Monthly Archives: September 2014

Persistence – Doing the Footwork

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Quote from Calvin Coolidge: “Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”Step 7 asks us to humbly petition the Lord to remove our shortcomings. When I first worked through the steps, I had the naive and wildly optimistic hope that, having become willing to allow God to remove all of my character weaknesses in Step 6, when I asked him to remove them in Step 7, they would all magically disappear with a wave of his omnipotent hand. I was sadly disappointed.

I came to understand as I continued to work the steps, that it was a joint effort; there would be footwork for me to do.  It was no longer my job to stubbornly try to remove my shortcomings myself through sheer willpower. That much I understood. My new job was to seek humbly and prayerfully for the guidance of the Lord regarding the footwork that I needed to do, and do it.

This quote from U.S. President Calvin Coolidge about persistence filled me with hope then, and still does today.

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”

I would add one thing to President Coolidge’s thought: we must be pressing on in response to divine guidance.

The adversary does not want us to be persistent, especially not in applying the Atonement in our lives.  He wants us to give up.  When he can frustrate us enough to make us quit, he is delighted. But he will also accept good intentions delayed indefinitely. I once heard someone say that the Devil doesn’t need to talk a man out of doing something good; all he needs to do is convince him to put it off until tomorrow.

Prayerfully seek guidance on what footwork you need to do to enable the Lord to remove your weaknesses and shortcomings. Ask your sponsor for feedback from personal experience and observation of you. Write about it. Then do the footwork with persistence. Don’t let the adversary discourage you. You will not do it perfectly. It’s okay. Just Don’t Quit! 

  • What weaknesses and shortcomings are you trying to release?
  • What footwork has the Lord given you to do?
  • Are you doing the footwork with persistence or do you stop and start?
  • What are you willing to do to improve in your efforts?

 

Structure: Like a Kite String

Metaphor, Tools, , ,

Dad and son running in meadow flying kiteA young boy was spending a glorious Saturday afternoon with his Dad. They were flying the new kite that the boy had received for his birthday. The gentle breeze was perfect for launching the kite and keeping it up in the clean, crisp air.  The sun was shining but not brutally hot; a perfect kite flying day.

As the boy let out the line a little bit at a time, the kite flew higher and higher. It was so much fun to see the kite dancing and bobbing in the sunshine! He felt the kite pulling against his hold on the reel. There was no more line to let out! He wanted to see how high his kite could go, but there was no more string. “Daddy,” he pled, “let’s cut the line so the kite can fly higher!”

Dad tried to explain to the boy that if they cut the line the kite would fall. The boy wasn’t buying it. It didn’t make sense! He could feel the kite straining against the reel, pulling the line taught, seemingly trying to go higher than the line would allow. Finally the wise father agreed to cut the line and stood by as his disappointed and confused son sadly watch the kite fall into a tree. The line, the very thing that was holding the kite back, was also what enabled it to fly.

In our lives there are also elements that enable us to fly, but may feel like they are holding us back. They are sometimes called rules, or laws, or commandments. In a more general way, they can be called “structure”.

Examples of Structure

I have learned that in order to have a great day, I need to get to bed early the night before and get up early in the morning. (See D&C 88:124.) Years ago, I stayed up late to try to get everything done. I was so exhausted by the time I got to bed that I woke up late and was still tired.  I wasn’t very productive, and I felt frustrated and overwhelmed. It took a leap of faith to try going to bed early and getting up early, but putting that structure in place in my life has given me productivity and accomplishment I never had before.

I have lived through periods of time when money was very tight. If you don’t have enough money to pay the bills, it is tough to believe that paying tithing could help. Another leap of faith, and willingness to try it and I found that the blessings that came to me from paying tithing far outweighed the apparent shortage of money. I found that I couldn’t afford not to pay tithing. Over time I learned to first eliminate and then stay out of debt. Structure in my financial life has given me peace of mind and freedom that I never had when my money managed me, rather than me managing my money.

I am a compulsive eater. In the days when I ate anything I wanted to, whenever I wanted to, I had to wear clothes much larger than what I wanted to, and my thinking became as compulsive as my eating. A compulsive eater cannot just stop eating, like a drinker can stop drinking, so what I had to do was put structure in place around my eating. I started by writing down everything that I was eating, and figuring out what actually satisfied me. I started planning my meals, including when, what, where, and how much I would eat. When I eat mindfully, according to my plan, to nurture my body with food that is good for me, I am not compulsive, and no longer think obsessively about food. This is what I have called “Planned Abstinence” in another post.

  • What areas of your life feel out of control?
  • What kind of structure could you put in place to help you with these things?
  • Are there any commandments or is there any guidance from Church leaders that pertain to this which you haven’t fully implemented?
  • If you can’t think of anything you haven’t already tried, who could you talk to who might be able to help you come up with some ideas?

 

Peace: It Is What It Is

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Last picture of my parents togetherAs I write this I am on an airplane heading home.  A week ago last Monday, my Dad took a turn for the worse and I made next day plans to fly out to be with him.  He was almost 93, and had lived a full and VERY productive life, both professionally and personally.  He was instrumental in building several creative and community institutions and quietly worked to keep them vibrant and running smoothly almost to the very end.  He was also opinionated and stubborn.  And I mustn’t forget brilliant.

I arrived around 10 PM on Tuesday and my brother took me straight to the hospital.  I decided to stay the night with Dad there.  I am glad I did.  He was uncomfortable and I was able to help.  I was up with him 2 or 3 times an hour through the night as I tried to make him comfortable.  I finally asked him if he wanted me to request some pain medication.  He wasn’t exactly in pain – mostly he was just ultra sensitive to folds in the sheets or edges in the pads under him.  He said no to the pain medication. “It doesn’t help!,” he said with exasperation.  “Dad,” I said, “If it doesn’t help we need to increase the dose!”

Wednesday morning I talked to the doctors and we were able to get him a dose that was effective and for the first time in a long time he was able to rest comfortably.  We spent the day setting things in motion to bring him “home” to his room in the nursing facility where my Mom also has a room.  Wednesday evening I went to my brother’s home for dinner and a shower and back to the hospital to spend a peaceful night with Dad.

Thursday afternoon I rode with him in the ambulance.  I camped out in his room again that night, although the room wasn’t really set up for me, like the hospital room had been. I am glad I did.  Despite being in a very caring nursing facility, there were some communication problems regarding his pain meds and I had to advocate for him from about 2 to 5 in the morning until we were finally able to get him comfortable again.  I only got about 2 hours of sleep that night.

Friday morning, my Mom came into his room after breakfast and we sat facing each other by the side of Dad’s bed.  We talked about this and that for an hour or so.  Every so often one of us would hold Dad’s hand or stroke his arm as he slept.  It was a peaceful, comforting time, and I have no recollection of my Mom having difficulty conversing with me despite the ever-present aphasia from her Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s.  She gets so frustrated when she can’t find the words she needs to express herself.

About 10:30 Friday morning Dad coughed a quiet little cough, and I realized I hadn’t offered him any water on a sponge pop in a while.  I went to get him a fresh cup of ice water.  When I got back and started to place the sponge pop to his lips, I realized he was gone. I went and got the physician’s assistant from the nurse’s station and she confirmed it.  His struggle and suffering were over.

My brother and sister-in-law, who live nearby, spent the entire summer moving them into the nursing facility and clearing out their apartment and arranging their affairs and tirelessly attending to their needs.  They were especially careful in the last few weeks to make sure my Mom understood that we would be losing Dad soon.  They did “good.”  She may be very confused about a lot of things, but she is very clear about Dad.  He is gone, and it’s OK. That’s what happens in life.

I am the only one in my family who has a belief in God. It is hard for me to remember how it was and imagine how I would be able to cope with losing a loved one without faith in an afterlife.  But they seem to be at peace, if for no other reason than that it was time.  He had lived a long, full and meaningful life of contribution and accomplishment.  His body was worn out.  It was time.

I look forward to a joyous reunion.  I know we will be together again, and I will have the last laugh after all the discussions about the pointlessness and lack of need for anything spiritual or religious in their lives.  I will laugh at Dad’s surprise to find out that there actually is a life after death.  I will laugh at the necessity for him to admit that I was right.  We will laugh as we wrap our arms around one another and embark upon a new chapter of life together – with my grandparents and their parents…

It is what it is. I am at peace.

 

Failure? – Like a Baby Learning to Walk

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Baby taking first stepPicture yourself playing with a baby who is just learning to walk. Perhaps the baby is an excellent crawler and has learned to pull herself up to a standing position and “cruise” from one piece of furniture to the next. She has never, however, taken a “solo” step – without holding on. As you sit on the floor, separated from her by a few feet, you hold out your arms and encourage her to come to you. You tell her she can do it. You call to her. You encourage her in every way you know how.

She takes one step – maybe two. Then she abruptly sits down. Hard. Tears start to form in her eyes. Which of the following do you say?

  1. “You are such a failure. You will never learn to walk.”
  2. “I know, honey, walking is too hard. Don’t worry. I don’t mind carrying you.”
  3. “Yay! You did it! You took 2 steps all by yourself! You can do it! You can do it again! Come on. Come to me!”

Number 3, of course. You want her to learn to walk. You know she doesn’t know how. But she is ready to learn and anxious to learn, and she doesn’t know that there is anything wrong with not being very good at it yet. She doesn’t cry if you don’t encourage her to feel sorry for herself. She smiles at your encouragement. Any tears that have started have dried up, and she crawls over to the couch, pulls herself up, and tries again.

We may not be learning to walk, but we are children of God figuring out how to do other things that we need to learn, only now we know what failure is, and we try to avoid it at any cost. We don’t want anyone to know if we cannot do something that we think is important. We certainly don’t want anyone to know that we tried and failed.

Do you think your Heavenly Father is standing by with judgmental statements like number one and number two above? Do you think He wants us to give up on things we haven’t mastered yet? Or even things that we haven’t even attempted yet at all? No! He is standing right by us saying, “You can do it! I have confidence in you!” If we, as mortal parents, want our children to succeed, how much more does God, our perfect and eternal Father, want us to succeed!

We need to let go of our fear of failure and recognize it as a stepping stone to a new skill. Failing means we aren’t perfect yet. Failing means we are trying to learn. Failing means we want to grow.

You can do it! I know you can! God knows you can! You know you can. You just need to keep trying and no matter what, DON’T…GIVE…UP!!!

  • What skill do you want to learn or habit do you want to change?
  • Regardless of how many times you have tried and failed, are you willing to try again?
  • Make a plan for learning this new skill. How can you take the Lord up on His promise to help you? (See Moroni 7:33)
  • Solicit the help of others who have been placed by God in your path to help you.
  • Follow through on your plan and don’t give up.