When it comes to abstinence there are two kinds of addictions. Some addictions are to substances or behavior from which we can totally abstain, such as alcohol or pornography. Other addictions are to substances or behaviors which we must partake of or participate in. The trick is figuring out how to do it without being compulsive or impulsive. I call this “planned abstinence.” Examples of these would be eating, spending, and taking prescribed medications. I described this in a previous post here:
Coming up with a plan of abstinence that works for you may not be easy. You may be able to find a “published” plan that might work as a starting point. If not, you can do basic research, talk to others who struggle with a similar addiction, and seek inspiration to come up with a plan. In certain cases you need to seek and follow the advice of a professional: for example, taking drugs strictly as prescribed. Some people need help from a financial coach to develop a workable budget, and some compulsive eaters need help from a dietitian to develop a food plan.
I developed my own food plan by doing research on various websites. I found a plan to use as a starting point, and adjusted it as I figured out what worked to help me eat abstinently and what sabotaged me. One of the keys to making any plan work is accountability. Compulsive eaters usually need to weigh, measure and record their food. Spenders need to check their spending against the budget and adjust if necessary.
Here is a post that describes my experience in tweaking my own plan a bit more specifically:
Any approach to planned abstinence is very personal. There are some people who do well on a very regimented plan and others who need more flexibility. Another key to success is to be rigorously honest with yourself and not make excuses if you aren’t sticking to the plan. Try to figure out why not, and adjust the plan until you develop something that you will be able to stick to, and helps you to live abstinently.
What aspect of your life might benefit from planned abstinence?
Write about how well you use the two “keys” of abstinence: accountability and rigorous honesty.
What will you do today to move forward in improving your abstinence?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
In the ARP program, each of the steps is associated with a principal of the Gospel. Step 12 is called “Service.” I think it could just as easily have been called “Missionary Work” or “Endure to the End,” and I will write about those another time.
I attended an ARP meeting focused on Step 12 recently. As I listened to the step being read and to the other participants sharing, a flood of thoughts entered my mind about the many ways that we can serve within the program. Members of the Church talk about service a lot. There are so many opportunities for service in the Church and in the world. But for those of us whose lives have been changed by the ARP program, here are some ways that came to my mind that we can “give back,” thus expressing our gratitude to the Lord for this miraculous program of recovery.
Attend Meetings
Without people coming to the meetings, there would be no meetings! If someone really needs a meeting and looks forward to it and they are the only participant when they get there, they are, at the very least, disappointed. Sometimes I don’t feel like going, but I have made a decision to attend certain meetings faithfully, which is a service to others while strengthening my own program.
Be an Example of Hope
When I share my experience, strength, faith and hope at meetings or in private conversations it encourages newcomers who need to see living, breathing examples of recovery. Even those of us who have not yet achieved what we would call recovery can be examples of the determination to start again and keep trying. When I talk to people in the normal course of life, I frequently find that the ARP program comes up. That is probably because it is so important to my happiness and joy. I hope that if they are struggling and would be blessed by participating in the program, their hearts may be touched and they, too might find peace by using the 12 Steps to learn how to better apply the Atonement in their lives.
Invite Others to a Meeting
There are people who know I attend ARP meetings and have seemed curious about the program. When I feel inspired to do so I invite them to attend a meeting with me. It is hard for some people to go to their first meeting alone. What if they see someone there that they know, and are embarrassed? What will happen at the meeting? What if they are expected to share? These and many other questions can keep people from trying the program. When I invite someone to attend a meeting with me, it makes it easier and more comfortable for them to come. This is a service.
Offer a Ride
Some people have transportation issues that make it difficult to attend meetings regularly. When you talk to other participants after the meeting you may become aware of this. Being willing to pick someone up and get them to the meeting can be a great service.
Bear Testimony
If the program has made a big difference in your life, be open to bearing your testimony of that. Some of us do it in Testimony Meeting, others in smaller settings. Be open to the promptings of the Spirit, and seek the willingness to bear testimony of the program.
