All posts by Mira Daniels

Fear: the Enemy of Progress and Recovery

Working the Program, , , ,

Blue sky with wispy clouds; "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7.Among the 12 Steps, there are a few that can make us feel so fearful or overwhelmed that we may choose to stop our forward motion rather than have to work those steps. Step 4, in which we take a searching and fearless moral inventory is one of them. So is Step 5, when we share that inventory with another person. Step 9, in which we actually reach out to those we have harmed, ask for their forgiveness and make amends to them is so daunting that people often get “stuck” in step 8, afraid to move on.

The paradox is that each of these steps, once taken, produces feelings of growth, love, acceptance and peace far stronger than the fear felt while contemplating the step. As we work the steps, however, hearing that these feelings are waiting for us on the other side of the work doesn’t always motivate us sufficiently to face the fear.

Fear is one of the main reasons we don’t progress in the steps and that we get stuck in our addictions. Fear is, for many, the main reason we indulge in our addictions in the first place!

The scriptures clearly tell us that fear does not come from the Lord. In 2 Timothy 1:7 we find, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” If God does not give us the spirit of fear, then who does?  Satan. And we willingly accept this gift from our Adversary, and embrace it. As a “natural man” (or woman) we are susceptible to fear.

What does this scripture tell us that the Lord gives us instead of fear? He gives us the spirit of power—the power of the Lord, the power of the Atonement—to use to do His will. We are given the spirit of love, which is the power by which the universe was created. And finally, we are given the spirit of a sound mind: peace, calmness and serenity.

For some reason we are much more hesitant to receive the gifts of power, love and a sound mind from the Lord than we are to receive the gift of fear from the Adversary. (See my post on Receiving Gifts.)

What do we need to do to be able to receive these good gifts? We must put off the “natural man” and become a “saint”—a child of God.

“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” (Moroni 3:19)

Make a decision to put aside fear—to refuse to accept that gift from Satan—and to trust the Lord and receive His gifts. Plunge ahead in your program with the help of your sponsor and other support people. You can do this. The Steps will work for you. You do not need to walk in fear. You are a son or daughter of God, designed and created by Him. He will help you achieve the recovery you deserve so that you can become a more useful and valiant servant as you mend the fences you have broken, and share the gift of recovery with those around you.

  • What fears are preventing you from making progress in the steps or anything else?
  • What do you believe is the source of your fear?
  • Are you willing to set aside your fear and trust the Lord to lead you forward?
  • What action are you willing to take today to move forward, walking in faith rather than fear?

 

Steps 1, 2, and 3: I Can’t, He Can, I’ll Let Him

Working the Program, , ,

Image of first three steps: 1. I can't. 2. He can. 3. I'll let Him. There is a short-hand way of describing the first three Steps of the 12-Step Recovery process: “I can’t, He can, I’ll let Him.” The “He,” for me, is the Lord.

Step 1: I Can’t

Step 1 is about admitting my powerlessness. I did everything I knew how to do to improve my situation, and it got me to where I am right now. Goodness knows I tried. I tried various diets and exercise programs hoping to lose weight. I tried dozens of self-help books to overcome my shortcomings. I tried three different therapists. None of those things brought a long term solution. By the time I started working the 12 Steps I was pretty much at the end of the line. If the 12 Steps didn’t work, I had nowhere else to turn.

Step 2: He Can

Step 2 is about acknowledging that the Lord can do for me what I cannot do for myself. He can fix problems that I cannot imagine the solution for. He is omnipotent. It is arrogant and prideful to think that I am so broken that I am beyond the help of the Lord. No one is too broken for Christ to fix. He cares about each and every one of us individually and wants to be our personal Savior.

Step 3: I’ll Let Him

Step 3 is about making a decision to trust the Lord and turn my life over to Him. He has promised that he would be right by my side and would help me do anything that is in harmony with His will, and I know that overcoming my addiction and letting go of my shortcomings and character defects fits that description.

He will not do for me what I can do for myself. And He will only do what I am willing to let Him do. He will not violate my agency. I do not have to understand what the solution is, nor do I have to tell Him what to do or when to do it. He is smarter than I am. I need to trust that His solution will be what is best for me. I need to turn the matter over to Him, pray for guidance on what footwork He wants me to do, and do the footwork He gives me to do. I also need to wait on His timing; patiently, if possible.

Progress

The 12 Steps did and do work for me. I have experienced His love personally. I have received a new heart. I now walk in faith and not fear. I trust that His solution will be best for me. I have long term recovery, both from compulsive eating and from many of the shortcomings and character defects that kept my life in turmoil. Someday, in the Lord’s time, I hope to be delivered from all of them. I have comfortable relationships with my loved ones. When I mess up, I follow the steps and personal revelation to make amends quickly. I love living in a state of recovery. It is a good state to live in.

  • What are your addictions, shortcomings and character defects? Are you willing to admit that you are powerless over all of them?
  • Do you believe that the Lord is capable of removing your shortcomings and restoring you to complete spiritual health? Why or why not?
  • How do you feel about turning your will and your life over to Him? Are you willing to ask and allow Him to be in charge of your life?
  • Are you willing to seek inspiration on the footwork you need to do and act upon the revelation you receive?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

 

The Chess Strategy for Living

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Chess board strategy image. When I was a young girl, my Dad’s desk was a place of wonder to me. He had so many treasures in his drawers: a beautiful slender silver letter opener, India ink pens, engineering and architecture rulers, and templates for drawing circles and other shapes, to name a few. Among the treasures were some old yellowed newspaper clippings. One of them was a story that mentioned my Dad.

A famous chess master was coming to town and would be playing against a large number of amateur players at the same time — upwards of twenty, if I recall correctly. My Dad was the youngest chess player to qualify to participate at the age of 14.

Twenty games at the same time! How could anyone keep the strategy for twenty games in their head at the same time, I wondered. So I asked my Dad about it. He said, “You don’t. You come to the board, make the move that most improves your position at that moment in time, and move on.”

I have often pondered that idea, and have found that it is actually an excellent philosophy for living. I am sure that the chess master has a vision for the game — ending in a win. I have a vision for my life, too — ending in eternal life for me and my loved ones. But I can face each new challenge, each move of the adversary, each new day, by making the move that will most improve my position at that moment in time, and move on.

What moves will improve my position? Here are a few thoughts: drawing near to the Lord, growing spiritually, learning to love unconditionally, gaining new skills, learning to trust God, obeying the commandments and living one day at a time.

