Jealousy: Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires

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Burning Campfire of JealousyFrom time to time I become aware of great things going on in the lives of those around me. Sometimes they have a wonderful marriage and when I see them together it is obvious how much in love they are. Perhaps their children are bright and accomplished and a joy to be around.  Maybe a new job that is everything they have been working towards in their career has finally come into their lives.

Generally, my heart is filled with gratitude for these blessings in their lives and I am happy for them. Occasionally, when their blessing is one that I have wished for, or even prayed for, there is also a tiny little spark of jealousy. I have come to understand that these feelings are natural, and I don’t want to beat myself up or feel shame for having them. The important thing for my ongoing recovery and healing is what I do with them when they come.

If I always have a little pile of dry tinder and an abundant supply of kindling and firewood, those sparks may start a fire in my life.  I can blow on the little embers that I ignite with those feelings and feed the flames of jealousy with ever-larger pieces of wood until I have a bonfire which consumes me, and keeps me from enjoying the many blessings of my own life. Or, like the Forest Service cleaning out unnecessary brush and dead wood to be able to better control forest fires, I can make sure I don’t keep a supply of fuel on hand for the jealousy fire by letting go of resentments and hurts as soon as possible, and avoiding comparisons of my life to others. I can keep a handy supply of living water, accumulated through gospel study and service, and use it to stamp out and douse those little sparks when they come flying through my life.

  • What feelings are sparks in your life?
  • Do you have a supply of kindling and firewood?
  • What steps are you willing to take to eliminate that fuel from your life?
  • What are you willing to do to increase your supply of living water?

 

Persistence – Doing the Footwork

Working the Program, , , ,

Quote from Calvin Coolidge: “Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”Step 7 asks us to humbly petition the Lord to remove our shortcomings. When I first worked through the steps, I had the naive and wildly optimistic hope that, having become willing to allow God to remove all of my character weaknesses in Step 6, when I asked him to remove them in Step 7, they would all magically disappear with a wave of his omnipotent hand. I was sadly disappointed.

I came to understand as I continued to work the steps, that it was a joint effort; there would be footwork for me to do.  It was no longer my job to stubbornly try to remove my shortcomings myself through sheer willpower. That much I understood. My new job was to seek humbly and prayerfully for the guidance of the Lord regarding the footwork that I needed to do, and do it.

This quote from U.S. President Calvin Coolidge about persistence filled me with hope then, and still does today.

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”

I would add one thing to President Coolidge’s thought: we must be pressing on in response to divine guidance.

The adversary does not want us to be persistent, especially not in applying the Atonement in our lives.  He wants us to give up.  When he can frustrate us enough to make us quit, he is delighted. But he will also accept good intentions delayed indefinitely. I once heard someone say that the Devil doesn’t need to talk a man out of doing something good; all he needs to do is convince him to put it off until tomorrow.

Prayerfully seek guidance on what footwork you need to do to enable the Lord to remove your weaknesses and shortcomings. Ask your sponsor for feedback from personal experience and observation of you. Write about it. Then do the footwork with persistence. Don’t let the adversary discourage you. You will not do it perfectly. It’s okay. Just Don’t Quit! 

  • What weaknesses and shortcomings are you trying to release?
  • What footwork has the Lord given you to do?
  • Are you doing the footwork with persistence or do you stop and start?
  • What are you willing to do to improve in your efforts?

 

Structure: Like a Kite String

Metaphor, Tools, , ,

Dad and son running in meadow flying kiteA young boy was spending a glorious Saturday afternoon with his Dad. They were flying the new kite that the boy had received for his birthday. The gentle breeze was perfect for launching the kite and keeping it up in the clean, crisp air.  The sun was shining but not brutally hot; a perfect kite flying day.

As the boy let out the line a little bit at a time, the kite flew higher and higher. It was so much fun to see the kite dancing and bobbing in the sunshine! He felt the kite pulling against his hold on the reel. There was no more line to let out! He wanted to see how high his kite could go, but there was no more string. “Daddy,” he pled, “let’s cut the line so the kite can fly higher!”

Dad tried to explain to the boy that if they cut the line the kite would fall. The boy wasn’t buying it. It didn’t make sense! He could feel the kite straining against the reel, pulling the line taught, seemingly trying to go higher than the line would allow. Finally the wise father agreed to cut the line and stood by as his disappointed and confused son sadly watch the kite fall into a tree. The line, the very thing that was holding the kite back, was also what enabled it to fly.

In our lives there are also elements that enable us to fly, but may feel like they are holding us back. They are sometimes called rules, or laws, or commandments. In a more general way, they can be called “structure”.

Examples of Structure

I have learned that in order to have a great day, I need to get to bed early the night before and get up early in the morning. (See D&C 88:124.) Years ago, I stayed up late to try to get everything done. I was so exhausted by the time I got to bed that I woke up late and was still tired.  I wasn’t very productive, and I felt frustrated and overwhelmed. It took a leap of faith to try going to bed early and getting up early, but putting that structure in place in my life has given me productivity and accomplishment I never had before.

I have lived through periods of time when money was very tight. If you don’t have enough money to pay the bills, it is tough to believe that paying tithing could help. Another leap of faith, and willingness to try it and I found that the blessings that came to me from paying tithing far outweighed the apparent shortage of money. I found that I couldn’t afford not to pay tithing. Over time I learned to first eliminate and then stay out of debt. Structure in my financial life has given me peace of mind and freedom that I never had when my money managed me, rather than me managing my money.

I am a compulsive eater. In the days when I ate anything I wanted to, whenever I wanted to, I had to wear clothes much larger than what I wanted to, and my thinking became as compulsive as my eating. A compulsive eater cannot just stop eating, like a drinker can stop drinking, so what I had to do was put structure in place around my eating. I started by writing down everything that I was eating, and figuring out what actually satisfied me. I started planning my meals, including when, what, where, and how much I would eat. When I eat mindfully, according to my plan, to nurture my body with food that is good for me, I am not compulsive, and no longer think obsessively about food. This is what I have called “Planned Abstinence” in another post.

