Tag Archives: Step-7

If Prayers are Conversations with God, Why Am I Doing All the Talking?

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If prayers are conversations with God, why am I doing all the talking?For many years after I joined the church my morning and evening prayers were 90% talking and 10% listening, if that. They went something like this:

  1. Kneel at the side of the bed or couch.
  2. Open by addressing God, usually as “Heavenly Father.”
  3. Thank Him for what I am grateful for.
  4. Tell Him what I want to tell Him.
  5. Ask Him what I want to ask Him.
  6. Request what I want Him to do for me or a loved one.
  7. Close in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
  8. Get up and get on with my day, or into my bed.

I would do an abbreviated form of this during the day, if needed, usually one or more of steps 3 – 6.

As I heard more about getting “answers to prayers,” I started trying to hear or look for answers in my scripture reading, church meetings, and conference talks. I also hoped that somehow I would “hear” in my mind, direct answers.

At some point I realized that if I wanted to hear answers, it might make sense to listen for them(!), and I began waiting momentarily, after I said “amen,” to see if I could hear anything. When I actually did begin hearing the Lord answer my prayers, I began writing them, so that I could remember what He told me. I have written about this much more extensively in other posts.

Step Prayers

I want to suggest another kind of prayer, based on the 12 steps. These are prayers of humility that may or may not take the place of “normal” prayers. They help me see myself in my proper relationship to God, and help me internalize the principles of recovery. I take steps 1, 2, 3, 7, and 11 in these prayers. Then I just listen. God does most of the talking; I do most of the listening. Here is one example of what this might sound like:

Dearest Heavenly Father, I know that I, of myself, am powerless. Without you I am nothing. I know that you can and will manage my life effectively and help me to realize my full potential, if I let you. I turn my will and my life over to you today. Please remove my weaknesses and shortcomings if it is your will, and give me a new heart. Please help me to recognize and carry out your will in each moment. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

And then… I listen.

It takes less than a minute to say prayers like this, so I have plenty of time to listen. Instead of 90% talking and 10% listening, these prayers are 10% talking and 90% listening. Sometimes it just feels like the right way to connect with God.

  • Can you see steps 1, 2, 3, 7, and 11 in my sample prayer?
  • What percentage of your prayer time is spent talking as compared to listening?
  • What are you willing to do today to improve your conscious contact with God?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Prayer, Meditation and Pondering, Tools: Quality Prayer

 

 

How Humility Enables God to Remove Our Weakness

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When we invite God, in humility, to prune our weaknesses, He can make us more fruitful.
When we humbly invite God to prune our weaknesses, He can make us more fruitful.

Working steps 6 and 7 with humility enables us to access the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ to turn our weaknesses and shortcomings over to God so He can remove them. An important aspect of this process is to understand is the difference between sins (deliberate choices to turn away from God) and weaknesses (lack of skill or ability). God gives us weakness (Ether 12:27). It is a part of the human condition.

In “It Isn’t a Sin to Be Weak,” in the April 2015 issue of the Ensign and Liahona, Wendy Ulrich has written a masterful explanation of the difference between sin and weakness. In it she explains important concepts relating to the purpose of weakness (to lead us to God), how to distinguish sin from weakness, and how we should handle each in our lives. She says:

“We cannot simply repent of being weak—nor does weakness itself make us unclean. We cannot grow spiritually unless we reject sin, but we also do not grow spiritually unless we accept our state of human weakness, respond to it with humility and faith, and learn through our weakness to trust in God… As we are meek and faithful, God offers grace—not forgiveness—as the remedy for weakness. Grace is an enabling power from God to do what we cannot do on our own (see Bible Dictionary, “Grace”)—the appropriate godly remedy by which He can ‘make weak things become strong.’”

Overcoming Weakness through Humility

We can overcome some weaknesses by hard work and practice. But what about character weakness? What about interpersonal skills that continue to create problems in our relationships despite our own best efforts to overcome them?

When we turn to the Lord, in humility and faith, and acknowledge our weakness, he can give us grace. Through His grace we can first become willing to let go of the weakness and then actually ask Him to remove it.

In the parable of the vine (John 15:1-11), the Lord does not say that the branches must prune themselves in order to become more fruitful. He says that God, who is the husbandman (see verses 1-2) will purge the branches so that they will bring forth more fruit. Do you believe that you would bring forth more spiritual fruit if your weakness was removed? Then you need to become willing to let go of it and ask God to remove it. This is a two step process.

Step 6: Becoming Ready

“Become entirely ready to have God remove all your character weaknesses.”

Recognizing a shortcoming or weakness is a prerequisite to asking for it to be removed. But identifying it is not enough. We must become entirely ready to have God remove it.

In a previous post on Step 6 I have suggested that one approach to becoming entirely ready is to visualize what new behaviors will take the place of the one you are trying to eliminate. Yet most of us still want to make these changes by ourselves. And after all, what if God’s idea of what I will be like without this shortcoming is different than mine?  A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing says “Probably the most humbling thing to acknowledge is that you still harbor a prideful desire to change without the help of God.” (p. 35). If this is because we don’t trust Him to deliver the outcome we envision, we might need to review step 3.