Share Your Story
On the Church’s ARP website there are wonderful stories shared by people who have received the gift of recovery. What a service to those who don’t know anyone in the program, or who have no meetings in their area or who cannot attend for some reason! Do you have a story of recovery? Would you be willing to share it? Here is a link to the page where you can submit your own recovery story. Share Your Story.
Be a Support Person
A Support Person (called a sponsor in other 12-Step programs) shares their own experience to help guide others as they work the Steps. I have written recently about this and plan to write more in the near future. This is a form of service that blesses the life of the sponsor and much as it blesses the life of the sponsee.
Be a Facilitator
A facilitator is someone who runs the sharing portion of an ARP meeting. If you have been sober for 12 continuous months and are willing to attend a meeting regularly, you may be qualified to be a facilitator. If you feel inspired to do so, contact your Bishop or Stake President and let them know of your willingness to serve. They can give you a copy of the Facilitator Application, which lists all of the qualifications. A facilitator willing to share his or her recovery story and how they apply the steps to their own lives can provide a real service to those who still struggle.
Become a Missionary
ARP meetings are conducted by Church Service Missionaries. These individuals or couples serve part time and live at home. They receive training on how to run a meeting. Sometimes they get to speak at 5th Sunday meetings or other meetings to share information about the ARP program with members of the wards and stakes from which their meeting participants are drawn.
Please feel free to share in the comments below other examples from your own life of how you render Service within the program. I look forward to hearing your ideas!
What kinds of service might you be able to give?
What are you willing to do?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
I am grateful for the opportunity the Lord has given me to help others who struggle with addiction, codependency, character defects, shortcomings, low self-esteem, grief and other challenges. I cannot tell others what they should do, but I can share the experience, strength, faith and hope that have come to me through my years of 12-Step work and church membership. Opportunities to share come to me in ARP meetings, at church, through my blog and most of all, through the work I do as a 12 Step sponsor. A sponsor (called a “support person” in the ARP program) is someone who helps guide someone else who is trying to work the program. I will be writing more in the coming weeks about sponsorship, because it is a critical aspect of success in the process of recovery, and I haven’t written much about it.
Just as I was pondering the importance of sponsorship and feeling prompted to write about it, I came across a passage of scripture in the Book of Mormon that seemed to express the very same thoughts that I was having! In Alma 26:17 -22, Ammon, one of the sons of Mosiah, is talking with his brothers about his awe at having been preserved rather than destroyed because of their wickedness, and getting to serve a successful 14 year mission to the Lamanites. As I read these verses, I clearly saw how they apply to my life in the 12 Step program, specifically as an instrument in the hands of the Lord to bring others to Him.
17 Who could have supposed that our God would have been so merciful as to have snatched us from our awful, sinful, and polluted state?
I could not have imagined that the Lord could and would help me find recovery from my own addictions, shortcomings and character defects.
18 Behold, we went forth even in wrath, with mighty threatenings to destroy his church.
I was critical of others to a fault, causing my own loved ones to stumble and fall. I thought I knew how everyone should run their lives and tried to get them to do it my way. I misused food in a way that hurt my own body.
19 Oh then, why did he not consign us to an awful destruction, yea, why did he not let the sword of his justice fall upon us, and doom us to eternal despair?
Then why did he not just let me suffer the consequences of my actions, and live a lonely, bitter and unhealthy life?
20 Oh, my soul, almost as it were, fleeth at the thought. Behold, he did not exercise his justice upon us, but in his great mercy hath brought us over that everlasting gulf of death and misery, even to the salvation of our souls.
In his great mercy he brought me to an understanding of the Atonement. He taught me how to access its enabling power to let go of my shortcomings and character defects and learn a better way to live. He enabled me to recover damaged relationships and He blessed me with new ones.
21 And now behold, my brethren, what natural man is there that knoweth these things? I say unto you, there is none that knoweth these things, save it be the penitent. 22 Yea, he that repenteth and exerciseth faith, and bringeth forth good works, and prayeth continually without ceasing—unto such it is given to know themysteries of God; yea, unto such it shall be given toreveal things which never have been revealed;
I could not have done these things myself, relying solely upon my own power. As I have continually sought closeness to Him, attended 12 Step meetings, Church and the Temple, been willing to humble myself and turn to Him for relief from bitterness, hurt and resentment, He has granted me strength to make better choices and has removed my “stony heart” and given me a new one. (Ezekiel 36:26)
yea, and it shall be given unto such to bring thousands of souls to repentance, even as it has been given unto us to bring these our brethren to repentance.