  • What areas of your life feel out of control?
  • What kind of structure could you put in place to help you with these things?
  • Are there any commandments or is there any guidance from Church leaders that pertain to this which you haven’t fully implemented?
  • If you can’t think of anything you haven’t already tried, who could you talk to who might be able to help you come up with some ideas?

 

Peace: It Is What It Is

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Last picture of my parents togetherAs I write this I am on an airplane heading home.  A week ago last Monday, my Dad took a turn for the worse and I made next day plans to fly out to be with him.  He was almost 93, and had lived a full and VERY productive life, both professionally and personally.  He was instrumental in building several creative and community institutions and quietly worked to keep them vibrant and running smoothly almost to the very end.  He was also opinionated and stubborn.  And I mustn’t forget brilliant.

I arrived around 10 PM on Tuesday and my brother took me straight to the hospital.  I decided to stay the night with Dad there.  I am glad I did.  He was uncomfortable and I was able to help.  I was up with him 2 or 3 times an hour through the night as I tried to make him comfortable.  I finally asked him if he wanted me to request some pain medication.  He wasn’t exactly in pain – mostly he was just ultra sensitive to folds in the sheets or edges in the pads under him.  He said no to the pain medication. “It doesn’t help!,” he said with exasperation.  “Dad,” I said, “If it doesn’t help we need to increase the dose!”

Wednesday morning I talked to the doctors and we were able to get him a dose that was effective and for the first time in a long time he was able to rest comfortably.  We spent the day setting things in motion to bring him “home” to his room in the nursing facility where my Mom also has a room.  Wednesday evening I went to my brother’s home for dinner and a shower and back to the hospital to spend a peaceful night with Dad.

Thursday afternoon I rode with him in the ambulance.  I camped out in his room again that night, although the room wasn’t really set up for me, like the hospital room had been. I am glad I did.  Despite being in a very caring nursing facility, there were some communication problems regarding his pain meds and I had to advocate for him from about 2 to 5 in the morning until we were finally able to get him comfortable again.  I only got about 2 hours of sleep that night.

Friday morning, my Mom came into his room after breakfast and we sat facing each other by the side of Dad’s bed.  We talked about this and that for an hour or so.  Every so often one of us would hold Dad’s hand or stroke his arm as he slept.  It was a peaceful, comforting time, and I have no recollection of my Mom having difficulty conversing with me despite the ever-present aphasia from her Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s.  She gets so frustrated when she can’t find the words she needs to express herself.

About 10:30 Friday morning Dad coughed a quiet little cough, and I realized I hadn’t offered him any water on a sponge pop in a while.  I went to get him a fresh cup of ice water.  When I got back and started to place the sponge pop to his lips, I realized he was gone. I went and got the physician’s assistant from the nurse’s station and she confirmed it.  His struggle and suffering were over.

My brother and sister-in-law, who live nearby, spent the entire summer moving them into the nursing facility and clearing out their apartment and arranging their affairs and tirelessly attending to their needs.  They were especially careful in the last few weeks to make sure my Mom understood that we would be losing Dad soon.  They did “good.”  She may be very confused about a lot of things, but she is very clear about Dad.  He is gone, and it’s OK. That’s what happens in life.

I am the only one in my family who has a belief in God. It is hard for me to remember how it was and imagine how I would be able to cope with losing a loved one without faith in an afterlife.  But they seem to be at peace, if for no other reason than that it was time.  He had lived a long, full and meaningful life of contribution and accomplishment.  His body was worn out.  It was time.

I look forward to a joyous reunion.  I know we will be together again, and I will have the last laugh after all the discussions about the pointlessness and lack of need for anything spiritual or religious in their lives.  I will laugh at Dad’s surprise to find out that there actually is a life after death.  I will laugh at the necessity for him to admit that I was right.  We will laugh as we wrap our arms around one another and embark upon a new chapter of life together – with my grandparents and their parents…

It is what it is. I am at peace.

 

Failure? – Like a Baby Learning to Walk

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Baby taking first stepPicture yourself playing with a baby who is just learning to walk. Perhaps the baby is an excellent crawler and has learned to pull herself up to a standing position and “cruise” from one piece of furniture to the next. She has never, however, taken a “solo” step – without holding on. As you sit on the floor, separated from her by a few feet, you hold out your arms and encourage her to come to you. You tell her she can do it. You call to her. You encourage her in every way you know how.

She takes one step – maybe two. Then she abruptly sits down. Hard. Tears start to form in her eyes. Which of the following do you say?

  1. “You are such a failure. You will never learn to walk.”
  2. “I know, honey, walking is too hard. Don’t worry. I don’t mind carrying you.”
  3. “Yay! You did it! You took 2 steps all by yourself! You can do it! You can do it again! Come on. Come to me!”

Number 3, of course. You want her to learn to walk. You know she doesn’t know how. But she is ready to learn and anxious to learn, and she doesn’t know that there is anything wrong with not being very good at it yet. She doesn’t cry if you don’t encourage her to feel sorry for herself. She smiles at your encouragement. Any tears that have started have dried up, and she crawls over to the couch, pulls herself up, and tries again.

We may not be learning to walk, but we are children of God figuring out how to do other things that we need to learn, only now we know what failure is, and we try to avoid it at any cost. We don’t want anyone to know if we cannot do something that we think is important. We certainly don’t want anyone to know that we tried and failed.

Do you think your Heavenly Father is standing by with judgmental statements like number one and number two above? Do you think He wants us to give up on things we haven’t mastered yet? Or even things that we haven’t even attempted yet at all? No! He is standing right by us saying, “You can do it! I have confidence in you!” If we, as mortal parents, want our children to succeed, how much more does God, our perfect and eternal Father, want us to succeed!

We need to let go of our fear of failure and recognize it as a stepping stone to a new skill. Failing means we aren’t perfect yet. Failing means we are trying to learn. Failing means we want to grow.

You can do it! I know you can! God knows you can! You know you can. You just need to keep trying and no matter what, DON’T…GIVE…UP!!!

  • What skill do you want to learn or habit do you want to change?
  • Regardless of how many times you have tried and failed, are you willing to try again?
  • Make a plan for learning this new skill. How can you take the Lord up on His promise to help you? (See Moroni 7:33)
  • Solicit the help of others who have been placed by God in your path to help you.
  • Follow through on your plan and don’t give up.