If trust is not the issue, it may be feelings of unworthiness. We may think, how can I ask God to help me when I haven’t done all that is humanly possibly to overcome this by myself? The truth, as Brad Wilcox describes so well in “His Grace is Sufficient,” is that any and all of our own efforts are not really our own anyway. God has given us every bit of power we have to do anything. We need to let go of pride, admit our powerlessness (see step 1) and face our shortcomings and weaknesses with humility.

Step 7: Asking God for His Help

“Humbly ask Heavenly Father to remove your shortcomings.”

Humility is the key to step 7. If we go through the motions of asking Him to remove our shortcomings without sincerity and humility, we are wasting our time and breath. He will not—indeed he cannot remove our shortcomings unless we let them go. He will not override our agency. So long as we are stubbornly or fearfully holding on to our weaknesses, He will not remove them.

What does humility look like in taking step 7? Total surrender. Acceptance of God’s will even when we don’t know what it is. Unconditional willingness to become clay in the Master’s hands, to be molded and formed as He sees fit. Acknowledgement that we have failed to live up to our God-given potential, and that we are ready to allow God to enable us to do so, no matter what.

I testify that when we take steps 6 and 7 in true humility, even if it is born of desperation, God will help us to experience the change of heart spoken of in the scriptures. In so doing, we will begin to blossom and bloom in ways we could not have imagined. I have seen it in myself. I have witnessed it in those who have shared their stories in ARP meetings. I have nurtured it in the lives of those I sponsor.

  • What shortcomings or weaknesses are you ready to let go of?
  • Do you trust the Lord to remove them?
  • What are you willing to do to let them go?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: How to Become Entirely Ready for God to Remove Your Shortcomings, From My Prayer Journal: God is My Sculptor, Low-hanging Spiritual Fruit

Weakness, Shortcoming or Defect?

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Perfection through WeaknessI recently heard this in an ARP meeting: if we are creations of God, an omnipotent and perfect Being, then we cannot be defective. That would seem to be an obvious truth. But neither are we perfect. We know this is true also. We have been given weakness by God.

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27)

How? How do weak things become strong unto us? We must learn to come unto Christ, humbly allow Him to show forth His power in our lives, and become like Him. Paul describes it this way:

And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

Perfection through Weakness

We have shortcomings. Christ has asked us to become perfect (see Matthew 5:48). What does He mean by that, if He, Himself, has given unto us weakness? According to Russell M. Nelson, in this scripture, “the term perfect was translated from the Greek teleios, which means “complete.” (“Pending Perfection,” October 1995 conference.) Elder Nelson goes on to describe in detail how this term is used and what kind of perfection (or “completeness”) we can and should seek in this mortal life. I recommend reading the entire talk.

How should we go about seeking perfection? Most of us cringe when we see our weaknesses and shortcomings. Sometimes we try to hide them from ourselves and those around us. Other times we beat ourselves up for our lack of perfection, and allow Satan to convince us that somehow we are too broken, too imperfect. That we truly are defective and that there is no hope for us.

We need to put those thoughts and voices behind us and turn to Christ, seeking His omnipotent strength and love, and allow His power to rest upon us, as Paul says.

We finally abandoned the idea that we could become perfect by ourselves, and we accepted the truth that God desires us to conquer our weaknesses in this life by coming to Christ and being perfected in Him. (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, p.41)

You may not yet be perfect, but you are not defective. You are a beloved son or daughter of God, created by Him and given the full potential to become like Him. Regardless of what your life looks like now or was like in the past, as you turn to Christ in your weakness, and take His yoke upon you, His strength and power will rest upon you and you will become like Him. It will take time. Be patient and diligent. Walk in faith. It will happen.

I testify that this is true.

  • Are you willing to acknowledge your weakness and recognize that you, including your weaknesses, were created by God?
  • Write about your weakness and your willingness to be perfected in Him.
  • What can you do today to demonstrate your willingness?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: On Being a Perfect Rosebud, Paul’s Thorn – Weakness is Not Always Removed by Faith, Trust: Take My Yoke Upon You

 

Step 7: Overcoming Limitations

Working the Program,

In Step 7 of A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, (p. 41), there are three sentences that, when taken together, help us acknowledge and learn the only effective way to remove our limitations.

“Genuine remorse filled our hearts, not only because we had suffered or made others suffer but because we regretted that even in recovery we still could not remove our own shortcomings…”

“We had to surrender every particle of self-sufficient pride and admit that our efforts to save ourselves had been insufficient…”

“We finally abandoned the idea that we could become perfect by ourselves, and we accepted the truth that God desires us to conquer our weaknesses in this life by coming to Christ and being perfected in Him.” (emphasis added)

We cannot remove our own limitations.We cannot remove our own limitations. We can turn to Christ, humbly acknowledge both our shortcomings and our inability to eliminate them and be perfected in Him and by Him.

This important truth comes at a pivotal time in working the Steps. Steps 1-6 are essentially introspective. In these steps we examine ourselves and come to know, accept and understand the reality of who we are, our past behavior and our relationship with the Lord. In Steps 8-12, with the Lord’s help, we do our best to right past wrongs and become the person He created us to be. Step 7 is the fulcrum of the see-saw; the point at which the balance shifts. It is in this step that we learn to adopt true humility, understand and accept our limitations, and ask the Lord for His help with those things we cannot do for ourselves.

