section of the Doctrine & Covenants.

Doing the Footwork

Sometimes the footwork is to watch and wait and continue to pray. Other times it requires more action. If I need to take action I want to feel comfortable that the action I am going to take has the approval of the Lord.  And sometimes I need to have the courage to take the action the Lord gives me to do. I may feel fear. When this happens I try to remember two of my favorite scriptures:

  • “And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.” (Moroni 7:33)
  • “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

Trust in the Lord’s Timing

In the end, whether it turns out to be something I have no control over or something I need to act upon, it all comes down to trusting the Lord and His timing.

  • Is there something going on in your life right now that should be put through this process?
  • Are you willing to let go of it and turn it over if it is something that is not in your area of stewardship, or if the Lord tells you just to be patient right now?
  • Are you willing to ask the Lord, with an open mind and heart, if there is any footwork that you need to do?
  • Are you willing to do the footwork He has given you?
  • How do you feel about accepting His timing in the resolution of this matter?

 

Slogans for Living – Part 1

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In 12-Step meetings you will hear a lot of slogans. They encapsulate basic truths about life, and how to live it sanely and abstinently. They are easy to remember, and good to apply in moments of stress. Here are a few of my favorites. I think you will find them useful whether you are working a 12-Step program or not.

“What others think of me is none of my business.”

When I stop worrying about what others think of me and just go about my own business, doing the best I can in each moment, I am less stressed, and I stop wasting precious time and energy obsessing about something I cannot control. Most of the time I don’t really know what others think of me anyway, and they probably think about me way less than I think they do!

“Take what you like and leave the rest.”

When I talk to people about my own experience, and how it might be applicable to their situation, I try not to give unsolicited advice.  I am not perfect at this yet, but I am getting better. However, I am pretty consistent at telling them to “take what you like and leave the rest.” Just because someone listens to me talk about my own experience – even if they actually have asked me for advice – does not mean that it applies to their situation. I cannot possibly know what they really need to do in their situation. But if they hear anything at all in my experience that strikes a chord and feels like something they want to try – great. And if not, that is fine, too; which brings us to the next slogan.

“It is what it is.”

Having specific expectations of anything is a great way of being disappointed and frustrated. It leads to resentments and relationship trouble. Accepting people and circumstances as they are, seeking guidance on the healthiest and most productive way to deal with them, and leaving the results up to God are great contributing factors to living in a state of serenity. To see this slogan in action read my post Peace: It Is What It Is.

“Worrying is like praying for something you don’t want.”

When we pray we put into words the (hopefully righteous) desires of our hearts. In the scriptures we are taught that our thoughts affect who we are. (see Proverbs 23:7). The more we think about something, the more we call it into our lives. Worrying about something does not make it go away or fix it. Worry is a form of obsession. If you know you need to stop worrying about something, try putting it in your God Box, which I describe in two other posts: Staying Abstinent: Using the Tools – Part 4 and Learning to Let Go.

  • Would it help you to internalize and apply any of these slogans?
  • Which slogan(s) seem most applicable to you?
  • What can you do to learn it and make use of it in your daily life?

 

Staying Abstinent: Using the Tools – Part 4

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Tools of the ProgramThis is Part 4 of my series on Using the Tools.  I have described four more tools in this post that I have found useful in overcoming the temptation to use substances or behaviors that keep me from becoming the person I want to be.  In the previous posts in this series I have written about the following tools: Prayer and Meditation, Meetings, Service, Sponsorship, Telephone Calls, Writing, Music, Program Literature, Scriptures and Talks, a Plan of Abstinence, a Breathing Exercise, and Going to Bed. In this post I will cover Visualization, God Box, Fasting, and the ARP website. You can see all of the posts that have to do with tools by clicking on “Tools” in the list of categories in the right column on this page. As far as I know right now, this completes the list, but since I embrace new tools whenever someone shares them with me, someday there might be a Part 5!

Visualization

If you cannot imagine what your life would look like if you abstained from your bad habits or addictive behaviors, it is hard to make a better choice.  Kimberly Schneider taught me to say “Who do I want to be in this moment, and what would she do?”  I have found that question to be an incredibly powerful tool. At first I thought of someone I wanted to be like and asked myself the question.  It helped me to imagine what that person would do in the same situation and then make that choice.  Over time, I learned to visualize what I would be like if I developed the habits and qualities I was striving for and this question helped me to make the choice that would be consistent with the person I was trying to become.

God Box

When you find yourself worrying or obsessing about something over which you have no control, irritated or annoyed by some large or small quirk or perceived offense, or having to stand by and watch as a loved one struggles with something he or she must master without your assistance, often the most effective thing to do is to make a decision to let go and turn the situation over to God.  This may be easier said than done, and making a “God Box” (or “God Can” or “God Bag”) may help.