 

Help: Encircled about in the Arms of His Love

Metaphor, Working the Program, , ,

Sometimes, when I feel discouraged and am trying my best to make important changes in my life, I can lose sight of the startling and critical fact that I am not alone.  The Lord is always with me, arms around me, walking my path with me, sustaining and supporting me, carrying me when necessary.  The scriptures abound with confirmation of this.

Isaiah 41:10,13 “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness…For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.”

When I first became aware of this scripture, I pondered how the Lord could hold my right hand. He must be right next to me! Holy cow!  I am standing here, looking at this same incredible mountain that I have to climb, but now He is standing next to me, holding my right hand.  He can do anything!  If He is holding my right hand, together we can do anything!

I began wearing bangle bracelets on my right wrist to remind me always that he is holding my hand.  I still wear them.

Eventually I came across a slightly different picture described in the scriptures. The Lord could still be holding my right hand, but he is also on my left! I am “encircled about in the arms of His love!”  I love that image!

D&C84:88 “…I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”

2 Nephi 1:15  “… I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love.”

Doctrine and Covenants 6:20 “…Be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love.“

Mom helping toddler girl write name on pictureBut what would that look like in my life, I wondered.  A picture came into my mind of me holding a small child.  We are sitting at a table. The child has just drawn a picture – mostly just lines on the page: joyous, exuberant scribbles. Now she wants me to help her write her name.  I don’t do it for her. I hold her gently on my lap, my right hand over hers as she holds the crayon. Together we slowly and carefully write her name on her picture.  She is so proud!  And then, done with my help, she hops off my lap and is on to other things. Perhaps that is how Christ has me encircled in the arms of His love. When I am willing to come to Him for help, he gently cradles me, lovingly reaches around me and guides me to be able to do all things that he would like me to do.

 Moroni 7:33 “And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.”

There is nothing too small to ask for His help with.  Am I having trouble getting to bed early or getting to sleep or getting up early or reading my scriptures or getting to work on time or finding a job or magnifying my calling or dealing with stress or changing my behavior or being kind to my family or giving up my addiction?  Those things are all “expedient in [Him].” I pray for the desire and the willingness to walk the Lord’s path for me always; to come to Him for His help whenever I need it; to be grateful for his power, strength, gifts, talents, and abilities; to always remember that I am encircled about in the arms of His love, and that he is right next to me. I am never alone.

  • Can you image the Lord being right next to you, holding your hand?
  • How would that change your life?
  • What might you be able to do with His guidance that you are having trouble doing now?
  • Are you willing to turn to Him for His help?

 

Forgiveness – the Essence of Step 8

Working the Program, , , ,
Forgive others and reward yourself with peace.
(Found on Lisa Raye’s Facebook Page.)

Forgiveness is the central principal discussed in Step 8 of the 12 Steps.  All things are created spiritually before they are created physically. (See Moses 3:5–7; Genesis 2:4–5.) Step 8 is the spiritual creation of the reconciliation and restitution that will actually happen in Step 9. In order for me to accomplish this spiritual creation, I need to become intimately acquainted with forgiveness.

Step 8 asks me to consider two different aspects of forgiveness: asking others to forgive me, and forgiving those who have hurt me.  In either case, sometimes the other person isn’t even aware that they need my forgiveness or that I need theirs.  It is interesting to me to ponder how easily people give and take offense in this world, sometimes without even being aware of it. Sometimes people hold resentment in their hearts for years, sapping them of joy and preventing them from living in a state of peace.

Forgiving Others

When I hold resentment in my heart, I am the one who suffers.  I have heard it said that holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It tears me up inside, consumes my spiritual and emotional energy, and blocks me from feeling the Spirit. Some people think that we should only forgive someone if they apologize.  If the offender doesn’t apologize they don’t deserve my forgiveness, they reason. We don’t forgive others because they deserve it. We forgive others because we deserve it! (shared at church recently by Deron Brent Horne). I hate living in a state of resentment!  I owe it to myself to let go of those feelings and let them float out of my life like helium-filled balloons.  I do it for myself, as a way of taking care of myself.  I do it to get my life back, and my laugh back. How, you ask? Here are two methods that help me.

Tell Myself Another Story

When someone does something that makes me angry I learned from Kimberly Schneider to tell myself a different story. I ask myself this question: “Under what circumstance could this person’s actions have made sense?”  Then I make up a story, which I know is probably not true, but makes me feel better and more able to blow off the perceived offense.  Did someone cut me off in traffic?  They might be worried about something that is going on at home, and I might have been in their blind spot.  Did someone fail to deliver on a promise? Perhaps they got a bad night’s sleep or a call from someone with bad news or they were just having a senior moment. The story doesn’t matter!  Just thinking about the incident in this way helps me to let go of it.

Detach with Love

I learned in Al Anon years ago about how to “detach with love.” It is a principle that enables me to not take offense, and to let go of resentment toward someone close to me who says or does something that hurts me.  Rather than obsessing about what happened or what was said, I separate myself from the offense without separating myself from the person.  For me it works like this. I have an imaginary bubble that I can deploy at a moment’s notice. It surrounds me and a little bit of personal space.  The person on the outside of the bubble may be lashing out at me, hurling hurtful words in my direction, and my bubble allows the message in without the hurt.  If there is any truth in the message that I need to consider and respond to, I can do so, without getting caught up in the delivery method. The negative aspects stay on the outside of the bubble, with the person they come from. I can still love them, but I don’t have to allow their words to hurt me.

Asking for Forgiveness

When I make a list of people who have hurt me and forgive them, as Step 8 asks me to do, I am having a very personal and meaningful experience with forgiveness.  What better way to prepare myself to ask others for their forgiveness?! If I have done things that were harmful towards someone else, who might be hurting inside because of my actions, even if I make amends, or restitution, it might be very difficult for them to forgive me.  When I, myself, have recently gone through the process of forgiving others, I am in a better position to understand how difficult it may be for someone to forgive me, even if they are willing to do it. In Step 8 I am not actually asking anyone for forgiveness; I am becoming willing to make amends and to be reconciled to those I have hurt.  I won’t actually figure out exactly how I will approach the other person until Step 9, and I certainly will not be actually making the amends or making restitution until I get to Step 9.  But until I truly become willing to do it, and let the Lord heal my heart, I will never be ready to do it, and will live with broken relationships indefinitely.