We cannot remove our own shortcomings

I certainly tried to remove my own shortcomings. I thought that was what I was supposed to do! Long time readers know that keeping my desk organized is something I have struggled with. A quick glance at a nearby bookshelf turns up 7 books on how to get organized. There have been times when I tried very hard to implement those systems. At other times I put lots of thought and effort into coming up with my own system. None of this feverish activity has resulted in a permanent change. This limitation is a thorn in my side that could stay with me forever.

We can turn to Christ

I am slowly learning how to lean upon the Lord and apply the principles He has taught me in the past to remaining shortcomings, such as my organizational challenges. I am not content with my progress. But I know now, that it is only through Him that I am going to overcome this limitation.

Humbly acknowledge our limitations

It is actually a relief to me to admit that this is something that I cannot figure out and overcome myself. I feel like I have spent years banging my head against the wall and have finally stopped. It is not that I will be satisfied with the mess. Rather, I need to continually seek His guidance, one day at a time. The critical component that is my responsibility is to diligently ask and willingly receive His guidance, and act upon it promptly when I do.

Be perfected in Him and by Him

The scriptures tell me that I must become perfect, or complete, even as the Lord is. I can be neither without Him. As I become one with Him, I can become perfect in Him. If I add one drop of ink to a small glass of water it will become cloudy. If I add one drop of ink to the Caribbean Sea it will still be clear and blue and stunningly beautiful. As I become one with the Lord, together we are perfect. It is because of His perfection, not mine.

  • Have you humbly acknowledged your limitations? What are they?
  • What have you done to become one with Him and be perfected in Him?
  • What will you do today to take a step forward?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: One Day At A Time Management, Learning Life Skills – Your Personal Tutor, Failure? – Like a Baby Learning to Walk, From My Prayer Journal: God is My Sculptor

 

Spiritual Metamorphosis

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Monarch caterpillar, chrysalis and butterfly image.
Copyright: / 123RF Stock Photo

During its lifetime a Monarch butterfly goes through four stages. First it is an egg which must develop and eventually hatch. When it hatches, the Monarch is a caterpillar. It is very busy during this brief time of its life, eating as much as once or twice its weight in leaves every day and growing rapidly. In fact, it must shed its skin and develop a new one several times during this stage. Then it encloses itself in a chrysalis and seems to be resting. Actually, during this third stage of its life it is undergoing a remarkable transformation called metamorphosis, in which it is being made into a totally new creature. No longer will it look like a striped worm with many legs. It will emerge as a delicate, colorful butterfly. When it first breaks out of the chrysalis its wings are still weak and wet. It spends several hours fluttering them to dry and strengthen them. Finally ready, it fulfills its full potential, living the remainder of its life as a beautiful butterfly.

We, too, go through several stages on our journey of spiritual growth and development. At first we are like the butterfly eggs in our spiritual immaturity. At some point in our spiritual youth (which may be in adulthood, depending upon when we experience conversion) we gain understanding and accountability and are spiritually born, like the eggs hatch. This may or may not happen when we are baptized.

For some period of time we live as caterpillars, focusing almost exclusively on satisfying our appetites. Some of us get stuck in this phase of our lives, and don’t develop spiritual maturity due to our addictions. A recovery program can help us get unstuck.

As we work the 12 Step program we become more spiritually aware through the first three steps. This phase of our spiritual lives can be compared to the caterpillar stage of the Monarch’s life. We may shed old or immature beliefs like the caterpillar sheds its old skin to make room for our spiritual development, but we still look pretty much like a caterpillar.

When we get to step 4 we begin a period of in depth introspection and inventorying of our past.  This is kind of like entering the chrysalis stage of our lives. Giving away our inventories in Step 5, identifying our shortcomings and becoming willing to ask God to remove them (Step 6) clears the way for us to be completely changed by the Lord, right down to receiving a new heart (Step 7).

A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh Ezekiel 36:26

In Steps 8 and 9 we complete the spiritual metamorphosis as we shed resentments, guilt and shame and make restitution and amends for all of our previous mistakes, misdeeds and sins. We emerge from this process cleansed and ready to live a new life in the  maintenance steps (10, 11 and 12) using the structure of these steps to “flutter our wings” and become spiritually strong and independent, be delivered from the bondage of our addictions, and have the maturity to serve others and share what we have learned in our own journey.

  • Where are you in your emotional and spiritual journey?
  • Write about your experience using the metaphor of the monarch, comparing your spiritual metamorphosis to the butterfly’s life.
  • What will you do today to move forward in spiritual maturity?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Working One Step at a Time, 12-Step Fears of Failure,

 

 

From My Prayer Journal: God is My Sculptor

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Image of flowing water with textL "From My Prayer Journal." God is so good to His children. It amazes and inspires me to see His plans gently unfolding – almost unnoticed if one is not focused and attuned to watch, observe and see His hand in all things. It amazes me. Often the signs are so subtle – as the gentle unfurling of a new leaf on a plant. Yet each action quietly opens the way for us to go through another door, overcome the next stumbling block, see past the next obstacle, around the next corner.