It is intriguing to me that this philosophy of living is very consistent with my recent post “Living Fully in the Present.” The chess master cannot win the game by living in the past — beating himself up for a bad move or glorying in a previous game. He cannot win the game by living in the future — imagining each move his opponent might make and how glorious his victory will be. He can only win the game by studying the board and making the move that will most improve his position at that moment in time: the present.

  • What is your vision for your life?
  • What challenges are you facing right now?
  • What strategy or moves would improve your position at this moment in time?
  • What are you willing to do today?

Please share your thoughts about this metaphor by commenting below.

 

Christ is the Power Source

Metaphor

And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me. (Moroni 7:33)

Image of the Son as a power source, with the Sun rising behind Him.When I first began to understand that I was powerless, and that any and all power that I have is given to me by Christ for the purpose of carrying out his will (see Moroni 7:33), the picture I had in my mind was of me as a little old lady, leaning upon the arm of Jesus who was guiding me across the street like a boy scout. As I continued to ponder the idea that Jesus is the source of all power, it came to me that power source is also a term that could be used to describe an electrical outlet or a battery, or even the sun.

So how is it that I receive power from a power source?  I plug in to it!  As I read the scriptures, ponder and pray, attend Church and serve others; as I am obedient to the Lord’s commandments, I draw near to Him.  When I lean upon His arm rather than my own understanding and seek His counsel and guidance; when I ask Him to grant unto me the power to carry out His will, I am plugging myself in to the ultimate power source, the Son.  And His power flows into me and through me and I can do all things which He directs me to do!

The Lord would never set us up to fail.  He loves us more than we can comprehend.  Whenever He asks us to do anything, either by direct personal revelation or through our (His) Priesthood leaders, He is willing to give us the power to carry out His will. We must prepare ourselves to receive it by becoming humble and teachable. We must sincerely do all that we can do, in faith relying upon Him to provide the power we need to complete our tasks, overcome our obstacles, or reach our goals.

  • What are you powerless over?
  • Are you willing to do the things that are described in this metaphor to “plug in” so that you can receive the Lord’s power to do what you cannot do alone?
  • What action will you take today?

Please share your thoughts about this metaphor by commenting below.

 

Living Fully in the Present

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“…the Present is the point at which time touches eternity”

– C. S. Lewis

Present - laying eternal bricks one day at a time.As we humans live in “Time” we must choose whether to focus our attention on the Past, the Present, or the Future. As addicts or codependents it comes naturally to us to prefer to dwell in the Past, consumed by anger and resentment over real or perceived victimization or wishing things could be the way they used to be. We are also comfortable living in the Future, obsessed with either our fears of what will go wrong or our wildly optimistic certainty that our lives will be better as soon as —fill in the blank—.

The Present, “the point at which time touches eternity,” as C. S. Lewis describes it in The Screwtape Letters, is the only time in which we can actually take action to improve upon the past, and ensure a better future. The Present is the time to build our eternal mansions, one brick at a time. Recovering addicts all over the world rely on the slogan “one day at a time” to remind us of how we need to live to build that mansion.

In chapter 15 of The Screwtape Letters, Lewis gives a masterful description of why the adversary wants to keep us focused on either the past or, preferably, the future. He says, “nearly all vices are rooted in the future. Gratitude looks to the past and love to the present; fear, avarice, lust, and ambition look ahead.”

When I was actively engaged in compulsive eating, I spent time thinking about and relishing memories of past food experiences and obsessing about what I would eat next and when. All the while, I mindlessly ate whatever was close at hand regardless of whether I was hungry or in need of nutrition, or else I deliberately overate food that I knew was not healthy or good for me in order to try to satisfy a craving of the heart. Eating was preferable to feeling my feelings and facing the reality of my life.

As Lewis goes on to say,  “[God] wants men to think of the Future too – just so much as is necessary for now planning the acts of justice or charity which will probably be their duty tomorrow…He does not want men to give the Future their hearts, to place their treasure in it…His ideal is a man who, having worked all day for the good of posterity … washes his mind of the whole subject, commits the issue to Heaven, and returns at once to the patience or gratitude demanded by the moment that is passing over him.”

In other words, Heavenly Father wants us to do the footwork He gives us to do, and turn over the results to Him; living fully in each moment, contributing all that we can to the world, patiently waiting upon His timing, and living in a state of gratitude for our blessings.

  • Which time do you inhabit most: Past, Present or Future? Why?
  • Are you living each moment being fully “present” in the Present? If not, why not?
  • What change in the way that you think or act can you make to live “one day at a time?”
  • When will you start?

 

One Day At A Time Management

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Picture of a desk with paper piled all over.
My desk before “One Day at a Time” management.

In early November 2014 I shared my journey of learning to aim for progress, and not perfection. I posted a picture of my desk. In the post I wrote about how eating and clutter are areas of my life I have not managed well without a spiritual approach. I identified lessons I had learned about overcoming perfectionism with regard to food and promised to update you on how I did going forward on applying those lessons to my paper clutter problem.

Here is a quote from that post:

So what can I learn from my success with eating in a healthy way (overcoming perfectionism) that might apply to my problem with paper clutter?

  1. I need a spiritual solution to this problem, not an exclusively temporal one.
  2. I need to turn to the Lord for His help in developing a plan that is flexible (as appropriate) but effective, not about perfection, but about nurturing myself; creating a wholesome environment in which I can thrive.
  3. I need to do the footwork he gives me to do, one day at a time.
  4. I need to let go of all or nothing thinking, and be satisfied with “progress, not perfection” (a 12-Step slogan).
  5. If I fall off the wagon I need to get back on as quickly as possible.
  6. I need to recognize discouragement as a tool Satan uses to keep me from growth and recovery.
  7. I need to commit to never giving up.

I pondered and prayed about what to do differently than I have ever done before. It is crazy to keep doing the same thing over and over and expect the results to change! I knew that the first thing I had to do was sort and file and pitch and get the work surface cleaned off. I couldn’t even think with that mess. I had no place to work. But I still didn’t know how to prevent the piles from coming back, as they always have in the past.

Even though I didn’t have the whole plan, I began working on the footwork the Lord had given me to do – get the work surfaces cleared. It was very hard for me, because I hate doing it so much. I prayed for the power the Lord promises to give us when we walk in faith (see Moroni 7:33). I made some progress, and then during winter break, my wonderful husband gave me a gift of time – his most precious commodity. He gave me a whole day to keep me company and help me get it done.

One Day At A Time

Having done that footwork, the Lord gave me a plan for keeping it clear. I found it interesting that the plan did not come to me until I completed the footwork the Lord had already given me. I did not get to see the end from the beginning. I received the direction I needed one day at a time. Also significant – it was a plan that I had never tried before.