  • What resentments are you holding in your heart?
  • What are you willing to do to let go of them so that you can progress?
  • Are you willing to do whatever it takes to be reconciled to those you have hurt? If not, what can you do to help you become willing?

 

Developing Humility

Metaphor,

Walking the humility tightropeDeveloping humility is like learning to walk a high wire.  We have to maintain balance.  We fall to the “pride” side when we do not take full responsibility for our mistakes and shortcomings, fail to acknowledge our guilt, and try to shift blame to others.  We fall to the “self-critical” side when we take on guilt and shame that we didn’t earn and don’t deserve.

Just like a tightrope walker in the circus, we can walk the high wire successfully by using a rod to help keep us balanced. For me the rod is my commitment to fully embrace the Atonement and apply it in my life. In order to do this, I study scriptures, ponder, pray and meditate, take a daily inventory of my shortcomings and turn to the Lord for help to make amends as needed and overcome my weaknesses. The more time and effort I put into these activities each day, the longer my rod becomes.  The longer my rod, the easier it is for me to traverse the wire and develop true humility.

  • Can you think of a time when you have fallen to the “pride” side of humility?
  • Can you think of a time when you have fallen to the “self-critical” side?
  • What are you willing to do to lengthen your balancing rod?

 

Acceptance: Identifying the Things I Cannot Change

Working the Program,

God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.The Serenity Prayer, written by Reinhold Niebuhr in the 1930’s or 40’s begins with 3 lines that are well known to people with and without 12-Step experience.

God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and
Wisdom to know the difference.

I have been pondering how to distinguish the things I can change from those that I cannot change. Niebuhr says that wisdom will help us to know the difference, and I certainly pray for wisdom. But other than receiving direct personal revelation about specific things in my life, I would like to have some guidelines for this sorting process.

I know that I can only change myself; trying to change someone else is clearly unwise and usually backfires. In the case of my aging parents, I can try to be sure they get the care that they need, and show them my love in every way I know how, but I cannot control the outcome. I have no control over their illnesses and infirmities. I cannot add one day to their lives nor can I spare them the confusion and frustration they sometimes experience.

But what about children? There the boundaries are not so clear. When they were very small, of course, I controlled everything about their lives, but even then, even my best efforts to comfort and console them and meet their physical needs did not always stop their tears.

The boundaries get more blurry as they get older. For a while I could “make them” do what I wanted (which might not have been such a great idea even then) but eventually my ability to do that disappeared. If a teenager decides that they are simply not going to do something (or are going to do something ill-advised), regardless of the consequences, there is not much a parent can do.

But don’t I have a responsibility to teach this teenager life skills? To keep them safe? To make sure that they develop the good habits that will serve them well as adults? To ensure that they don’t make the same mistakes I did, so they won’t suffer the same consequences I had to suffer?

Sadly, I must admit to myself that once I have made my best effort to give them the information they need, and teach them how to do the things they need to do, my part is done. If I demand that they comply (thereby taking away their agency) I risk ruining the relationship and pushing them to rebel. If they choose to ignore what I have taught and showed them, they will have to live with the consequences, both current and future. My acceptance of my limitations regarding the things I cannot change brings me peace and serenity.  Trying to control what I cannot change brings frustration, heartbreak and chaos.

Most importantly, I need to model healthy, mature behavior by working my own program, including taking my own inventory and maintaining my own sobriety. The rest of the Serenity Prayer gives me guidelines for living my own life.

Serenity Prayer
By Reinhold Niebuhr

God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and
Wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

  • What distressing issues in your life are not within your control? Are you willing to turn them over to God?
  • Is there anything that you have been trying to control without success? Write about whether it is within your area of stewardship or not.
  • Choose something that you need to work on in your own life and seek guidance on how to approach it.  Make a plan.

Avoid Becoming Vulnerable – Don’t get HALT or BENT

Working the Program,

Halt Bent Acronyms graphicWhen I am stressed, my natural tendency is to turn to my addiction for comfort.  If I am aware that I am stressed – or likely to become stressed – I can prepare myself so that I will be less likely to give in to temptation. But sometimes I don’t recognize the indicators that I am becoming stressed or the signs along the path warning me that I am likely to get stressed.

HALTIn Overeaters Anonymous and other 12 Step fellowships there is an acronym that can help keep in the forefront of my mind some of the types of situations that are likely to make me vulnerable to my addiction. The acronym is HALT, which stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. If I become too hungry, angry, lonely or tired I will be more likely to act out – to indulge in my addictive behaviors.  Why would being hungry (or angry or lonely or tired) make me, as a compulsive eater, want to eat uncontrollably, or make any addict want to indulge in their addiction? I don’t know, but it does.  Don’t believe it? Observe your own behavior.  How do you behave when you find yourself in one of these states?

BENTYears ago I observed that there is another mental state that can cause the same vulnerability: boredom.  This sent me on a quest for a new acronym, one that would cover the HALT items, but also include a letter B.  This is what I came up with: BENT, which stands for Bored, Emotional, Needy, Tired.  When I am bored, emotional, needy or tired, I have a tendency to become vulnerable to my addictive behavior.  So, I try not to let myself become BENT, and if I recognize that I am, I take steps to protect myself from that vulnerability by using one or more of the tools of the program. (See my posts on TOOLS).

  • Do you become vulnerable when you are HALT or BENT?
  • What can you do to protect yourself from becoming HALT or BENT?
  • What can you do to keep from acting out if you find yourself HALT or BENT?

 

Focus: Riding through the Boulders

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Space between BouldersMountain biking is a sport in which people ride special bikes designed to handle rough terrain—often in areas without roads.  Sometimes they ride down steep hills littered with rocks and boulders.

I once heard a story about a man who wanted to learn to mountain bike.  He had the good fortune to be invited to join a group of experienced bikers for a day.  As he attempted to negotiate a steep field of boulders, he kept hitting the rocks—risking both his bike and his body—and creating a hazard for other riders.  Finally the leader of the group took him aside and asked him what he was looking at as he rode down the hill.