We have to learn to trust Him; to know He has our lives in His capable hands. He is a sculptor, gently removing shortcomings as unnecessary clay, adding and strengthening, bending and straightening, but only because we have placed ourselves willingly in His hands. The one thing He will not take is our agency.

We must freely and willingly give ourselves to the Sculptor and trust Him to liberate our full and best selves from the block of marble in which we are encased; chipping each small imperfection away, sometimes with a chisel – the chisel of circumstance, adversity and the actions of others in our lives – other times smoothing and polishing as flowing water infinitely slowly and gently removes sharp edges from a stone. He uses the water of the scriptures, the living water of the gospel truths we hear – at church, in prayer and meditation, in writing, in 12-Step meetings, in hearing these truths come out of our own mouths as we teach, sponsor, and befriend others.

Dearest Daughter,

Peace be unto you. My peace I give unto you. Not as the world giveth. I give you the peace and serenity of the gospel and the 12-Steps, that through them, you may draw near to me, that you may feel my loving embrace; that you may share with others the love which I so freely give unto men. This peace and serenity are available to all, if they will but turn their faces away from the solutions the world offers, and unto me. I am the source of the living water that nourishes, but also polishes and perfects. Fear nothing. I am always with you. I walk your walk with you. I support and sustain you as you labor in my behalf. All will be well. Trust me. I will open the way for you to be an instrument in my hands. Go in peace. Amen.

  • How have you seen God’s hand in your life?
  • How have you been changed by his chisel, or by his living water?
  • What will you do today to become more aware of His hand in your life, or, to allow Him to smooth your rough edges?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Change: The AADWAR Process, Changing Channels, Help: Encircled about in the Arms of His Love

 

One Day At A Time Management

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Picture of a desk with paper piled all over.
My desk before “One Day at a Time” management.

In early November 2014 I shared my journey of learning to aim for progress, and not perfection. I posted a picture of my desk. In the post I wrote about how eating and clutter are areas of my life I have not managed well without a spiritual approach. I identified lessons I had learned about overcoming perfectionism with regard to food and promised to update you on how I did going forward on applying those lessons to my paper clutter problem.

Here is a quote from that post:

So what can I learn from my success with eating in a healthy way (overcoming perfectionism) that might apply to my problem with paper clutter?

  1. I need a spiritual solution to this problem, not an exclusively temporal one.
  2. I need to turn to the Lord for His help in developing a plan that is flexible (as appropriate) but effective, not about perfection, but about nurturing myself; creating a wholesome environment in which I can thrive.
  3. I need to do the footwork he gives me to do, one day at a time.
  4. I need to let go of all or nothing thinking, and be satisfied with “progress, not perfection” (a 12-Step slogan).
  5. If I fall off the wagon I need to get back on as quickly as possible.
  6. I need to recognize discouragement as a tool Satan uses to keep me from growth and recovery.
  7. I need to commit to never giving up.

I pondered and prayed about what to do differently than I have ever done before. It is crazy to keep doing the same thing over and over and expect the results to change! I knew that the first thing I had to do was sort and file and pitch and get the work surface cleaned off. I couldn’t even think with that mess. I had no place to work. But I still didn’t know how to prevent the piles from coming back, as they always have in the past.

Even though I didn’t have the whole plan, I began working on the footwork the Lord had given me to do – get the work surfaces cleared. It was very hard for me, because I hate doing it so much. I prayed for the power the Lord promises to give us when we walk in faith (see Moroni 7:33). I made some progress, and then during winter break, my wonderful husband gave me a gift of time – his most precious commodity. He gave me a whole day to keep me company and help me get it done.

One Day At A Time

Having done that footwork, the Lord gave me a plan for keeping it clear. I found it interesting that the plan did not come to me until I completed the footwork the Lord had already given me. I did not get to see the end from the beginning. I received the direction I needed one day at a time. Also significant – it was a plan that I had never tried before.

If you follow this blog you know that I write my morning prayers. This is an excerpt of what the Lord told me on New Year’s Eve:

“You have made a lot of progress on your desk area this week. I am pleased and proud. One small change in your dailies will keep it that way. Don’t go to bed with stuff out on your desk. Just the same as the kitchen: after dinner you need to clear your desk. You can have a drawer you use to keep open project work in if you need a place to put it. It could be one of your desk drawers, or the shallow drawer in the credenza. But don’t leave anything out on the work surfaces. You have plenty of file drawers. You know how to use them… Do some filing every day and you will make progress. The big thing is daily incoming mail. If you process it every day you will not get behind again.

“I love you. You can do this. I will help you. Fear nothing. All will be well. Go in peace. Amen.”

Image of my desk and work surface - clear and without clutter - kept that way one day at a time.
My desk maintained “One Day at a Time.”

As you can see from the current picture of my desk, it has stayed clear for three weeks.What is most important is that it feels different this time. Perhaps it is that for the first time I have a real plan – a doable plan – a plan that is flexible and simple. I like having my work surfaces clear. It makes me happy. It brings me peace.

I still need to sort/file/pitch boxes of old papers. I know that I can work on it one day at a time. But for now, I am satisfied with keeping my work surfaces clear and processing the mail when it comes in. I am grateful for the Lord’s help on this. I look forward to receiving further guidance and direction from Him. I pray for the willingness to carry it out, one day at a time.

Come to think of it, I think I am Changing Channels in this area of my life. Finally. Woohoo!

  • What recurring problem in your life has not responded to all your efforts to find a solution?
  • Are you willing to try a spiritual solution?
  • Are you willing to apply the seven lessons listed above to your problem?
  • Are you willing to take it one day at a time?
  • What action are you willing to take today?

 

Learning Life Skills – Your Personal Tutor

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Image of a blackboard completely filled with mathematical equations.When I was in college I had to take a year of advanced math. The class met an hour a day, Monday through Friday. I did the best I could in class, paid attention, took detailed notes, and asked questions when I didn’t understand. But I quickly found that when I went home each night I could not do the homework. I spent hours trying to figure it out, reading the book, looking over my notes, to no avail. The next day the instructor moved on to something new — something that required an understanding of the previous day’s material. I was lost, and it was only the first week of class!

I discovered that there was a Math lab, where tutors were available to help, one-on-one. I found that if I went to the lab right after class every day and did the homework with the help of a tutor, I could learn the material and avoid getting behind. Sometimes the tutors had to find a different way of explaining the concepts to me. Other times we had to go over and over things in multiple ways in order for me to grasp the material. It was hard, and frustrating, but I knew that if I didn’t do whatever it took to learn it, it would just be that much more difficult the next day.

I have found the same pattern in my life since I graduated, but I didn’t recognize it right away. I have come to understand that when I need to learn new life skills the Lord will give me as many opportunities as I need to learn them. When I don’t learn from one experience, the Lord gives me another. Sometimes I don’t learn from an experience because, in my pride, I blame others for the circumstances or outcome. Other times I am unwilling to do the work I fear would be necessary to go through an experience so I either work around it or run away from it. There are times when I have needed multiple lessons before I finally have learned a new life skill. When I do master it, I can see how necessary it was for me to learn it!  New opportunities open to me. I become a more useful servant to the Lord.

You have a personal tutor who plans your education — individualized and customized to your strengths and weaknesses — for the purpose of teaching you the life skills you will need to ascend to your eternal destiny. If you refuse or fail to learn the skill from one experience you will have as many opportunities as you need to learn it.

  • Are you tired of facing the same challenges over and over?
  • How have you reacted to these challenges in the past? Have you run away or blamed others?
  • How can you embrace the opportunities the Lord is giving you, search for insight regarding the life skills you need to learn from challenging experiences and do the work necessary to master them?
  • Are you willing to do this?  What are you willing to do?

 

 

Rock of Resentment

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Image of a beautiful green and gold rock.She was hurt, wounded to the core by the abusive words and looks, the judgment and criticism. “I am going to run away,” she thought. “No one will care if I never come back here again.”

She went for a long walk out into the desert, nursing her wounds, reflecting on the injuries she had sustained at the hands of those who should have been kind and loving, and their total lack of any redeeming qualities.

She passed a man who was walking the other way. He smiled and told her that if she was looking for some desert souvenirs, she should walk a few feet off the path over the rise just to the east.  She decided to check it out.

When she got to the top of the rise she saw what he was talking about: beautiful rocks. They were green and gold with small crystals embedded in them. Just looking at them helped her to stop obsessing about her tormentors; just a little. She walked down and picked one up. It was small enough to hold in her hand, and particularly pretty. She decided to take it with her. She hoped it would comfort her.

Suddenly she noticed that the sun was starting to go down and she headed home. Nights are cold in the desert; cold, and dark, and scary.

Over the next few days she thought endlessly about her misery. She held the rock in her hand, and pressed it to her heart as she cried, filled with hurt and resentment.

She called a kind, wise  friend one day, and shared her feelings. He told her that he was in her neighborhood, and would drop by. He listened as she poured out her heart. He noticed the rock and asked to see it. “Where did you get this?” asked her friend.  She told him the story about the walk in the desert, the stranger and the beautiful rocks.

“You can’t keep this,” declared her friend firmly but gently. “Why not!” she exclaimed. She could not understand why someone who cared about her would want to deprive her of the very thing that had brought her some peace and comfort and provided a distraction from her obsessive feelings of anger and resentment. She recoiled, holding the rock to her chest.

“No, it’s mine! I won’t let you take it. I deserve to have something to bring me pleasure. Why would you want to take away the one thing that has dulled my pain these last few days?”

“Because,” he explained, “that rock contains uranium and is radioactive. It will make you sick if you keep it, and will burn your heart if you keep holding it that way.”

She dropped the rock on the floor and her friend wrapped her in a loving embrace. “It will be alright,” He said. “Give me your hurt, your anger, your resentment and your pain. In exchange, I will give you peace and rest.”

  • Are you holding onto any destructive thoughts, ideas or feelings?
  • The rock might represent those thoughts, ideas or feelings, but it might also represent something (perhaps a substance or behavior) to which you have turned for comfort, instead of turning to the Lord. What does the rock represent for you?
  • The stranger who directed her to the rocks might represent Satan, who can be very subtle. He could represent the world (including the media), which often mistakenly touts carnal (physical) solutions to our problems. He might represent false “friends” we barely know, yet we trust to help us find relief from pain. What or who does he represent in your life?
  • Write about how this metaphor applies to you.

 

 

Persistence – Doing the Footwork

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Quote from Calvin Coolidge: “Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”Step 7 asks us to humbly petition the Lord to remove our shortcomings. When I first worked through the steps, I had the naive and wildly optimistic hope that, having become willing to allow God to remove all of my character weaknesses in Step 6, when I asked him to remove them in Step 7, they would all magically disappear with a wave of his omnipotent hand. I was sadly disappointed.

I came to understand as I continued to work the steps, that it was a joint effort; there would be footwork for me to do.  It was no longer my job to stubbornly try to remove my shortcomings myself through sheer willpower. That much I understood. My new job was to seek humbly and prayerfully for the guidance of the Lord regarding the footwork that I needed to do, and do it.

This quote from U.S. President Calvin Coolidge about persistence filled me with hope then, and still does today.

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”

I would add one thing to President Coolidge’s thought: we must be pressing on in response to divine guidance.

The adversary does not want us to be persistent, especially not in applying the Atonement in our lives.  He wants us to give up.  When he can frustrate us enough to make us quit, he is delighted. But he will also accept good intentions delayed indefinitely. I once heard someone say that the Devil doesn’t need to talk a man out of doing something good; all he needs to do is convince him to put it off until tomorrow.

Prayerfully seek guidance on what footwork you need to do to enable the Lord to remove your weaknesses and shortcomings. Ask your sponsor for feedback from personal experience and observation of you. Write about it. Then do the footwork with persistence. Don’t let the adversary discourage you. You will not do it perfectly. It’s okay. Just Don’t Quit! 

  • What weaknesses and shortcomings are you trying to release?
  • What footwork has the Lord given you to do?
  • Are you doing the footwork with persistence or do you stop and start?
  • What are you willing to do to improve in your efforts?

 

Failure? – Like a Baby Learning to Walk

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Baby taking first stepPicture yourself playing with a baby who is just learning to walk. Perhaps the baby is an excellent crawler and has learned to pull herself up to a standing position and “cruise” from one piece of furniture to the next. She has never, however, taken a “solo” step – without holding on. As you sit on the floor, separated from her by a few feet, you hold out your arms and encourage her to come to you. You tell her she can do it. You call to her. You encourage her in every way you know how.

She takes one step – maybe two. Then she abruptly sits down. Hard. Tears start to form in her eyes. Which of the following do you say?

  1. “You are such a failure. You will never learn to walk.”
  2. “I know, honey, walking is too hard. Don’t worry. I don’t mind carrying you.”
  3. “Yay! You did it! You took 2 steps all by yourself! You can do it! You can do it again! Come on. Come to me!”

Number 3, of course. You want her to learn to walk. You know she doesn’t know how. But she is ready to learn and anxious to learn, and she doesn’t know that there is anything wrong with not being very good at it yet. She doesn’t cry if you don’t encourage her to feel sorry for herself. She smiles at your encouragement. Any tears that have started have dried up, and she crawls over to the couch, pulls herself up, and tries again.

We may not be learning to walk, but we are children of God figuring out how to do other things that we need to learn, only now we know what failure is, and we try to avoid it at any cost. We don’t want anyone to know if we cannot do something that we think is important. We certainly don’t want anyone to know that we tried and failed.

Do you think your Heavenly Father is standing by with judgmental statements like number one and number two above? Do you think He wants us to give up on things we haven’t mastered yet? Or even things that we haven’t even attempted yet at all? No! He is standing right by us saying, “You can do it! I have confidence in you!” If we, as mortal parents, want our children to succeed, how much more does God, our perfect and eternal Father, want us to succeed!

We need to let go of our fear of failure and recognize it as a stepping stone to a new skill. Failing means we aren’t perfect yet. Failing means we are trying to learn. Failing means we want to grow.

You can do it! I know you can! God knows you can! You know you can. You just need to keep trying and no matter what, DON’T…GIVE…UP!!!

  • What skill do you want to learn or habit do you want to change?
  • Regardless of how many times you have tried and failed, are you willing to try again?
  • Make a plan for learning this new skill. How can you take the Lord up on His promise to help you? (See Moroni 7:33)
  • Solicit the help of others who have been placed by God in your path to help you.
  • Follow through on your plan and don’t give up.

 

Developing Humility

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Walking the humility tightropeDeveloping humility is like learning to walk a high wire.  We have to maintain balance.  We fall to the “pride” side when we do not take full responsibility for our mistakes and shortcomings, fail to acknowledge our guilt, and try to shift blame to others.  We fall to the “self-critical” side when we take on guilt and shame that we didn’t earn and don’t deserve.

Just like a tightrope walker in the circus, we can walk the high wire successfully by using a rod to help keep us balanced. For me the rod is my commitment to fully embrace the Atonement and apply it in my life. In order to do this, I study scriptures, ponder, pray and meditate, take a daily inventory of my shortcomings and turn to the Lord for help to make amends as needed and overcome my weaknesses. The more time and effort I put into these activities each day, the longer my rod becomes.  The longer my rod, the easier it is for me to traverse the wire and develop true humility.

  • Can you think of a time when you have fallen to the “pride” side of humility?
  • Can you think of a time when you have fallen to the “self-critical” side?
  • What are you willing to do to lengthen your balancing rod?

 

Change: The AADWAR Process

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AADWAR AcronymIn Steps 6 and 7 we become entirely ready to have God remove our character weaknesses and then we ask Him, humbly, to do it.  So then what?  Do we just expect Him to wave a magic wand and, poof, our character weaknesses are gone?  No.  Part of becoming entirely ready is getting to the point where we are willing to do the footwork He gives us to develop the new positive habits and behaviors that will take the place of the negative ones.  I become a co-creator with God as I create the new me, just like Jesus was a co-creator with God as He created the world.

I have observed that there is a process we go through to implement change in our lives.  I call it the AADWAR process, which is an acronym for Awareness, Acceptance, Desire, Willingness, Action, Results.

Awareness: “Something needs to change.”

Awareness is the first step of the change process.  Nothing will change in my life until I make a decision to change it. I am not going to make a decision to change something unless I know it is a problem!  I can become aware of things that need to change as I read, study, and pray with a humble heart. If I listen with an open mind to others share in meetings and at Church the Spirit will tell me how to apply what I hear to my life. My loved ones will also bring opportunities for change to my attention if I am willing to listen to the message instead of reacting to the method of delivery.

Acceptance: “This really does apply to me now.”

I am sure each of us could make a list of habits or behaviors we “know” we need to change, but have not done anything about.  I certainly have a few of those items.  Acceptance is an important part of the change process.  When I go from thinking “I should make this change” to thinking “I will make this change” I have found acceptance.  Acceptance may be triggered by the pain caused by my dysfunctional old behavior or by a prompting or confirmation from the Holy Ghost.  Often times pride is the reason I struggle with acceptance.

Desire: “I have a vision of what I want to be like.”

Just because I know what I need to change does not mean that I have a desire to do the work necessary to get there, especially if I don’t know what my new replacement habits or behavior will look like!  When I can visualize what my life will be like having made this change, and develop a desire for that new lifestyle strong enough to motivate me to actually make it happen, I have taken a powerful step toward getting there. Once I have the desire I ask the Lord what I need to do.  He gives me work to do, actions to take, a “roadmap” to get me from where I am to where I want to be.

Willingness: “I am willing to act.”

Sometimes, despite having a strong desire for the new life that a certain change will bring, I cannot overcome my fear or reluctance to take the necessary action.  Until I become willing to do the footwork, nothing will change! Praying for willingness is very effective. There are times when I choose not to pray for willingness, because I know that if I do pray for it, the Lord will give it to me, and I don’t want to do it!  There is a difference between having a desire for the new behavior to be a part of my life, and being willing to do the work necessary to get there. When I cannot make myself pray for willingness, I may be able to get myself to pray for the willingness to be willing. I know that sounds silly, but it really does work.

Action: “I do the footwork.”

Once I have become willing, I start to implement the plan the Lord gave me.  I may be scared out of my wits, but I do it anyway, as Susan Jeffers says in Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway. I may feel uncertain about whether I am doing it “right” but I remind myself that I am after “progress, not perfection,” as the AA/Al-Anon slogan says. I don’t let perfectionism keep me in a state of procrastination. And most importantly, I focus on doing the footwork, not on what the results will look like, because I am not in control of the results.

Results: “Up to God”

Letting go of the results is one of the hardest parts about the change process. In the past I started with the results I wanted and worked backwards to figure out how and what to change. Unfortunately, I was frequently frustrated and disappointed because it rarely turned out the way I had envisioned it.  Now I know that the results are up to God.  The results are up to God! Actually, this is a relief, when you think about it.  God knows what I need far better than I do. He is capable of bringing other resources to bear to help me achieve my full potential.  If I can let go of what the results look like and trust Him, I am always amazed at what he can do with my cooperation, which is necessary, because the Lord will not take away my agency.

One trick I use to let go of the results is to make a decision to search for the blessings in the results the Lord has given me.  When I see them, and embrace them, and write about them, and express gratitude for them, I begin to “own” them. Eventually they become a part of my life and I see that God’s vision of my life is even better than mine.

  • What needs to change in your life?
  • Where are you in the AADWAR process?
  • What are you willing to do to progress?

 

Changing Channels

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Changing ChannelsOh, how often I have wished that I could wave a magic wand and remove my own shortcomings and character defects. Changing can be so hard! Over the years I have observed that my habits and behaviors are like water flowing down the side of a hill.  The water will find the path of least resistance and as it flows, the channel it runs through gets deeper and wider.  The longer the water flows down that channel the deeper it becomes and the harder it is to change. When something triggers me emotionally my behavior immediately starts running down those old familiar paths before I even have a chance to realize what has happened. I have found that changing the channel – creating new and better habits and behaviors – requires action of three different sorts.  First of all, I have to become willing to let go of the old behavior, and turn it over to the Lord. Secondly, I have to put up a dam that prevents the water from starting to flow down the familiar channel and finally, I have to dig a new channel based on the direction I receive from the Lord. Eventually the new channel becomes deep enough and wide enough that my behavior immediately goes down the new, more productive path when something happens.