Write the matter down on a piece of paper and, as a physical symbol of the act of “turning it over to God”, put the piece of paper in the “God Box.”  Then, if you find yourself worrying about it again, or trying to take back responsibility for solving the problem yourself, you will have to make a decision: either remind yourself that it has been turned over to God and let Him handle it, or take the piece of paper out of the box and tell God that you are going to work on this one yourself.  It is amazing how such a simple thing can make such a big difference.  It is also an awesome experience to read back over the slips of paper and realize how well God has handled the things that were so worrisome in the past.

Just to save you some time, let me assure you that it has been my observation over many years of sharing this tool with others that it does not work if you only do it in your mind.  You must physically write the problem down on a piece of paper and put it in a container of some sort. Trust me on this.

Fasting

When we need more spiritual power than we seem to have, the best power source available to us is the Lord – through His power of the Atonement, or grace.  Brad Wilcox says, “…Grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source… Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road. It is received right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch; it is the Finisher’s touch.”

A very effective way to humble ourselves so that we can receive more of that power is fasting.  When we fast we are deliberately putting our physical needs aside and acknowledging our need for and dependence upon God.  This helps us to humble ourselves, get in tune with the Lord, and become more willing and able to receive his power.

ARP Website

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has developed a wonderful Addiction Recovery Program website with many features and great content for the support of those who are trying to overcome addictive behavior.  It also has a section for family members and loved ones and another section for priesthood leaders.  There are videos of people who have found recovery, telling their stories. There is content that discusses the nature of addictive behavior from a gospel perspective.  There are podcasts of twelve full LDS 12-Step recovery meetings – one for each of the steps. If you haven’t been to an LDS Addiction Recovery Program meeting, or if you need a meeting and there isn’t one available when and where you need it, listening to one of those podcasts is a great option.

  • I have listed seventeen tools is the four parts of this series. Which ones have you tried?
  • Which ones that you have not tried sound interesting to you?
  • Will you commit to trying them? By when?
  • Which tools work best for you?
  • Write about how using the tools helps you to make better choices when you are stressed and/or tempted.

 

Learning to Let Go

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Step 3

Step 3 of A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing talks about trusting in God.  It is easy to talk about that theoretically – how important it is to do it, why we should, how silly it is to doubt Him, etc. Actually learning to do it is another matter. Letting go of the things we want so desperately to control and turning them over to God can be hard!  Here are a few tools and techniques that have helped me learn to “Let Go and Let God”. I hope you find them useful on your own journey.

Writing

Writing uses a different part of your brain than just thinking or speaking.  When I write out my thoughts and the feelings of my heart, my mind slows down and I am able to discover thoughts and feelings and ideas that might have been too fleeting to capture any other way.  If I write about my desire to let go of something and my reluctance to trust that the Lord will take care of it to my satisfaction, I can often find the willingness to let it go.

Visualization

Sometimes I just stand in the middle of an empty room and imagine putting whatever I am trying to let go of in a bubble resting in my open palms.  Then I lift my arms and visualize myself giving the bubble a little push up to send it on its way toward the Lord’s outstretched hands.  I see him receive my bubble and embrace it and I know that it is safely under His control. I know it sounds hokey, but try it. It really works for me! This works particularly well when what I need to turn over to Him is another person, usually someone who is making choices that concern me.

God Box

I have a box that I call my God Box.  (Some people have a can instead, because, after all, God “CAN”.) When I find myself obsessing about a situation or a person and I know I have done everything I can do to resolve it, I write it down on a piece of paper, date it, fold it up and put it in my God Box as a physical representation of having turned the matter over to God.  The next time I find myself obsessing about it, I have two choices.  I can either take it out of the box and tell God that I decided to take it back, or I can remind myself that I turned it over to Him and let it go. One amazing side benefit of using the God Box is that when I put something new in it I get to go back and reread all the old papers. Doing this reminds me of what a great job He did with all those other things.  In fact, He did such a fabulous job with some of those things that I don’t even remember what they were!

By the way, a “virtual” God Box does not work.  There is something about physically writing it down on a piece of paper and putting it in the box that is just different and more effective than doing it in your mind.

Fasting

It is not that unusual, in the Church, for people to fast and pray for something they are concerned about. However, many times we use this tool as a way of “counseling the Lord”.  In other words, we know what outcome we want for the situation and we try to control it by telling the Lord what we want Him to do. We may even add the obligatory “if it is thy will” or “nevertheless, thy will be done” to the end of our prayer as we begin our fast, but I wonder how often we really mean that.

I am going to suggest a slightly different way of using the tool of fasting. When I have a situation that I know I cannot control and that I have done everything I can or should do about it, I will fast and pray to understand and accept the Lord’s will in the matter.  In this way, I invoke His help in letting it go, and turning it over to Him.

  • In which areas of your life do you need to do a better job of “letting go and letting God?”
  • Of the tools listed here, which you not tried before, feels the most comfortable to you?
  • What will you do today to try a new way of learning to let go?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related posts: Problem Solving Flowchart, Forgiveness – the Essence of Step 8, Becoming Entirely Ready, Jealousy: Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires, Forgiveness – the Essence of Step 8, Change: The AADWAR Process, Trust: Do Not Put Other Gods Before Him