If you follow this blog you know that I write my morning prayers. This is an excerpt of what the Lord told me on New Year’s Eve:

“You have made a lot of progress on your desk area this week. I am pleased and proud. One small change in your dailies will keep it that way. Don’t go to bed with stuff out on your desk. Just the same as the kitchen: after dinner you need to clear your desk. You can have a drawer you use to keep open project work in if you need a place to put it. It could be one of your desk drawers, or the shallow drawer in the credenza. But don’t leave anything out on the work surfaces. You have plenty of file drawers. You know how to use them… Do some filing every day and you will make progress. The big thing is daily incoming mail. If you process it every day you will not get behind again.

“I love you. You can do this. I will help you. Fear nothing. All will be well. Go in peace. Amen.”

Image of my desk and work surface - clear and without clutter - kept that way one day at a time.
My desk maintained “One Day at a Time.”

As you can see from the current picture of my desk, it has stayed clear for three weeks.What is most important is that it feels different this time. Perhaps it is that for the first time I have a real plan – a doable plan – a plan that is flexible and simple. I like having my work surfaces clear. It makes me happy. It brings me peace.

I still need to sort/file/pitch boxes of old papers. I know that I can work on it one day at a time. But for now, I am satisfied with keeping my work surfaces clear and processing the mail when it comes in. I am grateful for the Lord’s help on this. I look forward to receiving further guidance and direction from Him. I pray for the willingness to carry it out, one day at a time.

Come to think of it, I think I am Changing Channels in this area of my life. Finally. Woohoo!

  • What recurring problem in your life has not responded to all your efforts to find a solution?
  • Are you willing to try a spiritual solution?
  • Are you willing to apply the seven lessons listed above to your problem?
  • Are you willing to take it one day at a time?
  • What action are you willing to take today?

 

Improvement under Pressure

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UImage of the blue fountain pen with silver cap that was made more useful by subjecting it to pressure.I have always enjoyed the physical act of writing. Since childhood I have particularly enjoyed writing with a fountain pen. Good fountain pens are pretty expensive, but I love the feel of the ink smoothly flowing on the paper. I own two of them right now, and use them to write my morning prayers. One has a blue barrel and silver cap and is filled with blue-black ink. I use that one for my letter to God. The other has a gold barrel and cap and is filled with black ink. That one I use for His letter to me. The blue pen was a gift from my children, so it has sentimental value to me.

The blue pen never worked consistently well. It skipped and often felt dry as I wrote. I tried cleaning it. That made it worse.  I actually talked to the Lord about that pen. I asked Him to help me figure out how to get it adjusted so that it would glide across the paper without effort as I express my love and gratitude and the desires of my heart to Him. I could not find a pen shop nearby where there might be a pen guru to work magic on it. I was reluctant to send it off to the repair facility and wait weeks to get it back and hope it was adjusted just right. I considered just setting it aside and getting a new pen, but between the cost and the sentimental value, I didn’t. I just kept limping along wishing it worked better.

Last week it occurred to me to look online for information. I discovered a number of websites with fountain pen tuning instructions. After spending an hour searching and reading, I found exactly what I needed and decided to try it. I chose a straightforward method, but I was concerned about ruining the nib. The directions were to press down hard on the paper – hard enough to bend the nib slightly. But how was I to know how hard was hard enough? I got up the courage and did it. It worked!

As I was writing my prayer yesterday morning, the ink flowing freely and beautifully as my gratitude and thoughts tumbled out onto the page, I realized that in a certain way, I am like my fountain pen.  As a tool in the hand of the Lord, I have worked better at some times than others.  At times His love flows freely through me to those around me, helping them to turn to Him and feel His love. At other times – not so much. I suppose there were occasions when He might have even had to use a different servant to get His work done, during times of self-absorption and spiritual deafness.

Rather than discard me, He worked with me and molded me into a more valiant and profitable servant by subjecting me to pressure that I found uncomfortable – even painful at times.  I yielded under that pressure, and learned new behaviors and attitudes. Now I am a much better conduit for His love. Does my pen have feelings? If it does, perhaps it feels as I do when I contemplate the work done by the hand of my Master: grateful and joyous at the improvement!

  • Has the Lord used uncomfortable situations to mold you and improve your usefulness to Him?
  • In what ways have you changed under that pressure?
  • Write about your feelings as you think about this.

 

My 5 Priorities for Living in Recovery

Working the Program, ,

Covey Time Management Grid for establishing priorities. Sometimes there is so much on my task list that I feel like I will never get caught up. I don’t have all the answers, but I have learned this: there are some things that will always be priorities in my life and other things that will come and go, depending on what season of life I am in.

Stephen Covey developed a 4-box grid to evaluate the importance and urgency of our various activities and assess whether we are spending our time in the most effective way. Determining the true importance of what I am trying to accomplish gives me perspective and helps me to set reasonable expectations of myself. My “fixed” priorities are “Quadrant II” activities: important but not urgent. That makes them easy to put off – with unhappy consequences.

My Relationship with God

Maintaining a close and meaningful relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is a top priority for me.  If I sacrifice those relationships because I am “too busy” (with urgent things that may not be very important) I have less power and less ability to meet all the other demands of my life.

Personal Recovery and Walking in Faith

As a recovering addict, I cannot let my abstinence and working my program become low priorities.  I have to focus on them every day and always be listening for the promptings of the Spirit.  I need to do the footwork the Lord assigns to me in order to stay sane and sober and to be able to do my best in the other important areas of my life.

Marriage and Family

Marriage and family are always high priorities for me, although what that looks like has changed over the years. I make sure that my husband and I spend quality time together, talk to one another about meaningful things, and speak one another’s love language. I try to stay in touch with my adult children and see/video chat with my grandchildren regularly. When I remarried four years ago I had been an empty-nester for 7 years. My new husband had 5 children, including one in elementary school and one teenager. I put thought and effort into building and maintaining relationships with my new children and grandchildren, both those at home and those who are grown.

Church Callings

Magnifying my Church callings in a spirit of love and service is a priority for me.  The Lord would not have called me unless he was prepared to give me the power and the time to do the work required. (See Moroni 7:33.) This may include unofficial callings, like family history work, as you feel prompted by the Spirit.

Work and Resource Management

Working to support my family, and/or being a good steward over our family resources needs to be a priority. If I am not a good steward over the temporal resources the Lord provides, I cannot expect others to “cover the slack” for me.  This was not always an area of strength in my life, and my husband and I are working very hard to manage our resources wisely.

The Seasons – or – Other Priorities

What about other things? What about travel, hobbies, entertainment, reading, service, friends, and video games? Don’t I get any down time?

Well, how much downtime you get depends on the season of your life. And a lot of those things can be worked into one of the 5 main priorities I have listed above. For example, you may need a getaway, just to nurture your marriage! If I am on top of these 5 things and I still have free time, great! I can do what I want with that time. However, if the important stuff is falling apart – I don’t have time to play.

For example, when I have been actively raising children, and especially while I was also working, I did not have time to do much on the “optional” list. It was my season to focus on the basic 5.  Working my program was critical for me at that time because it helped me to be a better parent and raise healthier children.  If you don’t put enough time into raising young children they can turn into teenagers who do unwise things to get your attention! I have a responsibility to the Lord and as an example to my children to magnify my callings.  I taught my children to love the Lord and serve others by my example, and as I felt prompted to do so I included them whenever possible. And I am teaching my children how to have an eternal family by working on my marriage. Let children observe these things so that they will know what to do when they enter that season themselves.

There will be other seasons of life to develop additional talents and explore other options when parenting isn’t so time consuming. Aren’t you glad you have something to look forward to when you are no longer raising children or working?

I have a vague memory of a Relief Society lesson from many years ago in which former General Relief Society President Barbara Winder was quoted saying that women would comment to her,  in awe,  about all she had done and accomplished, expressing doubt that they would ever be able to approach her accomplishments. “Yes,” she would say, “I have accomplished all those things, but not all at the same time.”

  • Look at how you actually spend your time now.  What does this analysis tell you about how you prioritize your time right now?
  • Are these the priorities you think the Lord wants you to have? If not, what needs to change?
  • Do you trust the Lord to give you the power to do the things He wants you to do?
  • What are you willing to change about your life to bring your time usage into harmony with the priorities you want to have? Ask the Lord to help you to make these changes.

Learning Life Skills – Your Personal Tutor

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Image of a blackboard completely filled with mathematical equations.When I was in college I had to take a year of advanced math. The class met an hour a day, Monday through Friday. I did the best I could in class, paid attention, took detailed notes, and asked questions when I didn’t understand. But I quickly found that when I went home each night I could not do the homework. I spent hours trying to figure it out, reading the book, looking over my notes, to no avail. The next day the instructor moved on to something new — something that required an understanding of the previous day’s material. I was lost, and it was only the first week of class!

I discovered that there was a Math lab, where tutors were available to help, one-on-one. I found that if I went to the lab right after class every day and did the homework with the help of a tutor, I could learn the material and avoid getting behind. Sometimes the tutors had to find a different way of explaining the concepts to me. Other times we had to go over and over things in multiple ways in order for me to grasp the material. It was hard, and frustrating, but I knew that if I didn’t do whatever it took to learn it, it would just be that much more difficult the next day.

I have found the same pattern in my life since I graduated, but I didn’t recognize it right away. I have come to understand that when I need to learn new life skills the Lord will give me as many opportunities as I need to learn them. When I don’t learn from one experience, the Lord gives me another. Sometimes I don’t learn from an experience because, in my pride, I blame others for the circumstances or outcome. Other times I am unwilling to do the work I fear would be necessary to go through an experience so I either work around it or run away from it. There are times when I have needed multiple lessons before I finally have learned a new life skill. When I do master it, I can see how necessary it was for me to learn it!  New opportunities open to me. I become a more useful servant to the Lord.

You have a personal tutor who plans your education — individualized and customized to your strengths and weaknesses — for the purpose of teaching you the life skills you will need to ascend to your eternal destiny. If you refuse or fail to learn the skill from one experience you will have as many opportunities as you need to learn it.

  • Are you tired of facing the same challenges over and over?
  • How have you reacted to these challenges in the past? Have you run away or blamed others?
  • How can you embrace the opportunities the Lord is giving you, search for insight regarding the life skills you need to learn from challenging experiences and do the work necessary to master them?
  • Are you willing to do this?  What are you willing to do?

 

 

Prayer, Meditation and Pondering

Tools,

3 Spiritual Channels: Prayer, Meditation, PonderingWe are often encouraged by Church leaders to make prayer and meditation an important part of our lives, but they have said very little about how to meditate, or what they mean when they use that word. Some people use the word “meditation” as a synonym for “pondering” or “contemplation” but to me there is an important difference. This post is not so much about semantics or word definitions as it is about three important spiritual activities that we need to engage in to grow spiritually.

President David O. McKay spoke about the importance of meditation and related it to prayer. He also described pondering as something separate from meditation. (See the Teaching of the Presidents Manual for David O. McKay, chapter 4.)

Prayer

Most of the time the word “prayer” applies to the act of communicating with the Father. It is sometimes done formally, often on bended knee. Other times prayer is less formal,  such as when we are in a hurry and ask God to help us find a close parking space or the missing shoe or keys. Readers of this blog know that my personal favorite way to pray is in writing. I write a letter to God most mornings. I think more clearly in writing.

Used in this way, as many people do, prayer is a kind of monologue. We give our gratitude and request lists to God, close “in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen,” and get up and go about our business, hoping that we might be able to discern an answer to our prayers during the course of the day, in our scripture reading, or in a talk at church.

In my opinion, prayer should be a dialogue, not a monologue. The Lord might be ready and willing to answer our prayers — or at least to speak to us about what is on His mind — as soon as we have said “Amen.” When we get up and go about our business without taking time to listen at the end of our prayers, we don’t give Him a chance to answer.

Meditation

I think that when our leaders use the phrase “prayer and meditation” they mean for us to slow down, quiet our minds, experience the moment, and listen patiently for the voice of the Lord, especially after we have finished praying.  Usually His voice comes in the form of thoughts or impressions. It is important to keep in mind that the Lord may or may not speak to us exactly about the same topics we spoke to Him about in our prayer. In my experience, that is often the case.

Two-Minute Meditation

There are other, more formal forms of meditation, such as yoga, transcendental meditation, guided meditations, etc. They also help clear your mind, and experience the moment. Here is a useful meditation technique that takes only two minutes and produces an immediate, noticeable stress relieving effect. This is very helpful in trying to receive personal revelation, or answers to prayers.

  1. Sit quietly and close your eyes gently.
  2. Breathe in and out through your nose.
  3. Choose a phrase that you can use as a mantra, or quieting thought. I usually use “I am / at peace,” or “I am a child / of God.”
  4. Focus your attention on the end of your nostrils — the point at which your breath enters and leaves your body.
  5. As you inhale, think the first half of the phrase you chose, and as you exhale think the second half.
  6. Repeat this exercise slowly three times, then open your eyes.

