Category Archives: Journal Entry

Open Your Arms to Receive His Blessings

Journal Entry, ,

From My JournalPrayer Journal, 7 Nov 2017

Dearest Father,

I thank Thee for blessing me abundantly. Infinitely. I have everything I need. I trust you to give me what I need as my needs arise….

Dearest Mira,

Good morning, sweet daughter. I love thee. I am always with thee. I bless you abundantly because you allow me to do it. I am able to place blessings in your arms because they are stretched out to me and open. I love all my children equally. They could all receive of my abundance, if they would reach out and ask. When they are closed—trying to do it all by themselves (sometimes in misguided attempts to be “self-reliant”)—they cannot receive the blessings I would love to bestow upon them…

Myself! Myself!

When I was 2 or 3 years old and my brother was a baby, I nearly drove my mother crazy because I wanted to do everything by myself. She used to tell a story about trying to get all of us ready and out the door to get to a baby checkup appointment on time. My shoes weren’t on and I refused to let her help me, with a resounding cry of “Myself! Myself!” I wasn’t capable of doing it myself, but I fought off her attempts to help me.

If it had been the right time for me to learn to put on and fasten my own shoes, it wouldn’t have mattered how long it took me to do it myself. It would have been part of the learning process. But that was not the time. I wasn’t able to do it myself, and she was trying to get out the door. My refusal to accept her help was impeding our progress.

Self-Reliance includes God

I wonder how often we do that to Heavenly Father? He knows our current capabilities and our potential. But how often do we stubbornly insist on trying to do things for ourselves that we are not yet ready to do without His help, turning to Him only in desperation, after we have exhausted ourselves, and others? This impedes our progress.

Self-reliance doesn’t mean independence from God. Nor does it mean total dependence on Him for every little thing. It means interdependence with Him. It is our responsibility to do what we have learned to do for ourselves, and to turn to Him for help with the rest. He has promised to be with us, strengthen us and lead us by the right hand in Isaiah 41.

“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness…For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.”

Isaiah 41:10,13

Together we can do all things that are expedient unto Him. But He will not compromise our agency by forcing us to accept His help.

  • Are you holding out your arms to the Lord, reaching for Him, ready to receive His blessings in your life?
  • What are you stubbornly trying to do yourself?
  • What blessings might be waiting for you if you would open your arms to receive them?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: My Journey Down the River of Life, Learning to Let Go, Step 7: Overcoming Limitations

 

Acceptance: Reflections on the Death of My Mother

Journal Entry, Working the Program, ,

Mira's Mom and DadLosing a loved one is always hard. Even when they have lived a good life and are just “done”, it is hard to let go; to accept that there will now be a time of separation. For those who have a testimony of life after death, it can be a little easier, because we have hope of being together again. But the pain of missing them is still a reality of life.

Acceptance

The key to peace for me, as I lost first my father and then my mother within ten months, is acceptance. In On Grief and Grieving Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler identified 5 stages in the grieving process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I know that many people do experience these five stages, and it is good for them to understand the process so that they don’t think something is wrong with them as they pass through these emotions.

My Experience

Thirty years ago I lost my three year-old son Mikey in a drowning accident. It was certainly unexpected and played out quickly over just a few days. Now I have lost my Dad and my Mom who both declined slowly over years and months. In all three cases, regardless of whether death came suddenly and unexpectedly, as a welcome relief, or was a quiet, peaceful passing, my experience with grief and loss seems to be colored by my testimony of an afterlife and the 12-Step work I have done on acceptance.  I have learned to trust the Lord in all things, everyday. I have learned that with His help I can overcome anything; he will give me the strength and power to do all things that are expedient unto him (see Moroni 7:33.)

As far as I can tell, I have not experienced denial, anger, bargaining or depression in the face of death; some sadness – yes, but sadness is not depression. I have been blessed to go immediately to a place of acceptance. It is a comfortable place. I am grateful for this gift.

The morning I got word that my mother had slipped through the veil, I was standing in the bedroom and the following conversation took place in my head. I seemed to hear my mother speaking to me.

Mom: “You know what? There IS an afterlife! And Dad is here, too!!!”