“The boulders!” the man exclaimed. “What do you think?”

“Ah,” replied the leader. “That is your problem. You need to focus on the spaces between the rocks!”

  • What are the boulders in your life right now?
  • Are you focusing on the boulders or the spaces in your life?
  • Write about the spaces. What do they look like?
  • Are you willing to focus on the spaces?
  • What can you do to keep yourself focused on the spaces and not the rocks?

 

I Am Powerless: Step 1 Reflections

Working the Program,

Mom and Dad holding handsMy parents have just moved into a skilled nursing facility for long-term care near my brother’s home, in a city far from where I live. As I have been visiting with them I have found myself reflecting on what it means to be powerless. I have previously had the opportunity to experience and embrace powerlessness in other aspects of my life, both large and small, but this has presented a new, and in some ways deeper and more difficult experience with powerlessness.

My mother just turned 88 and she suffers from Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. She was falling frequently while in their senior independent living apartment. She is doing better with her walker now that she is here, and hopefully she will not fall anymore.  I praise God that she didn’t break anything.  She is physically quite healthy, but gets confused sometimes, and struggles for words frequently. When she realizes that she has been confused she berates herself and feels guilty. It is very hard to see her suffer emotionally like this, and at times there is nothing I can do to comfort or console her.

My father is 92 and in perfect mental health, but his body is giving out on him.  For a man who has lived his whole life with complete self-sufficiency, this is very challenging. He had been the primary caregiver to my mother until his body started giving out on him.  It is very difficult for him to see her so confused. He feels badly for me and my brother that we have to see them both like this.

Neither of my parents have any belief in God or in an afterlife. It is hard to comfort someone who has no belief beyond this life and this world.  I have been a member of the Church for many years and all of my words of comfort and my sources of peace are related to my faith.  I know that the Lord is the source of any and all power that I have in my life, and that he has control over all things – including my parents, their health, and their future.  They have lived a good life of laughter and service and accomplishment. He loves them. But they don’t know it, refuse to believe it and don’t want to hear about it.

So, I am powerless. I am powerless to share my hope of the resurrection and eternal life. I am powerless to ease their pain or restore their health.

On the other hand, there are some things over which I do have power. I can turn them over to the Lord and his tender mercy and care.  I can serve them to the best of my ability without doing for them what they can do for themselves.  I can talk to them, ask them questions, smooth the path before them, and advocate for them. Most importantly, I can love them.

  • What situation in your life are you powerless over?
  • What do you have power over in this situation?
  • What are you willing to do?
  • When will you do it?

 

 

 

Growth: Learning to Sandbag or Moving to Higher Ground

Metaphor, Working the Program,

House on the seashoreSuppose my home is on the coast. There are beautiful views of the ocean.  I enjoy the sea breezes. I love hearing and watching the gulls. I have lived there a long time and I am comfortable there. The only problem is that my home is subject to repeated floods, and they seem to be getting more frequent. The floods make a mess! Sometimes I have to clean furniture and replace carpet. Other times it is worse and I have to replace furniture and appliances and tear out wallboard and repaint.

The first few times I was surprised and totally unprepared for the flooding. Now when I find out that a storm is coming I take precautions, and sometimes I succeed in avoiding damage from the flood.  That is growth. I move furniture and boxes out of harm’s way. I board up the windows. I start filling sandbags from a big pile of sand in my backyard and build a sandbag wall to protect my home.  Often my friends come over to help me. I have become an excellent sandbag engineer. But sandbagging doesn’t always work.  It depends on the storm.

At some point, when I become tired of sandbagging, repainting, replacing and otherwise dealing with the aftermath of the flooding, I may decide that it is time to rebuild on higher ground. I might just be able to find a spot that still gives me the view and the sea breeze and the gulls, without the floods.  I may feel sad to leave my little house. Perhaps I have great memories there and neighbors I enjoy. But the time may come that the pain of the repeated flooding is worse than the pain of moving and I become willing to do it. That is an indication of growth.

Sometimes our personal lives resemble my house on the coast.  The same circumstances or events keep happening to us over and over again. We may learn to better handle the events, perhaps by turning them over to God.  But sometimes we may need to make a significant change so that we are no longer subject to those events.

On page 7 of He Did Deliver Me from Bondage, Colleen Harrison says, “I am familiar with a saying: When the pain of the problem gets worse than the pain of the solution we’ll be ready to change.” Moving to higher ground may be painful, but when the pain of continual recurrent flooding becomes worse than the pain of moving, we will become willing to make the move.

  • What does the flooding represent in your life?
  • How have you been handling it?
  • Are you ready to “move to higher ground” (look for a better solution)?
  • What options do you have?
  • What are you willing to do?
  • When will you do it?

 

 

Staying Abstinent: Using the Tools – Part 4

Tools, Working the Program, , ,

Tools of the ProgramThis is Part 4 of my series on Using the Tools.  I have described four more tools in this post that I have found useful in overcoming the temptation to use substances or behaviors that keep me from becoming the person I want to be.  In the previous posts in this series I have written about the following tools: Prayer and Meditation, Meetings, Service, Sponsorship, Telephone Calls, Writing, Music, Program Literature, Scriptures and Talks, a Plan of Abstinence, a Breathing Exercise, and Going to Bed. In this post I will cover Visualization, God Box, Fasting, and the ARP website. You can see all of the posts that have to do with tools by clicking on “Tools” in the list of categories in the right column on this page. As far as I know right now, this completes the list, but since I embrace new tools whenever someone shares them with me, someday there might be a Part 5!

Visualization

If you cannot imagine what your life would look like if you abstained from your bad habits or addictive behaviors, it is hard to make a better choice.  Kimberly Schneider taught me to say “Who do I want to be in this moment, and what would she do?”  I have found that question to be an incredibly powerful tool. At first I thought of someone I wanted to be like and asked myself the question.  It helped me to imagine what that person would do in the same situation and then make that choice.  Over time, I learned to visualize what I would be like if I developed the habits and qualities I was striving for and this question helped me to make the choice that would be consistent with the person I was trying to become.