When I do this I can actually feel the stress leave my body, and I am able to think and hear more clearly.

Pondering

Pondering is a way of seeking truth by obtaining and using knowledge gained through study and life experiences. When I ponder a question or topic, I reflect on it, applying what I already know, trying to arrive at truth. Conference talks, studying scripture references listed in the Topical Guide, and/or talking to others are all ways of finding additional knowledge to help me come to an understanding that feels right to me as I ponder an issue.

Summary

Prayer is the process of communicating with the Father. Meditation is clearing and opening my mind to receiving truth directly from the Lord through the Holy Ghost. Pondering is seeking to find and apply knowledge to come to understand the issue. These are three different but important activities that contribute to spiritual growth.

  • Do you place as much priority on listening for answers as you do on praying?
  • Are prayer, meditation and pondering all spiritual activities that you practice?
  • What are you willing to do to improve your ability to to receive personal revelation and answers to prayers?

 

 

Rock of Resentment

Metaphor, ,

Image of a beautiful green and gold rock.She was hurt, wounded to the core by the abusive words and looks, the judgment and criticism. “I am going to run away,” she thought. “No one will care if I never come back here again.”

She went for a long walk out into the desert, nursing her wounds, reflecting on the injuries she had sustained at the hands of those who should have been kind and loving, and their total lack of any redeeming qualities.

She passed a man who was walking the other way. He smiled and told her that if she was looking for some desert souvenirs, she should walk a few feet off the path over the rise just to the east.  She decided to check it out.

When she got to the top of the rise she saw what he was talking about: beautiful rocks. They were green and gold with small crystals embedded in them. Just looking at them helped her to stop obsessing about her tormentors; just a little. She walked down and picked one up. It was small enough to hold in her hand, and particularly pretty. She decided to take it with her. She hoped it would comfort her.

Suddenly she noticed that the sun was starting to go down and she headed home. Nights are cold in the desert; cold, and dark, and scary.

Over the next few days she thought endlessly about her misery. She held the rock in her hand, and pressed it to her heart as she cried, filled with hurt and resentment.

She called a kind, wise  friend one day, and shared her feelings. He told her that he was in her neighborhood, and would drop by. He listened as she poured out her heart. He noticed the rock and asked to see it. “Where did you get this?” asked her friend.  She told him the story about the walk in the desert, the stranger and the beautiful rocks.

“You can’t keep this,” declared her friend firmly but gently. “Why not!” she exclaimed. She could not understand why someone who cared about her would want to deprive her of the very thing that had brought her some peace and comfort and provided a distraction from her obsessive feelings of anger and resentment. She recoiled, holding the rock to her chest.

“No, it’s mine! I won’t let you take it. I deserve to have something to bring me pleasure. Why would you want to take away the one thing that has dulled my pain these last few days?”

“Because,” he explained, “that rock contains uranium and is radioactive. It will make you sick if you keep it, and will burn your heart if you keep holding it that way.”

She dropped the rock on the floor and her friend wrapped her in a loving embrace. “It will be alright,” He said. “Give me your hurt, your anger, your resentment and your pain. In exchange, I will give you peace and rest.”

  • Are you holding onto any destructive thoughts, ideas or feelings?
  • The rock might represent those thoughts, ideas or feelings, but it might also represent something (perhaps a substance or behavior) to which you have turned for comfort, instead of turning to the Lord. What does the rock represent for you?
  • The stranger who directed her to the rocks might represent Satan, who can be very subtle. He could represent the world (including the media), which often mistakenly touts carnal (physical) solutions to our problems. He might represent false “friends” we barely know, yet we trust to help us find relief from pain. What or who does he represent in your life?
  • Write about how this metaphor applies to you.

 

 

Progress – Climbing through the clouds

Metaphor, , ,

Picture of a rough mountain path with a sheer drop off and dense fog.As we walk the mountain road of life (See Growth: Life is Like a Mountain Road), climbing towards the top, we sometimes encounter a cloud. When we are just starting our journey, still in the valley, the cloud is above us. During the last part of our climb, we break through the cloud and can see the summit clearly, and the surrounding scenery.  But while we are climbing through the cloud, we may feel cold, damp, and confused, surrounded by dense fog.

We need to remember that while the cloud is temporary, the mountain is not; neither is the road.  We can continue on the path, by putting one foot in front of the other and hugging the mountain so that we don’t accidentally fall off the edge. Another option is to stand still and wait for the cloud to lift. With the help of the Lord we can progress, even if we are scared. (See There is No Darkness in the Presence of the Lord.)

Remember: the cloud is temporary and the Lord is always by your side. (See Help: Encircled about in the Arms of His Love.)

  • What does the mountain represent to you?
  • Write about a time that you felt confused and in a fog.
  • How did you feel when the fog lifted?
  • If you are in the fog right now, what can you do to continue to make progress despite the fog?

Grateful for My Addiction! Are You Kidding Me?

Working the Program

Picture of a man laying a block wall with the words: "The Church teaches me WHAT, the 12-Steps teach me HOWI have observed the incredulous look on the face of a newcomer who hears someone express, in a 12-Step meeting, that they are grateful for their addiction. I have also heard the same person, no longer a newcomer, share the feelings they had at that first meeting, and the gratitude they now felt for the path that brought them to the Lord, through the program.

I was a member of the Church for fifteen years before I attended my first 12-Step meeting.  I had learned about the Lord.  I had learned about the Atonement.  I understood what my spiritual goal was: to return to live in the Celestial Kingdom with my Heavenly Parents and the Lord in a state of exaltation. But I really did not understand how to get there.  I was so imperfect. I knew it had something to do with the Atonement, but I didn’t know how to access that power.

When I began working a 12-Step program I began to progress spiritually.  I found a new understanding of what it meant to walk in faith and how to obtain it by working Steps 1, 2 and 3. I was able to really begin the repentance process and apply the power of the Atonement by working Steps 4 through 10. I learned how to receive personal revelation and connect with the Holy Ghost in Step 11.  Finally, I learned about enduring to the end, service, and missionary work in Step 12.

The Church taught me “What.” The 12-Steps taught me “How.” How can I not be grateful for the addiction that brought me to the Steps?

Elder Dallin H. Oaks explained why we should be grateful for our trials in his April 2003 General Conference address, “Give Thanks in All Things.”