The Dam

Just like putting up a dam is necessary to prevent the water from going down the old channel, the first thing I need to do to eliminate an old, bad habit is to recognize it as undesirable and make a decision to stop it.  That decision is not enough to change my behavior, but without that decision I don’t have a chance. I need to think about the pattern, write about it, consider what I get out of it and why I go there.  I write about the consequences of it and why I don’t want to do it anymore. I make a decision and a commitment – to myself, to the Lord, and to another person – that I will not go down that path anymore. This commitment is the dam.

Digging the New Channel

If all I do is put up a dam without digging a new channel – creating a new pathway for the water (my behavior) to flow – the next time I am triggered I will create a flood, a big puddle, or a mess. Nature abhors a vacuum. I need to prayerfully decide what new behavior will work better for me, and learn how to do it.  Again, for me, this involves writing.  I write about my options – everything I can think of.  I ask my sponsor and others who have good recovery for their ideas. I consider what feels comfortable for me; what new behavior I can see myself using in the situation instead of the old ones I am trying to change. I pray for a confirmation that this is the right channel to dig, and then I start digging (doing the footwork)! I write out a plan and ask the Lord to confirm it. I read and reread it every day.  I commit to it – to myself, the Lord, and other people. I take inventory throughout the day to see if I need a course correction. I write about and thank the Lord every day for my progress.  It is an iterative process.  If it isn’t working perfectly, I try to figure out why and make a change to the plan. I know the Lord wants me to become more like Him and will give me the power I need to do it, if I will have faith in Him. (See Moroni 7:33)

  • Do you have any old habits or behaviors that don’t serve you well? What are they?
  • Are you willing to let them go?
  • What new channels would you like to dig? Are you willing to do the footwork?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

 

Overcoming Fear – the Invisible Fence

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Image of dog bounding across yard. One way to keep a dog in the yard without tying him up is to install an “invisible fence.”  This consists of a wire which is buried around the perimeter of the yard and a collar that the dog wears.  The collar has a radio receiver that picks up a signal if the dog gets too close to the wire.  When this occurs a mild “correction” (shock) is triggered to let the dog know not to go any further.  Most dogs can be trained to learn the boundaries and not to get too close to them.  Why?  They don’t like being “corrected!”  In fact, after a while, you might even forget to turn on the fence, and the dog might never even realize it.

Supposing, however, that the dog has a boy, a boy he loves and would protect with his life.  Suppose further that the boy is being attacked by the neighborhood bully just outside of the fence.  Do you think there is a good chance that the dog would defend his boy even if it meant that he had to endure the “correction?”  Why?  Because his reason to cross the fence is more important and more urgent than his reason not to.

Most of us also have an invisible fence. We call it our “comfort zone.”  One way or another we have learned that when we get too close to the limits of our comfort zone we get this nasty “sick” feeling. I may gaze longingly out past the limits, daydreaming about what I could achieve or accomplish or do … if only I wasn’t afraid to try.   I may feel frustrated at the limitations I have imposed upon myself, but I am too afraid of the “correction” I might receive (such as rejection, criticism, failure or ridicule) if I were to get too close to the line.

Just like the dog, it takes a reason more important to me than my fear to get me to cross the line; something I want badly enough to risk getting hurt.  Sometimes when I finally step out of my comfort zone I discover that someone forgot to turn on the fence, and, other than the butterflies in my stomach, I receive no “correction” at all!  Then there are times when someone does criticize or reject me, or I do try something and “fail” the first time.  But if I just keep working on it, what I come to find out is that the limits of my comfort zone have expanded and I have lived to tell about it.  In fact, after a while I may discover that pushing on the limits of my comfort zone has become a game I play with myself, receiving enough joy and pleasure in setting goals and reaching them to outweigh the discomfort or pain of the growth process.

What is your reason – your dream? Is it big enough to help you overcome your fear?  If it is a righteous desire of your heart, the Lord will help you achieve it.  He may not just give it to you.  It may come in the form of smaller experiences, perhaps even uncomfortable ones, which strengthen you and prepare you so that when the opportunity does present itself you are ready to act upon it.  Do you need help in overcoming fear? Find your dream.  Think it through. Write about it.  

The Lord loves us.  He doesn’t toy with us.  In Moroni 7:33 we find this promise:

“And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.”

Become willing to follow His guidance and counsel, walking in faith, so that he can give you the power to achieve the righteous desires of your heart.

  • What are you afraid to try?
  • What would help you to overcome your fear?
  • Will you pray for that help?
  • What will you do today to push out the limits of your comfort zone?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Failure? – Like a Baby Learning to Walk, Fear: the Enemy of Progress and Recovery, Learning Life Skills – Your Personal Tutor, Focus: Riding through the Boulders, The Quest for Perfection – Reflecting on Genesis 17:1