God Box

When you find yourself worrying or obsessing about something over which you have no control, irritated or annoyed by some large or small quirk or perceived offense, or having to stand by and watch as a loved one struggles with something he or she must master without your assistance, often the most effective thing to do is to make a decision to let go and turn the situation over to God.  This may be easier said than done, and making a “God Box” (or “God Can” or “God Bag”) may help.

Write the matter down on a piece of paper and, as a physical symbol of the act of “turning it over to God”, put the piece of paper in the “God Box.”  Then, if you find yourself worrying about it again, or trying to take back responsibility for solving the problem yourself, you will have to make a decision: either remind yourself that it has been turned over to God and let Him handle it, or take the piece of paper out of the box and tell God that you are going to work on this one yourself.  It is amazing how such a simple thing can make such a big difference.  It is also an awesome experience to read back over the slips of paper and realize how well God has handled the things that were so worrisome in the past.

Just to save you some time, let me assure you that it has been my observation over many years of sharing this tool with others that it does not work if you only do it in your mind.  You must physically write the problem down on a piece of paper and put it in a container of some sort. Trust me on this.

Fasting

When we need more spiritual power than we seem to have, the best power source available to us is the Lord – through His power of the Atonement, or grace.  Brad Wilcox says, “…Grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source… Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road. It is received right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch; it is the Finisher’s touch.”

A very effective way to humble ourselves so that we can receive more of that power is fasting.  When we fast we are deliberately putting our physical needs aside and acknowledging our need for and dependence upon God.  This helps us to humble ourselves, get in tune with the Lord, and become more willing and able to receive his power.

ARP Website

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has developed a wonderful Addiction Recovery Program website with many features and great content for the support of those who are trying to overcome addictive behavior.  It also has a section for family members and loved ones and another section for priesthood leaders.  There are videos of people who have found recovery, telling their stories. There is content that discusses the nature of addictive behavior from a gospel perspective.  There are podcasts of twelve full LDS 12-Step recovery meetings – one for each of the steps. If you haven’t been to an LDS Addiction Recovery Program meeting, or if you need a meeting and there isn’t one available when and where you need it, listening to one of those podcasts is a great option.

  • I have listed seventeen tools is the four parts of this series. Which ones have you tried?
  • Which ones that you have not tried sound interesting to you?
  • Will you commit to trying them? By when?
  • Which tools work best for you?
  • Write about how using the tools helps you to make better choices when you are stressed and/or tempted.

 

Receiving Gifts

Metaphor,
Find, open, and embrace your gifts from God.

Just as we give one another gifts to express our love and/or appreciation, God gives us gifts to share his love for us. When someone we love gives us a gift, thoughtfully chosen and carefully wrapped, it brings us joy. We may look at the shape of the box, weigh it in our hands, shake it and listen for clues as to what it might be. We remove the wrapping—sometimes slowly and carefully, sometimes exuberantly—and take out the gift. We touch it, feel it, smell it, admire it and cherish it. If it is something to wear, we hold it up, maybe even try it on. If it is a book, we carefully open it, turn the first few pages, read any note that may have been written inside, look at the table of contents. If it is something we can use—a tool or an appliance, art or craft supplies—we take it out and hold it, think about what we can do with it, create with it, how we can use it to express ourselves. We thank the giver and express our appreciation for their thoughtfulness. Both giver and receiver feel joy when a gift is given in love and received with gratitude.

How much enjoyment would we feel if we just admired the wrapped gift and never opened it? How would the giver feel? What if we opened it and thanked the giver but never used it? What if we didn’t even notice the giver standing before us, gift in hand?

God bestows upon us blessings and gifts every day. Some gifts are small and easy to miss in the busyness of life. A beautiful sunset, a call from an old friend, a happy memory, for example. Some are important aspects of who we are, but could be taken for granted, such as the gift of compassion, or discernment, or having someone in our lives who loves us unconditionally. Do we receive and appreciate His gifts or leave them lying by the wayside? Do we open them with eagerness and awe, think about how we can use them, explore them, try them on, touch, feel, smell, admire and cherish them?

How much joy do we forego when, because we are distracted, or in a mistaken belief that we are somehow not worthy to receive them, we miss the blessings and gifts, large and small, our loving Father pours out upon us each day? What could we create; how could we bless the lives of others if we would receive and embrace the gifts He has so carefully chosen for us?

  • What are your gifts? If you don’t know, how can you find out?
  • What will you do to discover and embrace them?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.

Related Posts: Low-hanging Spiritual Fruit

Change: The AADWAR Process

Working the Program, , , , , , ,

AADWAR AcronymIn Steps 6 and 7 we become entirely ready to have God remove our character weaknesses and then we ask Him, humbly, to do it.  So then what?  Do we just expect Him to wave a magic wand and, poof, our character weaknesses are gone?  No.  Part of becoming entirely ready is getting to the point where we are willing to do the footwork He gives us to develop the new positive habits and behaviors that will take the place of the negative ones.  I become a co-creator with God as I create the new me, just like Jesus was a co-creator with God as He created the world.

I have observed that there is a process we go through to implement change in our lives.  I call it the AADWAR process, which is an acronym for Awareness, Acceptance, Desire, Willingness, Action, Results.

Awareness: “Something needs to change.”

Awareness is the first step of the change process.  Nothing will change in my life until I make a decision to change it. I am not going to make a decision to change something unless I know it is a problem!  I can become aware of things that need to change as I read, study, and pray with a humble heart. If I listen with an open mind to others share in meetings and at Church the Spirit will tell me how to apply what I hear to my life. My loved ones will also bring opportunities for change to my attention if I am willing to listen to the message instead of reacting to the method of delivery.

Acceptance: “This really does apply to me now.”

I am sure each of us could make a list of habits or behaviors we “know” we need to change, but have not done anything about.  I certainly have a few of those items.  Acceptance is an important part of the change process.  When I go from thinking “I should make this change” to thinking “I will make this change” I have found acceptance.  Acceptance may be triggered by the pain caused by my dysfunctional old behavior or by a prompting or confirmation from the Holy Ghost.  Often times pride is the reason I struggle with acceptance.

Desire: “I have a vision of what I want to be like.”