Me: “I know, Mom. ?”

Then, a few minutes later, I was reflecting on the fact that I never “heard from” Dad after he died, and I thought, “He was too proud and stubborn to tell me I was right”. And then, in my head, I heard HIS voice: “Yeah, yeah.?”

As I wrote my prayers in the days following my mother’s death, this came to me in the Lord’s response to one prayer:

“Your Mom and Dad are adjusting to the new realities of their lives. Because your Mom is more open to learning new truth that is not consistent with the ‘traditions of their fathers,’ she and your Dad will be walking the same spiritual path at the same time, despite his earlier arrival. It helps that Mikey, and their parents, are able to visit with and teach them.  Oh, what interesting conversations are taking place up here. ?”

As I said at the end of my post about Dad’s death, it is what it is. I am at peace. And I am grateful.

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Peace: It Is What It Is, Acceptance: Identifying the Things I Cannot Change, Change: The AADWAR Process

 

Structure Lost, Structure Found – Getting Back on Track

Journal Entry, Working the Program
Structure: Train tracks keep the train headed in the right direction.
Copyright: duron0123 / 123RF Stock Photo

Dear Readers,

It has been a long time since I posted; a long time since I have written. I wish I could say that I was working diligently on my book manuscript. That would be an impressive excuse, right? The truth is, structure is what keeps me moving forward in life, like the tracks keep a train headed in the right direction. When events interfere with my normal, daily structure my productivity and the manageability of my life suffers.

My husband is a teacher and we have a high-schooler still at home. My last blog post was May 20th, the last week of the 2014/2015 school year. Don’t get me wrong, I love having my family around and spending time with them, but it is easy for me to get caught up in the things they are excited to do after they are FINALLY done with school, and to put my “own” life on hold. That would have been fine, for a couple of weeks. But a couple of weeks stretched into a month, and then I went to Boston to see my mother. And the stuff on my desk started piling up.

Mom was in a nursing home. I had planned to go see her in June. It turned out that my eight year-old granddaughter was going to summer camp for the first time and needed someone to pick her up from western Massachusetts in mid-July and get her home to Utah, so I arranged my trip so that I could do both. Then Mom got pneumonia the week before I was to go see her. We decided to give her antibiotics at the nursing home and prayed I would get there in time. I did. We had a peaceful and calming visit for five days as I mostly sat by her bedside while she slept. She died peacefully in her sleep a few days after I returned home. My desk was a mess.

I thought I might write about losing my mom at the time. I had written about my Dad’s death 10 months earlier. But it just didn’t come.

Then school started again, and I thought; “Now I will get back on the horse, back to writing regularly.” But I didn’t. I didn’t clean my desk, either. There was always something I needed to take care of – something urgent. Maybe not very important, but always urgent.

As the mess on my desk became deeper and deeper, it became more and more difficult to think about writing.

In late September, I went to Utah to help my daughter settle in after she and her husband bought a new home. Over Columbus Day weekend, my family and friends gathered for a memorial service in New York City, where my parents had lived until the last few years of their lives. It was lovely. I felt both uplifted and enlightened by the things people shared about my mom and even received insight into several of my own character traits that I had not previously thought of as being like hers.

When I got back the desk was not visible under the paper. I felt overwhelmed. Then someone, a reader, finally noticed that I hadn’t written in awhile.

So I have had a season of not writing; and not keeping my desk clear. And now it is the season to start doing those things again. My good friend Joan came over and worked quietly on her own writing while I worked on my desk. She was like an anchor, keeping me from getting sidetracked and from meandering off into the woods of all the other things I would rather be doing. I even did a little more after she left. Now I can see the desk. There is still a lot of filing to do, but it feels more manageable now. I will continue to work on clearing the desk and filing the paper because I like it that way – not because it is anyone else’s expectation of me. And I will try once more to implement the structure that helps me keep it that way.

I have started writing again. It feels good. I hope it helps you. It makes me happy to help other people in their journey of recovery. I know it helps me.

Much love,

Mira

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: One Day At A Time Management, Lack of Self-Discipline or Perfectionism?,

Peace: It Is What It Is, Structure: Like a Kite String

From My Prayer Journal: God is My Sculptor

Journal Entry, Metaphor, , ,

Image of flowing water with textL "From My Prayer Journal." God is so good to His children. It amazes and inspires me to see His plans gently unfolding – almost unnoticed if one is not focused and attuned to watch, observe and see His hand in all things. It amazes me. Often the signs are so subtle – as the gentle unfurling of a new leaf on a plant. Yet each action quietly opens the way for us to go through another door, overcome the next stumbling block, see past the next obstacle, around the next corner.

We have to learn to trust Him; to know He has our lives in His capable hands. He is a sculptor, gently removing shortcomings as unnecessary clay, adding and strengthening, bending and straightening, but only because we have placed ourselves willingly in His hands. The one thing He will not take is our agency.

We must freely and willingly give ourselves to the Sculptor and trust Him to liberate our full and best selves from the block of marble in which we are encased; chipping each small imperfection away, sometimes with a chisel – the chisel of circumstance, adversity and the actions of others in our lives – other times smoothing and polishing as flowing water infinitely slowly and gently removes sharp edges from a stone. He uses the water of the scriptures, the living water of the gospel truths we hear – at church, in prayer and meditation, in writing, in 12-Step meetings, in hearing these truths come out of our own mouths as we teach, sponsor, and befriend others.

Dearest Daughter,

Peace be unto you. My peace I give unto you. Not as the world giveth. I give you the peace and serenity of the gospel and the 12-Steps, that through them, you may draw near to me, that you may feel my loving embrace; that you may share with others the love which I so freely give unto men. This peace and serenity are available to all, if they will but turn their faces away from the solutions the world offers, and unto me. I am the source of the living water that nourishes, but also polishes and perfects. Fear nothing. I am always with you. I walk your walk with you. I support and sustain you as you labor in my behalf. All will be well. Trust me. I will open the way for you to be an instrument in my hands. Go in peace. Amen.

  • How have you seen God’s hand in your life?
  • How have you been changed by his chisel, or by his living water?
  • What will you do today to become more aware of His hand in your life, or, to allow Him to smooth your rough edges?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Change: The AADWAR Process, Changing Channels, Help: Encircled about in the Arms of His Love

 

Do the Work – Claim What is Yours

Journal Entry, , ,

From My JournalGood morning, my sweet daughter. I love you. You are precious unto me. You can have a good and productive day today; it is your choice. Make a decision and a commitment that you will do it, and follow through. I will give you the power to do it, but you must choose to use it.

I love you more than you can comprehend. Fear nothing. You are a beloved and blessed daughter of God; a child of Royalty. If you can imagine it and are willing to work for it, you can accomplish it, whatever it is. Would you like to publish a series of books? Do the work. Would you like to be on the speaking circuit? Do the work. Would you like to have a comfortable retirement? Do the work. Would you like to have a great marriage? Do the work. Would you like to have a great relationship with your children? Do the work.

These are all righteous desires of your heart. I will give you the power to do and accomplish them, because you walk in faith and these righteous desires of your heart are expedient unto me (Moroni 7:33), but you must do the work. I will not give these things to you on a silver platter; then they would be meaningless to you. You must do the work in order to appreciate the value and effort that go into accomplishing them. But all the effort in the world would not help you reach these goals without the enabling power of the Atonement which I give unto you because you walk in faith and ask for it.

I love you infinitely more than you can comprehend. All that I have is yours. Claim it.

Fear not. Go in peace. All will be well. Amen.

  • What are the righteous desires of your heart?
  • Have you asked the Lord if these desires are expedient unto Him?
  • What is the work you must do to achieve them?
  • Have you asked the Lord to give you His power, the power of the Atonement, to help you achieve your goals?
  • What will you do today to begin to claim what is yours?

(Note: Click here to learn more about my prayer journal.)

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Persistence – Doing the Footwork, Problem Solving Flowchart, Love: The Power of the Universe, Turn Away from Temptation

Relationships: Avoid the Gently Diverging Path

Journal Entry

Image: Two diverging paths in a park. In the early days of our marriage, when my husband and I drove someplace together, we spent that time in conversation, or in silent companionship. We enjoyed being together, and without realizing it, we were strengthening our relationship simply by spending quality time together. We did not feel a need to keep the conversation going. It was perfectly comfortable for us simply to be together. We enjoyed that shared time, regardless of how we spent it.

Lately I have become aware that I often spend that time on my smartphone, checking email, Facebook, or playing games while my husband drives. It is not that we don’t have anything to talk about anymore. We do talk; about all kinds of things. Neither is it that I am bored. It is the “pull” of the technology. “I am here to entertain you,” it whispers. “You need to know what is going on!” it calls.

It is a distraction. It is vying for my attention and gently tempting me to go down a path that separates me from my husband. It isn’t that there is anything wrong with the things I do on my phone. It is just that I am missing an opportunity to strengthen my relationship with him.

Today I realized that I have allowed the same thing to happen in my relationship with the Lord. I have a good relationship with Him; a solid relationship. I think of Him often throughout my day. I turn to Him when I need help. I thank Him when I feel blessed. I trust Him to guide me. When I make time to write my prayer, study my scriptures, and work on my program everyday, I am focusing on my relationship with Him. When I let other things distract me, so that I don’t have time to spend specifically with Him, I slowly feel a distance growing between us, over time. It does not happen right away. Missing one day doesn’t create a gulf between us. It is just that my footsteps are ever so slightly further away from Him as we walk until one day I look up and realize that I am no longer walking right by His side. And then I have to figure out how to get back.

There is no higher priority for me than my relationships with the two most important people in my life: the Lord and my husband. So I am taking action today to let go of the distractions that have put me on the gently diverging path.

  • Is there something distracting you from the important relationships in your life?
  • What could you do differently to keep you focused better on those relationships?
  • What are you willing to do today to improve those relationships?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

 

Peace: It Is What It Is

Journal Entry, ,

Last picture of my parents togetherAs I write this I am on an airplane heading home.  A week ago last Monday, my Dad took a turn for the worse and I made next day plans to fly out to be with him.  He was almost 93, and had lived a full and VERY productive life, both professionally and personally.  He was instrumental in building several creative and community institutions and quietly worked to keep them vibrant and running smoothly almost to the very end.  He was also opinionated and stubborn.  And I mustn’t forget brilliant.

I arrived around 10 PM on Tuesday and my brother took me straight to the hospital.  I decided to stay the night with Dad there.  I am glad I did.  He was uncomfortable and I was able to help.  I was up with him 2 or 3 times an hour through the night as I tried to make him comfortable.  I finally asked him if he wanted me to request some pain medication.  He wasn’t exactly in pain – mostly he was just ultra sensitive to folds in the sheets or edges in the pads under him.  He said no to the pain medication. “It doesn’t help!,” he said with exasperation.  “Dad,” I said, “If it doesn’t help we need to increase the dose!”

Wednesday morning I talked to the doctors and we were able to get him a dose that was effective and for the first time in a long time he was able to rest comfortably.  We spent the day setting things in motion to bring him “home” to his room in the nursing facility where my Mom also has a room.  Wednesday evening I went to my brother’s home for dinner and a shower and back to the hospital to spend a peaceful night with Dad.

Thursday afternoon I rode with him in the ambulance.  I camped out in his room again that night, although the room wasn’t really set up for me, like the hospital room had been. I am glad I did.  Despite being in a very caring nursing facility, there were some communication problems regarding his pain meds and I had to advocate for him from about 2 to 5 in the morning until we were finally able to get him comfortable again.  I only got about 2 hours of sleep that night.

Friday morning, my Mom came into his room after breakfast and we sat facing each other by the side of Dad’s bed.  We talked about this and that for an hour or so.  Every so often one of us would hold Dad’s hand or stroke his arm as he slept.  It was a peaceful, comforting time, and I have no recollection of my Mom having difficulty conversing with me despite the ever-present aphasia from her Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s.  She gets so frustrated when she can’t find the words she needs to express herself.