When we give thanks in all things, we see hardships and adversities in the context of the purpose of life. We are sent here to be tested. There must be opposition in all things. We are meant to learn and grow through that opposition, through meeting our challenges, and through teaching others to do the same… When we understand this principle, that God offers us opportunities for blessings and blesses us through our own adversities and the adversities of others, we can understand why He has commanded us again and again to “thank the Lord thy God in all things” (D&C 59:7).

  •  Are you grateful for your trials/addictions?
  • If yes
    • Write about your gratitude for the adversities that caused you to turn to the Lord.
    • What difference has this made in your relationship with Him?
  • If not, are you willing to become grateful?
    • What footwork do you think the Lord would like you to do to help you feel gratitude for those things?
    • Write about the relationship you would like to have with the Lord and how becoming grateful for your adversities might help that relationship develop.

 

Problem Solving Flowchart

Working the Program, , , , , , ,

Flowchart for problem solving based on whether I have control over the problem.

What goes on in your mind when something “goes wrong?” I started thinking about this not too long ago. Some people obsess about why it happened. I don’t. So what do I do?

Is It Something I Can Control?

I go through a kind of flowchart in my mind in these situations. It actually happens pretty quickly most of the time. The first thing I ask myself is, “Is this something I can control?” This is a key question because if it is not something I can control, no amount of anguish, effort or frustration is going to change anything.

If the Problem or Situation is Not Under My Control

If the problem is something that I cannot control I quickly do Steps 1, 2, and 3:

  • Step 1: Admit that I am powerless over the matter.
  • Step 2: Acknowledge that God can handle it.
  • Step 3: Make a decision to turn it over to Him and trust His timing.

I have written several other posts on how to let go and trust God. For example, “Learning to Let Go.” Once I have turned it over, I need to be willing to trust His timing. If I find myself obsessing about the matter again, it is probably related to His timing more than anything else.  I want the problem solved immediately.  He has a perfect sense of when the necessary lessons have been learned and will resolve these things in His own way and time. I need to remember that I turned it over and decide to let it go once more. ( See more on the “God Box” ).

If It is Something I Can Control

Sometimes a problem is something I could do something about, but should not. It might be outside of my area of stewardship – in other words, none of my business. Or it might be better for the other people involved if I let them figure out a solution for themselves. Even if it is my problem to solve, it is often the case that the immediate and obvious answer that pops into my head is not the best one. I have found that praying for guidance is always worth the time.

Praying for Guidance

“Lord, what wilt thou have me do?” This is the humble prayer the Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing says to use in Step 7 on page 42.  I usually write this type of prayer (see more here), and list out the options that I can think of, describing the pros and cons, trying to think ahead to what the outcomes (including possible unintended consequences) might be. I believe this is in harmony with the Lord’s direction to Oliver Cowdery in the 9th Section of the Doctrine & Covenants.

Doing the Footwork

Sometimes the footwork is to watch and wait and continue to pray. Other times it requires more action. If I need to take action I want to feel comfortable that the action I am going to take has the approval of the Lord.  And sometimes I need to have the courage to take the action the Lord gives me to do. I may feel fear. When this happens I try to remember two of my favorite scriptures:

  • “And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.” (Moroni 7:33)
  • “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

Trust in the Lord’s Timing

In the end, whether it turns out to be something I have no control over or something I need to act upon, it all comes down to trusting the Lord and His timing.

  • Is there something going on in your life right now that should be put through this process?
  • Are you willing to let go of it and turn it over if it is something that is not in your area of stewardship, or if the Lord tells you just to be patient right now?
  • Are you willing to ask the Lord, with an open mind and heart, if there is any footwork that you need to do?
  • Are you willing to do the footwork He has given you?
  • How do you feel about accepting His timing in the resolution of this matter?

 

Becoming Entirely Ready

Metaphor

Step 6 – Change of Heart: “Become entirely ready to have God remove all your character weaknesses.”

“As painful as it may be, you may have to admit, as we did, that recognizing and confessing your character weaknesses in steps 4 and 5 did not necessarily mean you were ready to give them up.”

(A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, Step 6, p. 35)

Woman having her eyes examined.Step 6 can be scary, as you contemplate letting go of all of your character weaknesses. After all, they have been a part of your personality since you can remember, and they have helped you cope with the stresses of life. And besides, who would you be without them?

Let’s imagine that your vision seems to be getting worse and worse. You are having more difficulty seeing and focusing. It seems as if there is something blocking your sight. Maybe you have cataracts or macular degeneration. You debate what to do about it. You know you should probably go to the eye doctor, but what if she wants to do surgery on your eyes! The very thought makes your stomach churn. You finally get up the courage to go, fearing the worst.

The doctor examines your eyes and after she is finished she gives you the good news: there is nothing wrong with your eyes; you need to get your bangs cut!

Of course this is a silly metaphor. But really, how do you know that the character weaknesses you are stubbornly holding onto, afraid to turn over to the Lord, are not something that will be as easy to have removed as getting your bangs cut, once you become willing to ask Him to remove them?

  • What character weaknesses are you reluctant to let go of?
  • Write about the worst possible outcome of asking the Lord to remove them.
  • What can you do to become ready and willing to ask God to remove all your character weaknesses?

 

Lack of Self-Discipline or Perfectionism?

Working the Program, , , , ,

Picture of desk piled with papers.I have had certain shortcomings my entire life. One of them has been clutter. I remember my room as a child. You couldn’t even see the floor. It wasn’t that I didn’t have enough storage space to put things. I just didn’t do it. It was a major source of contention between me and my parents.

As an adult I thought for many years that the problem was self-discipline. If only I could develop and maintain a system for managing the paper, I would be able to solve the problem once and for all. I repeatedly cleaned up the mess only to have it accumulate again. I began to buy, (collect) books on the subject of organization. I set up filing systems. I just did not have the self-discipline to maintain them. That was the problem, I thought.

I had the same problem with food. If only I could learn to control the way I ate and exert some self-discipline I could get off the diet roller coaster. I would control for a while, on a diet, but then find an excuse to eat for comfort or pleasure. I would get discouraged, give up, and my weight would start climbing again, until I felt badly enough about my weight to start the cycle over.

The Problem is Not Lack of Self-Discipline

Somewhere along the line someone pointed out to me the many areas of my life where I had plenty of self-discipline. I was confused. If I wasn’t short on self-discipline, why could I not maintain a clutter-free environment or a normal weight?

I have come to understand that my problem is not self-discipline; it is perfectionism. If I couldn’t do it perfectly (whatever “it” was), I became discouraged and gave up.

If I couldn’t figure out the perfect filing system, one that enabled me to store everything out of sight, find it again easily when needed, and not forget about anything that needed to be taken care of, I wouldn’t file at all. Perfectionism. I wouldn’t throw much away because, after all, I might need it again. So I ended up with filing systems too complicated to maintain or that did not meet my requirements, or else no system at all, and things would start accumulating. Again. When I saw the piles begin to grow, I became discouraged – again – and just gave up.

If I couldn’t maintain my diet perfectly, losing as much weight as quickly as I wanted to and denying myself anything that wasn’t on the diet, I would become discouraged, and give up. Perfectionism.

Do you see a pattern here? For some reason, in certain areas of my life, I naturally see only perfection or failure. There is nothing in between. When I can’t be perfect I become discouraged. And quit trying.

A Spiritual Solution

As a compulsive eater in recovery I have learned that diets don’t work for me. What I need is a plan of eating that I can live with day in and day out. Something that works for me and is sufficiently flexible for me to be able to adjust to the circumstances of my life. I need a plan that is not about losing weight, but about nurturing myself. I decided to turn my weight over to the Lord. He helped me develop a food plan that worked for me. It went through several iterations, and is still subject to revision as needed. My footwork is to use the plan to decide what to eat, how much to eat, and when to eat, one day at a time. His job is to help me maintain a normal weight. And if I eat something I should not have, I no longer see it as a reason to throw the whole food plan out.  I just start eating abstinently again from that moment. I have put an end to the all or nothing thinking, the cycle of perfectionism and discouragement that kept me in bondage to compulsive eating.

(Some people do have trigger foods which need to be treated like allergies; they simply cannot have that food or they will be set off onto a binge. When the Lord helps them develop a food plan, it will not contain those foods.)

So what can I learn from my success with eating in a healthy way (overcoming perfectionism) that might apply to my problem with paper clutter?

  1. I need a spiritual solution to this problem, not an exclusively temporal one.
  2. I need to turn to the Lord for His help in developing a plan that is flexible (as appropriate) but effective, not about perfection, but about nurturing myself; creating a wholesome environment in which I can thrive.
  3. I need to do the footwork he gives me to do, one day at a time.
  4. I need to let go of all or nothing thinking, and be satisfied with “progress, not perfection” (a 12-Step slogan).
  5. If I fall off the wagon I need to get back on as quickly as possible.
  6. I need to recognize discouragement as a tool Satan uses to keep me from growth and recovery.
  7. I need to commit to never giving up.

I will keep you posted on my progress.

  • What recurring problem in your life has not responded to all your efforts to find a solution?
  • Are you willing to try a spiritual solution?
  • When will you start?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Fear: the Enemy of Progress and Recovery, Christ is the Power Source, Problem Solving Flowchart

 

Threads in the Tapestry of Life

Metaphor,

Picture of several tapestry bobbins with different colors of thread. Tapestries are woven on a loom. Like most textiles created on a loom, the weaver sees the tapestry from the back side as he weaves.  One of the things that makes a tapestry unique is the design, often representational, using tiny threads of different colors to create a picture.

In life, we are like the threads of a great, God-woven tapestry.  We each have our own unique color and texture which we add to the beautiful picture as God weaves us into the fabric of life.  Sometimes we travel, for a time, with certain other threads, whose path is parallel to ours in the design.  Then our paths may diverge as we (or they) are taken over to another part of the tapestry for awhile. There will be some whose paths cross ours repeatedly; not traveling together but bumping into each other from time to time.

What makes it hard for us is that we cannot see the front of the tapestry while we are in this life.  Rather than seeing the beautiful picture we are helping to create, we see the somewhat chaotic, seemingly random underside of the tapestry. We wonder why some people are in our lives, and why others have drifted away or have been removed from our lives entirely. We may feel like our own thread is going nowhere, or around and around in circles.  When we get to the other side of the veil, we will see the tapestry from the front, and we will understand why we needed to have these experiences.  We will be able to observe first hand the beauty that has been created out of our lives by the master-weaver’s hand. And we will feel joy, happiness and gratitude that God has indeed had a plan for our lives all along.

  • Identify people in your life who travel the same path, no longer travel the same path but once did, or cross paths with you briefly from time to time. How does it make you feel to think of them as threads in your tapestry?
  • Can you catch a glimpse of or even try to imagine what the front of the tapestry looks like?  Describe the beauty in your corner of the tapestry.

 

Slogans for Living – Part 1

Working the Program, , ,

In 12-Step meetings you will hear a lot of slogans. They encapsulate basic truths about life, and how to live it sanely and abstinently. They are easy to remember, and good to apply in moments of stress. Here are a few of my favorites. I think you will find them useful whether you are working a 12-Step program or not.

“What others think of me is none of my business.”

When I stop worrying about what others think of me and just go about my own business, doing the best I can in each moment, I am less stressed, and I stop wasting precious time and energy obsessing about something I cannot control. Most of the time I don’t really know what others think of me anyway, and they probably think about me way less than I think they do!

“Take what you like and leave the rest.”

When I talk to people about my own experience, and how it might be applicable to their situation, I try not to give unsolicited advice.  I am not perfect at this yet, but I am getting better. However, I am pretty consistent at telling them to “take what you like and leave the rest.” Just because someone listens to me talk about my own experience – even if they actually have asked me for advice – does not mean that it applies to their situation. I cannot possibly know what they really need to do in their situation. But if they hear anything at all in my experience that strikes a chord and feels like something they want to try – great. And if not, that is fine, too; which brings us to the next slogan.

“It is what it is.”

Having specific expectations of anything is a great way of being disappointed and frustrated. It leads to resentments and relationship trouble. Accepting people and circumstances as they are, seeking guidance on the healthiest and most productive way to deal with them, and leaving the results up to God are great contributing factors to living in a state of serenity. To see this slogan in action read my post Peace: It Is What It Is.

“Worrying is like praying for something you don’t want.”

When we pray we put into words the (hopefully righteous) desires of our hearts. In the scriptures we are taught that our thoughts affect who we are. (see Proverbs 23:7). The more we think about something, the more we call it into our lives. Worrying about something does not make it go away or fix it. Worry is a form of obsession. If you know you need to stop worrying about something, try putting it in your God Box, which I describe in two other posts: Staying Abstinent: Using the Tools – Part 4 and Learning to Let Go.

  • Would it help you to internalize and apply any of these slogans?
  • Which slogan(s) seem most applicable to you?
  • What can you do to learn it and make use of it in your daily life?

 

Digging Deep: the Step-work Sandwich

Working the Program, ,

There may be as many ways of working the steps as there are people who work them. When someone finishes Step 12, they may work the maintenance Steps (10, 11 and 12) for a while or start over with Step 1. They may work the Steps quickly or slowly. They may choose a particular issue to work on as they start over, or may just go down deeper on the same issues.

In this post I am sharing an in-depth approach to working the Steps that relies heavily on the tool of writing. It may take days or weeks to get through a Step this way, and months to get through them all. If this feels overwhelming to you at this point in your program, it might be best for you to save this approach for later. It makes me dig deep and learn more about myself and about living in a sane and abstinent way. It is most effective if you have a sponsor and report your progress, discussing any insights you receive as you work through the steps.

Materials List

(see Resources page to find out where and how to obtain these materials)

  • He Did Deliver Me from Bondage, Colleen Harrison
  • Optional: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous (if you are working on food related issues) or Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Al Anon (if you are working on codependence) or any other twelve step manual that is relevant to your addiction or issue
  • Optional: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous (no matter what your issue is)
  • The ARP manual, A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing

Step-work Sandwich Overview

Think of this method of working each step as assembling a sandwich (see diagram below). The “preparation” questions at the end of the previous step in He Did Deliver Me from Bondage (“HDDM” in diagram) are one of the slices of bread. The questions at the end of the same step in A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing (the ARP manual) are the other slice of bread. The lettuce leaf just inside the first piece of bread is the step (“principle”) in He Did Deliver Me from Bondage. The lettuce leaf just inside the other piece of bread is the step in the ARP manual. Between the lettuce leaves are your choice of optional materials, listed above, to help nourish and nurture your emotional, physical and spiritual healing and growth. Each of these optional materials brings something unique to your understanding and application of the Steps. The book that specifically addresses your addiction helps you identify with how the Steps have been worked by others with your addiction. The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous (“AA 12 & 12” in diagram) is a very powerfully written book that does not pull any punches in its description of the nature of addiction and the importance of overcoming it. If you leave out the optional materials you will still be fed, but not as thoroughly and you may miss some “nutrients” that you really need. Nevertheless, you could certainly work the Steps this way – just skip items 3 and/or 4 in the “Working the Steps” section below.

Image of layers of a sandwich labeled with a method for working each step. The method is described in following paragraph.

Preface and Introduction

  1. Start by reading and highlighting the Prefaces and Introduction in He Did Deliver Me from Bondage. Do not answer the questions at the end of the Introduction at this point.
  2. Make notes in the margins or in a notebook when you have thoughts about how the text applies to your life.
  3. Read, highlight and annotate the Preface and Introduction in the remaining books on the materials list, in order.

Working the Steps

  1. Begin each new step by answering the “preparation” questions which are located at the end of the previous step (or at the end of the Introduction in the case of Step 1) in He Did Deliver Me from Bondage.
  2. Read the step in He Did Deliver Me from Bondage and “capture” it as you go (as described on page A-3 of that book). Share what you have written with your sponsor or someone else who is working the Steps.
  3. Read the step (capturing as you go) in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Al Anon (if you are working on codependence) OR in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous (if you are working on an eating disorder or food addiction) or any other 12 Step book that you find sheds light on your particular addiction.
  4. Read the step (capturing as you go) in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous.
  5. Read the step (capturing as you go) in the ARP manual, A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, and answer the questions at the end of the step.
  6. Do any footwork required by the step (e.g. make a written inventory when you are working Step 4, pray for those you are trying to forgive in Step 8, make direct amends wherever appropriate in Step 9, etc. There is some kind of footwork required by each step.)
  7. Do a quick review of all the writing you have done for this step. Keep your mind open to promptings about any footwork you might still need to do before being ready to move to the next step.
  8. Pray and ask the Lord if you have completed the step and are ready to move on to the next step.
  9. When you receive a confirmation that you are ready to move on to the next step, start with the first instruction in this section, for the step following the one you have just completed.

If you do not receive a confirmation that you have completed the step, return to the step you have been working on, or even the previous step if necessary, praying for direction on how to proceed. Allow your sponsor to help you identify stumbling blocks and find solutions.

  • Do you have a way of working the program that is getting you the results you want?
  • If not, are you willing to try a different approach?
  • What are you willing to do to improve the quality of your program, if necessary?

Love: Turn Your Umbrella Upside Down

Metaphor, , ,

Upside down umbrella catching rain drops. Imagine that you are a gardener. It’s late winter and you excitedly plan your garden. In your mind you can see what it will look like when everything is in full bloom. You can smell the earth and feel it between your fingers. As soon as it is warm enough you get out and turn over the dirt, carefully planting each seed, fertilizing it and tamping down the ground around it. And then, you wait.

Are you going to go out and cover your garden so that the sun can’t shine on it, the rain can’t fall on it and the insects can’t pollinate it? No! You’re grateful for those things that nourish your garden and gently coax the seeds to sprout and help the plants to grow. If there’s not enough rain you carefully water, because you know that without enough water, your garden will wither and die.

God is also a gardener. He carefully planned for each one of us. He eagerly anticipates our blossoming – each of us reaching for the full potential of what we can be. He knows what we need to grow and to bloom. He pours his love out upon us each day in so many ways: in the gentle smile of a stranger, the kind words of a friend, a sincere compliment, the gratitude of someone we have helped, the smell of a baby. He sheds a myriad of tender mercies upon us, things that others might miss, and some might call coincidences: A comforting song on the radio, a whiff of perfume in a crowd that reminds us of someone we once knew, turning on the TV just in time to hear a story that answers a prayer, finding just the right Bible verse, running into an old friend.

Much to God’s dismay, many of us don’t receive the love he pours out on us. It’s like we’re holding up umbrellas that say “I am not worthy” or “That couldn’t be for me”. We allow God’s love to run off the umbrella and fall on the ground instead of soaking it up and blossoming.

He wants us to stand in the rain of his love, look up to the sky, open our mouths and drink it in. We need to turn those umbrellas upside down and catch as much of his love as possible. Then we can gently share his love with those around us who still have their umbrellas up, letting them taste it and helping them to find the courage to peek out from under their own umbrellas and receive it for themselves.

Make Him happy. Receive his love … and share it.

  • What seeds has God planted in you?
  • How does he nurture them in your life?
  • What form does “the rain of his love” take in your life?
  • Are you using an umbrella that blocks his love from fully nurturing your life?
  • What are you willing to do to turn your umbrella upside down, catch his love and share it with others?