Just because I know what I need to change does not mean that I have a desire to do the work necessary to get there, especially if I don’t know what my new replacement habits or behavior will look like!  When I can visualize what my life will be like having made this change, and develop a desire for that new lifestyle strong enough to motivate me to actually make it happen, I have taken a powerful step toward getting there. Once I have the desire I ask the Lord what I need to do.  He gives me work to do, actions to take, a “roadmap” to get me from where I am to where I want to be.

Willingness: “I am willing to act.”

Sometimes, despite having a strong desire for the new life that a certain change will bring, I cannot overcome my fear or reluctance to take the necessary action.  Until I become willing to do the footwork, nothing will change! Praying for willingness is very effective. There are times when I choose not to pray for willingness, because I know that if I do pray for it, the Lord will give it to me, and I don’t want to do it!  There is a difference between having a desire for the new behavior to be a part of my life, and being willing to do the work necessary to get there. When I cannot make myself pray for willingness, I may be able to get myself to pray for the willingness to be willing. I know that sounds silly, but it really does work.

Action: “I do the footwork.”

Once I have become willing, I start to implement the plan the Lord gave me.  I may be scared out of my wits, but I do it anyway, as Susan Jeffers says in Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway. I may feel uncertain about whether I am doing it “right” but I remind myself that I am after “progress, not perfection,” as the AA/Al-Anon slogan says. I don’t let perfectionism keep me in a state of procrastination. And most importantly, I focus on doing the footwork, not on what the results will look like, because I am not in control of the results.

Results: “Up to God”

Letting go of the results is one of the hardest parts about the change process. In the past I started with the results I wanted and worked backwards to figure out how and what to change. Unfortunately, I was frequently frustrated and disappointed because it rarely turned out the way I had envisioned it.  Now I know that the results are up to God.  The results are up to God! Actually, this is a relief, when you think about it.  God knows what I need far better than I do. He is capable of bringing other resources to bear to help me achieve my full potential.  If I can let go of what the results look like and trust Him, I am always amazed at what he can do with my cooperation, which is necessary, because the Lord will not take away my agency.

One trick I use to let go of the results is to make a decision to search for the blessings in the results the Lord has given me.  When I see them, and embrace them, and write about them, and express gratitude for them, I begin to “own” them. Eventually they become a part of my life and I see that God’s vision of my life is even better than mine.

  • What needs to change in your life?
  • Where are you in the AADWAR process?
  • What are you willing to do to progress?

 

Why Are We Here?

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We, (that part of ourselves that contains our essence, which existed before our bodies were created and will exist after our bodies are gone) were happy and loved wherever we lived before we came to this earth. How do I know? Look at an infant. Watch the spontaneous demonstration of love and affection and joy that emanate from a child who has not been abused. How is it that a baby, in its brief physical existence, somehow innately knows how to love and be loved? I think we bring love with us when we come to earth, and we keep it unless others take it away from us in one way or another.

So, if we were happy where we were, but this mortal life can cause us pain and sorrow, why did we come here? We came to learn and to grow. We came to spread our wings and to fly. We came to find and to reach our full potential in this life, and to develop the skills we will need to magnify our opportunities in eternal life.

This earth life is much like going away to college or to the military. For most of us, home was safe and secure. We were loved there. We had friends, loved ones, places and institutions we were comfortable with. Yet we knew that we could do and be more. We needed to go to an unfamiliar place to learn to walk in faith and to choose for ourselves how to live and who we wanted to be. We left home and struck out on our own.

Yes, sometimes we found a particular course difficult. We may have even failed one or two, but we enjoyed many that forced us to stretch and to grow and to develop our skills, talents and abilities. When we felt discouraged about a failure or had good news to share, we “phoned home,” knowing that we would find help and support and acceptance there. So, too, we can now “phone” our eternal home – pray and ponder – and receive help, support, acceptance, and love.

We are here to find our callings, to discover our potential, to grow, and to reach beyond our current limitations so that when we return to the spiritual home we once left, we will be prepared to fulfill our eternal destiny.

  • What is your life’s calling?
  • If you know, what are you doing to magnify it?
  • If you don’t know, what are you doing to discover it?
  • What more can you do?

 

Tuning In

Metaphor, , , ,

Transistor RadioI have an old battery operated transistor radio I use sometimes when I go for a walk. When it is not quite tuned in to the correct frequency, I can hear some of what is being said, but it may fade in and out, there may be static and sometimes I can hear country music or preaching from another station in the background. I try to avoid changing the station at all because it is so hard to get it to exactly the right spot!  Sometimes, in order to be sure I am tuned in to the right station, I take it over to another radio that I know is correct and turn them both on at the same time.

My heart is like a radio, but it receives the voice of my Savior instead of receiving a radio broadcast.  The signal that carries the Savior’s voice is the Holy Ghost.  This concept is clearly taught in Doctrine and Covenants 8:2, “Yea, behold, I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart.” (See also Moses 5:9 and Moroni 8:7-9). This spiritual signal is always broadcasting, just like a radio station, but sometimes I get busy and caught up in the world. At these times I cannot hear the Lord’s voice because I am either not listening at all or not tuned in very well.

Sometimes I can hardly hear because of the “background noise” in my life. This includes the stresses of my day-to-day life and Satan’s lies. I am especially susceptible to the ones that include “if only,” “someday,” “should,” and “I can eat just one – it will make me feel better.”  I create static for myself when I compare myself to others. I have written in a previous post about the “committee in my head”. Those voices sometimes shout so loudly that they would drown out anything!

I want so much to be able to hear the voice of love, harmony and peace that speaks to me when I tune in to the right frequency and reduce or eliminate the background noise. I have had to learn this lesson through trial, error and practice.  First, I have to notice when I am not in tune with the Spirit, and not hearing the Lord’s voice. Second, I have to reawaken my desire to hear it. Third, I have to do what is necessary to get tuned in.

I take an honest look at my life – an inventory. I ask myself if I have any self-limiting beliefs or habits that are creating static. Is there anything I need to change to be able to hear His voice?

I have discovered that listening to the right kind of music can help me tune in as much as listening to the wrong kind can interfere. For me, music with words is distracting but certain kinds of instrumental music – Native American flute for example – can help me hear the still small voice of the Spirit.

I have to be willing to believe that the Savior really loves me unconditionally and wants to communicate with me in order to hear His voice. If I don’t turn on my spiritual radio because I am afraid that nothing is being broadcast, I won’t hear the message no matter how good it is.