About 10:30 Friday morning Dad coughed a quiet little cough, and I realized I hadn’t offered him any water on a sponge pop in a while.  I went to get him a fresh cup of ice water.  When I got back and started to place the sponge pop to his lips, I realized he was gone. I went and got the physician’s assistant from the nurse’s station and she confirmed it.  His struggle and suffering were over.

My brother and sister-in-law, who live nearby, spent the entire summer moving them into the nursing facility and clearing out their apartment and arranging their affairs and tirelessly attending to their needs.  They were especially careful in the last few weeks to make sure my Mom understood that we would be losing Dad soon.  They did “good.”  She may be very confused about a lot of things, but she is very clear about Dad.  He is gone, and it’s OK. That’s what happens in life.

I am the only one in my family who has a belief in God. It is hard for me to remember how it was and imagine how I would be able to cope with losing a loved one without faith in an afterlife.  But they seem to be at peace, if for no other reason than that it was time.  He had lived a long, full and meaningful life of contribution and accomplishment.  His body was worn out.  It was time.

I look forward to a joyous reunion.  I know we will be together again, and I will have the last laugh after all the discussions about the pointlessness and lack of need for anything spiritual or religious in their lives.  I will laugh at Dad’s surprise to find out that there actually is a life after death.  I will laugh at the necessity for him to admit that I was right.  We will laugh as we wrap our arms around one another and embark upon a new chapter of life together – with my grandparents and their parents…

It is what it is. I am at peace.

 

Love: The Power of the Universe

Journal Entry

From My JournalI love you so much. If you could feel the smallest part of my love you would be filled with unspeakable joy.  Let yourself feel it, my dear one.  Let yourself bask in the warmth and feel the cool breeze of my love for you.  Let yourself know, in your heart and deep in your bowels, how much you are loved.  My love is the power of the Universe – indeed all universes which have been or will be created.  It surrounds you like fluid surrounds an infant in the womb.  It nurtures you.  You breathe it in and out.  You are cushioned by it; protected by it; you hear the sound of it in your ears.  It helps you maintain the body temperature you need to survive and thrive.  Let yourself feel it.  Release your disappointments into my love like a drop of food coloring into the ocean.  I will absorb it and all you will feel is my love.  All will be well.  Go in peace.  Amen.

The Quest for Perfection – Reflecting on Genesis 17:1

Journal Entry,

From My JournalGenesis 17:1 “And when Abram was ninety years old and nine, the Lord appeared to Abram, and said unto him, I am the Almighty God; walk before me, and be thou perfect.”

Lord, you know how imperfect I am! Why would you command me to be perfect?  Aren’t you setting me up to fail?

“I command thee to be perfect. There is nothing wrong with working toward that goal. There are two hazards along the path to be aware of:

First, that, unable to achieve perfection in some area you might become paralyzed and unable to act at all.

Second, that, falling short of perfection, you will be vulnerable to Satan’s malicious whispers, planting doubt about your divinity and your eternal potential.

Avoid paralysis and turn away from Satan and your quest for perfection will lead you to me.”

  • Have you ever found yourself paralyzed by fear of failure and unable to act?
  • Have you ever thought that you would never be good enough?
  • Write about how the ideas in this post affect your thinking about your own experiences with being imperfect.
  • What will you do today to avoid or overcome the two hazards mentioned?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related posts: Overcoming Perfectionism: the “Good Enough” Principle, One Day At A Time Management, Lack of Self-Discipline or Perfectionism?

[Note: For more information on the difference between becoming perfect and perfectionism see the talks listed on my Resources page under “Perfectionism”.]

 

Turn Away from Temptation

Journal Entry, , ,

From My Journal“Good morning, sweet daughter. I love thee so much. I am always with thee. My light surrounds thee. My love encompasses thee. My arms envelope thee. I hold thee close. I comfort and console thee. I take thy hand and lead thee. I will strengthen, support and sustain thee that thou wilt make the best possible choices. If thou art tempted, turn to me; look at my face and thou wilt receive the strength and the love that thou needest to turn away from temptation and walk toward the light. Thou art a valiant and faithful servant. Fear nothing. All is well. There is more than enough and to spare. Be generous. Be kind. Be loving. Be grateful. Be fearless. Go in peace. Amen.”