When I first began the journey of overcoming my food addiction, I attended 12-Step meetings, read the literature between meetings and talked to my sponsor, but I told her right up front, “I am not yet willing to change anything about the way I eat.” After about 6 months of “working” the steps, I received a gift from the Lord, a tiny little bit of willingness. I wasn’t ready to change the way I ate yet, but I found the willingness to start recording what I was eating.
I didn’t report it to anyone. I didn’t plan what I was going to eat. I didn’t swear off any trigger foods. I just started writing down what I ate, after the fact. And I started losing weight! I discovered that I had a tendency to grab something to eat every time I walked through the kitchen. I had no idea! I started to lose weight because when I found myself about to grab something, I realized that I didn’t really want it badly enough to write it down. ?
Eventually I became willing to start planning my food, and eat according to my plan; more or less. (I can be stubborn!) I realized after a while that if I would stop and ask the Lord for the willingness to say no to myself when I was about to eat something inappropriate, He would give me that willingness! It was amazing. But this introduced a new problem. Sometimes I didn’t want to ask for willingness because I knew that He would give it to me, and I wanted the food more than I wanted the willingness to abstain from it!
I heard someone say in a meeting that if she wasn’t willing to pray for willingness then she prayed for the willingness to become willing. I tried it. It worked! I don’t know why I should be so surprised. He often grants our righteous petitions, and I know He wants me to be living in a state of recovery. Willingness to change my behavior is a condition of learning to live in a state of recovery.
- Is there something you are not yet willing to do that you know will help you on your recovery? What?
- Are you willing to pray for willingness? If not, are you willing to pray for the willingness to become willing?
- What will you do today to become willing to take another step on your journey of recovery?
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