Just as I sometimes take my little transistor radio over to one that I know is on the right station, I have learned to recognize the Savior’s voice by reading His words in the scriptures and listening to the prophets when He speaks to me through them.

Tuning in is quite a bit of work, but well worth the effort.  Staying tuned in is easier than getting tuned in.  I try to avoid changing the station at all.

  • Are you in tune?
  • Do you need to eliminate static or fine tune your receiver?
  • What actions are you willing to take to help you get and stay in tune so you can better receive personal revelation through the Spirit?

 

Working One Step at a Time

Working the Program, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Working the StepsIt is easy to get discouraged, working the 12-Step program, if we obsess about a step we are not ready for.  Think about it.  Wouldn’t it be horribly discouraging to start obsessing about passing a college chemistry class when you are taking 7th grade science? Thinking ahead can paralyze you and keep you from making progress on the step you are working right now.  This is especially true if we start worrying about Steps 4,5,8, or 9.

Here is some good news! Each step prepares you for the next. The output of a step becomes the input for the one that follows it. When you are ready to move on to the next step you will WANT to do it. You may not be excited about the footwork you have to do, but you will be very excited as you anticipate the results of doing it.

If you are a newcomer to the 12-step program, you are on Step 1, admitting that you are powerless over the behavior or substance that brought you to the program. Since most of us spent years thinking we were in control and not powerless at all, and trying to prove it by our actions, that can be a tall order! Focus on Step 1 if that is where you are.  Read the step in the ARP manual, He Did Deliver Me from Bondage, or one of the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions books. (See my Resources page for more info on these books.) Use the tool of writing to identify material that you can apply to your own life. Colleen Harrison, the author of He Did Deliver Me from Bondage  calls it “Capturing”. Here is an abbreviated explanation of how I use this tool.

  1. As you come across a passage that you feel inclined to highlight, copy it into a notebook.
  2. Write about what you think the passage means.
  3. Pray for guidance on how to apply this passage to your life and then write about the impressions you get.

Take the time to thoughtfully answer the questions that appear in the book you are studying. Talk to your sponsor and/or other people who are working the steps about what you are learning. When you think you have learned all you can from this step (this time around), prayerfully ask the Lord if you are done with it and ready to move on.  When you get a confirmation, start working the next one.

Getting Stuck

If I am stuck on a step and can’t seem to find the willingness to move on, it usually means that I probably wasn’t really done with the previous step when I started this one.  For example, if I am working Step 3, and just can’t seem to find the willingness to turn my will and my life over to the Lord and trust Him so I can start Step 4, I might need to go back to Step 2, and dig deeper for the ability and willingness to embrace the fact that He really CAN deliver me from my situation. If I really believe that He can and will deliver me then why would I be reluctant to ask Him to do so in Step 3?

Input and Output

What did I mean when I said that the output of one step becomes the input for the next? In Step 4 you make an inventory.  That inventory contains the things you confess in Step 5.  As you work Step 5, and give away your inventory, the person who receives it will be able to help you identify patterns and put together a list of your shortcomings and weaknesses.  In Step 6, you become willing to ask the Lord to remove them.  Truly, every one of the steps prepares us to work the next step, if we give ourselves to the work with humility and persistence.

  1. What step are you working on?
  2. Are you doing it with humility and persistence?
  3. Are you making progress?
  4. Are you using the tool of writing?
  5. Are you talking to others about what you are learning?
  6. What are you willing to do to move forward?

 

Changing Channels

Metaphor, Working the Program, , , , ,

Changing ChannelsOh, how often I have wished that I could wave a magic wand and remove my own shortcomings and character defects. Changing can be so hard! Over the years I have observed that my habits and behaviors are like water flowing down the side of a hill.  The water will find the path of least resistance and as it flows, the channel it runs through gets deeper and wider.  The longer the water flows down that channel the deeper it becomes and the harder it is to change. When something triggers me emotionally my behavior immediately starts running down those old familiar paths before I even have a chance to realize what has happened. I have found that changing the channel – creating new and better habits and behaviors – requires action of three different sorts.  First of all, I have to become willing to let go of the old behavior, and turn it over to the Lord. Secondly, I have to put up a dam that prevents the water from starting to flow down the familiar channel and finally, I have to dig a new channel based on the direction I receive from the Lord. Eventually the new channel becomes deep enough and wide enough that my behavior immediately goes down the new, more productive path when something happens.

The Dam

Just like putting up a dam is necessary to prevent the water from going down the old channel, the first thing I need to do to eliminate an old, bad habit is to recognize it as undesirable and make a decision to stop it.  That decision is not enough to change my behavior, but without that decision I don’t have a chance. I need to think about the pattern, write about it, consider what I get out of it and why I go there.  I write about the consequences of it and why I don’t want to do it anymore. I make a decision and a commitment – to myself, to the Lord, and to another person – that I will not go down that path anymore. This commitment is the dam.

Digging the New Channel

If all I do is put up a dam without digging a new channel – creating a new pathway for the water (my behavior) to flow – the next time I am triggered I will create a flood, a big puddle, or a mess. Nature abhors a vacuum. I need to prayerfully decide what new behavior will work better for me, and learn how to do it.  Again, for me, this involves writing.  I write about my options – everything I can think of.  I ask my sponsor and others who have good recovery for their ideas. I consider what feels comfortable for me; what new behavior I can see myself using in the situation instead of the old ones I am trying to change. I pray for a confirmation that this is the right channel to dig, and then I start digging (doing the footwork)! I write out a plan and ask the Lord to confirm it. I read and reread it every day.  I commit to it – to myself, the Lord, and other people. I take inventory throughout the day to see if I need a course correction. I write about and thank the Lord every day for my progress.  It is an iterative process.  If it isn’t working perfectly, I try to figure out why and make a change to the plan. I know the Lord wants me to become more like Him and will give me the power I need to do it, if I will have faith in Him. (See Moroni 7:33)

  • Do you have any old habits or behaviors that don’t serve you well? What are they?
  • Are you willing to let them go?
  • What new channels would you like to dig? Are you willing to do the footwork?

Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.