Monthly Archives: January 2015

Living Fully in the Present

“…the Present is the point at which time touches eternity”

– C. S. Lewis

Present - laying eternal bricks one day at a time.As we humans live in “Time” we must choose whether to focus our attention on the Past, the Present, or the Future. As addicts or codependents it comes naturally to us to prefer to dwell in the Past, consumed by anger and resentment over real or perceived victimization or wishing things could be the way they used to be. We are also comfortable living in the Future, obsessed with either our fears of what will go wrong or our wildly optimistic certainty that our lives will be better as soon as —fill in the blank—.

The Present, “the point at which time touches eternity,” as C. S. Lewis describes it in The Screwtape Letters, is the only time in which we can actually take action to improve upon the past, and ensure a better future. The Present is the time to build our eternal mansions, one brick at a time. Recovering addicts all over the world rely on the slogan “one day at a time” to remind us of how we need to live to build that mansion.

In chapter 15 of The Screwtape Letters, Lewis gives a masterful description of why the adversary wants to keep us focused on either the past or, preferably, the future. He says, “nearly all vices are rooted in the future. Gratitude looks to the past and love to the present; fear, avarice, lust, and ambition look ahead.”

When I was actively engaged in compulsive eating, I spent time thinking about and relishing memories of past food experiences and obsessing about what I would eat next and when. All the while, I mindlessly ate whatever was close at hand regardless of whether I was hungry or in need of nutrition, or else I deliberately overate food that I knew was not healthy or good for me in order to try to satisfy a craving of the heart. Eating was preferable to feeling my feelings and facing the reality of my life.

As Lewis goes on to say,  “[God] wants men to think of the Future too – just so much as is necessary for now planning the acts of justice or charity which will probably be their duty tomorrow…He does not want men to give the Future their hearts, to place their treasure in it…His ideal is a man who, having worked all day for the good of posterity … washes his mind of the whole subject, commits the issue to Heaven, and returns at once to the patience or gratitude demanded by the moment that is passing over him.”

In other words, Heavenly Father wants us to do the footwork He gives us to do, and turn over the results to Him; living fully in each moment, contributing all that we can to the world, patiently waiting upon His timing, and living in a state of gratitude for our blessings.

  • Which time do you inhabit most: Past, Present or Future? Why?
  • Are you living each moment being fully “present” in the Present? If not, why not?
  • What change in the way that you think or act can you make to live “one day at a time?”
  • When will you start?

 

One Day At A Time Management

Picture of a desk with paper piled all over.
My desk before “One Day at a Time” management.

In early November 2014 I shared my journey of learning to aim for progress, and not perfection. I posted a picture of my desk. In the post I wrote about how eating and clutter are areas of my life I have not managed well without a spiritual approach. I identified lessons I had learned about overcoming perfectionism with regard to food and promised to update you on how I did going forward on applying those lessons to my paper clutter problem.

Here is a quote from that post:

So what can I learn from my success with eating in a healthy way (overcoming perfectionism) that might apply to my problem with paper clutter?

  1. I need a spiritual solution to this problem, not an exclusively temporal one.
  2. I need to turn to the Lord for His help in developing a plan that is flexible (as appropriate) but effective, not about perfection, but about nurturing myself; creating a wholesome environment in which I can thrive.
  3. I need to do the footwork he gives me to do, one day at a time.
  4. I need to let go of all or nothing thinking, and be satisfied with “progress, not perfection” (a 12-Step slogan).
  5. If I fall off the wagon I need to get back on as quickly as possible.
  6. I need to recognize discouragement as a tool Satan uses to keep me from growth and recovery.
  7. I need to commit to never giving up.

I pondered and prayed about what to do differently than I have ever done before. It is crazy to keep doing the same thing over and over and expect the results to change! I knew that the first thing I had to do was sort and file and pitch and get the work surface cleaned off. I couldn’t even think with that mess. I had no place to work. But I still didn’t know how to prevent the piles from coming back, as they always have in the past.

Even though I didn’t have the whole plan, I began working on the footwork the Lord had given me to do – get the work surfaces cleared. It was very hard for me, because I hate doing it so much. I prayed for the power the Lord promises to give us when we walk in faith (see Moroni 7:33). I made some progress, and then during winter break, my wonderful husband gave me a gift of time – his most precious commodity. He gave me a whole day to keep me company and help me get it done.

One Day At A Time

Having done that footwork, the Lord gave me a plan for keeping it clear. I found it interesting that the plan did not come to me until I completed the footwork the Lord had already given me. I did not get to see the end from the beginning. I received the direction I needed one day at a time. Also significant – it was a plan that I had never tried before.

If you follow this blog you know that I write my morning prayers. This is an excerpt of what the Lord told me on New Year’s Eve:

“You have made a lot of progress on your desk area this week. I am pleased and proud. One small change in your dailies will keep it that way. Don’t go to bed with stuff out on your desk. Just the same as the kitchen: after dinner you need to clear your desk. You can have a drawer you use to keep open project work in if you need a place to put it. It could be one of your desk drawers, or the shallow drawer in the credenza. But don’t leave anything out on the work surfaces. You have plenty of file drawers. You know how to use them… Do some filing every day and you will make progress. The big thing is daily incoming mail. If you process it every day you will not get behind again.

“I love you. You can do this. I will help you. Fear nothing. All will be well. Go in peace. Amen.”

Image of my desk and work surface - clear and without clutter - kept that way one day at a time.
My desk maintained “One Day at a Time.”

As you can see from the current picture of my desk, it has stayed clear for three weeks.What is most important is that it feels different this time. Perhaps it is that for the first time I have a real plan – a doable plan – a plan that is flexible and simple. I like having my work surfaces clear. It makes me happy. It brings me peace.

I still need to sort/file/pitch boxes of old papers. I know that I can work on it one day at a time. But for now, I am satisfied with keeping my work surfaces clear and processing the mail when it comes in. I am grateful for the Lord’s help on this. I look forward to receiving further guidance and direction from Him. I pray for the willingness to carry it out, one day at a time.

Come to think of it, I think I am Changing Channels in this area of my life. Finally. Woohoo!

  • What recurring problem in your life has not responded to all your efforts to find a solution?
  • Are you willing to try a spiritual solution?
  • Are you willing to apply the seven lessons listed above to your problem?
  • Are you willing to take it one day at a time?
  • What action are you willing to take today?

 

Improvement under Pressure

UImage of the blue fountain pen with silver cap that was made more useful by subjecting it to pressure.I have always enjoyed the physical act of writing. Since childhood I have particularly enjoyed writing with a fountain pen. Good fountain pens are pretty expensive, but I love the feel of the ink smoothly flowing on the paper. I own two of them right now, and use them to write my morning prayers. One has a blue barrel and silver cap and is filled with blue-black ink. I use that one for my letter to God. The other has a gold barrel and cap and is filled with black ink. That one I use for His letter to me. The blue pen was a gift from my children, so it has sentimental value to me.

The blue pen never worked consistently well. It skipped and often felt dry as I wrote. I tried cleaning it. That made it worse.  I actually talked to the Lord about that pen. I asked Him to help me figure out how to get it adjusted so that it would glide across the paper without effort as I express my love and gratitude and the desires of my heart to Him. I could not find a pen shop nearby where there might be a pen guru to work magic on it. I was reluctant to send it off to the repair facility and wait weeks to get it back and hope it was adjusted just right. I considered just setting it aside and getting a new pen, but between the cost and the sentimental value, I didn’t. I just kept limping along wishing it worked better.

Last week it occurred to me to look online for information. I discovered a number of websites with fountain pen tuning instructions. After spending an hour searching and reading, I found exactly what I needed and decided to try it. I chose a straightforward method, but I was concerned about ruining the nib. The directions were to press down hard on the paper – hard enough to bend the nib slightly. But how was I to know how hard was hard enough? I got up the courage and did it. It worked!

As I was writing my prayer yesterday morning, the ink flowing freely and beautifully as my gratitude and thoughts tumbled out onto the page, I realized that in a certain way, I am like my fountain pen.  As a tool in the hand of the Lord, I have worked better at some times than others.  At times His love flows freely through me to those around me, helping them to turn to Him and feel His love. At other times – not so much. I suppose there were occasions when He might have even had to use a different servant to get His work done, during times of self-absorption and spiritual deafness.

Rather than discard me, He worked with me and molded me into a more valiant and profitable servant by subjecting me to pressure that I found uncomfortable – even painful at times.  I yielded under that pressure, and learned new behaviors and attitudes. Now I am a much better conduit for His love. Does my pen have feelings? If it does, perhaps it feels as I do when I contemplate the work done by the hand of my Master: grateful and joyous at the improvement!

  • Has the Lord used uncomfortable situations to mold you and improve your usefulness to Him?
  • In what ways have you changed under that pressure?
  • Write about your feelings as you think about this.

 

My 5 Priorities for Living in Recovery

Covey Time Management Grid for establishing priorities. Sometimes there is so much on my task list that I feel like I will never get caught up. I don’t have all the answers, but I have learned this: there are some things that will always be priorities in my life and other things that will come and go, depending on what season of life I am in.

Stephen Covey developed a 4-box grid to evaluate the importance and urgency of our various activities and assess whether we are spending our time in the most effective way. Determining the true importance of what I am trying to accomplish gives me perspective and helps me to set reasonable expectations of myself. My “fixed” priorities are “Quadrant II” activities: important but not urgent. That makes them easy to put off – with unhappy consequences.

My Relationship with God

Maintaining a close and meaningful relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is a top priority for me.  If I sacrifice those relationships because I am “too busy” (with urgent things that may not be very important) I have less power and less ability to meet all the other demands of my life.

Personal Recovery and Walking in Faith

As a recovering addict, I cannot let my abstinence and working my program become low priorities.  I have to focus on them every day and always be listening for the promptings of the Spirit.  I need to do the footwork the Lord assigns to me in order to stay sane and sober and to be able to do my best in the other important areas of my life.

Marriage and Family

Marriage and family are always high priorities for me, although what that looks like has changed over the years. I make sure that my husband and I spend quality time together, talk to one another about meaningful things, and speak one another’s love language. I try to stay in touch with my adult children and see/video chat with my grandchildren regularly. When I remarried four years ago I had been an empty-nester for 7 years. My new husband had 5 children, including one in elementary school and one teenager. I put thought and effort into building and maintaining relationships with my new children and grandchildren, both those at home and those who are grown.

Church Callings

Magnifying my Church callings in a spirit of love and service is a priority for me.  The Lord would not have called me unless he was prepared to give me the power and the time to do the work required. (See Moroni 7:33.) This may include unofficial callings, like family history work, as you feel prompted by the Spirit.

Work and Resource Management

Working to support my family, and/or being a good steward over our family resources needs to be a priority. If I am not a good steward over the temporal resources the Lord provides, I cannot expect others to “cover the slack” for me.  This was not always an area of strength in my life, and my husband and I are working very hard to manage our resources wisely.

The Seasons – or – Other Priorities

What about other things? What about travel, hobbies, entertainment, reading, service, friends, and video games? Don’t I get any down time?

Well, how much downtime you get depends on the season of your life. And a lot of those things can be worked into one of the 5 main priorities I have listed above. For example, you may need a getaway, just to nurture your marriage! If I am on top of these 5 things and I still have free time, great! I can do what I want with that time. However, if the important stuff is falling apart – I don’t have time to play.

For example, when I have been actively raising children, and especially while I was also working, I did not have time to do much on the “optional” list. It was my season to focus on the basic 5.  Working my program was critical for me at that time because it helped me to be a better parent and raise healthier children.  If you don’t put enough time into raising young children they can turn into teenagers who do unwise things to get your attention! I have a responsibility to the Lord and as an example to my children to magnify my callings.  I taught my children to love the Lord and serve others by my example, and as I felt prompted to do so I included them whenever possible. And I am teaching my children how to have an eternal family by working on my marriage. Let children observe these things so that they will know what to do when they enter that season themselves.

There will be other seasons of life to develop additional talents and explore other options when parenting isn’t so time consuming. Aren’t you glad you have something to look forward to when you are no longer raising children or working?

I have a vague memory of a Relief Society lesson from many years ago in which former General Relief Society President Barbara Winder was quoted saying that women would comment to her,  in awe,  about all she had done and accomplished, expressing doubt that they would ever be able to approach her accomplishments. “Yes,” she would say, “I have accomplished all those things, but not all at the same time.”

  • Look at how you actually spend your time now.  What does this analysis tell you about how you prioritize your time right now?
  • Are these the priorities you think the Lord wants you to have? If not, what needs to change?
  • Do you trust the Lord to give you the power to do the things He wants you to do?
  • What are you willing to change about your life to bring your time usage into harmony with the priorities you want to have? Ask the Lord to help you to make these changes.

Learning Life Skills – Your Personal Tutor

Image of a blackboard completely filled with mathematical equations.When I was in college I had to take a year of advanced math. The class met an hour a day, Monday through Friday. I did the best I could in class, paid attention, took detailed notes, and asked questions when I didn’t understand. But I quickly found that when I went home each night I could not do the homework. I spent hours trying to figure it out, reading the book, looking over my notes, to no avail. The next day the instructor moved on to something new — something that required an understanding of the previous day’s material. I was lost, and it was only the first week of class!

I discovered that there was a Math lab, where tutors were available to help, one-on-one. I found that if I went to the lab right after class every day and did the homework with the help of a tutor, I could learn the material and avoid getting behind. Sometimes the tutors had to find a different way of explaining the concepts to me. Other times we had to go over and over things in multiple ways in order for me to grasp the material. It was hard, and frustrating, but I knew that if I didn’t do whatever it took to learn it, it would just be that much more difficult the next day.

I have found the same pattern in my life since I graduated, but I didn’t recognize it right away. I have come to understand that when I need to learn new life skills the Lord will give me as many opportunities as I need to learn them. When I don’t learn from one experience, the Lord gives me another. Sometimes I don’t learn from an experience because, in my pride, I blame others for the circumstances or outcome. Other times I am unwilling to do the work I fear would be necessary to go through an experience so I either work around it or run away from it. There are times when I have needed multiple lessons before I finally have learned a new life skill. When I do master it, I can see how necessary it was for me to learn it!  New opportunities open to me. I become a more useful servant to the Lord.

You have a personal tutor who plans your education — individualized and customized to your strengths and weaknesses — for the purpose of teaching you the life skills you will need to ascend to your eternal destiny. If you refuse or fail to learn the skill from one experience you will have as many opportunities as you need to learn it.

  • Are you tired of facing the same challenges over and over?
  • How have you reacted to these challenges in the past? Have you run away or blamed others?
  • How can you embrace the opportunities the Lord is giving you, search for insight regarding the life skills you need to learn from challenging experiences and do the work necessary to master them?
  • Are you willing to do this?  What are you willing to do?