Because I have, through the grace and mercy of God, received recovery rather than the natural consequences of my choices, I can be a living example of hope for those who still struggle with addiction or damaged relationships, and be an instrument in the hands of the Lord to bring them to Him.
Being willing to sponsor and share my experience, strength and hope with those who still suffer is like the sons of Mosiah going on a mission to the Lamanites. I can be an instrument in the hands of the Lord to bring unto Him those who haven’t yet found their way to Him and help them learn to access the glorious power of the Atonement and apply it in their lives.
How does your program of recovery benefit from having a sponsor?
How do you share your experience, strength, faith and hope with others who are still struggling?
What are you willing to do to help more people find the recovery you have found and learn to turn to the Lord instead of the world when they are stressed and need help?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
When I do something good, am I motivated by fear, duty, or love? It makes a difference! Regardless of whether I am performing a service for someone else or for myself, the quality of the outcome is affected by my motivation.
Motivated by Fear
When fear is my motivation for doing good, it might be because I am afraid I will get in trouble or look bad to others if I don’t do it. For example, when someone is on probation, they may do all the right things because they are afraid of what will happen if they don’t. People who attend Church only to avoid giving the neighbors something to talk about are motivated by fear. Doing something good because I don’t want to disappoint someone I care about is another example. In any case, when I am motivated by fear, my heart is not in it. I most likely receive very little joy or blessing as a result of doing it.
Motivated by Duty
Being motivated by duty is a little bit higher on the motivation scale. When I am motivated by duty, I know it is the “right thing to do” and I am choosing to be obedient. Participating in a service project because “someone has to do it” is an example of this. It doesn’t contain quite as much of a negative undertone as being motivated by fear, but when I am motivated by duty I am still holding something back. Obedience is good. Doing the right thing is good. But again, I will not receive all the blessings of joy and satisfaction that are possible when I act out of duty.
Motivated by Love
The highest level of motivation is love or charity (“the pure love of Christ”). If I go serve at the nursing home because my heart goes out to the people there and I want to bring them joy and happiness, I am serving with love. If I go to Church and partake of the sacrament on Sunday because I love the Lord and want to renew my covenants with Him, I will look forward to it and be filled with the Spirit as I do it. If I put hours into my calling that no one will ever know about or see because I feel inspired to do so and it makes me happy, I am motivated by love.
Motivation in Working the Steps
When I work my 12 Step program, the same three levels of motivation apply. Which level I am on will determine how much I will get out of the work I am doing. If I attend meetings because I am mandated to do so by the court or study and write because I am afraid that if I stop I will relapse, that is better than nothing! If I do it because I know I am a child of God, I deserve to be free from my addictions, and I believe that if I work the program I will find sobriety, that is better. But if my 12 Step work is motivated by my love of the Lord, my gratitude for the Atonement He made for me, the joy I find in serving and a desire to become an instrument in His hands to help others find recovery, then I open myself up to receiving the full blessings He wants to bestow upon me.
“Consider whether your activity in the Church is still motivated by fear or duty or if it is a natural outgrowth of your reborn faith in Christ.” (A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing, p. 54.)
What is your motivation for working the 12 Step program?
Are you satisfied with your level of motivation and activity in the program?
What will you do today to improve your motivation, activity, and progress?
Please share your thoughts about this post by commenting below.
When it comes to abstinence there are two kinds of addictions. Some addictions are to substances or behavior from which we can totally abstain, such as alcohol or pornography. Other addictions are to substances or behaviors which we must partake of or participate in. The trick is figuring out how to do it without being compulsive or impulsive. I call this “planned abstinence.” Examples of these would be eating, spending, and taking prescribed medications. I described this in a previous post here:
